Young People Ask . . .

Should I Leave Home?

“Mom & Dad:

Well I’m finally leaving. As I’ve said before, I’m not doing this to spite you or get back at you in any way. I cannot be happy being confined like you want me to be. Maybe I won’t be happy this way either, but I’d just like to find out.”

THUS began a 17-year-old girl’s farewell letter to her parents. She, like many other youths, felt a need to break away and become independent. Eighteen-year-old Martin admits: “Almost every young person my age at least toys with the idea of leaving home.” But many do more than merely toy with the idea. In the Federal Republic of Germany, for example, every third girl and every fourth boy in the 15 to 24 age group now lives away from home.

God foresaw that the desire to marry would cause a person to “leave his father and his mother.” (Genesis 2:23, 24) But there are other valid reasons for leaving, such as expanding one’s service to God. (Mark 10:29, 30) Nevertheless, for some youths it is a desire for more material things that causes the break from home. Yet others simply respond to the knocking of opportunity. A young German named Horst recalls: “I was only 17. One day while I was helping a friend renovate his room, we discovered that next door a room with kitchenette was vacant. Suddenly, the thought struck me that this was my chance to move away from home too.”

But why do so many youths jump at the chance to leave?

“You Want to Be More Independent”

For many a youth, home seems intolerable. Says one young man: “It’s simply that you want to be more independent. Living at home with your parents is no longer satisfying. You are always getting into arguments, and they do not understand your needs. Besides, you feel so restricted, always having to answer to your parents for your every move.”

The apostle Paul explained: “When I was a babe, I used to speak as a babe, to think as a babe, to reason as a babe; but now that I have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a babe.” (1 Corinthians 13:11) Reasoning that you are no longer “a babe,” you may resent being treated like one. Says the textbook Adolescence: “Adolescents have a strong desire for autonomy. They want to become individuals in their own right, express their own ideas, and live lives uniquely theirs, rather than be puppets dependent on the whims of controlling adults.”

Nevertheless, though you may fancy yourself a grown-up, your parents may view matters differently. They may still see in you some of “the traits of a babe.” And though you may want the freedom to do a certain thing, your parents may see a need to restrict you.

Really, though, aren’t your parents in the best position to judge how much freedom you are ready to handle? “Listen, my son, to the discipline of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother,” says the Bible. (Proverbs 1:8) True, parents at times may be overprotective or overrestrictive. But as one parent said about her daughter: “I worry that something could happen to her. She thinks I don’t let her go out because I don’t trust her but that’s not it. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Is Moving Out the Answer?

What if your parents are somewhat restrictive? Instead of packing your bags, remember that you still need your parents. Why, for many years to come, you will benefit from their insight and wisdom. (Proverbs 23:22) Especially is this true if your parents are God-fearing. Should you now cut them out of your life just because you have run into a few snags in dealing with them? Rather than hurriedly moving out, wouldn’t it be wiser to try to put your relationship with them on a more adult footing?*

Consider what a young German named Karsten says on this point. His parents strongly encouraged him to remain at home until there was a real reason for him to leave. This he did until some time later when he was invited to serve as a full-time minister at the West German branch office of the Watchtower Society. He now advises other young people: “Never leave home just because you can’t get along with your parents. If you can’t get along with them, how will you ever be able to get along with other people? Moving out will not solve your problem. To the contrary, it will only prove you are too immature to stand on your own feet and will lead to greater estrangement from your parents.”

And there are other reasons why a move away from home may be unwise. Youths often find that it is not as easy to make it on their own as they might imagine. Jobs are often scarce. Rents have skyrocketed. And what are youths caught in such an economic bind inevitably forced to do? Say the authors of Pulling Up Roots: “They return home and expect parents to reassume the burden of their support.” More and more youths are being forced to take this often humiliating route. In view of the world’s wobbly economy, should you be quick to throw away the security that living at home offers?

A More Serious Danger

In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus tells of a young man who wanted to be independent. Unwilling to wait, he demanded his share of the inheritance and set out on his own. But freedom was not at all as he imagined. After traveling “into a distant country,” he “squandered his property by living a debauched life.” No longer under the good influence of his parents, he succumbed to sexual immorality with prostitutes! Employment was so hard to come by that he even took a job that Jews despised​—herding pigs.

The wasteful, or “prodigal,” son bemoaned his fate, saying: “How many hired men of my father are abounding with bread, while I am perishing here from famine! I will rise and journey to my father and say to him: ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.’” Swallowing his pride, the “prodigal” son returned home.

Although this parable was told to highlight God’s mercy, it does contain a practical lesson: Leaving home with an unwise motive can harm you morally and spiritually! Sad to say, some Christian youths embarking on an independent course have suffered spiritual ruin. Unable to stay afloat financially, some have resorted to sharing expenses with other youths whose life-style conflicts with Bible principles. Yet the Bible warns: “Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Others have used their newfound freedom to pursue wrongdoing. Horst (mentioned earlier) saw this firsthand.

He knew a youth his own age who had also left home. Says Horst: “Although not married, he began living with his girl friend. They had parties where liquor flowed freely, and he often ended up getting drunk. Had he still been living at home, his parents would have allowed none of this.” Horst concluded: “It’s true, once you leave home you have more freedom. But to be completely honest, is it not oftentimes used as an opportunity to do bad things?”

So if you yearn for more freedom, ask yourself: Just why do I want greater freedom? Is it so that I can have a better opportunity to develop initiative or spend time doing worthwhile things? Or is it so that I can have material possessions or leeway to dabble with the temptations of “forbidden fruit”? Remember what the Bible says at Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it?” So make an in-depth search of your motives before taking the serious step of leaving.

Sooner or later, circumstances, such as marriage, will probably propel you out of the “nest” of your parents’ home. But until then, why be in a big hurry to leave? Talk it over with your folks. They may be happy to have you stay, especially if you make a real contribution to the welfare of the family. With their help, you can continue growing, learning and maturing right there at home.

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 21]

With your parents’ help you can continue maturing at home