When You Are Offended

REVENGE is sweet, it has often been said. That is because it is only natural for us to feel indignation when we have been offended or harmed in some way. Our inborn sense of right and wrong demands that an injustice be corrected. The question is, how?

There are, of course, varying degrees of offense, ranging from being slapped, pushed, or slighted to being verbally abused, physically assaulted, robbed, and so on. How do you feel when you experience a personal affront of one kind or another? The reaction of many people today seems to be, ‘I’ll make them pay for what they did!’

In the United States, a number of junior high school students have filed false charges of abuse to get revenge on teachers who disciplined them. “What happens,” says Brenda Mitchell, president of the Teacher’s Union in New Orleans, “is that once the accusation is made, the teacher’s reputation is tarnished.” Even after the accusation has been proved false, the damage can linger.

In the workforce, an increasing number of disgruntled employees seek revenge against their employers by damaging or deleting important information on the company’s computer network. Others steal company secrets and sell them or give them away. In addition to the looting of electronic files, “old-fashioned theft also remains a staple of worker retaliation,” reports The New York Times. To combat the threat of revenge, many companies have resorted to having a security officer escort a dismissed employee to his desk, wait for him to clear out his things, and walk him off the premises.

By far, the most common form of revenge involves those who are closest to us​—friends, associates, and family members. Hurt feelings over an unkind word or thoughtless action can often bring a retaliatory response. If a friend addresses you in a harsh tone of voice, do you snap back with an unkind word? If a family member upsets you in some way, do you plot to get even? How easy it is to act like that when the offender is someone close to us!

The Folly of Revenge

Oftentimes, those seeking retaliation do so in an effort to ease the emotional pain of an offense. For example, the Bible tells us that when the sons of the Hebrew patriarch Jacob learned that the Canaanite Shechem had violated their sister Dinah, they “became hurt in their feelings and they grew very angry.” (Genesis 34:1-7) To avenge the wrong done to their sister, two of Jacob’s sons plotted against Shechem and his household. Using a ruse, Simeon and Levi entered the Canaanite city and killed every male, including Shechem.​—Genesis 34:13-27.

Did all that bloodshed settle the matter? When Jacob learned of his sons’ actions, he rebuked them, saying: “You have brought ostracism upon me in making me a stench to the inhabitants of the land, . . . and they will certainly gather together against me and assault me and I must be annihilated, I and my house.” (Genesis 34:30) Yes, instead of settling matters, their vengeful actions had the opposite effect; Jacob’s family now had to be wary of counterattacks by angry neighbors. Likely to prevent such an outcome, God instructed Jacob to move his family out of the area to Bethel.​—Genesis 35:1, 5.

The events surrounding Dinah’s rape highlight an important lesson. Revenge often unleashes additional acts of vengeance, and the cycle is repeated again and again. Thus, the German proverb is proved true: Revenge does not long remain unrevenged.

The Cycle of Pain

Focusing one’s mind and energy on punishing someone who has wronged us is destructive. The book Forgiveness​—How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get On With Your Life observes: “Rage consumes you. It consumes time and energy as you stew about your painful past experiences, internally curse the people who hurt you, and plot ways to get even.” As the Bible vividly describes it, “jealousy is rottenness to the bones.”​—Proverbs 14:30.

Indeed, how can a person be joyful if hatred and destructive feelings are bottled up inside of him? One commentator observed: “If you think ‘revenge is sweet,’ look into the faces of those who have lived on it for years.”

Consider what has been happening in so many parts of the earth where ethnic and religious tensions run high. Often one killing begets another, which only serves to reinforce an endless cycle of hatred and death. For example, when a bomb killed 18 youths in a terrorist attack, a grieving woman shouted, “We should give it back to them a thousand times!” In that way, brutality only increases, and more and more people are drawn into the conflict.

“Eye for Eye”

Some point to the Bible in order to justify their vengeful attitude. They say, “Doesn’t the Bible speak of ‘eye for eye, tooth for tooth’?” (Leviticus 24:20) On the surface, the law of “eye for eye” may appear to promote revenge. Actually, though, it served to curb or limit senseless acts of revenge. How so?

If an Israelite assaulted a fellow Israelite and put out his eye, the Law allowed for just punishment. However, it was not up to the victim to take punitive action against the assailant or one of his family members. The Law required that he take the matter to the established authorities​—the appointed judges—​for proper disposition. The knowledge that the willful perpetrator of criminal or violent acts against another could be punished in kind served as a powerful deterrent. But there is more to the matter.

Prior to stating the above-mentioned law of retribution, Jehovah God told the nation of Israel through Moses: “You must not hate your brother in your heart. . . . You must not take vengeance nor have a grudge.” (Leviticus 19:17, 18) Yes, the idea of “eye for eye, tooth for tooth” should be viewed in the context of the whole Law covenant, which Jesus said was summed up in two commandments: “You must love Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your whole soul and with your whole mind” and “You must love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-40) How, then, should true Christians respond if they suffer an injustice?

Follow the Way of Peace

The Bible describes Jehovah as “the God of peace” and urges his worshippers to “seek peace and pursue it.” (Hebrews 13:20; 1 Peter 3:11) But does such a course really work?

During his earthly ministry, Jesus was spit upon, flogged, and persecuted by his enemies, betrayed by a close associate, and even abandoned by his own followers. (Matthew 26:48-50; 27:27-31) How did he react? “When he was being reviled, he did not go reviling in return,” wrote the apostle Peter. “When he was suffering, he did not go threatening, but kept on committing himself to the one who judges righteously.”​—1 Peter 2:23.

“Christ suffered for you,” Peter explained, “leaving you a model for you to follow his steps closely.” (1 Peter 2:21) Yes, Christians are encouraged to imitate Jesus, including his suffering injustices. In this regard, Jesus himself said in the Sermon on the Mount: “Continue to love your enemies and to pray for those persecuting you; that you may prove yourselves sons of your Father who is in the heavens.”​—Matthew 5:44, 45.

How do those with Christlike love respond to an actual or perceived wrong? Proverbs 19:11 says: “The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger, and it is beauty on his part to pass over transgression.” They also take to heart this admonition: “Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.” (Romans 12:21) What a contrast to the vengeful spirit so prevalent in the world today! True Christian love can help us to overcome the urge to retaliate and thus “pass over transgression” because love “does not keep account of the injury.”​—1 Corinthians 13:5.

Does this mean that if we are the victim of a crime or are threatened in some other way, we should just meekly accept it? By no means! When Paul said, “Keep conquering the evil with the good,” he did not mean that a Christian should be obsessed with being a martyr. On the contrary, when attacked, we certainly have the right to defend ourselves. If your person or property is violated, you may choose to call the police. If the matter involves someone at work or at school, there are secular authorities we can turn to.​—Romans 13:3, 4.

Nevertheless, it is good to keep in mind that true justice in this system of things can be elusive. In fact, many have spent a lifetime seeking it, only to be consumed with bitterness and resentment when their expectations were not realized.

Satan would like nothing better than to see people torn apart by vengeance and hate. (1 John 3:7, 8) Far better it is to keep in mind these words from the Bible: “Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but yield place to the wrath; for it is written: ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah.’” (Romans 12:19) By leaving matters in Jehovah’s hands, we free ourselves from much pain, rage, and violence.​—Proverbs 3:3-6.

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“You must love Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your whole soul and with your whole mind” and “You must love your neighbor as yourself”

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Love “does not keep account of the injury.”​—1 Corinthians 13:5