Planning Ahead for Our Loved Ones

THE sad story of Annie appeared recently in an African newspaper. Annie’s husband was a businessman. He died in 1995, leaving behind 15 vehicles; several bank accounts; about $4,000 (U.S.) in cash; a shop; a bar; and a three-bedroom house. What he did not leave behind was a will.

Annie’s brother-in-law reportedly seized the property and money and forced her and her six children out of their home. Destitute, she and her children now live with her brother. Four of the children have had to leave school, since there is no money for fees or school uniforms.

Annie applied to a high court, which ruled that she should be given back some property, including a vehicle. But nothing was returned. She must go to court again to seek an order to force her brother-in-law to comply with the high-court ruling.

Why Think About Death?

Annie’s story illustrates what may occur when a family head fails to plan for the possibility of his death. At death, all humans “leave to others their means of maintenance.” (Psalm 49:10) Furthermore, the dead have no control over what is done with their possessions. (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10) To have a say in what happens to his belongings, a person must arrange matters before death.

Though all of us know that we may die unexpectedly, many people fail to make advance provisions for their surviving loved ones. While our discussion will spotlight certain cultural groups in Africa, similar problems exist in other parts of the world.

Whether you take measures concerning the disposition of your property in case of death is a personal matter. (Galatians 6:5) Yet, one might ask, ‘Why would a man while alive cherish and care for his wife and children but make no provision for their welfare in case he dies?’ A major reason is that most of us do not like to think about the possibility that we might die, much less plan for death. In fact, we cannot foresee the day of our death, as the Bible says: “You do not know what your life will be tomorrow. For you are a mist appearing for a little while and then disappearing.”—James 4:14.

Planning for the possibility of death is practical. It also shows loving concern for survivors. If we do not arrange our affairs, others will do so. Perhaps people we have never met will make decisions about our belongings and funeral arrangements. Under such circumstances in some countries, the State decides who will get our money and property. In other places, relatives decide, and these decisions are often accompanied by bickering that fosters ill will within the family. Moreover, what is decided upon may be far different from what we would have desired.

Property Grabbing

The widow suffers most when her husband dies. Besides the grief of losing her mate, she is often a victim of property grabbing. This was described earlier in the case of Annie. Part of the reason for property grabbing has to do with how wives may be regarded. In some cultures a man’s wife is not considered part of his family. She is in a sense a foreigner who may at any time return to her family or remarry into another family. In contrast, the reasoning goes, a man’s brothers, sisters, and parents will never leave him. If he dies, his family believes that what was his belongs to them, not to his wife and children.

Husbands who do not confide in their wives encourage such thinking. Mike discussed his business affairs only with his brothers. They knew what his assets were, but his wife knew very little. When he died, his brothers came to her and demanded a payment her husband had been expecting. She did not even know about it. Next, they seized the photocopiers and typewriters her husband had bought for her. Eventually, his brothers took over the home and everything in it. This widow and her small daughter were forced to leave, taking along only their clothing.

“The Two Will Become One Flesh”

Christian husbands love their wives and consider them worthy of trust. Such men take to heart the Scriptural counsel: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.” These men also agree with the divinely inspired statement: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”—Ephesians 5:28, 31.

Godly husbands also agree with the Christian apostle Paul, who wrote: “Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Timothy 5:8) In harmony with this principle, if a Christian husband planned a long journey, he would make sure that his family was cared for while he was away. Similarly, is it not reasonable that he would make provision for his wife and children in case of his death? It is not only practical but also loving to prepare for unexpected tragedy.

Funeral Customs

For Christian husbands there is another aspect of this matter to consider. Adding to a widow’s grief over losing her mate, possessions, and possibly even her children, some societies compel her to carry out traditional mourning rites. The Guardian newspaper of Nigeria laments that in some areas, tradition requires a widow to sleep in the same unlit room with the corpse of her husband. In other places, widows are not allowed to leave their homes for a mourning period of nearly six months. During that time, they must not bathe, and even washing their hands before or after meals is forbidden.

Such customs present problems, especially for Christian widows. Their desire to please God moves them to avoid customs that do not harmonize with the Bible’s teachings. (2 Corinthians 6:14, 17) For not complying with these customs, however, a widow may suffer persecution. She may even have to flee for her life.

Taking Legal Measures

The Bible wisely says: “The plans of the diligent one surely make for advantage.” (Proverbs 21:5) What plans can a family head make? In most societies it is possible to make a will or prepare a document that states how a person’s property is to be distributed in case of his death. It may include details about funeral arrangements. The document may also specify what a marriage mate is to do (or not to do) in connection with funeral and mourning customs.

A woman named Leah lost her husband in death in 1992. She says: “I have five children—four girls and one boy. My husband was sick for some time before he died. But even before he became sick, he wrote out a paper saying that he wanted all his possessions to go to me and our children. This included insurance money, farmland, farm animals, and a house. He signed the will and gave it to me. . . . After my husband’s death, the relatives wanted a share in his inheritance. I pointed out to them that my husband had bought the farmland with his own money and that they had no right to claim anything. When they saw the written will, they accepted it.”

Discussing Matters With the Family

Problems may arise if a person does not speak to his family about his beliefs and wishes. Consider the case of one man whose relatives insisted that his burial take place in the village in harmony with local custom. When their lives were threatened, his widow and her children were forced to leave his body with the extended family. She laments: “If my husband had told even one of his uncles or cousins how he wanted to be buried, the family would not have insisted on their traditional funeral practices.”

In some societies an oral agreement is as binding as a written document. This is the situation in parts of Swaziland, where many have beliefs that encourage traditional funeral and mourning procedures. Knowing this, a Christian man named Isaac called a meeting of his relatives, who were not Jehovah’s Witnesses, and discussed what he wanted done after his death. He told them who was to get specific material possessions, and he explained clearly how his funeral was to be conducted. After he died, things took place according to his wishes. Isaac was given a Christian burial, and his wife was looked after well.

Protect Your Family

What you will do to protect your family in the event of your death is a personal matter, but a Christian named Edward says: “I have a life insurance policy to benefit the eight members of my family. My wife is a signatory to my bank account. So if I die, she can draw money from the account. . . . I have a will to benefit my family. If I die, whatever I leave behind will be for my wife and children. I wrote my will five years ago. It was prepared by a lawyer, and my wife and son have a copy. In my will, I specified that my extended family should have no hand in my funeral. I belong in Jehovah’s organization. So even if only one or two Witnesses are on hand to conduct my funeral, that will be sufficient. I have discussed this with my extended family members.”

In a sense, making such arrangements is a gift to your family. Of course, planning for the possibility of death is not like a gift of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers. Yet, it shows your love. It proves that you want to ‘provide for those who are members of your household’ even when you are no longer with them.

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Jesus Made Provision for His Mother

“By the torture stake of Jesus, however, there were standing his mother and the sister of his mother; Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. Therefore Jesus, seeing his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing by, said to his mother: ‘Woman, see! Your son!’ Next he said to the disciple: ‘See! Your mother!’ And from that hour on the disciple [John] took her to his own home.”—John 19:25-27.

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Many Christians thoughtfully take legal steps to protect their families