Young People Ask . . .
Why Must I Live Without My Parents?
“How was life without my parents? I can say that it was quite sad for many reasons. It is very difficult to grow up without the affection and love of your parents.”—Joaquín.
“The greatest challenge I faced was the days when parents had to come in and sign the school report card. I felt very sad and lonely. I still feel that way sometimes.”—16-year-old Abelina.
IT IS a tragedy of our times—millions of young people growing up without parents. In Eastern Europe thousands have been orphaned because of war. In Africa the AIDS epidemic has wreaked similar havoc. Some children have simply been abandoned by their parents. Families have been separated as a result of war or natural disaster.
Situations like these were common even in Bible times. For example, the plight of the orphan is repeatedly mentioned in Scripture. (Psalm 94:6; Malachi 3:5) Wars and other tragic circumstances also divided families back then. The Bible thus speaks of a young girl who was torn from her parents when she was carried off by a marauding band of Syrians.—2 Kings 5:2.
Perhaps you are one of the millions of youths who likewise find themselves without parents. If so, you know just how distressing such a situation can be. Why has this happened to you?
Not Your Fault
Do you find yourself wondering if God is somehow punishing you? Or maybe you feel bitterly angry with your parents for dying—as if they did it on purpose. First of all, be assured that God is not angry with you. Nor did your parents deliberately choose to leave you. Death is the tragic lot of imperfect mankind, and sometimes it befalls parents while their children are still young. (Romans 5:12; 6:23) Evidently, Jesus Christ himself experienced the death of his beloved foster father, Joseph.a Certainly that was not due to any sin on Jesus’ part.
Realize, too, that we are living in “critical times hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) Violence, war, and crime have indiscriminately killed millions of people in this century. Others have been the victims of “time and unforeseen occurrence,” which can befall anyone. (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Painful as your parents’ death may be, it simply was not your fault. Rather than pummeling yourself with self-blame or being swallowed up in grief, take comfort in God’s promise of a resurrection.b Jesus foretold: “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.” (John 5:28, 29) Abelina, mentioned at the outset, says: “My love for Jehovah and the hope of the resurrection have been of great help.”
What, though, if your parents are still alive but have abandoned you? God requires that parents raise and provide for their children. (Ephesians 6:4; 1 Timothy 5:8) Sadly, however, some parents have shown a shocking lack of “natural affection” for their offspring. (2 Timothy 3:3) For others, the abandonment is the end result of extreme poverty, drug addiction, imprisonment, or alcoholism. Admittedly, there are also parents who abandon their children simply because of selfishness. Whatever the reason, being separated from one’s parents is devastating. But this does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you have to torment yourself with guilt. Really, it is your parents who have to answer to God for how you have been treated. (Romans 14:12) Of course, if your parents have been forced to separate from you because of circumstances beyond their control, such as a natural disaster or sickness, then no one is to blame! There is always the hope of being reunited, even if that hope seems slim at times.—Compare Genesis 46:29-31.
A Traumatic Experience
In the meantime, you may face a number of serious problems. A study conducted by the United Nations Children’s Fund, called Children in War, reveals: “Unaccompanied children are the most vulnerable children—those who . . . face the harshest obstacles to survival, lack support for normal development and are abused. Separation from parents can be one of a child’s most traumatic losses.” Perhaps you find yourself fighting feelings of depression and frustration.
Recall Joaquín, mentioned earlier. His parents separated and then abandoned him and his siblings. He was only a year old at the time and was raised by his older sisters. He explains: “I used to ask why we didn’t have parents like my friends did. And when I saw a father playing with his son, I wished that he were my father.”
Getting Help
As difficult as being raised without parents may be, it does not mean that you are going to be a failure. With help and support, you can not only survive but thrive. This may seem hard for you to believe, especially if you are in the throes of sadness and grief. Realize, however, that such feelings are normal and that they will not torment you forever. At Ecclesiastes 7:2, 3, we read: “Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house . . . Better is vexation than laughter, for by the crossness of the face the heart becomes better.” Yes, it is normal and healthy to cry and grieve when a terrible tragedy has taken place. You may also find it helpful to confide in an understanding friend or a mature member of the congregation and to talk about the pain you are feeling.
True, you may be tempted to withdraw into isolation. But Proverbs 18:1 warns: “One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing; against all practical wisdom he will break forth.” Better it is to seek out the help of someone who is kind and understanding. Says Proverbs 12:25: “Anxious care in the heart of a man is what will cause it to bow down, but the good word is what makes it rejoice.” You can only get that “good word” if you tell someone about your “anxious care.”
Who can you talk to? Seek out support within the Christian congregation. Jesus promises that there you can find “brothers and sisters and mothers” who will love you and be concerned about you. (Mark 10:30) Joaquín recalls: “Associating with Christian brothers made me see life differently. Regular meeting attendance led me to love Jehovah more and to want to serve him. Mature brothers gave spiritual help and counsel to my family. Today, some of my siblings are full-time ministers.”
Remember, too, that Jehovah is “a father of fatherless boys.” (Psalm 68:5, 6) Back in Bible times, God encouraged his people to deal mercifully and justly with orphans. (Deuteronomy 24:19; Proverbs 23:10, 11) And he has the same concern today for youths who do not have parents. So turn to God in prayer, with the assurance that he cares for you and that he will answer. King David wrote: “In case my own father and my own mother did leave me, even Jehovah himself would take me up. Hope in Jehovah; be courageous and let your heart be strong.”—Psalm 27:10, 14.
Even so, a youth without parents faces a number of day-to-day challenges. Where will you live? How will you survive economically? A future article will discuss how some of these challenges can be met successfully.
[Footnotes]
a Before his death, Jesus entrusted the care of his mother to his disciple John, something that would not likely have taken place had his foster father, Joseph, still been alive.—John 19:25-27.
b For information on coping with a parent’s death, see the “Young People Ask . . .” articles appearing in the August 22 and September 8, 1994, issues of Awake!
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“My love for Jehovah and the hope of the resurrection have been of great help”
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Sometimes you may be filled with feelings of loneliness
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In the congregation there are friends who can help and encourage you