Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Ngingenakuba Nesikhathi Esengeziwe Sokuba Ngedwa?

Watchtower Society ethandekayo:

Ngineminyaka eyi-12 ubudala. Kungani ngingenakuba nesikhathi sami sokuba ngedwa? Abazali bami abangethembi ngokwanele ukuba bangivumele ngibe neTV yami ekamelweni lami. Ngiyazi ukuthi bayangikhathalela, kodwa lokho akuyona into ebalulekile!

[Isayinwe] uKeith

ISIKHATHI SOKUBA WEDWA—intsha eyeve eshumini elinambili ngokuvamile inomuzwa wokuthi ayitholi ingxenye eyenele yaso. Lapho uHeather oneminyaka eyi-15 ubudala ethola izincwadi noma izingcingo eziqondene naye zivela kubangane bakhe, umama wakhe unendlela ecasulayo yokumbuza ngalokho ezikushoyo. Ngisho noma uHeather efuna ukuchitha isikhathi esithile eyedwa ekamelweni lakhe, umama wakhe angase afune ukwazi ukuthi kungani efuna ukwenze njalo.

UAlison oneminyaka eyishumi nambili ubudala unenkinga ehlukile. “Abazali bami bayanginika isikhathi esanele sokuba ngedwa, kodwa udadewethu akanginiki. Sinekamelo elilodwa. Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyashesha ukufika ekhaya futhi ngiqale umsebenzi wami wesikole, futhi ngokushesha nje lapho engena, uqala ukungitshela ngalokho okwenzeke esikoleni . . . Khona-ke ebusuku, lapho ngisenza umsebenzi wami wesikole, udadewethu nomfowethu . . . bamane baqale baphulukundlele ekamelweni. Baqala ukungcolisa, futhi imina okumelwe ngilihlanze.”—Listen to Us!, ehlelwe uDorriet Kavanaugh.

Isikhathi sokuba wedwa sisho izinto ezihlukene kubantu abahlukene, futhi izidingo zomuntu ngamunye ziyehluka. Abanye bafisa ukuba nesikhashana sokuphumula bebodwa. Abanye bamane bafuna ukulawula isikhathi sabo nezimpahla zabo. Kanti abanye bafuna ukuvikelwa kwababelamayo abanomsindo, abafunda nabo—nakulokho abakucabangela njengabazali abagaxela ngokweqile.

Kuthiwani ngawe? Ingabe ngezinye izikhathi, unomuzwa wesidingo ‘sesikhala’ esithile, noma isikhathi sokuba wedwa, ekuphileni kwakho? Uma kunjalo, awuyena ongavamile. Ababhali beThe Healthy Adolescent: A Parents’ Manual: bathi: “Intsha eyeve eshumini elinambili iyasifuna futhi iyasidinga isikhathi sokuba yodwa.” Nokho, kungani isikhathi sokuba wedwa sibaluleke kangaka entsheni? Futhi kungani ngokuvamile kunzima kangaka ukusithola?

Isikhathi Sokuba Wedwa—Isidingo Sokuba Naso

Isidingo sesikhathi sokuba wedwa sinamandla ngokukhethekile lapho usanda kweva eshumini elinambili. Ukhulela ebudaleni, ngakho kumane kungokwemvelo ngawe ukuba ufune isilinganiso esithile senkululeko kubazali bakho. Ngokwabacwaningi uJane Norman noMyron W. Harris, ukufuna ngenkani isikhathi sokuba wedwa kungenye indlela abeve eshumini elinambili ‘abazihlukanisa ngayo ngokomzwelo namanye amalungu omkhaya.’

Isikhathi sokuba wedwa futhi sifeza izidingo zomuntu eziningana eziyisisekelo. Ngokwesazi sesayensi yezokuhlalisana uAlbert Mehrabian, ukuba komuntu nesikhashana sakhe kungasebenza njengesivikelo ekucindezeleni kokuphila kwansuku zonke. UMehrabian uthi “isikhashana esincane kakhulu uwedwa ngokuyisisekelo siyinto ecindezelayo. Ugula njalo, uvame ukwehlelwa izingozi, ucasuka kalula—awusebenzelani kahle nabantu—futhi uma isimo siphikelela, uyacindezeleka.”

Phela, ngisho neNdodana kaNkulunkulu yake yathi kubafundi bayo: “Zanini nina nodwa endaweni eyihlane, niphumule ingcosana. Ngokuba babebaningi abezayo nabahambayo, abaze bathola nasikhathi sokudla.” (Marku 6:31) Ngalesosikhathi, ababekudinga kwakuyisikhathi sokuba bodwa! Yebo, babebadala. Nokho, intsha eningi ingase ibe nomuzwa wesidingo esifanayo. Cabangela uErika osemusha. Lapho ethukuthele, ukuthola kungcono kakhulu ukugwema ukuba seduze nabantu. “Bayangicasula,” uyachaza. “Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuba wedwa isikhathi esithile. Kumelwe ube nesikhathi esithile sokuba wedwa kungenjalo uzizwa umpintshekile noma ucindezelekile.”

Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi izikhathi ezilinganiselwe zokuba wedwa ziyazuzisa. Incwadi Being Adolescent ithi: “Abantu badinga ukuba bodwa ukuze bathuthukise ubuntu babo.” Yenezela ngokuthi “ngaphandle kokuba ukuba wedwa kugcinwe kusesilinganisweni—ukungabikho kwabanye kwenza kube nokwenzeka ukuba uhlele imicabango yakho, ukwazi ukugxilisa ingqondo yakho kangcono.” Ukuhlola kwababhali intsha eyeve eshumini elinambili engama-75 kwembula ukuthi ngemva kwesikhashana iyodwa, ‘isimo esingokwengqondo’ sentsha sathuthuka. “Ngaphezu kokuphaphama ngokwengeziwe, intsha ibika ukuthi ijabula ngokwengeziwe futhi iqine ngemva nje kokuba kade iyodwa.”

Ngokuthakazelisayo, eBhayibhelini sifunda ukuthi inzalamizi ulsaka ‘waphuma ntambama ukuyozindla endle.’ (Genesise 24:63) Wayesezonikwa imithwalo yemfanelo enzima. Izikhathi ezinjalo eyedwa ngokungangabazeki zamsiza ulsaka ukuba ahlele imicabango yakhe nokuba aphumule.

Isikhathi Sokuba Wedwa—Isizathu Sokuba Kube Nzima Kangaka Ukusithola

Umagazini iAmerican Health: Fitness of Body and Mind ubika ngalokho okwatholwa uDr. Lawrence Fisher, uprofesa wezifo zengqondo eYunivesithi yaseCalifornia, uthi: “Intsha iba nempilo enhle, engokomzimba nengokomzwelo ngokwengeziwe, uma inesikhathi esanele sokuba yodwa.” Khona-ke, kungani, kunzima ngezinye izikhathi ukusithola lapho usemusha?

Ungase uvumelane ngokushesha nababhali beThe Healthy Adolescent: A Parents Manual abathi: “Kubalulekile [ngentsha] ukuba . . . nemicabango yayo siqu yangasese eyicabanga iyodwa, izincwadi zayo, izingcingo nezincwajana ebhala kuzo izenzakalo zansuku zonke zingathintwa abanye.” Nokho, abazali bakho, bangase bafune ukwehluka, benomuzwa wokuthi kumelwe bangenele kukho konke okwenzeka ekuphileni kwakho.

Bekhathazekile, noma besola uma bephawula ukuthi uchitha isikhathi esiningi ekamelweni lakho umnyango uvaliwe, abazali bakho bangase ngisho bangenele esikhathini osichitha uwedwa. Noma njengabazali bakaKeith, okukhulunywe ngabo ekuqaleni, bangase bafune ukuqondisa ngokuseduze lokho okubuka kuthelevishini noma amabhayisikobho owabukayo. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukungenela kwabazali kubonakala kwenye intsha kungokweqile. “Lapho nginomfana,” kwakhonona enye intombazane eneminyaka eyi-16 ubudala ohlwini lwephephandaba, “umama ucabanga ukuthi akulungile uma sivale umnyango lapho sisekamelweni lami. Ngazo zonke izikhathi uyamemeza ‘Vulani lowomnyango!’ Kuyangidumaza . . . Sisuke singenzi lutho.” Nokho, uMama uqinisile, ukushiya umnyango uvuliwe kufanelekile futhi kuyisivikelo esihle esilingweni esiholela ekwenzeni okubi.

Isikhathi sokuba wedwa singase futhi silinganiselwe izimo zakho. Emazweni amaningi, indawo yokuhlala incane, futhi imikhaya ihlala ndawonye ekamelweni elilodwa. Ngisho nasemazweni acebile, imikhaya eminingi ayikwazi ukutholela ingane ngayinye ikamelo layo. Lokhu kungase kube imbangela yezimpi eziningi zokubanga indawo yokuhlala. “Manje angisenalo ngisho nekamelo lami siqu,” kusho intombazane esencane leyo ngokushesha eyazithola isemkhayeni wabantwana abane ngemva kokuba unina ebuye washada. “Kumelwe ngihlanganyele yonke into nabanye.”

Amalungelo Ngokumelene Nemisebenzi

Abazali abafuna ukwazi konke, izingane ezikwelamayo ezinomsindo, odadewenu nabafowenu bokutholwa abagaxekayo, indawo yokuhlala elinganiselwe—lokhu kungase kube umthombo wangempela wokucasuka ngomusha ofuna nje isikhashana sokuba yedwa. Nokho, okubaluleke kakhulu ‘kunamalungelo’ omuntu siqu, imisebenzi oyinikezwe uNkulunkulu nemithwalo yemfanelo.

Ngokwesibonelo, abazali bayalwa ukuba ‘bafundise’ abantwana babo. (IzAga 22:6) Ngezinye izikhathi lokhu kuhlanganisa ukunciphisa kwabo isikhathi sakho sokuba wedwa. Bazi ngokuhlangenwe nakho ukuthi ukuzehlukanisa isikhathi eside kungase kulimaze impilo, kuphumele ekubeni osemusha abe ogulayo, ocindezelekile, noma onobugovu. Kunjengoba izAga 18:1 zisho: “Ozahlukanisayo ufuna esakhe isifiso.” Bayazi futhi ukuthi “ubuwula buboshelwe enhliziyweni yomntwana—umfana noma intombazane.” Umuntu osemusha ‘oyekelelwe’ ongenaziqondiso noma imikhawulo kalula angazilimaza ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, nangokomoya. (IzAga 22:15; 29:15) Khona-ke, akumangalisi, ukuthi abazali bakubheka njengomsebenzi wabo ukuqondisa isikhathi sakho sokuba wedwa.

Nawe futhi unomsebenzi owabelwe phezulu. “Yazisa uyihlo nonyoko.” (Efesu 6:2) Lokho akusho ukudlubulunda noma ukwenza ngokumelene nezifiso zabazali bakho kodwa kusho ukusebenzelana nabo ngangokusemandleni akho. Kodwa kuthiwani uma bekubekela imigoqo obona ukuthi ayinangqondo? Ukuba kwakho okhuluma ngokukhululekile, nothembeke ngokuphelele ngokunokwenzeka kuyophumela ekuncishisweni kokugadwa ngokuseduze. Kungokufanayo nezinkinga ezibangelwa ukuhlanganyela izinto nabakwelamayo—izinyathelo ezinengqondo ngokuvamile zingathathwa ukuze kuthuthukiswe isimo. Isihloko esilandelayo sizokhuluma ngezinye zalezizinto.

Okwamanje, sisebenzise ngokugcwele isimo okuso. Isikhathi sokuba wedwa esilinganiselwe yilokho izigidi zentsha ezinakho. Zama ukusingatha isimo okuso ngokuba ojabulayo, futhi ugweme ukuthukuthela nokucasuka kalula. Lokho kuyomane kwenze isimo esinzima sibe nzima kakhulu. Futhi khumbula ukuthi ukuqondiswa okuhle kwenkululeko yakho ngabazali bakho abakuthandayo nabakunakekelayo kuyisivikelo nesibusiso. Bonga ngakho.

[Isithombe ekhasini 15]

Ngokuvamile isikhathi sokuba wedwa akulula ukusithola lapho uhlanganyela ikamelo nokwelamayo