Provide the Guidance They Need
HOW can your children learn to protect themselves from the world’s increasing immorality? Not from television, which one group of youths listed as their fourth most important source of information about sexuality. Not from the schools, where what teachers teach reflects the changing values and standards of this immoral world. And certainly not from the stories related by schoolmates of your children.
If education in morals and family life is to be successful, it has to begin at home. As one concerned high-school teacher said: “Someone has to have the courage to say: ‘Look, kids, it won’t hurt you to wait!’”
Have you taught your children that? In view of the barrage of sexual material that surrounds us, do you sometimes wonder if you even know how to teach them?
The Effect of Example
Just as your parents influenced your life by the way they lived, so your example powerfully affects the lives of your children. It reveals a great deal about how much you love them and about the kind of people you want them to be.
If you were a virgin when you married, you can let your children know how happy that made you. A grandfather remembers the day, nearly 60 years ago, when his own father told him what a delight it had been to marry, knowing that he had not engaged in any immoral conduct that could ever be brought up to taint his marriage. That conversation strongly influenced the way this grandfather lived his life, and he believes his own example has powerfully affected the lives of his children.
If, however, your children know that your early life was not exemplary, you should be sure that they know why you changed. It is not just that you are older but that you have found a higher set of standards by which to live.
Quality Listening
Successful parents often comment on how much time they spend listening to their children. They know what is going on in their children’s lives. Karen made a point of working in the kitchen in the afternoons. In this way, when her daughters came home, they could talk with her about what had happened in school during the day.
Erline used to wait for her daughters when they came home at night and listen to them relate all they had done. “If something needed correcting,” she said, “I could take care of that later. But I would never have known about it if I hadn’t listened.” She kept this communication open through her daughters’ school years and through their courtships. Such time spent with your children can save many heartaches later on.
But what if your children are not very talkative? If they aren’t, you might ask yourself, ‘Are they merely quiet by nature, or are they afraid to reveal matters to me because of the way I reacted in the past? Can I rebuild their confidence by making special efforts now to show my interest in them? Can I make it easier for them to bring up small things now and perhaps more serious ones later?’
Important Warnings
Your children need to be warned about the consequences of immorality. They should know, for example, that despite all they hear to the contrary, no method of contraception is foolproof. Unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases often result even when contraceptives are used. According to the organization Planned Parenthood, condoms fail to prevent pregnancy 12 percent of the time, and their failure may even be greater in preventing the transmission of the AIDS virus.
Many young people seem convinced that catastrophies will never happen to them. However, sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, can be communicated by people who as yet have no symptoms and who do not know that they are infecting others. Many such diseases that are plaguing young people today can cause infertility, birth defects, cancer, and even death.
As an example, 40 million Americans are now believed to have just one of these diseases, genital herpes, for which there is no known cure. Infected mothers can pass it on to their babies. These innocent children may then become mentally retarded, suffer permanent damage to their central nervous system, or die of severe infections of their internal organs. What a horrible price to pay for a few brief moments of hoped-for pleasure!
The illicit sex that transmitted this disease may not even have been fun. A researcher who questioned many youths said that “for females, twice as many teen-year [sexual] experiences were negative as positive.” Parents need to emphasize to their children that sex—the marvelous means by which our Creator purposed that our beautiful earth be populated—should not be furtively commenced outside the bounds of marriage.
Instruction They Particularly Need
Your children need to know that the only sure way to avoid the problems that come with sex before marriage is to follow the time-proved principles that God established. What principles? No sex till marriage, then permanent and lifelong fidelity to that one beloved person who, in the ideal situation, also has had no other sex partner.
However, the basic reason for fleeing immorality is not that it causes problems but that our Creator says it is wrong. The Bible urges: “Abstain from fornication.” “Flee from fornication.” Why? Because, those who continue to practice such things “will not inherit God’s kingdom.”—1 Thessalonians 4:3; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10, 18.
Following godly principles leads to happier, more contented lives. It protects us from sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancies, the problems of single-parent families, and the heartbreak of being abandoned by people who used us for their own selfish purposes.
For more than 2,500 years, the words recorded by the ancient prophet of God have proved true: “I, Jehovah, am your God, the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments! Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea.”—Isaiah 48:17, 18.
But how can these moral principles fit in with the modern practice of dating? That question is discussed next.