Working Couples—The Key to Success
NO DOUBT about it—when couples earn two incomes it can produce stress and strain. Couples are therefore wise to count the cost—financially, emotionally, and spiritually—when both mates work. (See Luke 14:28.) Nevertheless, when circumstances require that a family have two breadwinners, the problems that ensue are not insurmountable. Many couples are successfully overcoming them. The key to their success? Often it is to follow Bible principles.
The Bible’s advice never goes out of style. It can even help you cope better with today’s economic crunch. Long ago the Bible explained that “in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) Realizing this can prevent a man from feeling he is a failure when he has trouble making ends meet.
And if a family really needs two incomes, the Bible does not condemn the wife’s working. Indeed, it shows that woman was created to be “a helper” to man. (Genesis 2:18) So when a wife helps by way of earning needed income, a husband need not feel threatened by this. To the contrary, he should be moved to praise her for her efforts, as did the husband of the “capable wife.” (Proverbs 31:10, 28) What, though, about some of the specific problems working couples face, such as handling the money?
Money Problems
‘It’s not fair,’ grumbled one husband. ‘My money is the family’s money. Her money is her money.’ Does this sound familiar? Writer Susan Washburn notes: “Conflicts over monetary matters are often vehicles for expressing other tensions in relationships.”
For example, many couples spend hours debating what money is “yours,” “mine,” or “ours.” The problem here, though, is not a faulty budget but a selfish view of marriage. God declared that couples are to act as “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) When this principle is obeyed, will it really matter which funds are “yours” and which are “mine”? Indeed, Paul indicated that loving husbands and wives would only be “anxious” insofar as gaining one another’s approval!—1 Corinthians 7:33, 34.
Another problem in marriage that may manifest itself in the form of a “money fight” is a lack of communication. One wife complained: “We were operating independently of each other. We just never talked about what we were spending until the bills came. Then we wouldn’t talk, we’d fight.” Consider again, though, the Bible’s “one flesh” principle. Would this not also include communication? (Genesis 2:24) The Bible further tells us that “love . . . does not look for its own interests.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.
When married couples follow these principles, often any number of financial arrangements can work effectively. After sitting down and talking matters out, some couples decide that each mate should have a certain amount of money and be responsible for certain bills. Or they might try this couple’s method: “We put our money together, and the wife does the actual bookkeeping and paying of bills.” The success of any such schemes, though, will hinge not so much on their design as on the quality of a couple’s marriage.
Nevertheless, the book Working Couples warns of another potential hazard: “The problem, for many working couples, is that they start to think rich. Especially when the second income is new to them, it looks like a panacea for all their financial problems.” Two-income couples must therefore keep clearly in mind why both of them are working. Should it not be to provide for the family? (1 Timothy 5:8) The Bible cautions Christians against “the love of money” and encourages them to keep material expectations modest. (1 Timothy 6:7-10) Excessive spending is less likely to be a bone of contention when couples are not afflicted by material ostentation and “the desire of the eyes.”—1 John 2:16.
Who’s Washing the Dishes?
“Who notices a clean living room?” ask psychologists Marjorie and Morton Shaevitz. “Nobody. Who notices a messy living room? Everybody!” Yes, housework is indispensable, unavoidable—and, at times, unappreciated. Who is going to do it can therefore be a touchy question.
Usually the wife ends up doing the lion’s share of the housework. What, though, if she begins to resent this?a She might approach her husband and tactfully say, as did one woman, “Look, we have a little problem here.” Often men simply don’t know what is involved in running a household. Perhaps together they could outline what must be done, and what it would be nice to do. Perhaps some tasks are unnecessary or can be done less often. They can work out who does what, perhaps according to personal preferences or abilities.
But should a man do ‘women’s work’? According to the Bible, Abraham regarded it as no threat to his manhood to help his wife serve a meal to three important visitors. (See Genesis 18:6-8.) Husbands today are often similarly moved to help when they realize that there is a need. Says one husband: “I pitch in and help with the housework. I admit that at times I don’t really want to. But since we both work, I think it would be unfair of me to do otherwise.”—Compare Ephesians 5:28.
A problem may arise, though, if the wife expects perfection from her mate, forgetting he is but a novice at domestic chores. (“George! Don’t you even know enough to clean the sink when you’re finished with the dishes?”) Perhaps some patient assistance would be more productive.
Too, there is the matter of letting Christian “reasonableness” prevail. (Philippians 4:5) It simply may not be practical or possible to keep the home as spotlessly clean as it may have been before. “When I was home all day,” recalls Betty, a working wife, “it seemed as if all I did was clean.” But with her entry into the working world, standards of cleanliness had to be adjusted. “We still keep our home clean,” she said, “but it’s a bit more ‘lived in’ now.”
Real Security
These are but a few of the challenges two-income couples face.b Yet success is possible when couples follow the guidance of the Scriptures.
However, pressures will continue to be brought to bear. Then having secure jobs and adequate income may seem more important than ever. But, warns one Christian couple: “You can build up a false security in your job. You can figure, ‘Well, I’m working and my wife has a job and we can make things work.’ But that’s just a false security, because at any time your job can disappear. What you need to do is remember that Jehovah God is there to support you.”
Wise advice from a working couple who obviously have found the key to success: reliance on the God who promises he will never abandon those who trust in him.—Hebrews 13:5, 6.
[Footnotes]
a For many wives, having a man do housework runs counter to culture. Many may thus not want their husband’s help. Said one French woman: “I don’t understand this idea about making men wash dishes. That isn’t a problem of life.”
b Future issues will discuss some of the questions related to a wife’s working and the problems of child care.
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Should Children Help With the Housework?
Yes, according to Gloria Mayer in her book 2001 Hints for Working Mothers. “Make sure you have small, uncomplicated jobs for small children,” she suggests. “Even a child of four can do something to help. Usually they not only are delighted to do their part but feel left out if everyone has a job except for them.” And what are some specific tasks youngsters can be asked to do? Miss Mayer lists at least three: (1) “Simple laundry tasks related to their own clothes—sorting, putting away, etc.” (2) “Cleaning own rooms” (3) “Bed making, especially their own.”
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Says one husband: “I pitch in and help with the housework”