Keep Strengthening Your Friendship With Your Mate

1. Why are good friends a gift from Jehovah?

GOOD friends are a gift from Jehovah. (Jas. 1:17) They love God, and they love us. They share in our joy when we are happy, comfort us when we feel down, and give us honest advice when we need it. They are loyal, and we can trust them. Such friends truly “make the heart rejoice”!​—Prov. 27:9.

2. Why is it important for a married couple to keep strengthening their friendship? (Matthew 19:6)

² It is important for a man and his wife to be the best of friends. They cannot take their friendship for granted​—they need to keep working at strengthening it. If they neglect their friendship, they could start feeling lonely, frustrated, even angry. But if they keep nurturing their friendship, they can enjoy the closest bond that two humans could ever have. (Read Matthew 19:6.) In this article, we will see how married couples can keep strengthening their friendship. But first, let us consider how single Christians can choose a mate who will become their best friend for life.

HOW TO CHOOSE A LIFELONG FRIEND

3-4. What will help a person to find a good marriage mate? (Proverbs 18:22)

³ Before we make any big decision, we need to think about the possible risks, benefits, and outcomes. Big decisions can affect our life for a long time, so it is important to consider them carefully.

⁴ When choosing a lifelong friend​—a marriage mate—​we are making one of the most important decisions we will ever make. Since Jehovah created the marriage arrangement, it makes sense to look to him for guidance when choosing a mate. He wants a man to find a good wife, and He wants a woman to find a good husband. Jehovah always knows what is best for us. (Read Proverbs 18:22; Isa. 48:17, 18) The principles found in God’s Word can help a Christian to find someone who is right for him or for her.

5. Why is it important to choose a baptized person as a mate?

⁵ When we get baptized, we become friends of God. (Ps. 25:14) If you would like to get married, you should choose your prospective mate from among Jehovah’s friends. (1 Cor. 7:39) By doing so, you show appreciation for Jehovah’s standards and you will come to see your mate as a blessing from Jehovah. (Prov. 19:14) You will also avoid the problems that come from being “unevenly yoked” with an unbeliever. (2 Cor. 6:14) How unwise it would be to date an unbeliever, perhaps reasoning that suitable options among fellow Christians are limited. Neither would you want to rationalize that if you date an unbeliever, he may learn the truth.

6-7. What kind of questions should be answered during courtship?

⁶ Of course, not just any baptized person is a suitable mate. Look at your prospective mate objectively.a Ask yourself: ‘How does he treat his family? Is he considerate and respectful? Who are his friends? How does he handle disagreements? Does he insist on having his own way, or is he willing to yield when no Scriptural principle is involved? What is his attitude toward money?’

⁷ You could further ask yourself: ‘Does my friend show a deep love for Jehovah? Is he putting on “the new personality”? Will he help me to keep serving Jehovah more fully? Do we share the same spiritual goals? Can I see us becoming not just good friends but the closest of friends?’ (Col. 3:9, 10) If you are a sister, will the brother you are dating be a good friend and a good family head? (1 Cor. 11:3) If you are a brother, will the sister you are dating be willing to accept your authority as a head despite your imperfections? It takes time to answer such questions. Therefore, use your courtship to get to know your prospective mate well.

8-9. What can help someone who is courting to make a wise decision? (See also picture.)

⁸ During courtship, you are more likely to make a wise decision if you try to discern what the person is really like. Find out how others view your friend. You might ask about the person’s reputation and qualities. For example, is he or she known for being humble, kind, and reasonable? Sarah, a sister in French Guiana who married a brother named Daniel, says: “I got opinions about Daniel from the brother who was his flatmate and pioneer partner, from an elder in Daniel’s congregation, from mutual friends, and from sisters in his congregation.” You might kindly ask the person you are dating if there is anything from his or her past or present that you would need to know, since some factors or habits might later cause serious marital difficulties.

⁹ Do not ignore nagging doubts you might have or honest observations that mature friends make. With such an approach, you will be able to decide whether it is wise to continue the courtship or not.b Now, for the rest of this article, let us turn our attention to couples who are already married.

SPEND TIME TOGETHER BUILDING YOUR FRIENDSHIP

10. Why is it good for a husband and wife to give their time and attention to each other?

¹⁰ A husband and wife can keep their friendship and marriage strong by making time for each other, no matter how busy they are. This gives them an opportunity to talk about everyday happenings, share their deepest thoughts and feelings, show affection to each other, and simply have fun together.

11. What can threaten the friendship between a husband and wife?

¹¹ A husband and wife who are close friends prefer to be together rather than apart. Of course, they may sometimes have to be apart temporarily. But being apart for long periods of time can be dangerous. For example, some have accepted a job in another country, keeping them away from their family for an extended period. Although there may be some financial advantages to such an arrangement, a prolonged absence can be disastrous for a marriage.

12-13. (a) What have some married Christians done in order to spend time with their mate? (See also picture.) (b) Where does our relationship with our mate fit in? (See the box “Your Mate’s Place in Your Life.”)

¹² Note what some married couples have done to ensure that they regularly spend time together. Leah, in Guam, says: “My husband and I enjoy doing a variety of things together. We rarely attend social events or outings separate from each other.” Roxanne, in the United States, adds: “As demands on our time have increased, we’ve come to see the need to schedule time together, just as we do with other important events.” (Compare Amos 3:3.) Damien, in France, makes this point: “We’ve learned to take an interest in and even to love what the other one is passionate about.” (Matt. 7:12) And Katie, also in the United States, says: “We sometimes put our phones away so that they don’t distract us.”

¹³ Above all, spend time together in spiritual activities. Myriam, in France, says: “We start our day by reading the Bible and then sharing what we liked and what we can apply in our life. I cherish these moments.” She adds: “I also love it when we pray together and I hear the depth of my husband’s love for Jehovah.” Katie, quoted earlier, says: “Our favorite time together is in the ministry. It’s refreshing to hear each other express our faith, and we keep learning new things from each other.”​—Prov. 27:17.

STICK TOGETHER WHEN CHALLENGES ARISE

14-15. Why should a couple do their best to overcome challenges that may arise in their marriage? Illustrate.

¹⁴ As imperfect humans, married couples will experience challenges in their marriage. The Bible realistically says that married people “will have tribulation in their flesh.” (1 Cor. 7:28) A study note on this verse says that this expression “refers to problems and trials that are common to a married couple.” When such problems arise, why should they do their best to stick together and overcome the challenge?

¹⁵ Consider an illustration. If a famous building or work of art is damaged, the owners will most likely decide to restore it. They may devote enormous amounts of money and other resources to the restoration work, which may take years to complete. Why? Because that building or artwork is precious to them. Similarly, all marriages are precious. Even in the best of marriages, conflicts will arise. However, just as a damaged building or a work of art can often be repaired, a troubled marriage can be saved. The restoration process will likely take time and involve some hard work, and yet, Jehovah will be pleased if the couple work hard to strengthen their marriage and remain together. (Mal. 2:16) By doing so, they show love and respect not just for each other but also for Jehovah, the Originator of marriage.

16. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, what can help a couple who are facing a serious challenge in their marriage? (See also picture and the box “Help to Strengthen Your Friendship.”)

¹⁶ If problems arise in your marriage, do not be quick to separate. (1 Cor. 7:10, 11) Instead, ask yourself, ‘Could I do more to strengthen our friendship?’ Review what the Bible says about showing love, and ask yourself if you can improve in displaying some of the characteristics mentioned at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. (Read.) Rather than look for a way out of your relationship, do your best to look for a way back into each other’s heart. Focus on what you can do to rebuild the relationship. Pray for Jehovah to guide you. Get the needed help from our publications and videos, as well as from elders and other mature Christians. By relying on Jehovah, the third and strongest strand in the “threefold cord,” your marriage will not “quickly be torn apart.”​—Eccl. 4:12.

17. How can those contemplating marriage and those who are married find happiness?

¹⁷ Jehovah wants all his servants to be happy, including those contemplating marriage and those already married. So if you are single and would like to get married, choose your lifelong friend carefully. And if you are married, continue strengthening your friendship with your mate. Work to overcome challenges that may arise in your marriage, relying on Jehovah’s help. By doing these things, you will “enjoy life” with your beloved mate!​—Eccl. 9:9.