True Friends​—How to Find Them

“THE only way to have a friend is to be one,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson. Many, though, have chosen the route of solitude. Rather than reaching out and being a friend, they cut others off. The result? “People who spend a lot of time by themselves tend to feel ‘very passive, unhappy, left out of the world,’” a Brazilian newspaper quoted a researcher as saying. He continued: “When there’s nothing else to do, when there’s no one to talk to, you turn inwards. It’s much easier to get caught up in your problems.”

You need not reach such a stage, however. Almost anyone can learn to be a friend and thus gain friends. But how does a person start? A big factor in the ability to make friends is our own personality. An ancient proverb truthfully says: “A man’s attraction lies in his kindness.” (Proverbs 19:22, The Jerusalem Bible) True friendship, therefore, comes to those who express kindness. For example, when we let others know we appreciate them, they are more likely to take an interest in us.

A kind person also listens to others. Someone who dominates the conversation or talks excessively about himself will have a hard time finding anyone who is interested in his feelings and aspirations. Kindness also means watching what we say to others. “There exists the one speaking thoughtlessly as with the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise ones is a healing.” (Proverbs 12:18) To illustrate: You may notice that someone is depressed or consumed with worry. Says a proverb: “Worry can rob you of happiness, but kind words will cheer you up.” (Proverbs 12:25, Today’s English Version) On such an occasion, your healing tongue could win a loyal friend for you.

The Value of Loyalty

The writer of Proverbs 18:24 showed deep insight into human relationships when he wrote: “Some friends bring ruin on us, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother.” (The New American Bible) Yes, who wants a fair-weather friend? But consider the example of David and Jonathan. Jonathan could have had ill will toward David, since Jonathan was the heir to the throne of Israel but knew that David would actually become king. Yet Jonathan showed loyalty, not jealousy, toward David, even risking his life on David’s behalf.​—1 Samuel 18:1-3; 20:17, 31, 32; 2 Samuel 1:26.

Ruth was another loyal friend. Rather than abandoning her mother-in-law Naomi, she stuck with her. In fact, observers rightly declared that Ruth was ‘better than seven sons’ to Naomi.​—Ruth 1:16, 17; 4:15.

Do you show such loyalty? For example, when you observe flaws in your associates, do you thoughtlessly reveal them to others?

But what if someone dear to you has a serious fault that needs immediate attention? The loyal friend does not hold back from telling the truth out of fear of the other person’s reaction. “The wounds inflicted by a lover are faithful,” says the Bible. (Proverbs 27:6) This, of course, does not mean that you should be harsh or tactless. Christians in ancient Galatia once needed some outspoken correction. But note how skillfully the apostle Paul handled the situation and then asked: “Well, then, have I become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” (Galatians 4:16) A true friend will love you for ‘telling the truth,’ even if it is corrective counsel.​—Proverbs 9:8.

Happiness in Giving

Genuine, lasting friendship does cost something. People who are always striving to get something without giving anything in return will never come to know the happiness Jesus spoke of when he said, “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” (Acts 20:35; Luke 6:31, 38) Therefore, learn to look at people from the standpoint of what you can do for them, instead of what you can get out of them.

The Bible encourages Christians to be “generous,” “liberal, ready to share.” (Proverbs 11:25; 1 Timothy 6:18) Your material resources may be quite limited, but what about your time? Do you have the habit of always being in a hurry? Friendship takes time, and unless a person is willing to make time for others, relationships will not thrive. For example, you may use the well-worn greeting “How are you?” But are you generous enough with your time to stop and be prepared to listen to the answer to this question? Remember that although Jesus Christ was very busy, he always found the time to attend to those who sought him out.​—Mark 6:31-34.

Keeping Our Friendships Alive

Once a friendship has been established, every effort should be made to keep it alive. True, as you get to know each other, certain weaknesses and flaws will become apparent. Yet you will do well to recognize and accept minor weaknesses. And when in doubt, the noble thing to do is to give your friend the benefit of the doubt, avoiding undue suspicion. ‘Put up with one another in love,’ counsels Paul. And Peter adds: “Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”​—Ephesians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:8.

Then, too, how wise it is never to take friends for granted! Even the closest friends need some privacy. Lengthy, frequent, or untimely visits may eventually become wearisome and unwanted. Discernment and respect would suggest making arrangements beforehand when at all possible. Proverbs 25:17 counsels: “Make your foot rare at the house of your fellowman, that he may not have his sufficiency of you and certainly hate you.”

It is also the course of wisdom to avoid being overly inquisitive, personal, or possessive. Modesty will move us to avoid being dogmatic. Surely, friendship does not give us the right to force our opinions or personal tastes on one another. Indeed, if we are governed by “the wisdom from above,” we will be reasonable.​—James 3:17.

Be supportive of your friends, following Paul’s advice at Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with people who rejoice; weep with people who weep.” Yes, be willing to share your friends’ sorrows, disappointments, joys, and successes. Display a sense of humor, too, being willing to laugh at your own mistakes, not just those of others. Good-natured remarks can even serve to ease tension at awkward moments. Yes, friendship is work. But is it not worth the effort?

Finding True Friends

Where, though, can one find true friends? A good place to start would be the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. These genuine Christians enjoy such good relations that they frequently refer to one another as “the friends,” as did their fellow believers of the first century. (3 John 14) Such ones have put away nationalism and racial pride, factors that alienate people. They are endeavoring to clothe themselves with what the Bible calls “the new personality.” This means cultivating such attractive qualities as “the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering.” (Colossians 3:10-12) You will certainly be able to find desirable friends among people who do this!

By associating with Jehovah’s Witnesses, you will also learn how to make friends with Jehovah God and his Son Jesus Christ. Said Jesus: “You are my friends if you do what I am commanding you.” (John 15:14) And Abraham of old was called “Jehovah’s friend.” Abraham attained that very desirable relationship because of his faith and righteous works, and you can do the same.​—James 2:23.

So while it is good to make the effort to cultivate earthly friends, be even more determined to establish friendly relations with our heavenly Friend Jehovah God. He will soon restore Paradise to this earth, allowing all his earthly servants to live in peace and security. Yes, earth’s inhabitants will then be surrounded by millions who will eternally prove to be true friends.​—Luke 23:43; Revelation 21:3, 4; Psalm 37:10, 11.

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A Friendship That Unites

Jehovah’s Witnesses are not only spiritual brothers and sisters but also friends. And since their friendship is based on mutual obedience to the commands of Jesus Christ, it is not limited by national boundaries. (John 15:14) This type of friendship receives God’s blessing, which keeps them just as united and secure as a flock of sheep are in their pen.​—Micah 2:12.

Often friendship and unity are absent at a construction site. Yet, when Jehovah’s Witnesses gather to construct their “quick-build” Kingdom Halls, a healthy spirit of cooperation and camaraderie is seen. For example, Witnesses from the United States, England, and Wales cooperated and shared their methods in building halls. The result?

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my life,” said Roger, a bricklayer from England. “I just couldn’t see carpenters working with bricklayers because it never happens in the world. But on a Kingdom Hall site you see brothers working on the roof, while carpenters and bricklayers work underneath with the painters and the carpet layers. All work together. It is wonderful!”

Mike, a father of two, from Wales noted that “everyone can share in that camaraderie.” And his friend Malcolm observed why, commenting: “When all the brothers work in unity as one, in God’s name, then he blesses that project with his spirit.”

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True friendship knows no age limit

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We can win true friends by being liberal, ready to share