Young People Ask . . .
How Can I Get Over Being Embarrassed?
It was bad enough that Angie had to wear a full-leg cast to school. But the situation got decidedly worse when she fell into a mud puddle during recess. Recalls Angie: “I was so embarrassed! I couldn’t get up, and I was covered with mud.”
YOU well know that humiliating feeling of embarrassment. Granted, we are often the authors of our own misery. As Seventeen magazine put it, we easily “lose ourselves, and in a split second we go and do some incredibly and inexplicably stupid things. Then, just as suddenly, we’re aware . . . ‘Was that really me who did that?’”
During the teen years, though, you are more likely to suffer embarrassment than at any other time in your life. Why is this?
Life’s Embarrassing Moments
Researcher David Elkind explains that with increasing intellectual ability, adolescents are more likely to be concerned about what others think of them. This extreme self-consciousness is like having an “imaginary audience” that “scrutinizes and reviews their actions.” (Adolescent Development) One young girl thus calls youth a “time of life when what other people think of you means a lot to you.”
Unfortunately, your efforts to impress others may often be frustrated. Because you are still trying to master your emotions—and the social graces—the right “word at its right time” may elude you. (Proverbs 15:23) Inclined to say what you feel, as opposed to what is tactful or appropriate, you may make embarrassing blunders. Furthermore, since you are under parental control, you may have to do things you’d prefer not to do. “My mom always wanted me to wear those little Alice-in-Wonderland dresses to school,” lamented one youth. “Everyone is wearing jeans and I’m supposed to wear little dresses.”
Eager for the approval of others, some youths are also very sensitive to criticism, rejection, or failure. Christian youths, for example, may thus shy away from talking about their religious beliefs with classmates and teachers. Others may feel humiliated by any reprimand from a teacher or a parent. “Once [my mother yelled at me] in front of one of my friends and I was really embarrassed,” says young Angela.
Then there is the preoccupation some youths have with their bodies. Slow-developing youths are often chagrined at their still childish appearance, fast-developing youths at their adult bodies and the awkwardness accompanying such growth. “When I was in sixth grade,” recalls Annie, “I was taller than everybody. It was embarrassing for me. I had a really tiny friend and I used to envy her.”
Get Back on the Ice!
Suffering embarrassment is thus an unavoidable part of life. True, you should do your best to avoid doing things you’ll later regret. For example, “the foolish one speaks many words.” (Ecclesiastes 10:14) Simply thinking before you speak can thus spare you many embarrassments. (Proverbs 15:28) But in spite of your most strenuous efforts, embarrassing situations do occur from time to time. How do you react? To illustrate: Have you ever tried to ice-skate? If so, you probably slipped and fell on the ice the first time out—probably more than once. But did that keep you from going back onto the ice? Not if you wanted to become a good skater!
What, though, about your dealings with people? If you have embarrassed yourself in some way, do you ‘stay down on the ice’ by withdrawing, avoiding people and certain situations because you fear getting embarrassed again? If so, embarrassment is controlling you. Precious opportunities and enjoyable relationships pass while you wallow in pessimism. Says Ecclesiastes 11:4: “He that is watching the wind [fearfully contemplating life’s uncertainties] will not sow seed; and he that is looking at the clouds will not reap.”
To enjoy life and good relations with others, some risk is involved. As Dr. Wayne W. Dyer wrote in Pulling Your Own Strings: “You will never know what it feels like to get rid of a fear until you risk behavior that confronts it.” So get right back on the ice after a fall!
Dealing With Embarrassing Situations
How, though, should you handle those moments when you wish you could hide yourself? A few suggestions are:
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Said Seventeen magazine: “We all judge ourselves much too harshly.” Besides, attaching too much significance to a minor error is just a form of ‘thinking more of oneself than it is necessary to think.’ (Romans 12:3) Imagine you have done something silly in front of friends. Says a youth named Beverly: “You might think that every time they see you, they’ll think of that incident.” But does your little slipup really occupy such an important place in the minds of others? Not likely. Is it not best, therefore, simply to forget about minor mishaps?
Accept discipline: As a youth, you are bound to make mistakes due to inexperience. However, being disciplined for our mistakes can ‘give insight.’ (Proverbs 1:3) A reprimand from a teacher or a parent is thus likely to befall you from time to time. Rather than fret over the temporary embarrassment that results, work on benefiting from the discipline by making needed changes.—Proverbs 1:7-9.
Retain your sense of humor: Sometimes it is best to do as a 15-year-old named Frank advises: “Laugh it off.” So if some clumsiness on your part excites laughter, do not be quick to take offense. (Ecclesiastes 7:9) As 18-year-old Terry recommends: “Don’t be so self-conscious about what other people think.” Try to see your plight through the eyes of others. Imagine how this “calamity” will look to you tomorrow—or next week. Good-naturedly laughing at oneself often alleviates embarrassment.
Take the first step: So suggests a youth named Faith. If you have embarrassed yourself in front of someone, naturally you might feel awkward being around that person again. But take the first step yourself and approach that person as soon as possible. (Compare Matthew 5:23, 24.) Faith has found that if that one “sees that you’re an open person and can take a joke, he or she will feel comfortable around you.”
Don’t compare yourself with others: It may be awkward to be short when all your peers are tall—or vice versa. But remember, “for everything there is an appointed time.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Your time for reaching physical maturity may simply differ from the next person’s. Looking at your physical development while comparing yourself with another person is futile, for nothing can either speed up or slow down the process. (Compare Galatians 6:4.) Furthermore, there is no guarantee that you will grow to your desired height or have the ideal physique or figure, so why fret over what you cannot change? Or as Jesus asked: “Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?” (Matthew 6:27) Much more is accomplished when you accept how you look and work at developing an attractive personality.
Treat others as you wish to be treated: How do you react when others embarrass themselves? If you delight in ridiculing them or broadcasting their mishap, don’t complain when the tables are turned. “The one faithful in spirit is covering over a matter,” says Proverbs 11:13. If you do this for others, perhaps they’ll be moved to do the same for you.—Matthew 7:12.
Stand for your convictions: Never feel embarrassed to share your faith with others. Jesus’ words at Mark 8:38 are sobering: “Whoever becomes ashamed of me . . . , the Son of man will also be ashamed of him.” Count it a privilege to be a ‘fool because of Christ.’ (1 Corinthians 4:10) One youth observed: “The more you make the Bible’s truths your own, the more you want to share them with others.”
Humiliating situations do arise from time to time. But when this happens, take a realistic, balanced view of it, not expecting everything to go just right. Keep your sense of humor. Avoid taking yourself too seriously. If you apply this advice, you will find it easier to pick yourself up when you have an embarrassing fall.
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Suffering embarrassment is an unavoidable part of life
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Youths mature physically at different rates