Many Choose Divorce—Why?
IN RECENT years a peculiar malady has spread throughout many countries with amazing speed. News sources call it “Divorce Epidemic,” “Divorce Fever,” “Split Fever.”
According to figures for the United States released by the National Center for Health Statistics, between 1965 and 1973 marriages increased by 26 percent. Divorces, however, went up from 470,000 in 1965 to 913,000 in 1973, an increase of 90 percent. Last year the figure climbed to 970,000 divorces. Divorces in the United States were predicted to exceed one million a year by the end of 1975. That is nearly one divorce for every two new marriages.
This “divorce epidemic” is by no means confined to the United States. The Oregon Journal noted at the end of 1973 that, according to government figures, divorces in Egypt outstripped marriages by two to one during 1970. Official figures from Russia, according to an Associated Press report, indicate that “one out of every four couples get divorced although it is believed the rate is actually one out of three.” People in many other countries, such as Italy, Portugal and Sweden, have obtained legislation that makes getting a divorce easier.
Divorce Now Possible in Portugal
On May 27, 1975, Portugal published a new divorce law. For the first time in nearly thirty-five years, persons married by the Roman Catholic Church can obtain a divorce in Portugal.
Back in 1940 the Portuguese government and the Vatican signed a concordat in which the government agreed to insert in its laws a clause that would prohibit divorce for anyone married by the Catholic Church. The result was Article 1790 of the Civil Code, which declared it impossible to “dissolve by divorce Catholic marriages celebrated since August 1, 1940.”
This law prevented individuals married by the Catholic Church from getting a divorce even when their mates committed adultery or took up living sexually with other partners. But rather than keeping couples together, Article 1790 drove thousands of Portuguese married persons to enter consensual arrangements with individuals other than their marriage mates. Obviously, the results of such unions were undesirable. For one thing, children born from consensual relationships were viewed as illegitimate.
The new divorce law, No. 261/75, abolishes Article 1790 of the Civil Code mentioned above. Accordingly, “Catholic marriage henceforth can be dissolved in the civil courts, in the same terms and on the same basis as a civil marriage can be dissolved.”
Some Reasons Why
An important reason why so many marriage partners rush to the divorce courts is the ease with which a marriage can be dissolved. Some parts of the United States now have a “no-fault” arrangement. If a couple insist that their differences are “irreconcilable,” their marriage can quickly be dissolved. Since California introduced such a law, the divorce rate there has increased by 25 percent. In Britain liberalizing of divorce laws resulted in more than double the number of marital breakups in just two and a half years.
Portugal’s new law is a very liberal decree, granting divorce, not only on the grounds of adultery, but even on the basis of mutual consent by both mates. Article 1778 of Portugal’s Civil Code now states that any de facto separation that has lasted more than five consecutive years constitutes grounds for divorce. Interesting, too, is Article 1793, which permits conversion of a legal separation into divorce by a simple written request submitted to the court.
Have you noticed, too, how easy it is, in many places, to get married? As a result, thousands of adolescents have rushed into marriage, only to be disillusioned when faced with responsibilities that they were not prepared to undertake. Many seek escape through the divorce courts.
In recent years a changed attitude toward morals is, in many cases, another factor leading to divorce. In times past most people viewed extramarital sexual activity as a violation of the law of God. Today, however, an increasing number of persons have no qualms whatever about committing adultery.
Other frequently cited reasons for divorce are sexual dissatisfaction, unfulfilled emotional needs, constant argument, problems with in-laws and physical abuse. At times divorce can even be related to why persons marry in the first place. Writer Sydney J. Harris observes:
“More young people marry for negative reasons than for positive ones—and negative reasons are incapable of holding any relationship together. . . . More couples, for instance, marry out of than into. They marry out of loneliness, fear, desperation, a bleak home life, a sense of insecurity. They are running away from something rather than to something. Many are trying to escape their own feeling of isolation or alienation.”
Are you thinking of getting married soon? Have you analyzed your reasons for taking this step, and are you sure that you are equipped to take on the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood?
Before deciding to marry, it is wise to talk matters over seriously with your prospective mate and to seek the guidance of persons who have had long experience with happy marriage. The Scriptures urge thinking things out in advance, saying: “The plans of the diligent one surely make for advantage, but everyone that is hasty surely heads for want.”—Prov. 21:5.
Often, though, divorce springs from a cause that may not be readily apparent. How so?
Breakdown of Communication
The wife of a schoolteacher explains why a void developed in her life:
“[My husband’s] world begins and ends at the high school, and while I’m interested in his work and want to share everything with him, I discovered shortly after our second daughter was born that I needed other adult conversation. . . . Oh, sure, when we’re making love, I feel very close to [my husband], but the rest of the time I feel that his mind is in a textbook or a classroom and that I’m just an animated decoration around the house.”
The problem here was a basic one—lack of communication. This was found at the top of two lists of things that cause marital problems. When communication breaks down, other problems crop up too, such as whether to have children and how to bring them up. And, according to a study by McCall’s magazine, the key to the confusion over money matters was a disturbing lack of communication between marriage partners when the subject of money was brought up. The principle at Proverbs 15:22 is certainly true with regard to marriage: “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.”
Communication with one’s spouse calls for more than mere discussion of household affairs. Think of your own courtship. Did not you and your fiancé or fiancée repeatedly assure each other of your love, appreciation and need of each other? How meaningful that “sweet talk” was then!
But what happens after marriage? In many cases communication of affection between married couples ceases altogether. This can have dire consequences, as noted by an article in the New York Sunday News: “It is a common platitude that the unfaithful husband is just oversexed. But this is not true. The cooling off of love and affection at home sends many more men into infidelity than does simple lust.” The same may be said for women whose husbands deprive them of affection.
It may be, though, that problems in a marriage stem from an even more basic cause. What is that?
“Everyone Wants More”
Have you noticed the increasing emphasis on self that permeates modern thinking? “Marriages are succumbing,” notes Erica Abeel in New York magazine, “because only a perfect relationship will do. No one wants to settle or accommodate—everyone wants more. The push for ‘more’ comes largely from psychotherapy. . . . Unfortunately for a marriage, though, ‘more’ often means more for me rather than more for us. And a wife may have a very different conception of ‘more’ than her husband.” In agreement with this are comments of Joseph Epstein, author of the book Divorced in America (1974):
“Therapy is the new religion and therapy is the self . . . how do I come out? The new age of psychology tells you to take care of Number One. All that attention to self is very abrasive in a marriage.”
Current emphasis on self deceives many unwary marriage partners into thinking that they are missing out on the ultimate in personal satisfaction. They become “bored” with their responsibilities at work and in the home. Then arises the demand for more satisfaction during sexual relations, for “more fulfillment” in everything. And what happens if these demands are not met?
It is considered courageous to head for the divorce court. “For a lot of people,” explains a writer in Atlantic, “divorce is a sort of Ph.D., a point of growth and self-analysis and change, a thumbing-of-nose at marriage.”
Would divorce be a “point of growth” for you? Or is there, perhaps, a better way to deal with your marital problems?