To Reach My Child, I Learned Another Language
THE birth of our son, Spencer, in August 1982 was one of the happiest moments of our life. He was a perfect baby! My husband and I had planned a five-year waiting period before having our first child. As the months passed after his birth, what joy we had in watching him grow! The routine monthly checkups at the doctor’s office were always good. I thanked Jehovah for such a wonderful blessing.
By the time Spencer was nine months old, however, I began to suspect that something was wrong. He wasn’t responding to voices or certain sounds. To test his hearing, I would position myself so that he could not see me and then I would bang on pans or other objects. Sometimes he turned around, but it was never consistent. At his nine-month checkup, I discussed my concerns with his doctor, but he assured me that my son was fine and that there was nothing to worry about. Nevertheless, as the months passed, he was still not responding or vocalizing.
At his one-year checkup, I again expressed my worries to the doctor. Once more, he found nothing wrong, but he referred us to an audiologist. I took Spencer there for testing, but the results were inconsistent. I returned for a second and a third time, only to be told that the results were still inconsistent. The doctor felt that as Spencer grew, he would achieve better test results. The first three years of a child’s life are critical for language development. I was becoming extremely concerned. I continued to question the audiologist about testing that could provide conclusive results. Finally, he told me about an auditory brain-stem test available at the Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary.
I Felt Devastated
The following week we went to the hospital in Boston. I prayed to Jehovah to give me the strength to handle the results, whatever they might be. In my heart I felt that Spencer was hard of hearing and that a hearing aid was all that would be necessary. How wrong I was! Following the test, the technician called us into her office. The results were conclusive: Spencer had a profound sensory-neural hearing loss. When I asked exactly what that meant, she explained that my son was unable to hear speech and most other sounds. This was not what I had expected to hear; I felt devastated.
Immediately, I wondered, ‘How could this have happened? What could have caused it?’ I thought back to my pregnancy and delivery. Everything had gone fine. Spencer had never had an ear infection or any major colds. I was overwhelmed with emotion! What was I to do now? I phoned my family and a few friends and told them the test results. One Witness friend encouraged me to view this as a challenge; I would just have to teach Spencer in a different way. I was thankful to Jehovah for the needed strength.
What Would Be Best for Spencer?
I knew nothing about raising a deaf child or what it meant to be deaf. How was I to raise my son and communicate fully with him? So many thoughts and worries ran through my mind.
The following week we returned to the hospital, and the technician discussed our options. She explained that one method, the oral approach, focused on the development of speech and lipreading skills. Another method was to use sign language, which is the language of deaf people. There was a program that would provide instruction in sign language and would later incorporate lipreading and speech skills. The technician also recommended the use of hearing aids to amplify what residual hearing my son had. We then visited a local audiologist, who fitted Spencer with ear molds and hearing aids. During our visit the audiologist suggested that Spencer would be a very good candidate for the oral method.
What would be best for Spencer? I thought about what was truly important. Jehovah wants us to communicate with our children; this is vital if we want to have a successful family life. We could pursue the oral method and focus on the development of speech and lipreading skills. It was possible that Spencer would develop his speech skills to the point where others could understand him. But that wouldn’t be known for years! What were we to do now? We decided to use sign language.
The following month Spencer was enrolled in what was then called a total communication program. Both Spencer and I were learning basic sign language, and Spencer was also given instruction in spoken English and lipreading. I was shown how I could teach my son. The months passed, and Spencer was progressing very well. I still had moments, however, when I felt overwhelmed. I became discouraged when I noticed other children saying “Mommy” or learning how to say “Jehovah.” But then I would wonder, ‘Why do I feel this way? My son is happy and healthy.’ I prayed to Jehovah to help me appreciate the privilege of having such a fine child.
When Spencer was two years old, we made arrangements to attend a convention of Jehovah’s Witnesses where the program would be interpreted into American Sign Language (ASL). I discussed my feelings of discouragement with a couple who had worked with deaf Witnesses for many years. They told me of the monthly ASL meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses that were held in Massachusetts and encouraged me to go.
I followed their advice, and both Spencer and I began to attend. There we had an opportunity to meet and interact with deaf adults. At our English congregation, Spencer had benefited little from the meetings. He would cling to my side, as I was the only one with whom he could communicate. His frustration during such meetings increased as he grew older, and his behavior deteriorated. When we attended meetings conducted in sign language, however, this was not the case. He was able to interact freely with everyone without having to go through his mother as an interpreter. He developed much needed relationships with people in the congregation. Both of us improved in our use of sign language, and I learned how to be a better teacher at our home Bible study. How wonderful it was! Now, for the first time, at the meetings I could be with my son and just be his MOM rather than his interpreter!
A Big Turning Point for Me
With my husband’s approval, when Spencer was three, I enrolled him in a program for deaf and hard-of-hearing children, located in a public school. Group meetings were offered to educate parents, and I took advantage of this opportunity to learn more. At one meeting a panel made up of deaf adults and teenagers addressed the group. The panelists explained that they had little or no communication with their parents or families. When I asked them why, they responded that their parents had never learned sign language, so they were never able to communicate fully with their parents about life, their feelings, or their interests. It seemed that they did not feel a part of their families.
This was a big turning point for me. I thought about my son. I could not bear to think of him growing up and leaving home without ever having a relationship with his parents. I was more determined than ever to continue improving my skills in sign language. As time went on, I realized more and more that the decision to use sign language was the best for us. His language was continuing to develop, and we could discuss any topic, such as, “Where do we want to go on vacation?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I realized how much I would have missed if I had tried to rely on speech for communication.
At the age of five, Spencer was placed in regular school classes with hearing children and a teacher who could sign. He stayed with this program for three long years. He hated school, and it was not easy to see him go through such great difficulties. Thankfully, I could communicate with him as we tried different ways to cope with his frustrations. In the end, however, I concluded that this program in the public school was not good for his self-respect or his educational development.
In 1989 my marriage ended. Now I was a single parent with a six-year-old son whose sign-language ability was increasing rapidly. Although I could communicate with him, I knew I needed to improve my skills in ASL in order to maintain and strengthen the communication between us.
Time for a Move
I investigated many programs for deaf children in several states and found a school in Massachusetts where both ASL and English were used in what is considered a bilingual approach. In addition, I was told that there would soon be an ASL congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses in the Boston area, and a friend suggested that we move there. As a single parent, the thought of moving away from our home and family and friends in rural New Hampshire to a metropolitan area was difficult to accept. Spencer too enjoyed living in the country. There were two things, however, that I had to consider. Spencer needed to be in a school where teachers and students all communicated freely in sign language, and I felt it would be better to be in a congregation with other deaf Witnesses.
We made the move four years ago, when Spencer was nine years old. Shortly thereafter, the Sign Language Congregation in Malden, Massachusetts, was formed, and since then, Spencer has made tremendous progress. His behavior has improved greatly, and he enjoys being at the meetings. I find much joy in seeing him communicate and form relationships with others. The deaf brothers and sisters in the congregation are wonderful role models for my son, helping him to realize that he too can achieve spiritual goals. And this he has done. He now gives talks in the Theocratic Ministry School and is serving as an unbaptized publisher. He has expressed his desire to be baptized.
What pleasure I have in the ministry, watching him express his faith to other deaf people, in sign language! His self-respect has grown tremendously. Spencer has told me how he feels about the congregation. He said: “We belong here. The brothers and sisters can communicate with me.” No longer does my son beg me to leave immediately after meetings. Now I have to tell him that it is time to leave the Kingdom Hall!
At his present school, Spencer can communicate easily with the other deaf children. His discussions with them have helped him to see the difference between the world’s view of children and Jehovah’s view of them. Spencer and I communicate freely and have a close relationship, in harmony with Bible principles. When he comes home in the afternoon, we do his homework together. We go to our meetings and in the house-to-house ministry together. Spencer, however, can see that not all the children at his school have this close relationship with their parents.—Colossians 3:20, 21.
“We Can Talk About Anything”
About a year ago, I noticed Spencer looking at me as if he wanted to tell me something. I asked him if he needed anything. “No,” he replied. I asked him a few questions about how everything was in school and so forth. I could tell that there was something he wanted to tell me. Then, during our family Watchtower study, he said, “Did you know that some of the parents of students at my school don’t know sign language?” I looked at him in surprise. “I’m serious,” he said. “There are parents who can’t communicate with their children.” He explained that some parents had visited the school and that he had seen them pointing and acting out what they wanted to say, in an attempt to communicate with their children. “I am so fortunate that you learned sign language. We can communicate. You don’t just point; we can talk about anything.”
How this touched my heart! Many of us don’t appreciate the efforts of our parents until we are grown. But here, at the age of 12, my son was telling me how thankful he was that we could enjoy meaningful communication.
One of my goals as a mother was to have a good relationship with my son and to be close to him. This probably would not have happened if I had not learned sign language. My dedication to Jehovah motivated me to consider my responsibilities as a parent seriously; this made important decisions regarding communication easier. Both of us have benefited spiritually as a result of these decisions. How important are the words at Deuteronomy 6:7, where parents are instructed to communicate the commands of Jehovah to their children ‘when they sit in their house and when they walk on the road and when they lie down and when they get up.’ I am truly grateful that Spencer and I can communicate freely about “the magnificent things of God.” (Acts 2:11)—As told by Cindy Adams.
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‘I couldn’t bear to think of him growing up without ever having a relationship with his parents’