Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ukuthandana Nothile Usemncane—Ikuphi Ingozi?

“Muva-nje, abanye babafana esikoleni bebelokhu bengishela ukuze ngijole nabo.”—Becky, oneminyaka engu-11 ubudala.a

“Izingane eziningi esikoleni sethu ziyajola. Eqinisweni, akuyona into engavamile ukubona abafana namantombazane beqabulana emaphasishi esikoleni.”—Liana, umfundi webanga lesi-8.

INTSHA eningi iqala ukujola isencane kakhulu. Abezindaba bakhuthaza lo mkhuba njengovamile—njengokungathi uwukuzijabulisa okungenangozi. U-Oneyda oneminyaka engu-12 uyalandisa: “Cishe wonke umuntu esikoleni unesoka noma intombi.” Intokazi ebizwa ngokuthi uJenifer iyakhumbula: “Ngikhumbula izingane ezazisebangeni lokuqala ezazijola.” Uyanezela: “Ngaqala ngezwa ukucindezeleka kokuthi ngijole lapho ngineminyaka engu-11.”

Kuyaqondakala-ke ukuthi uma ungajoli ungase uzizwe ungunkom’ idla yodwa. Eqinisweni uma ungajoli ungase ugconwe futhi wenziwe inhlekisa. Enomuzwa wokuthi usemncane kakhulu ukuba athandane nothile, uJenifer wenqaba lapho abafana bemeshela. Basabela kanjani? UJenifer uyakhumbula: “Babehlekisa ngami.” Akekho othanda ukwenziwa inhlekisa. Kodwa kumelwe yini uthandane nothile ngenxa nje yokuthi nabanye bayakwenza? Kuyini ngempela ukujola? Futhi kufezani?

Kuyini Ukujola?

‘Asijoli. Singabangane nje,’ iningi lentsha lisho kanjalo, ngisho noma lichitha isikhathi esiningi nothile wobulili obuhlukile. Kodwa noma ngabe ukubiza ngokuthini—ukujola, ukuzikhipha, ukuvakashelana—uma umfana nentombazane bekhethana bodwa futhi baqale ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye, kusuke kuhileleke okungaphezu kobungane. Ukujola futhi akudingi ukuba umuntu abe nalowo muntu ngokoqobo. Izingxoxo ezingosini ze-Internet, ocingweni, ngeposi, noma nge-E-mail kungaba izinhlobo zokujola.

Umbuzo uwukuthi, Kungokungathi sína kangakanani ukuchitha isikhathi nomuntu wobulili obuhlukile ninodwa?

Izingozi Zokujola

KuzAga 30:19, iBhayibheli likhuluma ‘ngendlela yendoda entombini.’ Le nkulumo isikisela ukuthi ubuhlobo babesilisa nabesifazane buvame ukulandela umkhondo othile. Uma bobabili abahilelekile bevuthiwe futhi benamathela ekuziphatheni kwaphezulu, ukuthandana kungaholela othandweni lwangempela, futhi ekugcineni, luholele emshadweni ohloniphekile. Angithi vele uNkulunkulu wadala indoda nowesifazane ngenjongo yokuba bakhangane. Kodwa kuthiwani uma ungakhulile ngokwanele ukuba uphathe umshado? Ngokuthandana nothile ngaphambi kwesikhathi, uzidonsela amanzi ngomsele.

Kungani? Ngoba uma uchitha isikhathi esiningi nothile wobulili obuhlukile, kungokwemvelo ukuthi imizwa yenu iyovuka. Unganakile, uye uzithole ubheke phambili ekuboneni lowo muntu. Uma engekho, uzithola ucabanga ngaye. Kodwa ngokuvamile leyo mizwa isuke kungeyoyedwa phakathi kwenu—futhi kuba nowaphuka inhliziyo. Ngisho noma nobabili ninemizwa efanayo, kuba nokukhungatheka nokwaphuka kwenhliziyo uma omunye wenu engavuthiwe ngokwanele noma engakhulile ngokwanele ukuba ashade. Buyoholelaphi ngempela lobo buhlobo? Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Umuntu angaphatha umlilo esifubeni sakhe, izingubo zakhe zingashi, na?”—IzAga 6:27.

Cabanga ngosemusha ogama lakhe nguNina. Ulandisa uthi: “Ngatholana nomfana engosini ye-Internet. Sasixoxa amahora amaningi nsuku zonke kuleyo ngosi. Ngasondelana naye ngokomzwelo, ngabe sengiphilela yena. Ubuhlobo bethu abuhlalanga isikhathi eside. Lapho buphela ngacindezeleka kakhulu. Wangishayela ucingo engitshela ukuthi uzozibulala ngoba sase sehlukene. Lokho kwangicindezela nakakhulu.” Uma ebuka emuva, uNina uphetha ngokuthi: “Kwakuwukudlala ngesikhathi! Sahlukana eminyakeni emibili edlule, kodwa namanje ngisacindezelekile ngokomzwelo.” UNina wayesemncane kakhulu ukuba azihilele nothile ngokomzwelo.

Ngokuthakazelisayo, lapho iBhayibheli likhuluma ‘ngendlela yendoda entombini,’ kungenzeka libhekisela ebuhlotsheni bobulili. Ezweni lanamuhla, ukujola kuvame ukuba isendlalela sesenzo sobulili. Kungase kuqale kungenazinhloso ezimbi, ngokubambana ngezandla nje. Kube sekulandela ukwangana okusheshayo nokuqabulana esihlathini. Kungokunye uma kungabantu abasha asebekhulile nabazibophezele komunye nomunye abenza lezi zenzo zokubonisana uthando. Kodwa lapho abantu ababili besebancane ukuba bashade, izenzo ezinjalo zimane nje zokhele izifiso zobulili. Izenzo “zothando” zingaya ziba ezingafaneleki noma ezingcolile. Zingaholela nasohlotsheni oluthile lobufebe.b

Izithelo zobufebe azimnandi. Abanye abafebayo bangenwa izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi. Abanye balahlekelwa umuzwa wokuzethemba, balimaze nonembeza babo. Amanye amantombazane amancane ayakhulelwa. Akumangalisi-ke ukuthi iBhayibheli linikeza lo myalo: “Balekelani ubufebe”! (1 Korinte 6:13, 18; 1 Thesalonika 4:3) Ukugwema ukuthandana nothile ngaphambi kwesikhathi kungakusiza ulalele lo myalo.

Isikhathi Ongathandana Ngaso Nothile

Lokhu akusho ukuthi awusoze wathandana nothile. Kodwa uma usanda kweva eminyakeni eyishumi nambili, cishe ukulokho iBhayibheli elikubiza ngokuthi “ukuqhuma kobusha.” (1 Korinte 7:36) Usaqala nje ukukhulela ekubeni indoda noma owesifazane oyoba nguye ekugcineni. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi, uqala ukuvuthwa ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, nangokobulili. Imizwa yakho—kuhlanganise nezifiso zobulili—zingaba namandla ngokumangalisayo. Kodwa leyo mizwa ingashintsha ngokushesha. Ngalesi sizathu, ukuthandana kwentsha kuvame ukuthatha isikhathi esifushane. Enye intombazane eyeve eshumini nambili iyakhumbula: “Ukuthandana kwami nothile kwakuvame ukuthatha isonto elilodwa bese kuphela.”

Ngokusobala, akunangqondo ukuthandana nothile phakathi ‘nokuqhuma kobusha.’ Kungcono ukulinda uze uzazi ukuthi ungubani, wazi izinto ozithandayo nongazithandi, nokuthi imiphi imigomo ofuna ukuyiphishekela. Kumelwe futhi ube usukhule ngokwanele ukuze ukwazi ukuthwala imithwalo yemfanelo yomshado. Ngokwesibonelo, uJehova ulindele ukuthi indoda inakekele umkhaya wayo—ngokwenyama, ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo, nangokomoya. Uma usengumfana oweve eshumini nambili, ingabe ukulungele ukufuna umsebenzi futhi unakekele umkakho mhlawumbe nezingane? Ingabe usesimweni sokubasiza balondoloze ingokomoya labo? Kuthiwani uma uyintombazane encane? Umfazi kufuneka athande futhi ahloniphe indoda yakhe; kumelwe asekele izinqumo ezenzayo. Ingabe ukulungele ukwenza kanjalo isikhathi eside? Futhi, ukulungele yini ukuphatha umkhaya usuku nosuku—ukulungisa ukudla futhi unakekele izingane?—Efesu 5:22-25, 28-31; 1 Thimothewu 5:8.

Ngokwesibonelo: Emazweni aseNtshonalanga intsha ifisa ukushayela izimoto zasemakubo. Kodwa yini osemusha okumelwe ayenze ngaphambi kokuba avunyelwe ukuba ayishayele? Emazweni amaningi kumelwe uthole ukuqeqeshwa okuthile futhi uhlolwe ngaphambi kokuba unikwe imvume yokushayela. Kungani? Ngoba ukushayela kuyinto engathi sína. Ukuphila kwakho nokwabanye kusuke kusezandleni zakho lapho ushayela. Kanjalo nomshado uyinto engathi sína! Njengoba usemusha, kungenzeka ukuthi awukawulungeli neze. Uma kunjalo, uyobe uhlakaniphile uma ulwa nesilingo sokuba uthandane nothile, ngoba ukuthandana nothile kuyisinyathelo sokuthola umngane womshado. Kalula nje: Uma ungakawulungeli umshado, musa ukuthandana nothile.

Ukuze wenze isinqumo esihlakaniphile kule ndaba, udinga lokho iBhayibheli elikubiza ngokuthi “ukwazi namasu.” (IzAga 1:4) Kungaba ukuhlakanipha-ke ukusebenzisa ulwazi nokuhlakanipha komuntu osekhulile. Abazali abangamaKristu yibona ngokuvamile abasesimweni sokukusiza uhlole ukuthi usuwulungele yini umshado. Futhi ungase ucele iseluleko emalungwini ebandla lobuKristu. Uma abazali bakho bengavumi ukuba uthandane nothile uyobe wenza kahle ngokubambisana nabo. Isifiso sabo ukukusiza “udlulise okubi.”—UmShumayeli 11:10.

Uma benomuzwa wokuthi awukakakulungeli ukuthandana nothile, bangasikisela ukuba okwamanje ube nabangane abaningi kunokuba unake umuntu oyedwa. Ukuzihlanganisa nabantu abangashadile nabashadile, abadala nabancane, ngisho nalabo abangangawe, kungakusiza ulolonge izici ezihlukahlukene zobuntu bakho, futhi kukunike nombono ongokoqobo ngokuphila nomshado.

Ukulinda kuze kube yilapho usukulungele ukuthandana nothile ngeke kube lula. Kodwa kunenzuzo ukulinda. Ngokusebenzisa isikhathi ‘sokuqhuma kobusha’ ukuze ukhulele ekubeni umuntu omdala ovuthiwe nokwazi ukuthwala imithwalo yemfanelo, uyoziphephisa ezinkingeni eziningi. Uyozinika ithuba lokukhula ube uhlobo lomuntu ongazisingatha izingcindezi nemithwalo yemfanelo yomshado. Uyozinika nesikhathi sokukhula ube umuntu ongokomoya. Ngokwenza kanjalo, lapho ekugcineni usukulungele ukuthandana nothile, abanye bangase bakubheke njengomuntu okufanelekelayo ukuba bamazi kangcono.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 26]

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