How to Maintain Christian Friendships

1. Where can we find true friends?

“LIFE can be hard if we walk it alone, living in these last days. Jehovah knows that we need friends to help us along the way.” Do you relate to those opening lyrics from the original song “True Friends”? What a blessing to find true friends among Jehovah’s people! (Ps. 119:63) We are part of a family of worshippers bound together by love.

2. What sort of friendships do we seek to develop with fellow Christians?

² The friendships we seek to cultivate with our brothers and sisters are not casual or superficial. Rather, they are meaningful and deep. We are part of a family of worshippers who love Jehovah and Jesus, and this love unites us. (John 13:35) But such Christian friendships do not just happen. They require effort. And like any friendship between imperfect people, these friendships can have their challenges.

3. Why can it be a challenge to maintain friendships?

³ Realistically, we may feel closer to some than to others. Why? We may share similar interests, or we may have compatible personalities. But we may find that maintaining Christian friendships with other brothers and sisters can be a challenge. At times, we may disagree with one another, and this can strain our bond of affection. Perhaps because of personality differences, we may feel that we have too little in common even to get along. And sometimes our relationships can come under pressure when our fellow believers are seriously ill or are suffering emotionally. In this article, we will consider how Jesus’ example can help us to maintain friendships when we face challenges. However, let us first see how godly qualities can help us maintain our Christian friendships.

GODLY QUALITIES HELP US MAINTAIN OUR FRIENDSHIPS

4. How can we strengthen our friendships?

⁴ To strengthen Christian friendships, we should look for the good in others. Spending time with our brothers and sisters can remind us of their fine qualities. The apostle Paul had a desire to be with his brothers and sisters. He wrote to the Thessalonians: “We made every effort to see you in person.” (1 Thess. 2:17) Many find that there is nothing quite like having face-to-face conversations to make their friendships stronger. We have many opportunities to do that as we share in the ministry and attend meetings, assemblies, and conventions together. But we may find that simply associating with one another does not prevent problems that could threaten our friendships.

5. What can help us to preserve a friendship that is threatened? Illustrate. (Colossians 3:12)

⁵ Godly qualities can help us to preserve a friendship that is threatened. (Read Colossians 3:12.) When we cultivate humility, patience, kindness, and compassion, we can overcome the challenges to maintaining friendships. To illustrate, just as oil will keep a car’s engine running smoothly, godly qualities will reduce any friction in our relationships. Let us now consider three challenges to our relationships with fellow believers. As we do, we will discuss how our imitating Jesus’ humility, patience, kindness, and compassion will enable us to continue to be true friends to others.

WHEN YOU DISAGREE

6. How can disagreements threaten friendships?

⁶ Why is it a challenge? When disagreements arise, each person may be convinced that his viewpoint is correct. Imagine two brothers who disagree about the best way to organize an activity for their field service group. Each is certain that his way is best. Can you see the potential for their difference of opinion to escalate and threaten their relationship? They might allow pride to affect them. If the matter is not discussed and settled, they could start to feel resentful. As time passes, they could risk drifting further apart and eventually risk no longer being friends​—all because of a minor matter.

7. How did Jesus teach his disciples that humility was essential to overcoming disagreements?

⁷ Learn from Jesus’ humility. He taught his disciples what was essential to overcoming disagreements​—humility. The disciples had for some time been arguing about who was the greatest among them. To counter their deeply ingrained attitude, Jesus explained to them that they needed to consider others as superior. (Matt. 20:25-28) Yes, he was teaching them how to be humble. Even on the night before his death, Jesus “set the pattern” for them by humbly doing the job of a servant​—washing their feet. (John 13:3-5, 12-16) In doing that, he showed them how they could preserve their friendship. If they viewed others as being superior, they would be more likely to yield when they disagreed. They would find it easier to remain close friends even when there was a difference of opinion.

8. How can humility help you to maintain Christian friendships when disagreements occur? (Colossians 3:13) (See also pictures.)

⁸ How can you maintain your friendships? Humility can help you to overlook minor disagreements and to forgive others freely. (Read Colossians 3:13.) With humility, you are more likely to preserve good relations by choosing not to react negatively. (Ps. 4:4) Even if unkind words have been said, remember that we all say things that we later regret. (Eccl. 7:21, 22) Ask yourself, ‘Is my insistence on being in the right worth more than our friendship?’ You could simply choose to yield to the other person’s opinion. Allow yourself to move on by neither dwelling on whatever you disagreed about nor bringing it up again.

9. How will humility help you if a disagreement persists? (Proverbs 17:9)

⁹ Humility can also help you when a disagreement persists. Do not argue to justify your viewpoint. (Read Proverbs 17:9; 1 Cor. 6:7) You do well to set the goal of keeping your friend. Many have succeeded by kindly approaching the other person to settle the problem. (Ps. 34:14) You could say: ‘We’ve been friends for some time. Can we talk about what happened?’ Be prepared to admit your part in the disagreement, acknowledging any hurt feelings and then apologizing. And if your brother or sister also apologizes, accept it in a humble manner. (Luke 17:3, 4) Remember, your goal is, not to establish who was right and who was wrong, but to get past the disagreement and maintain the friendship.​—Prov. 18:24.

WHEN PERSONALITIES DIFFER

10. What can make it difficult to remain friends?

¹⁰ Why is it a challenge? We might find it hard to maintain close friendships with brothers and sisters whose personalities differ from ours. Some may have traits that we find irritating. Others may lack certain social skills because of having been mistreated in the past or because of coming from cultures that either tend to be more reserved or tend to be more exuberant. Or we may just be opposites socially​—we may be outgoing while they may be shy or vice versa.

11. How was Jesus able to maintain his friendships with those whose personalities differed from his?

¹¹ Learn from Jesus’ patience. He maintained friendships with those whose personalities differed from his. For example, the apostles James and John showed an ambitious spirit when they asked for prominent positions in the Kingdom. (Mark 10:35-37) In contrast, Jesus had humbly left behind his elevated heavenly position and privileges to come to earth. (Phil. 2:5-8) Think of how different their attitudes were. Still, Jesus was patient with James and John and with others.

12. What helped Jesus to be patient with his friends?

¹² Jesus was realistic in what he expected of his friends. He knew that James and John’s ambitious request reflected the competitive spirit of many of the disciples. (Mark 9:34) Jesus had grown up in the same religious environment that they had. It placed a high value on prominence and position, so he could understand their thinking. Nevertheless, he was patient with them, giving them time to work on rooting out the pride and the ambition that they had developed over the years.​—Mark 10:42-45.

13. How will patience help us to keep our friends? (Ephesians 4:2)

¹³ How can you maintain your friendships? Continue to cultivate patience by doing your best to tolerate traits in others that irritate you. (Prov. 14:29) All of us have our own characteristics, many of which are not flaws but simply features of who we are. So we certainly appreciate it when others put up with us. (Read Ephesians 4:2.) It is also important for us to be realistic by making allowances for others. On the one hand, consider the effort it takes for someone who is quiet and shy to associate with and converse with others. On the other hand, try not to lose patience with someone who is outgoing and expressive. We cannot expect to be best friends with everyone, but we need to keep in mind that even Christians with very different personalities can work well together.

14. On what will our patience help us to focus?

¹⁴ Patience will help us to focus on the good qualities of our brothers and sisters. When we do this, we are less likely to see our different personalities as a barrier to friendship. For example, James and John selfishly desired prominence; yet, their attitude showed that the Kingdom was real to them. Jesus noticed and appreciated their faith. When we look for the good in our friends, we are imitating Jesus as well as his Father, Jehovah.

15. Where can we turn for help to maintain our friendships with those whose personalities differ from ours?

¹⁵ Most important of all, we can pray for Jehovah’s help to maintain our friendships with those whose personalities differ from ours. Try anticipating potentially difficult situations, and pray in advance to remain calm. Remember that Jehovah, as our Creator, understands that we are all unique individuals. So when you pray, be confident that Jehovah knows what you need in order to continue enduring. And when you feel that your patience is being tested, ask Jehovah for holy spirit to help you control how you react.​—Luke 11:13; Gal. 5:22, 23.

WHEN OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE SUFFERING

16. What challenges may we face when our brothers and sisters are suffering in some way?

¹⁶ Why is it a challenge? When our brothers and sisters are suffering physically or experiencing emotional distress, they may respond in ways that we find difficult to deal with. For example, they may be withdrawn, irritable, or even unpredictable. Perhaps they will say or do things that hurt us. (Job 6:2, 3) Because we may not be aware of the challenges that our fellow believers are facing, we may expect too much of them.

17. What do you learn from the way Jesus treated the blind man Bartimaeus?

¹⁷ Learn from Jesus’ kindness and compassion. He was kind and compassionate toward those in distress, even those he had not met before. For instance, consider how he treated the blind man Bartimaeus. When Bartimaeus heard that Jesus was passing by, he created a disturbance, shouting out to attract Jesus’ attention. Some in the crowd told Bartimaeus to keep quiet. But he desperately wanted to be healed by Jesus, so he kept shouting even more. Did some in the crowd find this behavior difficult to deal with? Perhaps. However, Jesus was “moved with pity,” an expression describing his intense compassion. (Matt. 20:34; Mark 10:46-52) He spoke to Bartimaeus kindly, acknowledging his faith. And Jesus miraculously restored his sight.

18. How should you treat your friends who are suffering? (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

¹⁸ How can you maintain your friendships? Be kind and compassionate. These tender qualities will help you to “speak consolingly” to your brothers and sisters who are suffering physically or emotionally. (Read 1 Thessalonians 5:14.) Remember that a true friend is ready to help, especially during “times of distress.” (Prov. 17:17) Such a friend not only sympathizes with those who are suffering but also does all he can to provide emotional support, words of encouragement, and practical help.

19. How can we demonstrate kindness and compassion? (See also pictures.)

¹⁹ What are some practical ways to show kindness and compassion? Of course, you cannot heal a fellow believer’s pain. But you can empathize with his circumstances to the best of your ability. (Matt. 7:12; 1 Pet. 3:8) Listen as he expresses what he is going through. If appropriate, try to find words that will comfort him. (Prov. 12:25) Beware of drawing wrong conclusions. (Prov. 18:13) Strive to be patient with him and realistic about what you expect of him.​—Eph. 4:32.

20. What kind of friend do you want to be?

²⁰ We all value the friendships we enjoy with our Christian brothers and sisters. But we do well to remember that because we are imperfect, we sometimes behave in a way that we do not want. Many of us have been shaped by bad experiences in life. As a result, we especially appreciate those who maintain Christian friendships by being humble, patient, kind, and compassionate. May we try our best to be that sort of friend.