Respect the Decisions of Others

1-2. Why do our personal decisions sometimes differ from those of other Christians?

HAVE you ever felt unfairly judged because of a decision you made? Have you ever judged a fellow Christian on the basis of a decision hea made? No doubt most of us could answer yes to both questions.

² We should not be surprised that at times our decisions differ from those of other faithful Christians. Why? Because we are unique. Each of us has his or her own viewpoint. Our thinking is influenced by our culture, family background, and personal experiences. But we should not allow our differing opinions to threaten the peace and unity of the congregation.​—Eph. 4:3.

3. What might cause us to judge a fellow Christian for a decision he has made?

³ When a fellow Christian makes a decision that we disagree with, we might feel the need to convince him to change his mind or we might voice our concerns to others. Likely, we have good motives. We love our brothers and sisters, and we want what is best for them. (Prov. 17:17) So we do not want to see them make a decision that they will later regret or that could damage them spiritually.

4-5. What should we do if a fellow Christian decides to do something that differs from what we would have done?

⁴ Should we discuss our concerns with our brother if we disagree with his decision? That depends on a number of factors. For example, if we learn that he is thinking about doing something that violates a Bible command, then out of love for him, we should try to help him to correct his thinking. (Prov. 27:5, 6) Yet, what should we do if a brother decides to do something that does not break one of God’s laws but simply differs from what we would have done? We find the answer in our theme scripture. We “do not pass judgment on differing opinions.”​—Rom. 14:1.

⁵ Still, we may find it hard to respect his decision. In this article, we will discuss why we should respect the decisions of others and how we can do so. But first, let us consider some situations involving personal decisions that could lead us to pass judgment on our brothers and sisters.

WHAT PERSONAL DECISIONS COULD CAUSE US TO JUDGE OTHERS?

6-7. Describe scenarios in which we might judge others for their decisions.

⁶ As mentioned earlier, we might have strong opinions about certain topics because of our background or experiences. We might assume that others share our viewpoint. Yet, that may not be the case. Consider a few scenarios. Scenario 1: Before learning the truth, a brother grew up with a father who abused alcohol. At a gathering, the brother sees other Christians drinking alcohol. He is disappointed and tells them that what they are doing is wrong. Scenario 2: A sister has successfully battled a serious disease. Later, she learns that another sister has been diagnosed with the same illness. The first sister wants to help, so she pressures her friend to follow the same medical treatment she did​—whether by means of a certain diet or through the use of conventional medicine or natural remedies. Scenario 3: A brother used to be a member of a false religion. He hates his former life course. When he learns that a fellow Christian attended a funeral in a church, he is offended.b

⁷ Consider a few additional scenarios. Scenario 4: A brother grew up during a time when most people felt that it was inappropriate for men to grow beards or for women to wear dress slacks to formal events. While the brother is aware of the recent adjustment in our view of this subject, he insistently tells others that Christian men should not wear beards and that Christian women should wear dresses while engaged in theocratic activities. Scenario 5: An elder knew a brother who pursued additional education and later left the truth. Now a young brother in the elder’s congregation has decided to seek additional education. The elder is concerned and tries to convince the young brother and his parents to change their mind.

8. (a) What could cause a parent to become judgmental of other parents? (b) How might our having a critical attitude toward others affect the congregation?

⁸ Consider a situation that could affect parents. Scenario 6: As a parent, you work hard to raise your children “in the discipline and admonition of Jehovah.” (Eph. 6:4) But other Christian parents seem to be more permissive than you are. For example, they allow their children to have a later curfew, to play nonviolent video games, or to have a cell phone at an early age. As a result, your child feels that you are being overly strict. “Why can’t you be more like my friend’s parents?” he asks. Such a situation could cause you to become critical of the other parents. The truth is that any Christian’s personal decision that differs from ours could cause disagreements. For example, we might question how he spends his money, how often he goes on vacation, or what entertainment he chooses. But we must not allow our feelings to become more important to us than the unity of the congregation.

9. What should we remember? (See also picture.)

⁹ While the decisions of one Christian may differ from those of another, this does not necessarily mean that one is right and the other is wrong. (Rom. 14:5) Just because Christians are instructed “to think in agreement” when it comes to Jehovah’s standards, this does not mean that we have to think alike in all personal matters. (2 Cor. 13:11) We could compare our personal decisions to the choices we make when we travel to a certain location. Often, there are several different routes that lead to the same destination. We choose the one that suits our preferences and limitations. In a similar way, Christians may make different choices in personal matters, but our destination is the same: We seek to please Jehovah. So we do not judge others for the personal decisions they make.​—Matt. 7:1; 1 Thess. 4:11.

WHY RESPECT THE PERSONAL DECISIONS OF OTHERS?

10. According to James 4:12, what do we not have the authority to do, and why?

¹⁰ The Bible provides several reasons why we should respect the personal decisions of others. Consider a few of them. We do not have the authority to judge others in personal matters. (Read James 4:12.) Jehovah is the righteous Lawgiver and Judge. Only he has the right to set standards and rules for life. So our brothers and sisters are accountable to Jehovah, not to us. (Rom. 14:10) We do not have the right to judge or criticize the decisions of others based on our own standards or opinions.c

11. How can we contribute to the unity of the congregation? (See also picture.)

¹¹ Jehovah requires unity among his worshippers, not uniformity. In fact, our God loves variety! We see evidence of this in creation. For example, no two snowflakes are the same. And just think about humans. Of the over eight billion people on earth, no two people are exactly alike in appearance or personality. Jehovah created us to be different. He does not want us to be clones of one another. But he does want us to be united. So rather than let our differences divide us, we promote peace. We place greater value on the unity of the congregation than on our opinions and preferences.​—Rom. 14:19.

HOW TO RESPECT THE VIEWPOINTS OF OTHERS

12-13. What should we keep in mind if we feel that someone has taken “a false step”? (Galatians 6:1; see also the box “When You Disagree.”)

¹² When others make decisions in personal matters. Ask yourself, ‘Is the person taking “a false step” or simply a different step?’ If he is taking a false step, one that violates a Bible command, ask yourself, ‘Do I have the Scriptural qualifications needed to readjust him, or is someone else in a better position to do so?’ If you are qualified to help, try to reason with him in a spirit of mildness. (Read Galatians 6:1.) However, you may often find that his choice is simply a different step​—one that does not align with your viewpoint. If that is the case, do not question him or speak negatively about his decision. Respect his right to decide for himself, and do not judge him.​—Rom. 14:2-4.

¹³ Think of this comparison: If you went to a restaurant with a friend, would you insist that he order the same food that you ordered? No. You would respect his right to select his own meal. After all, what he chooses to eat has little impact on you. And if the roles were reversed, you likely would not want your friend to order your meal based on his preferences. Similarly, we can show respect for others by allowing them to make personal decisions without trying to impose our opinions on them.

14. How can you promote unity when making personal decisions? (1 Corinthians 8:12, 13)

¹⁴ When you make decisions in personal matters. You can promote unity by doing your best to avoid offending others. (Read 1 Corinthians 8:12, 13.) At times, you may know that a decision you are about to make is “lawful,” that is, acceptable. But if it will offend your brother, will it be “advantageous”?d (1 Cor. 10:23, 24) In such cases, rather than insist on your rights, consider putting your preferences aside. (Rom. 15:1) But didn’t we just establish that others should respect our decisions in personal matters? Yes. They should respect our choices just as we should respect theirs. But we should also keep in mind the Bible’s counsel found at Romans 12:18, which says: “As far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men.” Therefore, we do all that we reasonably can to maintain peace with others and avoid needlessly offending them.

15. How can elders contribute to the unity of the congregation? (1 Corinthians 4:6)

¹⁵ Elders show respect for the decisions of others. Elders contribute to the unity of the congregation by not making rules on personal matters and by not going “beyond the things that are written” in the Bible. (Read 1 Corinthians 4:6.) And by extension, they do not go beyond the Bible-based counsel that is written in our publications. Additionally, when a fellow Christian asks for help, elders are careful not to rely solely on their own experience when giving advice. Instead, they base their counsel on God’s Word.​—Isa. 48:17, 18.

16. How can an elder show respect for the decisions made by the body of elders?

¹⁶ An elder also shows respect for the collective decisions made by the body of elders. Once the body of elders has prayed for holy spirit, reviewed and applied Scriptural direction, and come to a decision, each elder should support that decision even when his personal opinion is not adopted by the majority. (Eph. 5:17) In addition, elders are careful not to read more into theocratic direction than is really there. For example, an elder would not take a sentence in one of our publications out of context in an effort to support his own personal viewpoint.

17. How do we benefit when we respect the decisions of others?

¹⁷ As we have learned, we are unique. Each of us has his own opinions and preferences. But such variety is a good thing! Our different backgrounds and personalities make the congregation an inviting place to be. So rather than let our differences divide us, we promote peace. We are careful not to offend others. We respect the decisions of others in personal matters. When we do so, our effort will be rewarded. We will enjoy a happy, united congregation.​—Ps. 133:1; Matt. 5:9.