How Do You View the Customs of Others?
IN A luxurious restaurant in London an Englishman and an African began to eat their dinner. As the African nimbly picked up his food with his fingers the manager’s eyes flashed in anger. “All right,” he said to the Englishman, “I must ask you to leave—and take your friend with you.” A lady snorted, “Why don’t they learn to eat properly?”
The two got up and left, as all eyes followed them. What had gone wrong? Were they not well dressed and polite? Ah, but the fingers! It is not considered proper to eat with the fingers!
Often persons are unaware of how peculiar or offensive their customs can be to people of another background. This was also illustrated a few years ago when a visitor from Canada had an audience with an African chief in Ghana.
The Canadian gestured freely with his left hand. He also presented a book to the chief with his left hand. This shocked the tribal elders. Speaking to the chief in their native language, they demanded that the man be set straight as to what are proper manners.
You see, to Ghanaians the left hand is unclean. This is because it is associated with toilet matters. So it is never used to give or receive things, or to eat food. Even though one may wash both hands equally well, according to Ghanaian custom the left is still considered unclean.
Customs vary a great deal, since people have such widely different backgrounds and educations. Do you think that your own customs are necessarily the best? Or do you think that there is merit to the ways and practices of other people? Let us examine some customs. It will help us to answer such questions.
Gift-giving Customs
Consider, for example, the differing customs relative to gift-giving. Europeans and Americans are inclined to try to select gifts to suit the person, the need or sentiment. They generally remove the price tag, since it is usually the custom not to have gifts reckoned according to cash value. In Ghana, however, money is a suitable gift for every occasion.
When you think about it, is not the Ghanaian custom a practical one? Does it not save a lot of time and effort? Yet, on the other hand, is there not something heartwarming about receiving a fine gift personally selected by a friend? Really, both customs have merit, do they not?
Even the customary ways that people receive gifts vary. A polite American or European will generally open a gift with obvious delight, thank the giver profusely, and then probably be conscious of a need to reciprocate in some way to show that the friendship is mutual. But what if you should give a gift to a Ghanaian?
He would probably thank you briefly, tuck the gift under his arm and open it when he got home. The next morning when you may have concluded that he does not really appreciate gifts, he would return to thank you formally. And somehow this extra effort makes the thanks seem a little more genuine. Also, the Ghanaian will not feel the need to reciprocate—at least not too soon. He will allow you the honor of being his benefactor.
Views Toward Dress and Hospitality
In Ghana a woman when dressed will customarily have her legs covered, but not necessarily the upper part of her body. Thus a mother will chat with a visitor while breast-feeding her baby. And inside, one may meet an older woman at work covered from only the waist down. Do you consider that shocking? Perhaps so. But it is not shocking to persons who have been brought up in a community where this is the customary dress.
On the other hand, consider a Ghanaian who visits a European or American home. He may find the housewife in shorts. And in some communities he may see her go out in public in the same attire. While this behavior may be acceptable to an American, the African would think: “Going outside in her underwear!” So, you see, how one is brought up affects greatly what one considers to be proper.
What if you arrived at a host’s house and were offered a bath? Would you perhaps be offended, viewing it as an implication that you must smell? Or would you accept the offer as a gesture of hospitality? Ghanaians bathe twice a day, and they show their hospitality to guests by offering them a bath. If you were visiting the hot country of Ghana, you would probably agree that it is a fine custom, since a bath is indeed refreshing!
In America greetings are inclined to be brief. It may simply be a quick “Hello,” and then parties proceed with the business or pleasure at hand. In Ghana, on the other hand, a guest is comfortably seated in a chair, and a period of time is spent formally greeting and welcoming him. Traditionally he is also given a glass of water.
Perhaps you have a definite preference of one custom over another. You may feel that the lengthy welcome is a waste of time. Or it may be your view that the brief greeting is too hurried, even rude. But can you be tolerant of the ways of others? It will make for better relations if you are.
Pace of Life and Details
The custom of formally greeting persons at length can be better understood when one considers the pace of life in Ghana. It seems that in a highly industrialized society people customarily time their activities, and have little races with the clock throughout the day. But not so Ghanaians. They generally take it slow and easy. Would you find frustrating their unconcern about time? Or do you see merit in their relaxed way of life?
Americans and Europeans are also concerned with specifics and detail. They give attention to population figures, precise travel schedules, shades of color, names of plants, and so forth. But a Ghanaian generally does not bother with details. For example, one might ask a Ghanaian concerning the death of a person: “How old was the gentleman?”
“Oh, very old, about 120 years,” may be the reply. But that only means old. Nobody actually calculated the years. It is just not considered important here.
Pursuing the matter further, one might ask: “What was the cause of his death?”
“Fever,” or, “We don’t know,” may come the resigned reply. And after all, does it really matter? The result is just as final if one knows or not. At least that is how Ghanaians customarily reason.
The Family
In Ghana the family is a large clan operated much like a corporation. Several generations of relatives usually live together in a family compound. This represents security, for theoretically the individual has the backing of a whole group of relatives whose number, wealth and power are ever at his disposal. A Ghanaian will introduce someone, saying, “This is my brother.” But technically the person may be only a cousin.
In other places in the world families are usually smaller and less closely knit. In speaking about his family, a European or American may mention that his mother is doing well. “She has her own home and lives on her own,” he may tell his Ghanaian friends.
“Not living all alone?” someone interrupts.
“Oh, yes, she is quite able to manage on her own,” is the reply.
“How terrible! How lonely! How cruel to leave your mother living by herself, not surrounded by children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews!” will be the reaction.
The person may be sorry that he mentioned his mother. And he is careful not to breathe a word about the old folks’ homes that are common back in his country. Are you inclined to feel that there is merit to the African family style with its closeness?
To an American or European, polygamy may indeed seem a strange practice, but in Africa it is a common, accepted way of life. The ease with which it is accepted is indicated by these common introductions, “This is my father’s wife,” or, “This is my brother—same father, different mother.” Understandably, then, a polygamist often finds the Bible standard of having only one living wife difficult to meet. (1 Tim. 3:2, 12) However, many Africans who come to an understanding of the Bible forsake this custom because they really do love God and want his approval.
Status Consciousness and Servants
Ghanaians are quite status conscious. Age gives one status. Money also does. Men are viewed as being higher than women. And educated people are considered better than noneducated people. Younger members of the family, though adults, have little influence. Do you approve of such status consciousness?
A help in maintaining status in Ghana is the availability of inexpensive servants. According to his means, a householder gradually acquires a house servant, a wash boy, a gardener, a chauffeur, and so forth. Almost every lady of moderate means has a maidservant. Usually she is acquired when young, possibly eight to ten years of age. She gets very little in the way of pay, and much is expected from her in the way of chores around the house. Is your reaction to pity the little maidservant?
However, the girl benefits. Her mistress is responsible to see that she has basic schooling, or at least is taught a trade such as sewing, selling or whatever the lady herself does. She is cared for as part of the household. She learns to take responsibility, to cook and care for a household, which training will make her a desirable wife.
Marriage Customs
In Ghana a bride price is customary. The going price for a bride varies greatly according to the community, the status of her family, her education and her beauty. Does this custom of buying a bride seem a little too calculating to you? But it does have practical aspects.
The money will provide the bride necessary things, such as cooking utensils and other household items to start her new home. Cloth for dresses may also be included in the bride price, enabling her to dress well after the wedding. Many members of the big family have contributed to the girl’s upbringing and training, so the prospective groom shows his appreciation by giving them a gift. All these arrangements take time, sometimes years, especially if the man is not too well off and has to pay on the installment plan.
When the wedding day finally arrives, the couple are presented publicly in their finery. Close friends accompany the newlyweds to their new home. The following days are customarily spent by the couple visiting and thanking those who helped with the arrangements. Friends, too, greet them in their new home, and especially the bridesmaid must visit them daily to see that all is well.
Do you think, “How awful! So little privacy”? You may if you are an American. But in Ghana going away on a honeymoon would be viewed with suspicion. What are they running away from? people would wonder. Which custom do you prefer?
Childbearing and Rearing Children
To some peoples companionship is considered of chief importance in marriage. Ghanaians, however, place primary importance on childbearing. In fact, when a mother has given birth to ten children there is a celebration in which a sheep is presented as a gift. “To the woman, of course, for her hardship endured ten times,” you may conclude. No, but rather to the man. This is because he has cared for ten children, and these, according to the ancient clan system, will build up the population and prestige of the mother’s clan.
A Ghanaian who visited New York did not like the custom there of caring for children, observing that many a woman “pushed her baby in a box in front of her and held her dog to her bosom.” In Ghana, babies are usually tied to their mother’s back. The baby is secure, the mother’s hands are free and paraphernalia is kept to a minimum. You will no doubt agree that there is merit to this custom.
Also, a Ghanaian could well be disturbed by the American and European custom of giving many toys to children, or of favoring them with their own special plate, their own chair, even their own room. Is the child not being catered to as an adult? he may ask.
An African child, on the other hand, is just one of the group. Rather than have a room to himself, he shares his sleeping mat and rates a stool to sit on if no adult needs it. He is surrounded by a crowd of relatives, and eats from the same bowl with his parents and friends. He has few commercial toys, but uses his fine imagination and ingenuity to make his own. He is loved and cared for, but is unpampered. He is more likely to grow up respectful of all adults.
Often, when first learning about customs of other peoples, a person considers them strange or even objectionable. But when he examines them more carefully and objectively, he frequently finds merit to them, in fact, that he likes some of them better than his own. Have you found this to be the case?
—By “Awake!” correspondent in Ghana.