Why Are So Many People Lonely?

WHAT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL LONELY?

Some people feel lonely because they do not have enough opportunities to spend time with others. For example, you might feel lonely if . . .

• you cannot see your friends or family as often as you would like.

• you often find yourself without anyone to be with during your free time or at times when others seem to be enjoying life together.

• you do not have friends who share your interests.

• you have been left out of social activities because of your age, your health, or other circumstances beyond your control.

• you lost your group of friends because you changed schools, graduated, moved, or retired.

Some people may regularly spend time with others yet still feel lonely because they do not have​—or have lost—​close or meaningful relationships. This may be your situation if . . .

• you have experienced the loss of a marriage mate or a close friend in death.

• you have separated or divorced from your spouse.

• you would like to get married but have not yet found someone to share your life with.

• you feel misunderstood, unseen, unheard, or unloved by the people around you.

• you feel that none of your acquaintances take the time to truly know who you are and how you feel.

Yet others struggle with loneliness because they feel that their life lacks meaning. They may be surrounded by friends, but they still feel that their life has no purpose or direction. This emptiness can lead to feeling disconnected from everyone around them.

FACTORS THAT CAN INCREASE LONELINESS

Technology. Modern technology can be very useful, and yet, because of it, many people have less and less contact with others. For example, instead of visiting a store and interacting with shop employees, many shop online. Technology has also made it easier for employees to work remotely, usually from their own homes. And consider the impact of social media. Although it allows us to connect with more people and more frequently than in the past, some find that it generates or intensifies feelings of loneliness. They feel unwanted if their posts do not get enough likes. When they see photos of others enjoying good times with friends, they feel excluded or become painfully aware that they lack friends.

Mental health. Feeling lonely can affect mental health, and mental health problems can lead to more feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can trigger or intensify feelings of anxiety and depression. In turn, depression can lead a person to perceive his life as lacking purpose, deepening his sense of isolation. Furthermore, anxiety and low self-esteem can make it difficult to reach out and connect with others.a

Society. In some areas, people feel pressured to work very long hours in order to keep their job or meet their expenses. As a result, they are often left exhausted and with little time to build strong relationships. Others have limited opportunities to make friends because they live in areas with rigid social norms that regulate who can socialize with whom. Still others live in societies where people are too focused on themselves, creating an environment in which it is hard to make real friends.

Past experiences. When people have been physically or emotionally abused in the past, the wounds can last a long time. As a result, they may find it hard to trust others and may keep their distance.

YOU CAN DEFEAT LONELINESS

Regardless of why you feel lonely, you can take steps to deal with this feeling. Many people have been able to do so. In the next articles, we will discuss what you can do to succeed in your struggle against loneliness.