WHEN YOU DISCIPLINE, COMMUNICATE!

22. Why is it important for children to understand the words used by their parents?

²² One parent tells of this experience:

“When my son was just three years old I gave him quite a sermon on lying, how God hates liars, using Proverbs 6:16-19 and other scriptures. He listened and seemed to give the right responses. But I had a feeling he hadn’t got the point. So I asked, ‘Son, do you know what a lie is?’ He said, ‘No.’ After that I always made sure he knew what the words meant and why he was being disciplined.”

23. What might be involved in helping children to see the rightness of a particular course of action?

²³ When children are still infants, parents may only be able to point things out as “no-nos,” such as touching a hot stove. But even with those first simple warnings, reasons can be given. It may be simply that a stove is “hot!” and to touch it will “hurt!” From the start, however, keep before the child the principle that what is involved is for the child’s good; then highlight the desirability of such qualities as kindness, considerateness and love. Help the child to appreciate that these qualities underlie all right requirements or restrictions. Also, emphasize why a certain action expresses these desirable traits or not. When this is done consistently, you may be able to reach not just the child’s mind but his heart.—Matthew 7:12; Romans 13:10.

24. Why is it important for a child to respect authority?

²⁴ Likewise, the need for obedience and respect for authority should be inculcated progressively. During the first year of life, a child’s willingness or unwillingness to respond to adult demands will begin to show. As soon as the child’s mental development allows for it, impress upon him an appreciation of the parents’ responsibility to God. This can make a great difference in the child’s response. Without this, children may view obedience as something they have to express merely because their parents are bigger and stronger than they are. If, instead, the child is helped to see that the parents are not giving their own ideas but are giving the child what the Creator says, what his Word says, this will give a strength to the parents’ counsel and direction that nothing else can. It can be a real source of needed strength when rough areas begin to appear in a child’s young life and he or she begins to feel the stress and strain of holding to right principles in the face of temptation or pressure.—Psalm 119:109-111; Proverbs 6:20-22.

25. How might the counsel at Proverbs 17:9 help parents to discipline their children in the right manner?

²⁵ “The one covering over transgression is seeking love, and he that keeps talking about a matter is separating those familiar with one another.” (Proverbs 17:9) This is true also in parent-child relationships. Once a child has been made aware of his mistake and understands why he needs to be disciplined, and the discipline has been given, love should move the parent to avoid harping on the transgression. Whatever was done, be sure you make clear that what you hate is the wrong, not the child. (Jude 23) The child may feel that he has ‘taken his medicine’ and may view frequent references to the incident as a needless humiliation. It could result in his alienation from the parents or other children in the family. If the parent is concerned that a wrong pattern is developing, then the matter can be dealt with later in some family discussion. Do not simply recite and review past acts, but consider instead the principles involved, how they apply and why they are so important to lasting happiness.

27. How did one father help his little boy to stop marking on a wall?

²⁷ One mother reports:

“My son was barely two when he wrote on the wall—little red marks not far from the floor. His father showed them to him and asked him about them. All he got was a big-eyed stare, not a Yes or a No. Finally his father said, ‘You know, son, when I was about your age I wrote on a wall. It’s kind of fun, isn’t it?’ Well, the little boy now relaxed, his face was all smiles, and he started an animated conversation about how much fun it was. He knew daddy understood! However, it was explained that even though it was fun, the walls were not the place for marking. Communication was established and, for this child, some further reasoning was all that was required.”