Focus on Others

DOES IT REALLY WORK?

Think about this: With whom do you prefer to spend time? With people who are selfish or unselfish? No doubt, you prefer to spend time with unselfish people. Others feel the same. So if you help someone, that person may want to be closer to you and look for ways to support you.

Of course, not every act of kindness will lead to a closer relationship. Nevertheless, you still benefit yourself. When you help others, you focus less on your own feelings, including your feelings of loneliness. People who help others are more likely to feel that they belong and that they have a sense of purpose. They feel more positive about themselves and their circumstances. They often feel less anxious and depressed and are more likely to live healthier and happier lives.

“Helping others turns empty time into quality time. It makes me feel useful and gives me great satisfaction.”​—Antonella,a in Italy, who has struggled with loneliness since her husband’s death.

HOW TO SUCCEED

Start small. You could start by reaching out to people you already know. You may find this less daunting than reaching out to new people. Could you share some refreshments or give them a small gift? Small gestures of kindness can be very meaningful. When you are alone, why not send someone a text message asking how he or she is? People appreciate it when others think about them.

Do something that shows you care. Think about the people you know. Ask yourself: ‘What help do they need? What would they appreciate?’ You could, for example, offer to help someone with a project or run errands for a person who has a busy schedule. If you are an older person, you could teach someone a skill or share your wealth of life experience in some other way. What may seem simple or obvious to you could be very enriching to someone else.

Be attentive to the needs of people you do not know well. As you go about your day, pay attention to other people. When possible, smile and greet them. Be observant of those who might be struggling with emotional or physical challenges, and try to imagine their circumstances. Your empathy will motivate you to help them. As a result, you may establish new relationships with people who may come to care about you just as you care about them.

“I try to help those who are elderly or not well. I’ve done shopping for them and accompanied them to the doctor. When a woman moved into my area, I ran some errands for her and helped her settle in.”​—Emma, who experienced loneliness after emigrating to another country.

Take care of yourself. Be alert to take care of your health, and make sure you get enough sleep. Set reasonable boundaries when helping others so that you do not burn out. In doing so, you will have more physical and emotional energy to help others.

Humans, by nature, need one another. So try focusing on others by helping them, and take good care of yourself. You may be surprised to see how it helps you in your struggle with loneliness.