Appreciating Your Parents
Which is better: To appreciate them when they are dead or when they are alive?
AN OPPORTUNITY lost! Has that been your experience? It has been the experience of millions of persons. And what is this lost opportunity? It is that of showing full appreciation for one’s parents—yes, showing appreciation for them while they are yet alive.
After the death of their parents people often say in effect: ‘I wish I had done more for them! There were opportunities to give them things they may have needed or enjoyed, but in the rush of things I overlooked doing it. How often I should have visited them or written a letter—but didn’t!’
Yes, many tend to ignore their aging parents while they are alive, but after they are gone the children feel remorse. They wish they had been more thoughtful when their parents were alive.
Showing appreciation for your parents is often not so much a matter of big things as of little things. Little kindnesses. These mean much. And yet they are so often overlooked. For instance, in one family, the son knew that his semi-invalid father was especially fond of ice cream. Yet the son often brought home ice cream for himself but only rarely shared it with his father. After his father’s sudden death, he felt great remorse that he had not shown greater thoughtfulness to his father, who had done so much for him.
What do you do? Do you let your parents fade out of the picture? Do you just forget them? Since people tend to forget the many things parents have done for them over the years, how fine it is when children appreciate their parents while they are yet alive and show it by their deeds!
LACK OF RESPECT INCREASING
If a person really appreciates his parents, he will show them respect. But today lack of respect is increasing world wide. It is not a trend limited to the Western world.
“But in the Orient there is ancestor worship,” one may say. “Does not that ensure respect for parents?” No, not if one is thinking in terms of living parents.
The fact is that in the Orient youths are showing less and less respect for their living parents. In Hong Kong, for example, it is common for one to hear a Chinese mother or father lament: “Kui m-teng wah ke,” which means that their child does not listen to them anymore.
Parents, in fact, notice a growing disregard for any kind of parental authority and discipline. This has led to many tragedies. For example, a fourteen-year-old girl in Hong Kong quarreled with her young brother over television instead of doing her homework. The mother promptly switched off the TV. Because of being disciplined, the girl said, “I’ll kill myself.” With that she headed for the balcony of their fifth-floor apartment and plunged to her death on the street below.
There is no doubt that greater respect and appreciation for one’s living parents would have prevented the death of that young Chinese girl. But such a tragedy is not an isolated case. Newspapers in the big cities of the Orient report similar actions of young persons despite centuries of ancestor worship. It reflects a growing lack of respect for parents.
A look at mainland China reveals that after Communism came to power, ancestor worship was discouraged. But the Communists did not encourage respect and appreciation for living parents. Instead youths were taught: “Love your country—not your father and mother.”
This slogan discouraged appreciation for one’s parents. The result? Well, what took place during mainland China’s recent cultural revolution? Why, youths resorted to full-scale lawlessness and violence, with many parents not being spared. Realizing how bad this was, Communist China is currently promoting a new slogan, to try to bring back some honor for one’s parents. The new slogan says: “Love your father, love your mother—but especially love your country.”
Does this not show up the weakness in human philosophies and traditions? So many of them fail to stand the test of time and are found to be wanting.
REALLY, WHICH IS BETTER?
Buddhists, Confucianists, Shintoists, and countless numbers who profess no particular religious faith, worship their dead ancestors in one way or another. In the home there is a family altar. Most altars are painted bright red, with the family name written in gold on either side. Joss sticks burn continually in front of the altar. Often food is placed before the altar. Prayers are chanted as the family members bow before it.
For generations Chinese parents in many parts of the world have taught their children to honor the dead. From the time the young children are able to walk they are taught to bow before the altar in worship of the dead ancestors. Any tendency on the part of the young child to neglect this duty is quickly and firmly corrected.
Parents take care to engrave indelibly on the minds of their children this family duty because they believe that when they die the honor their children pay them will guarantee them happiness and peace in “another world.” It is also believed that if the living fail to pay homage, the dead ancestors will become hostile spirits and will return to curse them. Despite centuries of ancestor worship, it has not brought real happiness to living parents.
So, which is better: Ancestor worship, or respect and appreciation for living parents? How do you feel? Would you rather be honored after you are dead or would you prefer to have the loving association and respect of your children while you live?
BIBLE WAY THE BETTER WAY
Sometime ago a Chinese mother was confronted with such questions. She had complained that one of her sons was not like the others because he did not engage in family rituals. She was thinking that this son would not be paying homage to her after she died. Yet the son was showing appreciation for his parents.
It was pointed out to this Chinese mother that her son had bought his parents an apartment in which to live. He was also giving them a monthly allowance from his wages so that they did not have to work in their old age. The son was doing this despite the fact that he had a wife and two children of his own to support. Thus the mother was helped to see that she was being appreciated while she was alive.
Why is it that this woman’s son is different? Why is he in a very loving and practical way providing for his parents while they are alive? It is because this young man believes and is practicing what he learned from the oldest of sacred writings—the Holy Bible.
This Book encourages appreciation for one’s living parents. It says: “Honor your father and your mother, just as Jehovah your God has commanded you; in order that your days may prove long and it may go well with you.”—Deut. 5:16; Eph. 6:1, 2.
Really, is not the Bible way the better way? Would you not prefer to have the love and respect of your children now while you are alive? Yes, would you not prefer their appreciation of you now rather than to have merely the satisfaction of knowing that after your death they would make some bow or gesture before the family altar?
This young man is not teaching his children to bow to a family altar. In fact, no such altar has a place in his home. Rather, he is following the Bible’s sound advice to go on bringing his children up “in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Eph. 6:4) They are being taught to obey, honor and appreciate their parents while they live rather than to honor them after they are dead. Parents who inculcate these fine principles in their children have no regrets. They are rewarded with a closely united family in which each member contributes to the happiness and well-being of the others.
So if you are a believer in ancestor worship and you find that your children are studying the Bible, you do not need to worry. Your children will appreciate you more, and they will be better children, more respectful, more loving.
WHY FEAR DEAD ANCESTORS?
Are you one who believes in ancestor worship? If so, why do you believe in it? Can a dead ancestor actually smell the burning incense? Can the dead ancestor really partake of the food and benefit from it? Can a dead ancestor actually harm a living person? One reason why you may believe in ancestor worship is that you think there is “another life” after death. But is there “another life”?
No, not according to the Holy Bible.
More than four hundred years before the days of Confucius and Buddha, Bible writers testified that when man dies he does not go on to “another life.” Moved by the spirit of God, King David of Israel said: “In death there is no mention of you; in Sheol who will laud you?” (Ps. 6:5) Another Bible psalmist accurately described what happens to a man at death when he said: “His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish.” (Ps. 146:4, Authorized Version) Adding weight to these words are those of King Solomon, who wrote: “The living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all.”—Eccl. 9:5.
These ancient Bible writings have stood the test of truthfulness. What they have said about the condition of the dead remains true today. The scientists and surgeons have found no evidence of any conscious, living part of man that survives the death of the body.
The idea that there is “another life” after death is not taught by the Bible. Dead ancestors thus cannot harm or curse anyone, because they are asleep, unconscious, not alive in “another world.”
If you are a youth whose parents believe in ancestor worship you may find that they are not pleased when you start studying the Bible. How can you help them? Explain that the Bible shows the dead are asleep, not conscious in “another world.” Explain also that what you are learning will make you a better son or daughter. Help them see that it is more desirable to be loved and respected while one is alive than merely honored through rituals after death. Yes, help them see that the Bible encourages you to appreciate your parents more while they are living.
A FUTURE FOR DEAD ANCESTORS
But what of those who have lost their parents to death and who wish now they had appreciated their parents more when they were alive? They too can take hope, in harmony with the Bible. For those same sacred writings that tell the truth about those who have died also reveal a hope for the dead, the hope of living again.
Faithful men of old treasured such a hope. The prophet Isaiah assured his fellow Israelites: “Your dead ones will live.” (Isa. 26:19) And the Creator of man himself assured his prophet Daniel that, after dying and resting in the grave, he would be restored to life.—Dan. 12:13.
But before the resurrection of the dead occurs, a great transformation must take place on this earth. It is God’s purpose to sweep this planet clean of all those who ruin our beautiful earth. (Rev. 11:18) That time is now very near.
Then, according to God’s time schedule, he will restore the dead to life by means of his Son, Jesus Christ. And the words in the Bible at John 5:28, 29 will be realized: “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out.”
What a grand blessing that will be! Imagine the joy of living with your loved ones on a paradise earth!
So, why spend valuable time in honoring the dead and teaching your children to do likewise? How much more rewarding it is to use that time in worshiping the true God, Jehovah! He alone can bring back our loved ones from the dead. Then both parents and their offspring will have the opportunity to show love and appreciation for one another throughout eternity, even forever.
[Picture on page 421]
In the Orient millions of persons worship dead ancestors, but those who study the Bible are learning something better