Things to Watch When Visiting the Sick
By “Awake!” correspondent in Canada
DUE to a severe heart attack, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses was confined to a hospital. He was well known, loved and much appreciated by all the congregations in the area. Literally hundreds of his friends were anxious to visit him. But rest and quiet were essential for his recovery. Discussing this, the concerned wife confided to the doctor: “Jehovah’s Witnesses have a unique problem at such a time because we have so many, many loving friends.” She explained that “we are actually members of a worldwide family that have real concern for and personal interest in one another.”
This genuine affection is often a subject of comment by the hospital staff and other patients. Typical is the case of a woman from an outlying area who had surgery in a distant city hospital. The congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. there was advised of her coming. Although not well known personally in that city, she relates: “I used to look forward keenly to visiting hours, wondering who would come in; and I was never disappointed. Two or sometimes even six of the brothers and sisters would come to cheer me up and brighten my day. Others in the ward would say: ‘My word, you’re popular. You do get a lot of visitors!’” These brief visits did much to open the minds of patients who had formerly refused to listen to Jehovah’s Witnesses.
In view of such happy results, is there anything to guard against when doing such visiting? Yes, there is. There may be just too many visitors or the visits may be too long. Some persons prefer solitude when they are sick. Others may be sensitive and embarrassed in front of visitors due to temporary physical problems or treatments that they are receiving. Sometimes it is a matter of visiting too soon after a serious illness or operation.
In the first two or three days following surgery it is usually best for just the immediate family to visit. Their presence at the bedside can be reassuring without the need of conversation. The nursing staff is often appreciative of the attention family members may be able to show in little ways, such as helping the patient to take fluids or even meals.
Usually, members of the patient’s family or his very close friends will be able to tell others when more visitors may be welcome. Still discernment is needed. The enthusiastic conversation of an exuberant visitor can be tiring for the patient. Even listening and concentrating may require too much effort during the early stages of his convalescence.
Most hospitals set specific visiting hours and limit the number of visitors in the patient’s room. Though this may seem restrictive to those who call, it benefits the patient when the rules are observed. Ten or twelve visitors crowding around a bed could put quite a strain on a patient still weak from a major operation or a serious illness.
When the patient is unable to sit up in bed or in a chair, it can be exhausting for him if visitors arrange themselves on both sides of his bed. As the conversation moves from one to the other, he must continually turn his head on the pillow from side to side. It would be much more restful for him to face only one side, not having to move his head and eyes as if he were following a tennis match.
Having the patient’s interests at heart, a person should avoid visiting if he has a sore throat, cold or other symptom of infection. For hygienic reasons too, as well as for the patient’s comfort, hospital personnel frown on visitors sitting on the edge of the bed. If there are not enough chairs for visitors, empathy and loving concern for the patient would prompt a visitor to remain standing.
Discernment should also be used respecting the length of the visit. A person’s relationship to the patient and the patient’s physical condition would certainly have a bearing on this. Ten minutes of quiet, pleasant conversation may be very upbuilding to the patient. However, if he becomes involved in a discussion lasting half an hour or more, this may well be exhausting to him and could even cause a setback.
Conversation That Is Upbuilding
Strong, healthy people sometimes shrink back from visiting the sick. They may feel embarrassed and at a loss for words. On the other hand, persons who have suffered frequent illness and sometimes serious operations may be inclined to discuss these things in great detail. This, however, could be depressing. So, a real effort should be put forth to be upbuilding.
Among Jehovah’s Witnesses upbuilding topics of conversation need never be lacking. Matters about the congregation, appropriate Scriptural thoughts, experiences had in declaring the “good news” and a host of other encouraging things can be shared with the patient. (Matt. 24:14) His age and circumstances, of course, may determine the direction of the conversation. If there is discouragement because of inactivity and weakness, the visitor could remind him of the prayers of others on his behalf, also the value of his own prayers in behalf of the congregation and that his fortitude and patience in this illness testify to his strong faith and hope. Even young people at times have their bouts with sickness and operations. Usually their recovery is just a matter of time. Hence, conversation that is forward looking can be very encouraging. Consideration should, of course, be given to the feelings and views of other patients sharing the same room, so that what they may hear would not be embarrassing or disturbing to them.
Visiting the sick does more than just benefit the patient. Youths, while giving genuine pleasure to an elderly or sick friend, may be helped thereby to develop sympathy and compassion. The patient’s fine example of endurance may encourage visitors who have not had the same experience with suffering. For example, the cheerful disposition of an elderly, blind woman crippled with arthritis always had this effect on those who came to see her.
Thoughtful Gifts
A visitor sometimes feels that he wants to bring a small gift as an evidence of his love and concern. In many parts of the earth cut flowers or potted plants serve well for this purpose. However, space available at the bedside often is limited. The strong fragrance of some varieties of flowers may be distressing to a sick person. To those who have allergies, a floral gift may just add to their affliction. Of course, one could always check with the family and be guided by their suggestions. A book dealing with the patient’s hobby or special personal interest, such as photography, woodcarving or gardening, may well be appreciated. A gift, though, is not the important thing. The fact that a person put forth the effort to make a brief visit is in itself very supportive.
Visiting the Sick at Home
Something that should not be neglected is visiting those who are sick at home. Their need for encouragement is just as great as that of those in hospitals. The added demands of illness may affect the entire household. So, besides helping the morale of just one person, the thoughtful visitor may see ways of giving support to the family. Think how a sick mother would appreciate an hour’s help with household duties! Little acts of kindness during a family crisis are long remembered. However, a phone call beforehand would perhaps be considerate. A suitable time to visit could be arranged. On the other hand, if, because of a contagious illness or for another reason, it is better not to visit personally, a cheerful note in the mail, or even your message of concern by telephone, might be heartening to the patient.
Those who have been ill and have received the loving encouragement of their friends and spiritual brothers are often heard expressing appreciation for their widespread family of associates. So, really, the problem of many, many friends and visitors can be a pleasant problem, one that can be solved nicely by the use of discernment. In particular, the solution lies in seeking to imitate Jehovah, the God who is “very tender in affection and merciful.”—Jas. 5:11.