How to Strengthen Family Bonds
The reasons why youths leave home are many and often quite involved. While this article cannot address them in depth, it does show that Bible principles, when applied, can work to keep the family intact.
IT IS hard to establish just how many children run away from home. Printed estimates range from 600,000 to 3,000,000 missing children a year in the United States alone. Such estimates often lump together such categories as runaways, pushouts, throwaways, and children abducted by divorced parents without legal custody. Estimates they must be, for children who are abandoned by their parents are not reported as missing, and some children regularly run away. “A 16-year old who runs away five times in a year and stays overnight each time he runs away would show up in the . . . statistics as five missing children,” says The New York Times.
More important than numbers are the reasons why children leave home. “When a youngster runs away, it is generally a symptom of dysfunction in the home environment,” states the magazine Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality. It may be because of problems that already exist, such as physical abuse, neglect, lack of love, divorce, excessive demands, or harsh and unbending rules. Or it may be due to fear of repercussions, as in cases of pregnancy or brushes with the law. When asked why they left home, most runaways cite reasons involving their relationship with their parents. “The parent-child relationship is apparently an extremely influential factor relative to runaway behavior,” says the journal Adolescence. It adds: “Runaways report poor parent-child relationships, extreme family conflict, alienation from parents, interpersonal tension, and poor communication with parents as primary factors behind running away from home.”
Understanding the Reasons
These are stressful times. “With unemployment climbing, and more and more families in difficult financial straits, domestic tensions and problems multiply,” says the magazine Ladies’ Home Journal. “When a father is laid off and a mortgage goes unpaid, everyone in the family feels the stress. Young people, who haven’t developed the skills to cope with these pressures, use flight as a means to escape.” Sometimes parents themselves unwittingly drive their children out. Angrily, they may tell their offspring to accept their decisions or leave. Irritated and exhausted from fighting their daily economic battles, they have little energy to deal with their children.
At the same time, just being an adolescent produces its own stress. Teens are torn between the need for the security and care they received as children and the sense of being independent from their parents as they struggle to become adults. It causes confusion and anxiety for them. Bodily changes are also taking place. Their lives have suddenly become quite complex, and they may feel overwhelmed. They feel pressure from parents and peers. They also experience periods of self-doubt and depression. “While you try to figure yourself out, don’t be surprised if you sometimes feel misunderstood at home,” advises ‘Teen magazine. “After all, if you can’t understand yourself, how can your parents know what’s on your mind?” Many parents, especially with their first offspring, are unsure as to how much freedom to allow their children. Overcontrol and lack of understanding have led many youths to run away.
“But running away doesn’t solve anything,” notes author Judy Blume in her book Letters to Judy. “Running away is a symptom, not a solution. Instead, families have to sit down together and face the facts. They have to deal with reality. Only then can they make the changes that will help them live together in peace. And often they need help in doing that.”
Finding the Needed Help
The best source of that help is God’s Word, the Bible. Why so? Because as man’s Creator, God knows what is best for his creation. And he has given us instruction with that purpose in mind, “for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness, that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16, 17) Bible principles work, and they cover every aspect of life.
As noted, though, all members in the family must be willing to face the facts and make changes. Without such recognition and desire, improvement will not be made, and the impelling force to escape will remain. Especially is that so in families with problems of alcohol, drug, and sexual abuse. These must be overcome before the normal pressures of life can be dealt with. Faith in God and a sincere desire to please him, based on accurate knowledge of his Word, have helped many families to overcome tragic situations that in other families have impelled youths to run away.—Compare 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.
Just living in this modern world with its increasing selfishness, distrust, and soaring crime rate can put a strain on the family bonds. That is why “all the things that were written aforetime [in the Bible] were written for our instruction, that through our endurance and through the comfort from the Scriptures we might have hope.”—Romans 15:4.
Applying Bible Principles
With knowledge of the factors that induce a child to run away, Bible principles can be applied. The Bible addresses these factors by advising parents to spend the needed quality time with their children, to give consistent, loving training. Both extremes of lack of interest and of overly strict discipline are to be avoided. God’s Word advises: “Fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.”—Ephesians 6:4; Proverbs 22:6.
As in Bible times, proper supervision, attention, and instruction are to be things that parents constantly give—‘when they sit in their house, when they walk on the road, when they lie down, and when they get up.’ (Deuteronomy 11:19) While discipline is needed at times, it is to be administered with love. (Proverbs 13:24) Family happiness certainly will be enhanced if such advice is followed!
Children also are to do their share: “Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous: ‘Honor your father and your mother.’” (Ephesians 6:1, 2) The ancient wise man Solomon, who wrote so as “to give to the inexperienced ones shrewdness, to a young man knowledge and thinking ability,” also advises: “Listen, my son, to the discipline of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother. . . . If sinners try to seduce you, do not consent.”—Proverbs 1:1-10.
How would family problems be handled? In love, for the Bible counsels: “Let all your affairs take place with love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14) This should be a deep-rooted love that is willing to overlook the imperfections and idiosyncrasies of another, which might otherwise irritate and grate on one’s nerves. “Above all things, have intense love for one another,” says the Bible, “because love covers a multitude of sins.”—1 Peter 4:8.
Such love also takes an interest in the happiness and well-being of others and draws the family closer together. Note that the so-called golden rule was positive: “Do for others what you want them to do for you.” (Matthew 7:12, Today’s English Version) Most runaway youths interviewed in one study said that their involvement in their family was at a minimum prior to leaving home. “‘Family disengagement’ is a major factor in the process of deciding to run and remain away from home,” says Adolescence. But by following the Bible’s admonition to be “keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others,” more time will be spent together as a family, and the problems of poor relationships, alienation, and poor communication can be overcome. (Philippians 2:4) With close feeling and interest at home, the influence by peers that may induce a child to run away will be minimal.
With the application of Bible principles, running away from home no longer appears as the solution to the problems in life that each person must face. With loving support from individual family members, the family becomes a sanctuary from the pressures of the outside world. A fuller understanding of Bible principles and their application, together with the hope that God gives, will further enhance that happiness. Why not let Jehovah’s Witnesses discuss it with you?
[Box/Picture on page 7]
WHAT PARENTS CAN DO
Spend time with your children; know their problems and needs
Be constant in attention and supervision
Administer discipline and training in love
Make the home a happy place
WHAT CHILDREN CAN DO
Be obedient, loving, and respectful to parents
Avoid isolation; take an active interest in family affairs
Think of the family as a whole, not just your own desires
Be open and communicate
[Pictures on page 5]
Parent-child relationships are most important