Young People Ask . . .

Sex Before Marriage​—Why Not?

WHAT is the number one topic that people write about to advice columns? For at least one big-city newspaper, it is premarital sex. Yes, questions on the topic abound: ‘If you love each other, is it OK?’ ‘Should you wait till marriage?’ ‘Is it just innocent “fun”?’ However, opinions also abound! Which advice is correct and in your best interests?

Sex without marriage is the subject of over one fourth of the opening section (Pr chapters 1-9) of the Bible book of Proverbs. The advice contained therein is from none other than our Creator. His advice can give “to a young man [or woman] knowledge and thinking ability.” Those who heed its counsel acquire “skillful direction,” or as the original Hebrew word means, the “art of steering or guiding” a ship. (Proverbs 1:4, 5) Surely you want the ability to steer your life clear of any subtle danger that could “shipwreck” your happiness!

True, most young people do not view premarital sex as a threat to their happiness. Often those who are sexually active say that is the case for reasons similar to those voiced centuries ago: “Do come, let us drink our fill of love until the morning; do let us enjoy each other with love expressions.” (Proverbs 7:18) They are in love, and, say they, sex comes naturally. Or they may reason like a young man named Leopold, who claimed: “To prove you are a real man, you must have sex with a girl.” Yet others give in to gain acceptance among peers or to prove they’re not homosexual.

But frankly, research studies​—and countless examples—​have shown that most young people initially did not plan to have sex.a In most cases, sexual intercourse occurred because the couple engaged in stimulating or petting intimate body parts. Confessed one unmarried mother: “To me and to most of the kids I know, it just kind of went a little bit further each time, and finally you aren’t a virgin anymore. You start out to do a little petting, and before you realize what is happening, you can’t stop.”

‘But why not enjoy the pleasure of sex before marriage?’ argue some. ‘What real harm is there when two people want to?’

Painful Problems

Some pleasures today can cause pain tomorrow. “For as a honeycomb the lips of a strange woman keep dripping, and her palate is smoother than oil,” observes Proverbs 5:3, 4. “But the aftereffect from her is as bitter as wormwood; it is as sharp as a two-edged sword.”

One possible bitter aftereffect is the contracting of a sexually transmitted disease. By engaging in premarital sex, one truly ‘sins against his or her own body.’ (1 Corinthians 6:18) Imagine the heartache to learn years later that immorality caused irreversible damage, perhaps infertility or a serious health problem. As Proverbs 5:11 warns: “You have to groan in your future when your flesh and your organism come to an end.”

Premarital sex can also lead to an illegitimate pregnancy, an abortion, or a premature marriage​—each with its painful consequences. But another hard problem is . . .

The Emotional Consequences

Feelings of guilt and diminished self-respect are reported by many who engage in premarital sex, as they are troubled within themselves for going beyond their own standards. For example, 23-year-old Dennis bemoaned: “It was a big letdown​—no feeling of good or warmth of love as it was supposed to be. Rather the full realization of how wrong the act was hit me. I felt totally ashamed at my lack of self-control.”

Multitudes of others sadly agree. “I came back to reality with a sickening thud,” confessed one young woman. “Nothing was funny now. The party was over and I felt sick, cheap, and dirty. It didn’t make me feel any better to hear him say, ‘Why on earth didn’t you stop us before things went too far?’”

Such reactions are not rare, according to Dr. Jay Segal, who conducted a national study based on the “sexual autobiographies” of 2,436 college students. In his published report he concluded: “Dissatisfying and disappointing first [sexual intercourse] experiences exceeded those that were fulfilling and exciting by a ratio of almost two to one. Both males and females recalled that they were greatly disappointed.”

True, not all youths seem to suffer guilt or displeasure. But the Bible warns: “Fornication . . . take[s] away good motive.” (Hosea 4:11) A person engaging in premarital sex, or fornication, finds that his motivations can gradually change. Sexual passion can subtly become the overriding emotion and the focal point of the relationship. But such passion is fickle and easily bored.

Some young persons have had their “good motive” so dulled by fornication that they have sought sexual satisfaction from several partners each month. Researcher Robert Sorensen calls such youngsters “sexual adventurers.” He indicates that these pay a price for their ‘adventures.’ Writes Sorensen: “In our personal interviews, many adventurers reveal . . . that they believe they are functioning with little purpose and self-contentment.” Forty-six percent of these agreed with the statement, “The way I’m living right now, most of my abilities are going to waste.” Sorensen further found that these promiscuous youths reported low “self-confidence and self-esteem.” It is just as Proverbs 5:9 says: Those engaging in immorality “give to others [their] dignity.”

Still, some young people maintain: ‘We’re different. Sex will draw us closer together.’ But will it really?

The Morning After

Once a couple has gone all the way, they often look at each other differently. He may find that his feelings for his sweetheart are not as intense as before. Now that he has had her sexually, he may even find her less attractive. On the other hand, she may feel exploited. At any rate, by having sex a couple crosses over a line and can never go back.

In Bible times Amnon was lovesick over the virgin Tamar. Yet, after intercourse, “Amnon began hating her with a very great hatred.” (2 Samuel 13:15) Similarly, after committing fornication, a girl named Maria admitted: “I hated myself (for my weakness), and I hated my boyfriend. In fact, the sex relations we thought would bring us closer ended our relationship. I didn’t even want to see him again.”

Of course, not all reactions are like Maria’s or Amnon’s. “The temporary effect may be to strengthen the relationship, but the long-term effects may be quite different,” concluded an authority in the field, Paul H. Landis, after evaluating the results of studies involving several hundred young people. One reason why couples who have sex are more likely to break up than are those who abstain is that such intimacy breeds jealousy and distrust. One youth admitted: “Some fellows, when they have intercourse, think afterwards, ‘if she had it with me maybe she had it with someone else.’ As a matter of fact, I felt that way. . . . I was extremely jealous and doubtful, and suspicious.”

How remote this is from genuine love, which “is not jealous, . . . does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) Only this kind of love can build a trusting relationship leading to a lasting marriage. No wonder the Bible warns: “Let marriage be honorable among all . . . for God will judge fornicators.”​—Hebrews 13:4.

This brings us to the most important argument against premarital sex: It is a serious sin against God. “This is what God wills,” states 1 Thessalonians 4:3, “that you abstain from fornication.” Heeding this inspired advice will shield you from countless heartaches.

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 10]

Some pleasures today can cause pain tomorrow

[Blurb on page 12]

More engagements are broken by those couples who have premarital sex

[Blurb on page 12]

Once a couple have sex, they cross over a line and can never go back

[Picture on page 11]

Sex before marriage may result in the heartache of a broken engagement