Young People Ask . . .
Who Can Help Me Solve My Problems?
“MAN himself is born for trouble.” So said a distressed man named Job about four thousand years ago. (Job 5:7) Your life is probably not nearly as tragic as Job’s. But no doubt you have your fair share of problems and difficulties.
When one group of American youths were asked, “What bothers you the most?” many pointed to school, parents, money, friends, and siblings as sources of anxiety. What about you? Are you faced with peer pressure, money worries, or school problems? Are you finding it difficult to cope with the physical and emotional ups and downs of puberty? Are you worried about your future?
With all these problems in your head, it is easy to become weighed down and depressed. In fact, were you to keep such worries to yourself, you might find yourself emotionally isolated from others. (Compare Proverbs 18:1.) How, then, should you go about solving personal problems? Do you really have to face them alone?
No, because your problems—huge as they might seem—are not unique. After carefully studying human behavior, wise King Solomon concluded that “there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) Yes, others have faced and successfully solved problems just like yours. So you do not always have to figure things out yourself; sometimes you can get help from someone who has already done so. After all, if you were traveling to an unknown location, wouldn’t you try to get directions from someone who had already been there? The question is, To whom should you turn for such help?
Peers—The Best Source of Advice?
Many youths choose to share their troubles with their peers. “Sometimes I think that some of the changes I’m going through are unique,” explains young Anita. “I feel, ‘Does anybody else go through this?’ I ask myself if I’m crazy for feeling this way.” You may feel that someone your own age would understand your feelings and that an adult—especially a parent—would be too judgmental, or critical.
But while your peers may understand, empathize, and sympathize, they may not always offer the soundest advice. As the Bible explains, “mature people . . . have their perceptive powers trained to distinguish both right and wrong.” How? Answers the Bible: “By long use,” that is, experience! (Hebrews 5:14; The New English Bible) Lacking such experience, young people have rarely developed their “practical wisdom and thinking ability” to an adult level. (Proverbs 3:21) Heeding the advice of a fellow youth is therefore risky. Proverbs 11:14 warns: “When there is no skillful direction, the people fall.”
The Value of God-Fearing Parents
Adults are generally in a better position to give skillful direction. Righteous Job put it this way: “Is there not wisdom among the aged and understanding in length of days?” (Job 12:12) Likely, the ones who are the very best qualified to help you in this regard are your God-fearing parents. For one thing, they know you better than anyone else does. Having confronted some of the same situations you now face, they can do much to help steer you away from trouble. Speaking as a parent, Solomon advised: “Listen, O sons, to the discipline of a father and pay attention, so as to know understanding. For good instruction is what I certainly shall give to you.”—Proverbs 4:1, 2.
Consider a young Ghanaian man named Samuel. While in secondary school (high school), he had to decide whether to pursue secular education or a career as a full-time minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses. “Since mine was a close-knit family with good communication,” he explains, “it was easy to confide in my parents.” Samuel’s folks steered him in the direction of the full-time ministry—a career in which he continues to thrive. Samuel recommends that young ones involve their parents in solving personal problems because “they are more experienced in life and may have faced the same problems . . . and are in a better position to give the clear view of both sides of the matter.”
Interestingly, according to a recent Gallup survey, a large number of youths want parental direction—even on such subjects as drugs, school, and sex.
‘They Don’t Understand Me!’
Sadly, though, many youths pull away from their parents when they get into their teen years. Some feel like the teenage boy who said: “I’ve tried to talk to my parents about how scared I am about grades and I think this school is too hard, but they just tell me I’m lazy and should study more.” A young Christian girl in Africa expressed a similar concern, saying: “Deep inside me, I know that I have personal problems for which I need help, but I fear that my parents will not understand me.”
Of course, even God-fearing parents fall short at times. They may overreact to things, fail to listen, misunderstand you, or be judgmental. This does not mean, however, that you should cast them out of your life. Jesus Christ was raised by parents who were less than perfect. Yet, the Bible shows that Jesus “continued subject to them.” No doubt their influence helped him to go on “progressing in wisdom . . . and in favor with God and men.”—Luke 2:51, 52.
Are you benefiting from your own parents’ wisdom and experience? If not, consider what is said in the book Adolescence, by Eastwood Atwater: “When teenagers become unduly influenced by their peers, it is more likely because of something lacking in the parent-adolescent relationship than because of the greater attractiveness of peers.” What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? (Galatians 6:5) Could it be that you have avoided communicating with them of late? Then why not do what you can to improve things?a This is a part of what Solomon called being “a real son” or daughter to one’s parents.—Proverbs 4:3.
Malcolm, a Ghanaian youth now living in the United States, once thought his parents did not understand his feelings. But they persisted in imparting to him both their life experience and the discipline of God’s Word. In a recent letter to his parents, Malcolm wrote: “I know we’ve had our differences in the past. But thinking back, I marvel at the way you put up with my hardheadedness and calmly accepted some of the decisions I made along the way. Believe me, I know what happens in other homes, and the Bible sure made a difference [in ours]. Thanks again.”
Gain Practical Wisdom Yourself!
Far from stifling your growth, accepting your parents’ guidance may be the quickest route to mature adulthood. In time you can likewise develop ‘shrewdness, knowledge, and thinking ability.’ (Proverbs 1:4) You will be equipped to analyze problems and to draw sound conclusions as to how to solve them.
Granted, not all youths are blessed with God-fearing parents. It would be a mistake, though, to conclude that you should give little heed to what your parents say simply because they may not be Christians. They are still your parents, and they should be honored as such. (Ephesians 6:1-3) Besides, if you give them a chance, you may just discover that they have much to offer in the way of practical advice. When you need spiritual direction, try confiding in a trusted member of the Christian congregation. There it should not be hard to find a God-fearing adult who will listen objectively, with an understanding and sympathetic heart.
Remember, too, that Jehovah’s spirit is an ever-ready source of help and strength for those who ask for it. (Luke 11:13) Jehovah has also provided a wealth of information that is available to you in the Bible and in the Bible-based publications of the Watch Tower Society. Why, this very series has helped thousands of youths find practical answers to their problems! By learning to dig and do research, you may be able to resolve many problems on your own.—Proverbs 2:4.
Of course, experiencing problems is a part of life. But it helps to have the positive view that the psalmist had. He wrote: “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, in order that I may learn your regulations.” (Psalm 119:71) Yes, solving problems can mold and train you. But you need not face them all alone. Find help. Usually it is there for the asking.
[Footnotes]
a For a number of helpful suggestions along this line, see chapter 2 of the book Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc.
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Accepting parental guidance may be the quickest route to mature adulthood