Women​—Respected at Home?

“One after another, the women met gruesome deaths. . . . And while the manner of their deaths differed, the underlying circumstances did not: Quebec [Canada] police say that each of the women was killed by a past or present husband or lover. In all, 21 women in Quebec have been killed this year [1990], victims of a surge in conjugal violence.”​—Maclean’s, October 22, 1990.

DOMESTIC violence, called by some “the dark side of family life,” sows a harvest of disrupted families and produces children with a twisted view of what marital relations are supposed to be. Children are torn apart in their loyalties to their parents as they try to understand why dad is battering mom. (Less frequently, the question is, why is mom being so vicious to dad?) The fruitage of domestic violence often includes sons who grow up to be wife beaters themselves. The paternal imprint has left them with grave psychological as well as personality problems.

The UN publication The World’s Women​—1970-1990 states: “Men’s attacks on women in their homes are thought to be the least reported of crimes—​in part because such violence is seen as a social ill, not a crime.”

How bad is spouse abuse in the United States? The Senate report quoted in the previous article states: “The term ‘domestic violence’ may sound tame, but the behavior it describes is far from gentle. Statistics present a chilling picture of just how serious​—indeed even lethal—​spouse abuse may be. Between 2,000 and 4,000 women die every year from abuse. . . . Unlike other crimes, spouse abuse is ‘chronic’ violence. It is persistent intimidation and repeated physical injury.”

World Health magazine says: “Violence against women occurs in every country and in every social and economic class. In many cultures, wife-​beating is considered a man’s right. All too often, routine beating and rape of women and girls are considered ‘private matters’ that do not concern others​—whether the legal authorities or health personnel.” This violence at home can easily spread to the school setting.

This was illustrated in what happened at a Kenya coed boarding school in July 1991. The New York Times reported that “71 teen-​age schoolgirls were raped by male students and 19 others died in a night of dormitory violence that reportedly . . . ran on unchecked by the local police or teachers.” How could this rampage of sexual violence be explained? “This tragedy has underscored the abominable male chauvinism that dominates Kenyan social life,” wrote Hilary Ng’Weno, editor in chief of The Weekly Review, Kenya’s most widely read magazine. “The lot of our women and girls is lamentable. . . . We bring up our boys to have little or no respect for girls.”

Therein lies the crux of the problem worldwide​—boys are often raised to view girls and women as inferior, exploitable creatures. The women are seen as vulnerable and easily dominated. From there it is just a short step to disrespect for the female and outright male chauvinism and an equally short step to acquaintance rape or date rape. And regarding rape, let it not be forgotten that “an assault may be over in moments, but felt for a lifetime.”​—Senate Report.

Many men, although not necessarily physically violent against women, can be described as subliminal misogynists, or woman haters. Rather than physical violence, they use psychological abuse or battering. In her book Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them, Dr. Susan Forward says: “As their partners described them, [these men] were often charming and even loving, but they were able to switch to cruel, critical, and insulting behavior on a moment’s notice. Their behavior covered a wide spectrum, from obvious intimidation and threats to more subtle, covert attacks which took the form of constant put-​downs or erosive criticism. Whatever the style, the results were the same. The man gained control by grinding the woman down. These men also refused to take any responsibility for how their attacks made their partners feel.”

Yasuko,a a petite Japanese, now married 15 years, told Awake! of her family experience: “My father regularly beat and mistreated my mother. He would kick and punch her, drag her by the hair, and even throw stones at her. And do you know why? Because she dared to challenge him about his infidelity with another woman. You see, in Japanese culture, it has been viewed as quite normal for some men to have a mistress. My mother was ahead of her time and refused to accept it. After 16 years of marriage and four children, she got a divorce. She was left with no child support from my father.”

Yet, even where wife battering has been reported to the authorities, it has often not prevented a vindictive husband from murdering his wife. On many occasions, in countries like the United States, the law has been inadequate to protect a threatened and terrorized spouse. “One study showed that in over half of all murders of wives by their husbands, police had been called to the residence five times in the previous year to investigate a domestic violence complaint.” (Senate Report) In some extreme cases, to save herself from further abuse, the wife has killed her husband.

Domestic violence, in which the woman is usually the victim, manifests itself in many different ways. In India the reported number of so-​called dowry deaths (husbands killing wives because of dissatisfaction with the dowry being paid by the wife’s family) increased from 2,209 in 1988 to 4,835 in 1990. These figures cannot be viewed as complete or accurate, though, since many deaths of wives are passed off as domestic accidents​—usually by deliberate burning with kerosene used for cooking. Added to this are the suicides of wives who can no longer face domestic misery.

When the Choice Is Sons or Daughters

Women are discriminated against from birth and even before birth. How is that so? Awake! interviewed Madhu from Bombay, India, for one answer: “When a son is born to an Indian family, there is rejoicing. The mother’s problems are over. Now the parents have a son to care for them in their old age. Their ‘social security’ is guaranteed. But if she gives birth to a daughter, she is looked upon as a failure. It is as if she has merely brought another burden into the world. The parents are going to have to provide an expensive dowry in order to get her married off. And if a mother keeps producing daughters, then she is a loser.”b

The journal Indian Express reported regarding girls in India: “Their survival is not considered really important to the survival of the family.” The same source cites a survey in Bombay that “revealed that out of 8,000 foetuses aborted following sex-​determination tests, 7,999 were female.”

Elisabeth Bumiller writes: “The condition of some Indian women is so wretched that if their plight received the attention given to that of ethnic and racial minorities in other parts of the world, their cause would be taken up by human rights groups.”​—May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons.

“Woman’s Work Is Never Done”

“Woman’s work is never done” may seem like a cliché. But it states a truth that men often overlook. A woman with children does not have the luxury of a fixed work schedule, from nine to five, as men often do. If a baby is crying in the night, who is the one most likely to respond? Who does the cleaning, washing, and ironing? Who prepares and serves the meals when the husband comes home from work? Who cleans up after the meals and then prepares the children for bed? And in many countries, in addition to all of this, who is expected to fetch water and even work in the fields with a baby on her back? Usually mother. Her schedule is not just 8 or 9 hours a day; it is often 12 to 14 or more. However, there is no overtime pay for her​—and too often there is no thanks either!

According to World Health magazine, in Ethiopia many “women are expected to work 16 to 18 hours a day, [and] their level of income is so low that they cannot maintain themselves and their families. . . . Hunger is a daily phenomenon; in most cases, they [women fuelwood collectors and carriers] get only one incomplete meal per day and usually leave their homes without breakfast.”

Siu, originally from Hong Kong, now married 20 years, said: “In the Chinese context, men have tended to belittle women, viewing them either as domestic helpers and child bearers or, at the other extreme, as idols, toys, or sex objects. But really, what we women want is to be treated as intelligent creatures. We want men to listen to us when we speak and not just act as if we were dummies!”

Little wonder that the book Men and Women says: “Everywhere, even if women are highly regarded, the activities of men are valued more than those of women. It matters not a whit how a society allocates roles and tasks between the sexes; those that belong to men inevitably count for more in the eyes of the whole community.”

The fact of the matter is that the woman’s role in the home is usually taken for granted. Thus, the foreword to The World’s Women​—1970-1990 states: “Women’s living conditions—​and their contributions to the family, the economy and the household​—have generally been invisible. Many statistics have been defined in terms that portray men’s conditions and contributions, not women’s, or that simply ignore gender. . . . Much of the work women do is still not considered to be of any economic value at all​—and is not even measured.”

In 1934, North American writer Gerald W. Johnson expressed opinions about women in the workplace: “A woman frequently gets a man’s job but rarely a man’s pay. The reason is that there is no conceivable form of daily labor that cannot be done better by some man than by any woman. The greatest dressmakers and milliners are men . . . The greatest cooks are invariably men. . . . Right here and now it is a fact that any employer is willing to give a man more money than he gives a woman for the same work because he has reason to believe that the man will do it better.” That comment, though it may have been tongue-​in-​cheek, reflected the biases of the time, which are still current in many male minds.

Lack of Respect​—A Worldwide Problem

Every culture has developed its attitudes, biases, and prejudices as to the role of women in society. But the question that has to be answered is, Do these attitudes show due respect for the dignity of women? Or, rather, do they reflect male dominance over the centuries due to man’s usually superior physical strength? If women are treated as slaves or as exploitable objects, then where is the respect for their dignity? To a greater or lesser degree, most cultures have subverted the woman’s role and undermined her self-​esteem.

One example of many from around the world comes from Africa: “Yoruba women [Nigeria] must pretend to be ignorant and acquiescent in the presence of their husbands, and when serving meals, they are required to kneel at their husbands’ feet.” (Men and Women) In other parts of the world, this subservience may be shown in a variety of ways​—a wife’s having to walk a certain distance behind her husband, or having to walk while he rides a horse or a mule, or having to carry burdens while the husband carries none, or having to eat separately, and so on.

In his book The Japanese, Edwin Reischauer, born and raised in Japan, wrote: “Attitudes of male chauvinism are blatantly evident in Japan. . . . A double sexual standard, which leaves the man free and the woman restricted, is still common. . . . Married women, moreover, are expected to be far more faithful than men.”

As in many countries, sexual harassment is also a problem in Japan, especially in the packed subway cars at rush hour. Yasuko, from Hino City, a suburb of Tokyo, told Awake!: “As a young woman, I used to commute into Tokyo. It was so embarrassing because some men took advantage of the situation to pinch and feel wherever they could. What could we women do about it? We had to endure it. But it was shameful. At morning rush hour, there was a separate car for women, so at least some could escape those indignities.”

Sue, a former resident in Japan, had her own way of freeing herself of these attentions. She would say in a loud voice, “Fuzakenai de kudasai!” which means “Quit fooling around!” She says: “That got immediate attention and action. Nobody wanted to lose face in front of all the others. Suddenly there was not a single man touching me!”

Lack of respect for women in the domestic circle is evidently a worldwide problem. But what about the role of women in the workplace? Do they get more respect and recognition there?

[Footnotes]

[Box on page 6]

How Is a Child’s Sex Determined?

“The sex of the unborn child is decided at the instant of fertilization, and it is the father’s sperm cell that is decisive. Every ovum, or egg, that a woman produces is female in the sense that it contains an X, or a female, sex chromosome. In a man, only half of the sperm cells carry an X chromosome, while the other half carry a Y, which is the male sex chromosome.” Therefore, if two X chromosomes are joined, the result will be a girl; if a male Y joins the female X, the baby will be a boy. Thus, whether a woman has boys or girls is decided by the chromosome factor in the male sperm. (ABC’s of the Human Body, a Reader’s Digest publication) It is illogical for a man to blame his wife for producing only girls. There should be no blame attached. It is simply the lottery of procreation.

[Box/​Picture on page 8]

A Tragedy of Massive Proportions

In her book Feminism Without Illusions, Elizabeth Fox-​Genovese wrote: “There is good reason to believe that many men . . . are increasingly tempted to use [their] strength in the one situation in which it still clearly gives them an advantage​—their personal relations with women. If I am correct in this suspicion, then we are looking at a tragedy of massive proportions.” And that tragedy of massive proportions embraces the millions of women who suffer daily at the hands of a bullying husband, a father, or any other male​—a male who fails to “meet the tests of equity and justice.”

“In thirty states [of the United States], it is still generally legal for husbands to rape their wives; and only ten states have laws mandating arrest for domestic violence . . . Women who have no other option but to flee find that isn’t much of an alternative either. . . . One third of the 1 million battered women who seek emergency shelter each year can find none.”​—Introduction to Backlash—​The Undeclared War Against American Women, by Susan Faludi.

[Picture]

For millions, domestic violence is the dark side of family life

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Hundreds of millions live without running water, sewage disposal, or electricity in their homes​—if they have a home