Planning for Your Funeral​—Does It Make Sense?

“I NEVER thought about it,” is a common response to the question, “What kind of funeral for you when the time comes?” In this present system of things, we all must face death, but many consider the subject of their own funeral too morbid or distasteful even to think about. Consequently, any thinking about the funeral is suddenly thrust upon bereaved relatives at the time of death.

But is that when you want your grieving survivors to be considering funeral details? Do you want them forced into negotiating such matters when they are least in the mood and most vulnerable to costly suggestions?

A trusted and honorable funeral director can do much to relieve anxiety and keep costs within a family’s means. But another situation has also frequently faced survivors. Says a U.S. Federal Trade Commission investigator: “The buyer of funeral services is emotionally upset when he makes arrangements. And the [unscrupulous] funeral director often exploits that to sell his most expensive package.”

If you want to be sure that your already grieving family is not burdened with such an added load, you may want to consider planning your own funeral.

One person whose mother did so was at first stunned when she told him of her plans. But then, he says, “as time passed, my wife and I found ourselves increasingly struck by the sanity of the idea. What had seemed initially to be unthinkable became the intelligent, realistic thing to do.”

Former French president Charles de Gaulle is one who planned his own funeral. Says the Encyclopædia Britannica: “At his request he was buried with utmost simplicity in the small cemetery of Colombey-les-Deux-Églises in a plain wooden coffin made by the village carpenter.” In contrast, the government-planned state funeral of former U.S. president Dwight D. Eisenhower reportedly cost over $250,000.

Why So Costly?

Over the years, the American funeral industry has become what the Encyclopædia Britannica calls “highly commercialized.” It has done much to encourage some of the costly customs now fixed into the customary “complete” funeral. Such things as routine embalming, restoration of the body, open-casket services, grave liners or “vaults,” ornate sealed metal caskets, special clothing for the deceased and other services are often promoted as legally or morally necessary.

However, many of these traditions seem inspired more by economics and pride than by any real necessity. As a result, the average overall cost of an American funeral and burial has spiraled to about $2,000. Much of the inflation in cost lies in the extras that have come to be taken for granted as a customary part of “complete” funerals.

No doubt some of these acquired customs are comforting to people who feel that they have somehow satisfied their “obligation” to the deceased. Other individuals may derive satisfaction from seeing the body for the last time and ‘paying their respects.’ On the other hand, most of these traditions are not mandatory for those who cannot afford the high cost or would just personally prefer the dignity of simplicity.

Planning Cuts Expense

Usually a funeral planned by others is far more costly than one planned ahead by the person himself. “Everyone I talk to says, ‘When I die I want the simplest thing possible,’” notes one authority. “You never hear anyone say, ‘I want a $10,000 coffin and all the rest.’” You can verify this merely by asking your friends about their funeral wishes.

Of course, the elegance of one’s funeral is a personal family matter and should not be criticized if it does not violate Christian principles. But most persons who make their wishes known in advance apparently prefer not to be a financial burden to their families in death any more than they want to be in life. As one man put it: “I would rather have the money feeding my family than feeding the worms!”

Yet, more often than not, it does not work out that way. Why? Answers Los Angeles Times columnist Jim Fiebig: “I would guess that 90 percent of the funerals in this country are far more elaborate than the deceased would have wished. But because they failed to make their wishes known, the survivors​—just to be on the safe side—​figure they’d better go first class.”

On the other hand, preplanning removes a real burden from surviving loved ones. No amount of subtle persuasion to “go first class” need make them go beyond their means or your wishes. “The best sales resistance a survivor can have against high pressure,” says Fiebig, “is the knowledge he’s following your wishes.”

Even so, another situation could arise that you may also want to consider in advance. One person wrote to a newspaper advice columnist: “My husband told me that he wanted a simple funeral service and then cremation.” But her husband had only voiced his wishes. Complains his wife: “None of his family ever said yea or nay about their opinion of his wishes until I tried to make the arrangements​—then I got static from all sides about what ‘we’ want.” She suggested that people should “put such wishes in writing. My husband didn’t. And it sure was rough on me.”

Even back in Biblical times burial arrangements were often made personally, well in advance of death. For example, dying Jacob said to his son Joseph: “In my burial place which I have excavated for myself in the land of Canaan is where you are to bury me.”​—Gen. 50:5; see also Isaiah 22:16.

Making the Choices

Within certain limits, you or your family are legally free to decide for yourselves which funeral services you desire, if any. In America some states require by law that an itemized list of services and costs be made available. But the best time to make the choices is before necessity brings pressure. If you leave arrangements up to your family after death, the element of choice often becomes quite limited because they may feel bound by what is acceptable to the community and/​or other relatives.

Even when making your own choices in advance, though, you may still want to consider the community. If you live in a small town, for example, would eliminating customary procedures possibly offend some persons or even cast a reflection on your Christian faith? Perhaps more would attend the Scriptural talk and more good could be accomplished if a more traditional funeral were held. But you must still balance finances, family wishes and personal desires against such considerations in making the final decision.

As you decide what services you wish, remember that there is no “best way” to handle a funeral. Many Europeans would be shocked by the lavishness of American funerals. For example, embalming is generally routine in U.S. funeral homes, yet it is seldom practiced in Europe. In fact, special permits are required in many countries to embalm a body.

The U.S. funeral industry argues that embalming is necessary for “sanitary” reasons to avoid the spread of disease. However, as in Europe, embalming is not really necessary if you choose not to display the body and have an early burial or cremation. But you must specifically request that it not be done. Federal law does not mandate embalming unless the body is to be transported by common carrier. Some states require embalming if death was from a communicable disease or if more than a certain period goes by between death and burial.

After embalming, a mortician may spend many hours restoring the appearance of a person who was ravaged by disease or accident. This is done so that survivors will have an “acceptable image” of the deceased to remember. Funeral directors say that this helps them to adjust to the reality of death and to avoid possible disquieting fantasies. But you may prefer to be remembered as you were when alive and happy, also sparing your family the expense of such costly procedures. Some cultures are even repelled by the idea of viewing the corpse at a funeral. And a noted psychiatrist said: “This business of putting perfume and shoes on a corpse! When you’re dead, you’re dead. Our funeral customs are an attempt to fool people into denying death.”

Caskets range from simple $75 pine boxes to elaborately fashioned sealed metal ones costing $8,000 or more, including innerspring mattresses and fine fabrics. The sealed caskets are supposed to keep moisture from the body, with the apparent implication that this will somehow retard decomposition. However, experts say that just the opposite occurs. And what good are fine fabrics or a mattress to the dead, since the Bible says that they “are conscious of nothing at all”?​—Eccl. 9:5, 10; compare Psalm 146:3, 4.

Thus many customary funeral procedures that are normally taken for granted are certainly not mandatory. In view of this, some who feel that the emphasis should be put on spiritual matters and not on the corpse have chosen to have their body disposed of immediately by cremation or simple burial, followed by a memorial service for the benefit of friends and relatives. In England, West Germany and Denmark, for example, more than half choose cremation, while only about 8 percent do so in the U.S.A. The simple approach can also eliminate many of the costly services such as embalming, restoration work, funeral-home display of the body, hearse, and even the coffin and gravesite if cremation is chosen.

Whatever procedure you choose, reputable funeral homes should be pleased to assist you or your relatives to work out the details without undue pressure for extras. Nonprofit memorial societies also exist to help people to arrange for dignified and economical funerals.

Hence, giving thought now as to how you wish your remains to be cared for is not an exercise in morbidity. It is evidence of a mature and thoughtful approach to a trying situation, showing foresight and loving consideration for distressed survivors. It can do much to lighten their load until the time promised by God when “death will be no more.”​—Rev. 21:4, 5.