Do You Spend Time With Your Family?
“JAPANESE Fathers Are Loved—Though Busy Working and Not Playing With Their Children.” Some years ago this headline appeared in the Mainichi Shimbun. The article reported that 87.8 percent of the Japanese children taking part in a government survey expressed the desire to take care of their fathers in the future. In the English edition of the paper, however, the same item appeared under a different headline. It read “Fathers and Sons: A Case of Neglect.” Unlike the Japanese edition, the article highlighted another aspect of the same survey: Each working day, Japanese fathers were spending only 36 minutes with their children. In comparison, fathers in West Germany were spending 44 minutes with their children on a weekday, and in the United States, the figure was 56 minutes.
It is not just fathers who spend little time with their children. More and more mothers work outside the home. For example, many single mothers have to work secularly to support the family. As a result, the amount of time that parents—fathers and mothers alike—spend with their children is diminished.
A 1997 study of more than 12,000 American teenagers found that youths who have close relationships with their parents are less likely to suffer from emotional stress, to have suicidal thoughts, to engage in violence, or to use addictive substances. And one of the researchers involved in the extensive study said: “You can’t get a sense of connectedness to kids unless you are there for them.” Spending time with your children and communicating with them does matter.
The Communication Gap
Especially vulnerable to communication breakdown are families in which a parent lives away from home on a distant job assignment. Of course, the communication gap is not limited to families with a parent living away from home. Some parents, though living at home, go to work before their children wake up and come home after they have gone to bed. To compensate for the resulting lack of contact, certain parents spend time with the family on weekends and holidays. They talk about spending “quality” time with their children.
Yet, is the lack in quantity offset by quality? Researcher Laurence Steinberg answers: “In general, kids who spend more time with their parents do better than kids that spend less time. It seems to be very difficult to make up for that lack of time. The idea of quality time has been oversold.” That is exactly how a Burmese woman feels. Her husband—a typical Japanese man—comes home from work at one or two o’clock every morning. Although he spends time with his family on the weekends, his wife says: “Being at home on Saturdays and Sundays cannot fill the gap of not being with the family for the rest of the week. . . . Can you skip all meals on weekdays and eat all the meals for the week on Saturdays and Sundays?”
Conscientious Effort Needed
Maintaining good communication in the family is easier said than done. The demands of making a living and providing for the family do not make it easy for a father or a working mother to spend time with the family. Many whose circumstances require them to be away from home communicate regularly by making telephone calls or writing letters. But whether together at home or not, conscientious effort is needed to maintain good family communication.
Parents who shy away from communicating with their family have to pay for their negligence. A father who spent little time with his family, not even eating with them, was faced with serious consequences. His son became violent, and his daughter was caught shoplifting. As the father was getting ready to go to the golf course one Sunday morning, the son reacted explosively. “Is mother the only parent in this home?” he shouted. “Mom decides everything in the family. Dad, you never . . . ,” the boy lamented.
Those words made the father think. Finally he decided that, as a start, he should eat breakfast with the family. At first, it was just him and his wife. Gradually, the children joined in, and the breakfast table became a seedbed of communication. This led to family dinners together. Thus, the man was on the way to saving his family from a complete breakdown.
Help From God’s Word
The Bible encourages parents to take time to communicate with their children. Through the prophet Moses, the Israelites were instructed: “Listen, O Israel: Jehovah our God is one Jehovah. And you must love Jehovah your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your vital force. And these words that I am commanding you today must prove to be on your heart; and you must inculcate them in your son and speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road and when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7) Yes, those of us who are parents need to take the initiative in spending time with our family if we are to inculcate God’s words in the children’s minds and hearts.
Interestingly, the previously mentioned 1997 survey of more than 12,000 American adolescents revealed that “among the nearly 88% . . . of the population who reported having a religion, the perceived importance of religion and prayer was protective.” True Christians realize that proper religious instruction at home protects youths from such things as substance abuse, emotional distress, suicide, violence, and so forth.
Some parents feel that it is hard to find time for their family. Especially is this so of single mothers, who would gladly spend time with their children but who must work secularly. How can they squeeze out precious time to be with their family? “Safeguard practical wisdom and thinking ability,” urges the Bible. (Proverbs 3:21) Parents can use “thinking ability” to make time for the family. How?
If you are a working mother who feels exhausted after a day’s work, how about asking your children to prepare a meal with you? Such time spent together would provide opportunity to become closer to one another. At first, involving your children may take more time. Soon, though, you will find it enjoyable and even time saving.
You may be a father with a full list of things to do on weekends. Why not care for some of these chores with your children? You can communicate with them as you work together and at the same time give them valuable training. The Bible’s admonition to inculcate God’s words in your offspring encourages you to speak to them ‘when sitting in your house, walking on the road’—indeed, at every opportunity. It is a display of “practical wisdom” to communicate with your children as you work together.
Spending time with your family pays long-term dividends. “With those consulting together there is wisdom,” says a Bible proverb. (Proverbs 13:10) By taking time to communicate with your family, you will be in a good position to give them wise direction in the struggles of everyday life. Such direction given now can save a lot of time and heartache in the future. Furthermore, it can contribute to your happiness and theirs. To give such direction, you need to tap the rich reservoir of wisdom that is found in God’s Word, the Bible. Use it to teach your children and to guide the steps of your family.—Psalm 119:105.
[Picture on page 4]
Youths who have close relationships with their parents are less likely to suffer from emotional stress
[Picture on page 5]
Good communication pays rich dividends in family life
[Picture on page 6]
As you work together with your child, you can communicate and provide valuable training