Improving Family Life
BIBLE prophecy shows that these “last days” would be characterized by a breakdown in family ties.—Rom. 1:29-31; 2 Tim. 3:1-4.
But God created the family as the basic unit of human society, and that has not changed. So he shows his servants how to strengthen families although the world is experiencing family breakdowns. He shows us how to become better husbands and fathers, better wives and mothers, better sons and daughters, better brothers and sisters. Not perfect—but better.
Practical Counsel for Husbands
Among the many fine Bible principles that help us with the problems of married life, perhaps we could comment on just a few. One is found at Ephesians 5:28. There God counsels the family head: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.”
Now, combine that with another principle at First Peter, chapter 3, verse 7, which shows that a husband who serves God must consider his wife’s physical and emotional makeup, and, as it says, must ‘assign her honor’ yes, “honor,” ‘as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.’
If you really love your wife as your own body, and honor her, that is, really show her respect, how will you deal with her? Surely you will try to please her wherever possible. You will be unselfish, even giving her first choice most of the time. Certainly you will not shout at her if you highly honor her, nor will you belittle her.
Well, the Bible shows that this is the kind of love and consideration that has to be cultivated by a husband who is a servant of God. Cultivated? Yes, it takes work, practice, because these are not qualities that come naturally to imperfect people, but they need to be developed.
When one woman was asked what quality she appreciated most in her husband, she replied: “His tenderness toward me.” Contrary to what many men of this world may think, decent women do not appreciate men who boss them around, who dominate them, or treat them unkindly.
Also, when a husband cultivates and exercises godly qualities in dealing with his wife, he finds that God has so constructed the wife mentally and emotionally that she, in turn, usually responds to such considerate treatment. She will likely become a better wife.
No, the husband is not to abdicate his position as family head. He still has the God-given responsibility to take the lead, to make final decisions. But there are things in the marriage relationship where he must take into consideration his wife’s viewpoints, attitudes, desires and makeup, because that is what God tells his servants to do.
This way of dealing with a wife does produce a happy marriage. Countless husbands who are God’s servants can testify to this. As an example is a man whose first marriage failed and ended in divorce. Then he began studying Bible principles and accepted God’s ways for marriage. Later he wrote this: “In the past, I lacked respect for women. By the way I lived, I brought much unhappiness to myself and others, especially to my first wife. After starting to live by the Bible, I could see that applying its principles was the best way to live. By treating my second wife in a Christian way, loving her as I do myself, I have found real happiness in marriage. Our marriage of ten years has been comparatively without problems. When consulted by others about marriage problems, I direct them to what the Bible says. I know from personal experience that applying its counsel really works. On the other hand, those who disregard it, knowingly or unknowingly, experience much unhappiness and heartache.”
Practical Counsel for Wives
The Bible also has fine, practical counsel for wives. Titus 2:4, 5 counsels them to “love their husbands, to love their children, to be sound in mind, chaste, workers at home, good, subjecting themselves to their own husbands.”
True, many women today resent the idea of subjecting themselves to their husbands. Of course, where a husband does not practice Bible principles and treats his wife badly, then subjection is very unpleasant.
But subjection to a husband who is a servant of God and who does apply Bible principles is no burden to a wife. Instead, it works for family harmony and good organization. And where the wife does her part, showing her husband love as well as what Ephesians 5:33 says, “deep respect,’’ then she finds that she usually draws the best out of him. He treats her even better, because God made him to respond to the love and respect of a wife.
However, even when a husband is not a servant of God, wifely submission can pay good dividends, as the apostle Peter counseled when he wrote: “You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect.”—1 Pet. 3:1, 2.
Now, are we saying that applying God’s ways will produce perfect marriages at this time? No, not now, since we are still imperfect. But it will produce much, much better marriages. So if you were to take 100 marriages and apply God’s ways to them, far more of them would be successful than 100 marriages where neither partner respected Bible principles.
Training Children
A large part of family problems has to do with children. Among young people there are great pressures toward immorality, drinking to excess, drug use, and rebellious attitudes toward parents. Many schools have become ‘jungles.’ What is the best way to counteract these bad influences?
The best way is to learn what Jehovah says, and then work hard at doing it. At Second Timothy 3:15 the apostle Paul said to Timothy: “From infancy you have known the holy writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation.”
Of course, any time is a good time to start teaching young ones what God says in his Word. But especially is this effective when begun in infancy. As Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it.”
Parents who are God’s servants know the value of Bible education. So from babyhood they take their children to Christian meetings, such as circuit and district assemblies and at the Kingdom Halls. These young ones are thus exposed to a wholesome spiritual environment year after year. They gradually learn about God, and hear the upbuilding expressions of mature Christians. They also learn community discipline.
These parents appreciate, however, that the home is the key place for child instruction. So, very early they begin reading with the children the Bible and publications that highlight godly principles. Not only do the children learn God’s ways at a very tender age, but they also learn how to read, even before starting school. And good reading ability is often the key to learning many other things.
A group of educators said: ‘The best way to prepare the very young child for reading is to read aloud to him stories he likes—over and over. The printed page, the security, the reassuring voice, the fascination of the story—all combine in the child’s mind to identify books as something which hold great pleasure.’
Another report states this: ‘Parents who conduct individual tutoring with their young play a role in producing children of above-normal intelligence. Most of these children who do better are raised by parents who carry on this one-to-one tutoring situation during the years before the child begins school.’
This type of education in God’s laws and principles really works. You can see the proof at the Kingdom Hall meetings and other assemblies of Jehovah’s Witnesses, in the large numbers of children, teenagers and young adults who are learning how to be servants of God.
Others recognize that it works too. A psychologist who dealt with young people became very disturbed at his agency’s inability to cope with youth problems. All their methods failed. But then he handled a case that really made him think. It involved a family with three children, all of whom were in trouble with the law. He considered the ease hopeless. But there was a break of many months in his handling of the case, after which he went back to the family. However, now he noted a remarkable change. The home that had been dirty and disorderly was neat and clean. The children were dressed presentably, and were much more secure. Why the amazing change? The psychologist relates that it was because the mother had been studying the Bible, had started instructing her children in it, and had been taking them to the Kingdom Hall meetings. She then applied to her everyday family life the Bible principles she was learning. The psychologist was so impressed that he himself began the same kind of study with Jehovah’s Witnesses.
However, does such child training guarantee that every child will turn out to be & highly principled servant of God when he grows up? No, because, here again, we have to remember that we are all imperfect, and that there are tremendous pressures working against children today. But, as with marriage, if you were to take 100 children and train them this way, far, far more of them would turn out to be decent, God-fearing adults than would 100 children not educated this way.
Yes, God’s ways do work to improve family life. They are a real help in marriage and with regard to training children. But there are other problems that require solutions too.