Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Stop Daydreaming So Much?

“I HAVE a serious problem,” admitted a youth named Jonathan. “I daydream at work, when walking, before going to bed, and even at the Kingdom Hall. It’s usually something about girls, sex, or being some popular star or hero.”

Daydreaming is common among people young and old. Done in moderation, it can be a normal, healthy activity.* However, too much of even a good thing can be harmful. (Compare Proverbs 25:16.) Especially is this so if the daydreams are of the wrong sort.

Suppose, for example, that you sometimes imagine you are your favorite singer. At first you might spend just a few moments each day imagining yourself on stage receiving the adulation of a crowd. But as the weeks pass, you begin to spend more and more time in your fantasy world of concerts, interviews, recording sessions. The fantasy brings you such pleasure, and you can’t make it stop.

‘So, what’s the harm in pretending?’ you ask. For one thing, experts say that compulsive daydreamers often “cannot . . . function well in the real world.” (The Parents’ Guide to Teenagers) Living in a dreamworld hinders the growing-up process; you cling to, rather than put away, childish traits. (1 Corinthians 13:11) You develop romantic, rather than realistic, views of life. Instead of developing your “perceptive powers” by solving a problem, you stifle them by retreating into a world of fantasy. (Hebrews 5:14) The daydream thus takes over your life, to the detriment of real-life relationships and priorities.

The book Daydreaming, by Dr. Eric Klinger, points to what may be the greatest danger, namely that “dwelling on something you want but shouldn’t have may make it harder for you to resist pursuing it.” The Bible put it this way: “Each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire.” (James 1:14) Action is preceded by thought. And while you will not likely become a drug-addicted rock star just because you sometimes dream about being a famous musician, you might cultivate an unhealthy appetite for “the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes.”​—1 John 2:16.

Breaking the Bubble

How, then, can you break the hold of this fantasy? First of all, it might help to ask yourself why this fantasy so appeals to you.* Is it because you want others to like you? Do you get pleasure out of imagining that you possess the beauty or talent that made this celebrity popular? Or perhaps you simply envy the individual’s seemingly carefree life-style. Observed one mental-health professional regarding the popular singer Madonna: “In the fans’ minds she is free from cares about money, schoolwork, loneliness.” Some may therefore dream of being like her.

A dose of reality, though, can do much to break the bubble of such a fantasy. Apply the principle at Philippians 4:8, where we are told to dwell on things that are true and praiseworthy. Is it really true that celebrities enjoy carefree lives? Are their morals usually praiseworthy? Actually, life in the fast lane has left many of them physically and emotionally wrecked. In spite of wealth, many celebrities suffer financial woes. Few enjoy stable marriages. Do you want to set your heart upon living such a life?

Of course, it’s only natural to want to be loved and admired. Sixteen-year-old Olivia has a recurring daydream in which she imagines herself to be “someone special whom everyone likes.” But a daydream​—no matter how vivid or realistic—​cannot really satisfy those desires any more than dreaming about eating can fill your stomach. (Isaiah 29:8) Furthermore, the Bible warns: “He that is watching the wind will not sow seed.” (Ecclesiastes 11:4) So instead of dreaming about being liked, work at making yourself likable.​—See the article “Young People Ask . . . How Can I Make People Like Me?” in our November 22, 1988, issue.

Sexual Fantasies

During his teen years, Alan (not his real name) had daydreams of another sort. He “learned to conjure up erotic thoughts” and would spend much of his time doing so. Later on, he dedicated his life to God as a Christian. “That did not change anything,” Alan admits. “Sexual daydreaming continued to be a way of life for me.”

Are you likewise plagued with sexually arousing daydreams?* This may not be abnormal if you are in “the bloom of youth,” when sexual desires run strong. (1 Corinthians 7:36) Nevertheless, you do yourself harm if you deliberately nurture sexual thoughts. The Bible says at Colossians 3:5: “Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite.” Dwelling on sexual fantasies increases wrong desires. It can lead to masturbation​—or to actual sexual immorality.

How can you ‘pull the plug’ on immoral fantasies? Recalls Alan: “I decided to take an either-or approach. I couldn’t concentrate on sex as long as I was concentrating on something else.” Alan thus learned self-discipline. (1 Corinthians 9:27) He meditated on wholesome things and learned to dismiss immediately any immoral thoughts. (Psalm 77:12) “It worked!” recalls Alan.

Interestingly, researchers have found that we daydream the most when we have little to do. So having plenty to do, especially “in the work of the Lord,” is yet another way to keep bad thoughts from taking root.​—1 Corinthians 15:58.

Keep Your Mind From Drifting

For many youths the problem is, not so much the content of their daydreams, but the way these intrude on schoolwork and study. “I can’t concentrate,” complains 16-year-old Karine. “I can never keep my mind on one thing.” How can you pay attention to what you are hearing? (Compare Mark 4:24.) Some researchers believe it may help if you simply make yourself aware of how much you daydream. Perhaps you could just make a mark on a piece of paper every time you find yourself drifting off in class. When students in one study did this, daydreaming decreased significantly.

Also try cultivating an interest in what you are learning. If you have made up your mind that math is boring or that history is dull, you’ll have a hard time concentrating. Your studies will be a lot more interesting, though, if you remind yourself of how you can benefit from the information. At the very least, studying may help you develop “thinking ability.” (Proverbs 1:4) You can also learn important skills. Math, for example, will serve you well on a secular job, in the managing of a household, and in handling certain Christian responsibilities. A knowledge of history can help you understand people and current events. Fourteen-year-old Daniel, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, says: “I always try to see how my homework relates to the Bible and how I can use the information in the preaching work. That keeps my mind off playing ball, and I’m not in such a hurry to finish the assignment.” Yes, the higher the value you place on what you are learning, the more you will be motivated to search actively for knowledge.​—Compare Proverbs 2:4.

It’s particularly tough to concentrate when you are doing something routine, such as cooking, cleaning, or filing. How easy it is to lapse into a reverie! Nevertheless, the Bible shows that great satisfaction comes from doing a job well. (Ecclesiastes 2:24) It further encourages us to ‘do all things as to Jehovah.’ (Colossians 3:23) Such a positive attitude can help you to concentrate. “When I keep my mind on what I’m doing,” says 12-year-old Samuel, “the job gets done faster.”

Daydreams may be pleasurable, but they are no substitute for reality. Don’t allow them to take over your life. Discipline your mind. Keep it focused on things that are worthwhile. In this way, not only will you stop daydreaming too much but you will “get a firm hold on the real life.”​—1 Timothy 6:19.

[Footnotes]

[Pictures on page 21]

Instead of simply dreaming about being liked, work at making yourself likable