Young People Ask . . .
Why Should I Obey My Parents?
STAN was raised by God-fearing parents. But at the age of 16, he rebelled. Stan explains: “I wanted to meet people and be accepted by them. I wanted to have all the things other people have.” Stan’s idea of accomplishing these goals was to become a drug dealer. Naturally, he had to lie about his comings and goings and about all the cash he was bringing home. “My conscience had died,” recalls Stan.
John was baptized as a Christian at the age of 11. “But the truth wasn’t really in my heart,” he admits. “I did it because my family expected me to do it. When I got to high school, I started getting wild. Rock music also had a bad influence on me. I got into surfing and started spending a lot of time at the beach with youths who were not guided by Bible principles. There were a lot of drugs there.” Before long he had moved out of his parents’ home and taken up a life-style that went against everything he had been taught.
Why They Rebel
It is normal for youths to try to test their limits and to develop a measure of independence. But rebellious, outrageous, and self-destructive conduct is another thing entirely. What provokes it? The reasons are many and varied. “When you’re young,” explains John, “you’re looking for fun. You want to have a good time.” However, because they lack experience in life, young people do not always exercise the best judgment. (Hebrews 5:14) Sensible parents therefore impose reasonable restrictions on their children—constraints that some youths fiercely resent.
Sad to say, some youths have even turned their back on the training that they received from God-fearing parents. (Ephesians 6:1-4) Jesus said that Christianity would be a “narrow” and “cramped” way of life. (Matthew 7:13, 14) So Christian youths often cannot do the things that their schoolmates do. Most take restrictions in stride, appreciating that God’s laws are not really burdensome. (1 John 5:3) Indeed, these laws protect youths from problems such as pregnancies out of wedlock, drug abuse, and sexually transmitted diseases. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10) But some youths refuse to see things that way; they feel that Bible laws cramp their style.
Resentment may run particularly deep if a youth feels his parents are overly rigid when it comes to such matters as discipline, recreation, and entertainment. “I think my parents are being too strict with us,” lamented one young girl. True, it can be disappointing when you are not allowed to do things that other Christian parents permit. (Colossians 3:21) Some youths act out their frustrations by disobeying.
On the other hand, some youths deflect because their parents display no respect whatsoever for godly principles. “Dad was an alcoholic,” recalls John. “He and Mom would argue because he drank too much. We moved several times to get away from him.” Alcoholics and other substance abusers simply cannot adequately care for their children’s needs. In such homes, verbal battering and humiliation may be a youth’s daily lot.
Other youths rebel because their parents, in effect, abandon them or ignore them. Rebellion may seem like a way to get their parents’ attention—or to hurt them. “As far back as I can remember, my parents never seemed to be around,” says a young girl named Taylor who comes from a wealthy family. “You see, I was an only child, and since my parents weren’t around that much, they would always leave me with lots of money.” Lacking supervision, Taylor began attending nightclubs and getting drunk. It wasn’t until her arrest for drunk driving that her parents realized she had a problem.
In addition, there is the situation pointed to by the apostle Paul when he asked a group of Christians: “You were running well. Who hindered you from keeping on obeying the truth?” (Galatians 5:7) Often bad association is the problem. (1 Corinthians 15:33) “I got involved with the wrong crowd,” says a teenager named Elizabeth. She admits that as a result of peer pressure, she “started smoking and abusing drugs.” She adds: “Fornication was an everyday thing.”
Why Rebellion Is Foolish
Perhaps you too find yourself in a situation that seems frustrating—or even oppressive. It may seem tempting to defy your parents and simply do what you want to do. But as the righteous man Job was warned, “take care that rage does not allure you into spiteful [actions]. Be on your guard that you do not turn to what is hurtful.”—Job 36:18-21.
Spiteful, outrageous behavior may get a reaction out of your parents, but it is not likely to be a pleasant one. If anything, they will probably put you under more restrictions. Furthermore, hurtful behavior will cause your parents great pain. (Proverbs 10:1) Is that loving? Will it really improve your situation? A much more sensible approach is to talk matters over with them if you feel you have legitimate complaints.a They just may be willing to make some adjustments in the way they treat you.
Another matter to consider is the effect your actions might have upon God. ‘Upon God?’ you may ask. Yes, because rebelling against your parents amounts to rebelling against God himself, inasmuch as he is the one who commands you to honor your parents. (Ephesians 6:2) How does such disobedience make God feel? The Bible says regarding the nation of Israel: “How often they would rebel against him in the wilderness.” With what effect? “They would make [God] feel hurt!” (Psalm 78:40) Granted, you may be upset with your parents, feeling that they are too restrictive. But do you really want to bring pain to the heart of Jehovah God—the one who loves you and wants you to live forever?—John 17:3; 1 Timothy 2:4.
The High Price of “Freedom”
With good reason, then, we need to listen to our loving heavenly Father. Do not be fooled by false promises of “freedom.” (Compare 2 Peter 2:19.) It may seem that some youths do get away with misconduct. But the psalmist warned: “Do not show yourself heated up because of the evildoers. Do not be envious of those doing unrighteousness. For like grass they will speedily wither, and like green new grass they will fade away.” (Psalm 37:1, 2) Youths who revolt often pay a high price for their so-called freedom. Says the Bible at Galatians 6:7: “Do not be misled: God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.”
Consider Stan, who was mentioned at the outset. Just as he hoped, he became popular with his unsavory friends. “I felt accepted,” he recalls. However, things soon started going sour. He says: “I’ve been shot, jailed, and now I am going to prison. And all I can ask myself is, ‘Was it worth it?’”
What about John’s search for “freedom”? After being arrested for drug possession, he was expelled from the Christian congregation. From there he sank into even more deviant behavior. “I stole cars for money,” John confesses. “I was very violent.” John made a lot of money from his criminal activities. But he recalls: “I blew it all. The amount of dope we used was unbelievable.” And when John wasn’t fighting, stealing, or getting drunk, he was running from the police. “I’ve been arrested about 50 times. Usually they couldn’t make any charges stick, but once I did a whole year in jail.” Yes, far from being a free man, John found himself mired in the “deep things of Satan.”—Revelation 2:24.
The same can be said for Elizabeth. Her fling with worldly friends eventually landed her in jail. She confesses: “I even became pregnant—and because of my drug use I lost the baby. Drugs were my life—I seemed to live for my next high. Eventually I lost my apartment. I could not go home, and I was ashamed even to ask Jehovah for help.”
Many similar examples could be given of youths who have rejected godly principles only to suffer tragic consequences. The Bible warns: “What you think is the right road may lead to death.” (Proverbs 14:12, Today’s English Version) The wise thing to do, then, is to try to get along with your parents, discussing—rather than rebelling against—any restrictions you feel are unfair.
What, though, about the youths for whom this information has come too late, youths who already find themselves deep into wrong conduct? Is there any way for them to set matters right with their parents—and God? Our next article in the following issue will explore these questions.
[Footnotes]
a A number of articles have provided helpful information along these lines. See, for example, the “Young People Ask . . .” articles in our January 8, 1985, August 8, 1992, and November 8, 1992, issues of Awake!
[Picture on page 26]
Rebelling against your parents may give you more “freedom,” but have you considered the consequences?