Young People Ask . . .
Why Do I Have to Be the Youngest Child?
The youngest child tends to be viewed as the “baby” of the family.
“I hate the fact that I have to pay for mistakes my older sisters made.”
“My big brother beats me up when he’s having problems.”
‘I’M THE youngest of five,’ writes Lilia. ‘And it’s no barrel of laughs. I’m left out a lot because no one wants to be bothered with the “baby.” My brothers and sisters just hate looking after me. I always feel like a burden. At times I feel like an only child because I have to spend so much time entertaining myself.’
Faye was the youngest of four children. She recalls: “My parents always took an older sibling’s word over mine. And these older ones had their own friends. I became a loner.”
Are you the youngest child in your family? Then you may have similar grievances. Others may find it amusing to learn that you are the “baby” of the family. But as far as you’re concerned, being the youngest may be nothing to laugh about.
The Drawbacks of Being the Youngest
Do you feel, for example, that your older brother or sister gets all the breaks? You may have reason for feeling this way. In Bible times the firstborn enjoyed a unique position of favor; the youngest child trailed behind when it came to certain privileges and responsibilities. (Compare Genesis 25:31; 43:33.) Today, parents still tend to have high expectations for their oldest child. Not that they love him any more than their other children, but because he is older, he may be charged with the responsibility of caring for his younger siblings. He is first to grow up, and as a result, he is often given a number of enviable privileges and freedoms.
The youngest child, though, tends to be viewed as the “baby” of the family and can be virtually smothered by parental affection! A woman quoted in the book Sibling Rivalry, by Seymour V. Reit, recalls: “I was the youngest in our family . . . I was babied and fussed over quite a bit, even by the older kids. Of course I enjoyed it, but I do think it held me back a little. It may have kept me from growing up, facing the challenges.”
Your parents may also go overboard in trying to protect you. They may allow your older siblings to go out with friends but may insist that you remain at home—or that you come back so early that you may feel there is little point in going out in the first place!
Being the youngest, you may also catch a lot of unfair comparisons. “When I’m really in trouble or just do some stupid thing around the house,” laments 16-year-old Karl, “they’ll say, ‘Alan doesn’t do that’ or, ‘Why can’t you clean up your room like Alan?’” And if your older sibling had a rebellious streak at your age, watch out! Your parents may try hard to prevent history from repeating itself. “I hate the fact that I have to pay for mistakes my older sisters made,” complains one girl. “Just because my sister borrowed the car and went someplace she wasn’t supposed to go, I can’t borrow the car!”
The Struggle With Siblings
Your biggest complaint, though, may be the way you are treated by your siblings. They may show little respect for your privacy or your personal belongings. They may make you the butt of constant teasing or the scapegoat for their failures. “My big brother beats me up when he’s having problems,” complained one young boy.
Young Susannah pinpoints what is often behind such sibling conflicts. She says: “I think a lot of fights are just over power and who has the right to what.” It is only natural to want a parent’s affection, recognition, and approval. And since it is next to impossible for parents to treat all their children the same, conflicts and resentments may develop. The patriarch Jacob “loved Joseph more than all his other sons.” His siblings’ reaction? “They began to hate him, and they were not able to speak peacefully to him.” (Genesis 37:3, 4) As the youngest child, you may also get a greater share of your parents’ attention and affection. If so, your siblings may feel hostile toward you. “I thought my younger sister got everything she wanted,” says a firstborn teenage girl named Roseanna. “I realized I was jealous of her.”
The Advantages
Nevertheless, being the youngest child has a number of advantages. Your parents may be better off financially than they were as new parents. You may thus enjoy material benefits, such as having your own room, that your siblings did not have at your age. And while some youths balk at the idea of wearing hand-me-downs, clothing inherited from older siblings may have endowed you with a much larger wardrobe than some of your peers have!
Another benefit is the experience your parents have gained in child rearing. (Compare Hebrews 5:14.) In effect, your older brothers and sisters got to ‘break them in’ as parents. Having learned from their past mistakes, your folks may be more relaxed and secure in their respective roles, less prone to make unrealistic demands. You may have a measure of freedom that your siblings didn’t enjoy at your age.
Simply having older brothers and sisters is also an advantage. Given the hostility siblings often express toward one another, this may be a bit hard for you to swallow. Rarely, though, do siblings really hate one another. In fact, one 13-year-old girl admitted: “My brother is always bothering me. But deep down inside I love him very much.” Your older brothers and sisters can be a source of friendship, companionship, and advice. A sibling can even serve as a role model for you, especially if he or she is God-fearing. Are you entering your first year of high (secondary) school? Your big brother may be able to help you adjust. Have your parents finally given you permission to wear make-up? Perhaps your older sister can show you how to apply it.
Interestingly, the book Sibling Rivalry further notes: “Youngest children . . . tend to be friendlier and more gregarious than first or middle sibs and are popular with other children. Used to working with and relating to a range of ages, they’re comfortable with their peers outside the family.”
Making the Most of Your Situation
Do you still feel that the youngest child gets shortchanged? Well, it might interest you to know that firstborn and middle children often complain loudly that theirs is the most tragic lot! What matters, then, is not where you fit in on the family tree, but what efforts you make to apply Bible principles.
For example, if you feel that your parents are overprotective, discuss matters with them in a grown-up way. “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.” (Proverbs 15:22) By being ‘peaceable and reasonable,’ you can negotiate and suggest acceptable compromises—instead of whining when things don’t go your way. (James 3:17, 18) If you are refused a privilege they have granted your older siblings, don’t throw a tantrum. Prove that you are responsible and capable by making the most of whatever assignments your parents give you.—Compare Luke 16:10.
Bible principles will also help you to keep peace with your siblings. Do you want privacy? Then apply the Golden Rule and respect their privacy and possessions. (Matthew 7:12) Do you hate being teased? Then treat your siblings with “honor” and avoid hurling the first insult. (Romans 12:10) Are you upset because you feel that they are neglecting you or leaving you out? Don’t resign yourself to being a loner. ‘Plead your cause’ with them, discussing matters in a calm, mature way. (Proverbs 25:9) Many times it is just a matter of learning to be forgiving. (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13; 1 Peter 4:8) But if you feel that a sibling is being physically or verbally abusive, let your parents know what is going on. Only then can they do their job of ‘mentally regulating’ their children.—Ephesians 6:4.
No, being the youngest does not doom you to being a “baby.” Nor need it stunt your emotional or spiritual growth. As the youngest child, you can develop empathy, unselfishness, a willingness to share, the ability to get along with others—lessons that will serve you well in the years to come.
[Picture on page 23]
“Why am I left out of all the fun?”