Young People Ask . . .
Should I Run Away From Home?
“I’LL run away. I’ll show them.” Is that how you feel? For many youths, that is no idle threat. Not just hundreds or thousands but well over a million teenagers actually do run away from their homes each year.
But why do you want to leave home? The reasons may be many. You may feel that no one understands you. You may not feel wanted and loved. You may actually have been abused. Perhaps you face a problem you just can’t resolve. There is someone at home you cannot get along with. You may feel tired of being told what to do and want to lead your own life. Or you may be bored and want to have more fun. Whatever the reason, you are unhappy at home. Would running away solve that problem? Can anything else be done?
Proper Perspective Needed
As a youth, you have an assignment from God to “honor your father and your mother.” (Ephesians 6:2) You must “be obedient to your parents in everything.” (Colossians 3:20) Is there justification for leaving that assignment? What if the situation at home seems to be more than you can take?
That such conditions do exist cannot be denied. Some parents are unreasonable in their demands. Some condemn a child as bad or worthless. Some are preoccupied with their own interests and pleasures and give little attention to their children. Some are obsessed with drinking, drugs, or sex, and even terrorize their offspring. Some openly disregard both man’s and God’s laws. One’s very life could be in jeopardy!
But more often than not, it is not such severe situations that trigger a teenager’s running away. Usually, running away is sparked by arguments with parents over one’s own behavior and attitude. Did you stay out later than the time your parents set? Have you done something they disapprove of—such as drinking alcoholic beverages or keeping company with certain friends? Did you fail to do a required chore? Have you been doing poorly in school? Are you afraid of being punished? Do you want more freedom to do things on your own? Do you feel that you can never please your parents?
Keeping God in Mind
Under these circumstances, running away may be a reaction to feelings of anger and frustration—an endeavor to get away from the “oppressive and unyielding” authority of a parent. It can also be an expression of stubbornness, a desire to have things one’s own way. But you should really consider more than your own immediate desires or even what you consider fair.
Your parents may deny you some wish because of their God-given duty as parents. You see, just as you have a responsibility to God, they do also. They may keenly feel the obligation to bring you “up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) So they may insist that you accompany them to religious meetings and activities. And realizing that “bad associations spoil useful habits,” they may seek to restrict your association with certain ones of your friends. (1 Corinthians 15:33) Perhaps they perceive problems that you just do not see. Their outlook and thinking on matters may not coincide with yours. But is that good reason for rebelling and running away?
It is good to keep in mind that when God instructed you to “honor your father and your mother,” he added: “That it may go well with you and you may endure a long time on the earth.” Yes, it is not solely your parents you seek to please by obeying them. It is also God to whom you are showing respect and obedience. You realize that, even though you may be inclined otherwise, keeping parental rules and regulations is a way of demonstrating your regard and love for God and that he will reward you for doing so.—Ephesians 6:1-3; 1 John 5:3.
So it may require a little knuckling under on your part—submission to your parents and their requests. Appreciate that they have had more experience in life. Also, it is best not to compare yourself with others whose parents may not have their consciences attuned to God’s laws. Think of it as training for life ahead, for even as an adult you will not always be able to do what you want to do. Those around you must be taken into consideration as well. Certain actions will bring added problems or unwanted responsibilities later on. No person is ever entirely free to do just as he pleases. You find this true now in school. It will also be true in the workplace.
So whenever your parents insist on something you feel is contrary to what you want to do, it is good to keep in mind the principle stated at Colossians 3:23, 24: “Whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled as to Jehovah, and not to men, for you know that it is from Jehovah you will receive the due reward.” Yes, do not lose sight of the fact that Jehovah will reward you if you are obedient and submissive to your parents. Ahead is the grand reward of endless, perfect life for those who persevere.—Isaiah 65:21-23; Revelation 21:3-5.
Does It Solve Problems?
Another aspect to consider is whether running away is actually the answer to the situation. True, it may get you away from it momentarily. But running away does not solve problems. Eventually, they will have to be faced, in one way or another. “Running away only creates more problems for you,” reflects Amy, who ran away at 14 years of age. “It doesn’t get rid of them.” What, then, can be done?
Finding Love and Understanding
First, consider what brought on the problem. The parent-child relationship can be tenuous in the adolescent years. Why? The journal Adolescence explains: “Adolescence is a period of tremendous change and transition, while parents of teenagers also are involved in their own transition experiences as they near middle age, and the combination of these two periods of development can be especially stressful for all concerned.” So you may not be the only one who is going through a stressful transitional period and is in need of understanding. Most families can make it through without a crisis if feelings of love and respect are communicated.
Therefore, why not make a concerted effort to look beyond your own preferences and show love, realizing that “love never fails” and that it “covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Corinthians 13:8; 1 Peter 4:8) Giving love engenders love from others.
Have you done something wrong and now fear the consequences of your parents’ reaction? It is best to face up to the situation and seek mature help. First, try to talk it over with your parents. In addition, Christian youths have a great asset in that they may turn to congregation elders for assistance in solving problems and setting matters straight. The important thing is not to run away but to deal with the problem intelligently. In this way you can put it behind you, instead of having it hanging over your head.
But what if your situation at home is one in which you are unwanted, or it is extremely unhealthy for you? What if you are abused at home? Is running away the solution then? A future article will answer these questions.
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Families often feel tremendous anguish and concern when a member runs away