‘Ukondwere ndi Mkazi Wokula Naye’

‘Ukondwere ndi mkazi wokula naye. . . . Ukondwerenji, mwananga, ndi mkazi wachiwerewere?’​—MIYAMBO 5:18, 20.

1, 2. N’chifukwa chiyani tinganene kuti chikondi cha pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake n’chodalitsika?

LIKAMALANKHULA za kugonana, Baibulo silipita m’mbali. Pa Miyambo 5:18, 19 timawerenga kuti: ‘Adalitsike kasupe wako; ukondwere ndi mkazi wokula naye. Ngati mbawala yokonda ndi chinkhoma chachisomo, mawere ake akukwanire nthawi zonse; ukodwe ndi chikondi chake osaleka.’

² Palembali, mawu akuti “kasupe” akuimira gwero lokhutiritsa chilakolako cha munthu pankhani ya kugonana. Kasupe ameneyu n’ngodalitsika chifukwa chakuti chikondi ndi chisangalalo chimene chimakhalapo pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ndi mphatso yoperekedwa ndi Mulungu. Komabe, ubwenzi umenewu n’ngofunika kusonyezedwa m’banja mokha basi. Motero, Mfumu Solomo ya ku Israyeli, yomwe inalemba buku la Miyambo, potsindika mfundoyi inafunsa kuti: “Ukondwerenji, mwananga, ndi mkazi wachiwerewere, ndi kufungatira chifuwa cha mkazi wachilendo?”​—Miyambo 5:20.

 3. (a) Kodi ndi zinthu zomvetsa chisoni zotani zimene zikuchitika m’mabanja ambiri? (b) Kodi Mulungu amachiona motani chigololo?

³ Patsiku la ukwati, mwamuna ndi mkazi amalumbira kuti adzakondana ndi kukhala okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake. Komabe, mabanja ambiri akusokonezeka chifukwa cha chigololo. Ndipo, wochita kafukufuku wina, ataona zimene zinapezeka pa kafukufuku yemwe anachitika maulendo 25, anati “akazi 25 pa 100 alionse ndi amuna 44 pa 100 alionse anachitapo chigololo.” Mtumwi Paulo anati: “Musasocheretsedwe; adama, kapena opembedza mafano, kapena achigololo, kapena olobodoka ndi zoipa, kapena akudziipsa ndi amuna . . . sadzalowa Ufumu wa Mulungu.” (1 Akorinto 6:9, 10) N’zochita kuonekeratu apa kuti, chigololo ndi tchimo lalikulu kwa Mulungu, ndipo olambira oona ayenera kusamala kuti asakhale osakhulupirika m’banja. Kodi n’chiyani chingatithandize kuti ‘ukwati uchitidwe ulemu, ndipo pogona pakhale posadetsedwa’?​—Ahebri 13:4.

Chenjerani, Mtima ndi Wonyenga

 4. Kodi zina mwa njira zimene mosadziwa, Mkristu wapabanja angayambire kusonyeza chikondi munthu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ndi ziti?

⁴ Masiku ano pamene makhalidwe oipa afala, anthu ambiri ‘ali ndi maso odzala ndi chigololo, [ndipo] sakhoza kuleka uchimo.’ (2 Petro 2:14) Amachita kuyamba dala kusonyezana chikondi ndi anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi awo. M’mayiko ena, akazi ambiri alowa ntchito, ndipo akugwira limodzi ndi amuna. Izi zachititsa kuti kukhale kosavuta kuti anthu azisonyezana chikondi cholakwika m’maofesi. Nakonso kucheza kudzera pa Intaneti kwachititsa kuti ngakhale anthu amanyazi kwambiri ayambe zibwenzi za pa Intaneti. Anthu ambiri okwatira amagwa m’misampha imeneyi mosadziwa.

5, 6. Kodi zinatani kuti mkazi wina wachikristu atsale pang’onong’ono kulowa m’mavuto, ndipo tikuphunzirapo chiyani?

⁵ Taonani mmene Mkristu wina amene timutche kuti Mary anayambira kugwirizana ndi mwamuna wina moti mpaka anatsala pang’onong’ono kuchita chigololo. Mwamuna wake, yemwe si wa Mboni za Yehova, sankakonda kwenikweni banja lake. Mary amakumbukira kuti nthawi ina zaka zingapo zapitazo, anadziwana ndi bambo wina amene amagwira ntchito limodzi ndi mwamuna wake. Bamboyo anali waulemu, ndipo panthawi ina anafika mpaka posonyeza kuti ali ndi chidwi ndi zikhulupiriro za chipembedzo cha Mary. Iye anati: “Anali munthu wabwino kwambiri, wosiyana kwambiri ndi mwamuna wanga.” Sipanathe nthawi yaitali, Mary ndi bamboyo anayamba kukondana. Mary ankaganiza motere: “Sikuti ndachita chigololo ayi, ndipo munthu ameneyu ali ndi chidwi ndi Baibulo. Mwina ndingathe kumuthandiza.”

⁶ Asanafike pochita chigololo, Mary anazindikira kuopsa kwa zimene ankachitazo. (Agalatiya 5:19-21; Aefeso 4:19) Chikumbumtima chake chinayamba kugwira ntchito, ndipo anasintha. Zimene zinachitikira Mary zikusonyeza kuti “mtima ndiwo wonyenga koposa, ndi wosachiritsika.” (Yeremiya 17:9) Baibulo limatilangiza kuti: “Tchinjiriza mtima wako koposa zonse uzisunga.” (Miyambo 4:23) Kodi tingachite motani zimenezi?

‘Wochenjera Amabisala’

 7. Pothandiza munthu amene ali ndi mavuto m’banja mwake, kodi ndi malangizo ati a m’Malemba omwe angatchinjirize munthu?

⁷ “Iye wakuyesa kuti ali chiriri, ayang’anire kuti angagwe,” analemba motero mtumwi Paulo. (1 Akorinto 10:12) Ndipo lemba la Miyambo 22:3 limati: “Wochenjera aona zoipa, nabisala.” M’malo modzikhulupirira kwambiri, n’kumaganiza kuti, ‘Palibe chomwe chingandichitikire,’ ndi bwino kumaganizira zinthu zimene zingathe kukulowetsani m’mavuto. Mwachitsanzo, onetsetsani kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wina yemwe banja lake lili m’mavuto aakulu sakuululira inuyo nokha zakukhosi kwake. (Miyambo 11:14) Muuzeni munthu woteroyo kuti mavuto a m’banja amakhala bwino kukambirana ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wake, kapena ndi Mkristu wokhwima mwauzimu yemwe ali mwamuna mnzake kapena mkazi mnzake ndipo amafuna kuti ukwati wakewo uziyenda bwino, kapenanso angakambirane ndi akulu. (Tito 2:3, 4) Akulu m’mipingo ya Mboni za Yehova amasonyeza chitsanzo chabwino pankhani imeneyi. Mkulu akafunika kulankhula ndi mlongo wachikristu payekha, amatero pamalo oonekera, monga pa Nyumba ya Ufumu.

 8. Kodi ndi chenjezo lotani lofunika kulimvera kuntchito?

⁸ Kuntchito ndiponso kwina kulikonse, samalani ndi zinthu zimene zingachititse kuti muyambe kukondana ndi munthu winawake. Mwachitsanzo, kugwira ovataimu limodzi ndi munthu amene si mwamuna mnzanu kapena mkazi mnzanu kungathe kukulowetsani m’mayesero. Monga munthu wa pabanja, muyenera kusonyeza bwino mwa zolankhula zanu ndiponso khalidwe lanu kuti simufuna kuchita chibwenzi ndi munthu aliyense. Mosakayikira, monga munthu wodzipereka kwa Mulungu, simungachite mwadala zinthu zopatsa ena maganizo olakwika mwa kukopana ndi winawake kapena kuvala ndi kudzikongoletsa moposa malire. (1 Timoteo 4:8; 6:11; 1 Petro 3:3, 4) Kukhala ndi zithunzi za mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndiponso za ana anu kuntchito kwanu, kungathandize kuti inuyo ndiponso anthu ena azikumbukira kuti mumaona kuti banja lanu ndi lofunika. Onetsetsani kuti musalimbikitse, ngakhalenso kulekerera, zinthu zokukopani zimene wina akuchita.​—Yobu 31:1.

‘Khala Mokondwa ndi Mkazi Um’konda’

 9. Kodi ndi zochitika zotsatizana ziti zomwe zingachititse kuti chikondi chomwe changoyamba kumene chikhale chokopa kwambiri?

⁹ Kuti titchinjirize mtima wathu pali zinthu zinanso zofunika kuchita kuwonjezera pa kupewa malo ndi zochitika zomwe zingatilowetse m’mavuto. Ngati munthu angakopeke ndi munthu wina amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, zingasonyeze kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake saganizirana pa zofuna zawo. N’kutheka kuti mkazi amanyalanyazidwa nthawi zonse kapena mwamuna amangokhalira kudzudzulidwa. Ndiyeno mwadzidzidzi, munthu wina, kaya kuntchito ngakhalenso mu mpingo wachikristu, amayamba kuoneka kuti ali ndi makhalidwe omwe mwamuna kapena mkazi wakeyo alibe. Posapita nthawi, anthu awiriwo angayambe kugwirizana kwambiri ndipo mgwirizano umenewu ungathe kukhala wosangalatsa kwambiri moti ungakhale wovuta kuuthetsa. Kuchitika kwa zinthu kosadziwika bwino ndiponso kotsatizana kumeneku, kukutsimikizira kuti mfundo ya m’Baibulo iyi ndi yoona: “Munthu aliyense ayesedwa pamene chilakolako chake cha iye mwini chim’kokera, nichim’nyenga.”​—Yakobo 1:14.

10. Kodi amuna ndi akazi angazamitse motani chikondi chawo?

¹⁰ M’malo mofuna mwamuna kapena mkazi wina kuti akhutiritse zokhumba zawo, kaya n’kufuna chikondi, kaya munthu womuuza zakukhosi, kapena munthu wowathandiza m’mavuto, amuna ndi akazi afunika kuyesetsa kuzamitsa chikondi chawo ndi amuna kapena akazi awo. Motero, yesetsani kukhala ndi nthawi yocheza, ndi kukulitsa chikondi chanu. Ganizirani zinthu zimene zinachititsa kuti muyambe kukondana. Yesani kumvanso chikondi chimene munali nacho kwa munthu amene munakwatirana nayeyo. Ganizirani zinthu zomwe mwasangalala nazo limodzi. Pempherani za nkhaniyi kwa Mulungu. Wamasalmo Davide anapempha Yehova kuti: “Mundilengere mtima woyera, Mulungu; mukonze mzimu wokhazikika m’kati mwanga.” (Salmo 51:10) Tsimikizirani ‘kukhala mokondwa ndi mkazi amene mum’konda masiku onse a moyo umene Mulungu wakupatsani pansi pano.’​—Mlaliki 9:9.

11. Kodi kudziwa zinthu, nzeru, ndi luntha zimathandiza motani kulimbitsa mgwirizano m’banja?

¹¹ Mfundo yosafunika kuinyalanyaza pankhani yolimbitsa mgwirizano m’banja ndi ya kufunika kodziwa zinthu, kukhala ndi nzeru, ndi luntha. Lemba la Miyambo 24:3, 4 limati: “Nzeru imangitsa nyumba; luntha liikhazikitsa. Kudziwa kudzaza zipinda zake ndi chuma chonse chofunika chamtengo wake.” Zina mwa zinthu zamtengo wapatali zopezeka m’banja losangalala ndizo makhalidwe monga chikondi, kukhulupirika, kuopa Mulungu, ndi chikhulupiriro. Kuti izi zikhalepo pamafunika kudziwa Mulungu. Motero, mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amafunika kuphunzira Baibulo mwakhama. Nanga nzeru ndi luntha n’zofunika motani? Kuti munthu athane ndi mavuto atsiku ndi tsiku amafunika kukhala wanzeru, komwe ndi kutha kugwiritsa ntchito mfundo za m’Malemba zimene wadziwa. Munthu waluntha amatha kumvetsa maganizo a mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. (Miyambo 20:5) “Mwananga, mvera nzeru yanga,” akutero Yehova kudzera mwa Solomo. “Tcherera makutu ku luntha langa.”​—Miyambo 5:1.

Pakakhala “Chisautso”

12. N’chifukwa chiyani sizodabwitsa kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amakumana ndi mavuto?

¹² Palibe banja langwiro. Ngakhalenso Baibulo limanena kuti amuna ndi akazi awo adzakhala ndi “chisautso m’thupi.” (1 Akorinto 7:28) Nkhawa, matenda, chizunzo, ndi zinthu zina zingathe kubweretsa mavuto m’banja. Koma, monga mwamuna ndi mkazi wokhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake, ndiponso ofuna kusangalatsa Yehova, pakakhala mavuto mufunika kufufuzira limodzi njira zowathetsera.

13. Kodi mwamuna ndi mkazi angadzipende mbali ziti?

¹³ Kodi zingakhale bwanji ngati banja likukumana ndi mavuto chifukwa cha zimene mwamuna ndi mkazi amachitirana? Zikatero, m’pofunika khama kuti apeze njira yothetsera mavutowo. Mwachitsanzo, n’kutheka kuti m’banja mwawomo munalowa mzimu wosalankhulana bwino ndipo tsopano kulankhulana kotero kwakhala chizolowezi chawo. (Miyambo 12:18) Monga momwe taonera m’nkhani yapitayi, zimenezi zingathe kusokoneza kwambiri banja. Mwambi wina m’Baibulo umati: “Kukhala m’chipululu kufunika kuposa kukhala ndi mkazi wolongolola ndi wong’ung’udza.” (Miyambo 21:19) Ngati ndinu mkazi m’banja loterolo, dzifunseni kuti, ‘Kodi khalidwe langa limapangitsa mwamuna wanga kuvutika kucheza nane?’ Baibulo limauza amuna kuti: “Kondani akazi anu, ndipo musawawire mtima iwo.” (Akolose 3:19) Ngati ndinu mwamuna, dzifunseni kuti, ‘Kodi sindisonyeza chikondi, moti mpaka mkazi wanga amaganiza zofuna kulimbikitsidwa ndi anthu ena?’ N’zoona kuti palibe chifukwa chomveka chochitira chiwerewere. Komabe, popeza kuti n’zotheka kuti zimenezi zichitike, ndi bwino kuti mabanja azikambirana mosapita m’mbali za mavuto awo.

14, 15. N’chifukwa chiyani kufunafuna munthu wina wokondana naye sikuthetsa mavuto a m’banja?

¹⁴ Kupeza munthu wina woti muyambe kukondana naye si njira yothetsera mavuto a m’banja mwanu. Kodi mgwirizano woterowo ungathere kuti? Kodi ungathandize kupeza banja latsopano ndi labwino? Ena angaganize choncho. Iwo amati, ‘Ndiponso, munthu ameneyu ndi wamakhalidwe amene ndimafuna kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga akhale nawo.’ Koma maganizo oterewa ndi olakwika, chifukwa chakuti aliyense amene angasiye mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, kapena amene angakulimbikitseni kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, amanyalanyaza kwambiri kupatulika kwa ukwati. N’kupanda nzeru kuyembekezera kuti mapeto a mgwirizano woterowo adzakhala banja labwino.

¹⁵ Mary, yemwe tam’tchula koyambirira uja, anaganizira mofatsa za zotsatirapo za zochita zake, kuphatikizaponso mfundo yakuti n’zotheka kuti iyeyo kapena winawake asayanjidwenso ndi Mulungu. (Agalatiya 6:7) Anafotokoza kuti: “Nditayamba kuganizira mofatsa za mmene ndinkaonera bambo amene mwamuna wanga amagwira naye ntchito, ndinazindikira kuti zochita zanga zinali kutsekereza mwayi woti munthu ameneyu adziwe choonadi. Aliyense wa ife akanagwa m’mavuto ndi tchimo limene tikanachita ndiponso anthu ena akanakhumudwa.”​—2 Akorinto 6:3.

Chomwe Chingatilimbikitse Kwambiri Kukhalabe Okhulupirika

16. Kodi zina mwa zinthu zimene zingatsatirepo chifukwa chochita chiwerewere ndi zotani?

¹⁶ Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Milomo ya mkazi wachiwerewere ikukha uchi; m’kamwa mwake muti see koposa mafuta. Chimaliziro chake n’chowawa ngati chivumulo, ndi chakuthwa ngati lupanga lakuthwa konsekonse.” (Miyambo 5:3, 4) Zotsatirapo za chiwerewere n’zopweteka ndipo zingathe kupha munthu. Mwa zina, munthu amavutika ndi chikumbumtima, matenda opatsirana pogonana, ndiponso mwamuna kapena mkazi wa munthu wosakhulupirikayo amasokonezedwa maganizo kwambiri. Kunena zoona, ichi ndi chifukwa chomveka chopewera kuyamba moyo wosakhulupirika m’banja.

17. Kodi chifukwa chachikulu chokhalira okhulupirika m’banja n’chiyani?

¹⁷ Chifukwa chachikulu kwambiri chochititsa kuti kusakhulupirika m’banja kukhale koipa n’chakuti Yehova, yemwe anayambitsa banja ndiponso amene anapereka mphatso yoti anthu azigonana, amadana nako. Kudzera mwa mneneri Malaki, Iye anati: “Ndidzayandikiza kwa inu kuti ndiweruze; ndipo ndidzakhala mboni yakufulumira kutsutsa . . . achigololo.” (Malaki 3:5) Pofotokoza zimene Yehova amaona, lemba la Miyambo 5:21 limati: “Njira za munthu zili pamaso pa Yehova, asinkhasinkha za mayendedwe ake onse.” Zoonadi, “zonse zikhala za pambalambanda ndi zovundukuka pamaso pake pa Iye amene tichita naye.” (Ahebri 4:13) Motero, chomwe chingatilimbikitse kwambiri kukhalabe okhulupirika m’banja ndicho kudziwa kuti ngakhale tibise motani kusakhulupirika kwathuko, kaya zotsatirapo zake zioneke zochepa motani, chiwerewere chamtundu uliwonse chimawononga ubwenzi wathu ndi Yehova.

18, 19. Kodi tikuphunzira chiyani pa zimene zinachitikira Yosefe ndi mkazi wa Potifara?

¹⁸ Chitsanzo cha Yosefe, mwana wa Yakobo, chimasonyeza kuti mtima wofuna kukhala pa mtendere ndi Mulungu ungatithandize kwambiri. Popeza anali munthu wokondedwa kwambiri ndi Potifara, yemwe anali nduna ya Farao, Yosefe anapatsidwa udindo waukulu m’nyumba ya Potifara. Komanso, Yosefe anali “wokoma thupi ndi wokongola,” ndipo mkazi wa Potifara anaona zimenezi. Tsiku ndi tsiku, mkaziyo ankayesa kukopa Yosefe, koma sizinatheke. N’chiyani chinathandiza Yosefe kuti asatengeke ndi kum’kopa konse komwe mkaziyu ankachita? Baibulo limatiuza kuti: “Iye anakana, nati kwa mkazi wa mbuyake, Taonani, mbuyanga . . . sanandikaniza ine kanthu, koma iwe, chifukwa kuti uli mkazi wake: nanga ndikachita choipa chachikulu ichi bwanji ndi kuchimwira Mulungu?”​—Genesis 39:1-12.

¹⁹ Pamene Yosefe anali asanakwatire, anadzisunga mwa kukana kugona ndi mkazi wa mwini. Lemba la Miyambo 5:15 limalangiza amuna okwatira kuti: “Imwa madzi a m’chitsime mwako, ndi madzi oyenda a m’kasupe mwako.” Khalani maso kuti musayambe kukondana ngakhale mosadziwa ndi munthu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Yesetsani kuzamitsa chikondi m’banja mwanu, ndipo chitani khama kuthetsa mavuto alionse a m’banja amene mungakumane nawo. Inde, ‘kondwerani ndi mkazi wokula naye.’​—Miyambo 5:18.

Kodi Mwaphunzira Chiyani?

• Kodi zingatani kuti Mkristu mosadziwa ayambe kukondana ndi munthu wina?

• Ndi zinthu zotani zomwe munthu angachite kuti asayambe kukondana ndi munthu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi wake?

• Kodi mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ayenera kuchita chiyani akamakumana ndi mavuto?

• Kodi n’chiyani chimene chingatilimbikitse kwambiri kukhala okhulupirika m’banja?

[Chithunzi patsamba 26]

N’zomvetsa chisoni kuti kuntchito kungakhale malo omwe anthu angasonyezane chikondi cholakwika mosavuta

[Chithunzi patsamba 28]

‘Kudziwa kudzaza zipinda ndi zinthu zabwino’