True Friends—Why So Hard to Find?
“I WANT to have a million friends.” So goes a popular Brazilian song. But just what is a friend? At times the word “friend” is used so loosely that it is applied to practically every acquaintance who is not hostile. A true friend, however, is more than a mere acquaintance. Concerning friendship, Francis Bacon wrote: “It redoubleth joys and cutteth griefs in half.”
To be sure, a true friend is one who adds to your happiness and who, when needed, helps you cope with sorrow. A person without friends, therefore, cannot be completely happy. Millions, though, complain that finding true friends is difficult.
Why True Friends Are Hard to Find
The Bible foretold that today men and women would be “lovers of themselves, . . . self-assuming, haughty, . . . unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride.” (2 Timothy 3:1-4) No wonder, then, that loyal friends are hard to find! The environment in which people are raised works against their developing the qualities needed in a friend.
But there are other factors. Some people are superficial, concerned only with the surface aspects of life. Others are not willing to make the sacrifices necessary for friendship. “Don’t get involved!” is the advice one hears so often these days. The world’s emphasis on materialism has also taken its toll on friendship. People often prefer possessions—even dogs and cats—to people. Any love they might show to fellow humans tends to be superficial. As one elderly woman observed: “They love, but from a distance.” Even in cultures where profuse hugging and kissing are common courtesies, there may be a lack of real support when dire need strikes.
A lack of time, too, is a common hindrance to friendship. In their daily rush, often people are too busy or too exhausted to cultivate friendships. Or some may feel that friends must be treated to lavish entertainment and thus conclude they cannot afford friends!
Shallow Friendships
Many people, nevertheless, claim that they do have friends. But how much depth is there to such relationships? Often a person takes an interest in someone because of what that one has to offer, not because of what he is. Such friendships are therefore likely to be short-lived, for as soon as the “friend” ceases to be useful, he or she is promptly discarded.
Even having things in common is not always a sufficient basis for a lasting friendship. The Brazil Herald once told of two close “friends” who enjoyed making the rounds of taverns and drinking heavily on weekends. Once, though, they got into a dispute over which one of them was the better he-man. To prove his claim, one of them emptied his gun into the other. The killer later said that he had murdered his “best friend.”
In spite of all the difficulties and obstacles in the way of friendship, however, the fact remains that we all have an innate need for friends. Where and how, then, can they be found?