Young People Ask . . .

My Folks Work​—What Can I Do Alone in an Empty House?

“IT CAN get kind of boring.” A 15-year-old named Gary is describing what it’s like coming home to an empty house. “I get home around three. I get a snack, maybe watch some TV or play my stereo.” His father, a single parent, works all day.

Millions of youths​—children of both single parents and two-income couples—​share a similar experience. And they will tell you firsthand that having working parents is not always easy. Like Gary, they may spend a good part of each day alone.

Consider, though, a study recently reported in Psychology Today. Child-care experts feared that youngsters left on their own would develop severe behavioral problems. However, 48 latch-key children were compared with 48 youngsters who were cared for by adults after school.a The results? “Contrary to what might be expected, the researchers found little difference between the two groups. Teachers rated the latch-key children as being as well adjusted socially as the other children. In addition, the latch-key children appeared to be as high in self-esteem and feelings of control over their lives as were those whose after-school hours were supervised by an adult.”

What does this indicate? That while being by yourself after school is surely not ideal, it does not have to be disastrous. What makes a difference is how you handle the situation.

Being Alone​—The Dangers

“Parents used to worry about what their children were up to when out at night,” says writer Vance Packard. “Today, if both parents are working, they are more likely to worry about what the youngsters are up to in the late afternoon when so many houses are empty of adults.” According to Packard, an empty house is often the scene of sexual immorality.

Having the house to oneself can also open the door to other forms of mischief. Gary recalls: “After my parents’ divorce, I lived for a while with my mother [not a Christian]. She left me alone quite a lot. Once while she was gone, I got into her cigarettes.” Fortunately, this was not the beginning of a life-long addiction. “I only smoked one or two,” says Gary.

Of course, the Bible condemns both illicit sex and unclean habits like smoking. (1 Corinthians 6:9; 2 Corinthians 7:1) And while not all children of working parents are dabbling in wrongdoing, many do find being alone intensely boring. The authors of Being Adolescent found that youths are typically passive, drowsy, bored, and unmotivated when forced into solitude. TV watching or ‘hanging out’ at shopping malls and video arcades becomes their major occupation. ‘What’s there to do at home?’ they ask.

The Value of Solitude

Observes the book Being Adolescent: “Great works of art or scientific discoveries are usually made by a person struggling on alone. The personal insights that give life meaning often blossom in solitude. Yet most people are terrified by loneliness, and will go to any length to avoid being alone. One of the major opportunities for growth in adolescence is to learn how to use solitude as a way to reach one’s goals, rather than as something to escape at all costs.”

Jesus Christ made good use of solitude. Before starting his ministry, Jesus went into the wilderness by himself for 40 days and 40 nights. (Matthew 4:1, 2) No doubt he used this time alone to pray and to meditate on the great work ahead of him. Afterward, Jesus regularly sought periods of solitude. (Luke 5:16; Mark 1:35) Not that Jesus was a hermit. The proverb warns: “One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing.” (Proverbs 18:1) So he balanced periods of solitude with association with people.

You, too, can learn to use solitude productively. Starting right in on your homework is fine. However, one youth who associates with a congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses further says: “I also use the time to read the [Bible-based] magazines The Watchtower and Awake! It’s also a good time to prepare for our [Christian] meetings.” At such meetings he gets needed and upbuilding association that helps to offset his time alone.

Doing Your Part Around the House

A teenage girl named Lecille says: “I look after my little sister and help my mom keep the house straight. This way Mom doesn’t have so much to do on the weekends.” Granted, it may not seem fair to you to have to work when you want to play. But says psychologist David Elkind about handling basic domestic chores: “Surely these are reasonable demands to make on children . . . It may even be said that many children in two-parent homes with only one working parent would benefit from being expected to do more for themselves.” Handling chores is thus one way to fight boredom​—and develop a sense of responsibility.

Gary recalls: “Since I was little, I’ve had to do things around the house, like making my bed and taking out the trash.” He does admit: “I’ve never had to cook, though I do know how to pop some toast in the toaster or make a sandwich!” Doing household chores hasn’t harmed him; if anything, it has contributed to his emotional growth.

Why not, therefore, try to carry your own load when it comes to housework and chores? (Compare Galatians 6:5.) Admittedly, as Dr. Elkind states, parental ‘demands and expectations can get out of hand.’ So if you feel too much is being placed on you, consider what an article in ’Teen magazine suggested: “Sit down with your folks and together work out a schedule that’ll leave you with some free time for friends, school work . . . and at the same time, make things easier on your already busy mom and dad.”

‘I Feel Neglected’

A teenage girl named Melissa complains: “I sometimes feel neglected. Dad doesn’t get home till about seven o’clock. And then all he wants to do is eat and sleep. The same with Mom. She gets home and starts cooking. We never get a chance to talk.” Says yet another youth: “When I was younger and only one of my parents worked, our family was tighter. Now that they both work, our relationship is not as tight as it used to be.”

You may therefore have no choice but to buy out the opportune time to enjoy your folks’ company. (Compare Ephesians 5:16.) That means making the most of what time you do have together. You might, for example, offer to work at some household chores with your parents. Says one working mother: “It draws you closer when you work together.” Gary and his dad have found yet another opportune time to enjoy each other: “We always shop together.”

Eating together is another way to promote good relations with your parents. Avoid raiding the refrigerator the minute you get home; try to wait until you can eat together as a family. You might even learn to cook, and from time to time surprise your mom or dad with a meal! (Proverbs 15:17) Some warm moments at the dinner table may make up for those few hours you have been apart.

Finally, if your parents are Christians, try to have a regular “interchange of encouragement” with them. (Romans 1:12) Says Gary: “My dad and I study the Bible an hour or two every Thursday night.” Could you ask your folks for a similar arrangement? Their mutual interest in spiritual matters has helped keep Gary and his father close.

If your folks both work, likely they won’t be home when you arrive every day. But don’t despair. And don’t become a hermit. Use your time wisely and productively. Not only will you learn to cope but you may even learn to like your brief periods of solitude.

[Footnotes]

[Pictures on page 15]

Many creative projects require the concentration that is possible when you are alone