Vechiduku Vanobvunza Kuti . . .
Ndinogona Sei Kudzora Kutsamwa Kwangu?
“Ini ndinotsamwa zvikuru. Ndinoshatirwa, uye ndisati ndakuziva, ndinenge ndiri kutaura zvinhu zvakashata kuvanhu vandinoda chaizvoizvo. Ndinoedza kufuratira tuhasha, asi zvisinei tunowedzera. Pashure pokunge ndapopota, ndinonzwa ndine mhaka.”—Musikana wechiduku.
HAPANA PANIKIRO pamsoro pako, kudzora kutsamwa kwako kunogona kuva parapatiko chaiyoiyo. Hakushamisiwo, ipapoka, kuti vamwe vari mune zvoutano hwendangariro vakakutaura kuti kwakanaka kusadzora kutsamwa kwako panhambo nenhambo. Ikoku sezvinofungidzirwa ‘kunowedzera kuzvikudza kwako’ uye ‘kunobvisa hasha’ muukama hwako navamwe. Chokwadika, vamwe vanototaura havo kuti kufufutirwa nehasha kwakashata nokuda kwoutano hwako!
Zvisinei, Bhaibheri rinoti: “Shungu dzose, nokutsamwa, nehasha, nokupopota, nokutuka, nezvakaipa zvose ngazvibviswe kwamuri.” (VaEfeso 4:31) Nderipi zano, ipapoka, rakanakisisa? Ko kunyange kudzora kutsamwa kwako kunobvira here pakunenge kune kushatiriswa kwakasimba?
Kutsamwa Kwako—Ikombamiro Yomuzvarirwo Yomunhu Womubako Here?
Pakati perondedzero dzokutsamwa kuzhinji pane chitendero murondedzero yemhindumupindu. Vamwe vanodavira kuti kutsamwa inhambidzanwa inobva kumadzisekuru edu navanhu vomumabako, kombamiro yomuzvarirwo isingadzoreki. Anodaro Carol Tavris mubhuku rake rinonzi Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion: “Rondedzero dzaDarwin dzinomirira pfundo rinokosha rinotambudza mumufungo wokuMadokero: nokuti ndiko kwaichimbova nechitendero chokuti tinogona kudzora kutsamwa—zvamazvirokwazvo, tinofanira kukudzora—kuchinjira kuchitendero chokuti hatingagoni kukudzora, kwaingova bedzi panguva iyeyo kuchinjirwa kupfupi kukupwiswa kwazvino uno kwokuti tinofanira kusakudzora.”
‘Ratidzira kutsamwa kwako,’ vamwe vanopangira nenzira iyoyo. ‘Pfuurira ndokuratidza kutsamwa kwako.’ Asika pangiro yakadaro yakabvumikisa kuva yakakodzera here? Kutanga, ufakazi hunopesana nerondedzero yemhindumupindu hunopfuurira kuwanda. Uye Tavris navamwe vanoshora murangariro wo‘kushatirwa’ wokutsamwa. “Tinocherekedza kuti vanhu vanoisvokombamira kukudziurira hasha vanotsamwa zvikuru kwazvo, kwete kutsamwa kuduku,” anocherekedza kudaro Tavris. “Ndinocherekedza shungu pakati pavanoshatirirwa.”
Bhuku rinonzi Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family rinoshuma zvakafanana pamsoro pefundo yavanopfuura vanyakuroorana vane chiuru. Vanyori vakawana kuti kutsamwa kwakasiana chose chose nokuterama. Mukusiana, rwisano yokupopota inowanzoparira rwisano chaiyoiyo! Chikonzero chacho? Kutsamwa kunozvitsigira iko kumene. Nenzira yakadaro njere yakadaro inosimbisa icho munyori weBhaibheri akataura mazana amakore akapfuura: “Munhu ane hasha anonyandura kakavaro, asi munhu anononoka kutsamwa anonyaradza kurwisana.”—Zvirevo 15:18; enzanisa naZvirevo 29:22.
‘Tsamwai, Asi Musaita Chivi’
Naizvozvo kutsamwa hakusati kuri kombamiro yakati kuti yemhuka isingadzoreki. Kunogona uye kunofanira kudzorwa. Ko ikoku kunoreva here, kunyange zvakadaro, kuti tinogona kuva hedu vasingatapuriki nokushatiriswa—pasina kunzwa uye hasha? Aiwa, nokuti pana VaEfeso 4:26 Bhaibheri rinozivisa kuti padzimwe nguva tinotsamwa nomutoo wakarurama: “Tsamwai, asi musaita chivi.”
Zvisinei, cherekedza kuti Bhaibheri rinoshora, kwete kutsamwa, asi kurega kutsamwa kuchidzora zviito zvomunhu! “Munhu une hasha une kudarika kuzhinji,” inodaro Zvirevo 29:22. Naizvozvo panzvimbo pokuchengeta hasha, ano“dzidzora.” (Enzanisa naGenesi 4:7.) Somuenzaniso, zvifungidzire iwe umene uri mumugariro unoita kuti ropa rako rivire. Unogona sei ‘kuita kuti uterame pakupedzisira’? (Zvirevo 29:11) Pakutanga ungaedza pangiro yekare kare yoku‘verenga kusvikira kugumi’—kana kuti kusvikira kuchiverengero chipi kana chipi chakunokutorera kusvikira waterama.
Nyaya iri mumagazini ye’Teen inopfuurira kutsinhira, kuti: “Shandisa chose kumwe kwesimba iroro rokutsamwa kupfurikidza nokufamba mufambo murefu . . . ungada kuita mubato waunowana kuva unofaranutsa zvikurusa, kunyange ikoku kungava kuteerera nziyo dzamarimba, kugeza nemvura inopisa, kana kuti kuona bhaisikopo.” Zviri nani zvikurusa, dana pana Jehovha Mwari mumunyengetero, uchimukumbira betsero yake mukuramba wakaterama. “Uye rugare rwaMwari runopfuura mufungo wose rucharinda mwoyo yenyu namasimba enyu endangariro.” (VaFiripi 4:7) Mukuwedzera, edza kurava Bhaibheri kana kuti zvinyorwa zvakavakirwa paBhaibheri, zvakadai samagazini ino nomubiyayo Nharireyomurindi.
‘Kuderedza Kutsamwa’
Zvirevo 19:11 inoti: “Zvamazvirokwazvo zivo yomunhu inoderedza kutsamwa kwake.” (Enzanisa naZvirevo 14:29.) Zivo chiito kana kuti simba rokuona mumugariro kuva namaidi ose enhau pamberi pokuita chiito. Kupfurikidza nokushandisa zivo, ungawana kuti pane chikonzero chiduku chokuti iwe ushatirwe pakutanga.
Somuenzaniso, fungidzira kuti shamwari dzako dzanonoka kuzokutora nokuda kwebhaisikopo. Iwe unovamba kufunga pamsoro pedzimwe nguva dzose ikoku kwakaitika kwauri. Kana ukafunga zvikuru unova anoshatirwa zvikuru! Pakupedzisira padzinosvika, uchaiteiko? Uchataura kwadziri mukutsamwa here—kana kuti uchawana kuti chii chaitika chaita kuti dzinonoke zvikuru kudaro? Sezvinobvira pane chikonzero chakanaka. Kuva nezivo nenzira iyoyo kungadzivisa kufufutirwa nehasha.
Zivo inogonawo kubatanidza kuva nenguva yokunzvera miuyo yedzorero yokutsamwa. Rangarira nhauro yeBhaibheri inobatanidza Mambo Dhavhidhi. Apo mumwe murume anonzi Nabhari akazvidza mutsa waDhavhidhi, Dhavhidhi mukugombedzerwa akarongedzera kutsiva—kuponda! Mudzimai waNabhari, Abhigairi, zvisinei hazvo, akateterera Dhavhidhi kurangarira miuyo yokuteura ropa risine mhaka. Dhavhidhi akagumisa nzira yake. “Kuva nomufungo kwako ngakukomborerwe,” akadaro Dhavhidhi kuna Abhigairi, “uye iva anokomborerwa iwe wandidzora zuva rino mukupinda mukuva nemhaka yeropa.”—1 Samueri 25:2-33.
Kurangarira miuyo yokufufutirwa nehasha kunogona kukutaviridzira nomutoo wakafanana pakuwedzera nomutoo usiri madikanwa kusabvumirana nomumwe munhu ari muchiremera, akadai somudzidzisi kana kuti mubatirwi. “Kana mudzimu womubati ushe ukakumukira, usasiya nzvimbo yako umene, nokuti kuterama iko kumene kunonyaradza zviri zvizhinji,” akadaro Soromoni. (Muparidzi 10:4) Uye kunyange uku kutsiva kunonangidzirwa pano mumwe wezera rako, yeuka kuti Bhaibheri rinoti: “Usati: ‘Kungofanana nezvaakandiitira, ndichamuitirawo saizvozvo.’”—Zvirevo 24:29.
Imwe nzira yokuderedza nayo kutsamwa ndeyokurinda zvaunodyisa ndangariro yako. Mifananidzo mizhinji yeTV yakazadzwa namasimba masimba. Chokwadi, vazhinji vanofunga havo kuti masimba masimba eTV nebhaisikopo anotapura bedzi avo vanotova vakakombamira kunzira iyoyo. Zvisinei hazvo, chimwe chikwata chokunzvera chinotaura kuti “vaoni vose vanokombamira kukutapurwa.”—How to Live With—And Without—Anger, rakanyorwa naAlbert Ellis.
Bhaibheri rinopfuurira kupa zano pana Zvirevo 22:24, 25: “Usashamwaridzana nomunhu unotsamwa; usafambidzana nomunhu une hasha; kuti urege kudzidza tsika dzake, uteire mweya wako musungo.” Unofarikanya kuva pamwe naavo vano“tsamwa” here? Ipapoka rega kukatyamadzwa kana ukava nechinetso mukudzora kutsamwa kwako. Bhuku rinonzi How to Live With—And Without—Anger neiyi nzira rinokurudzira kuwana “mienzaniso yakanaka muupenyu hwako umene . . . vanhu vanotsunga kukurira zvakashata zvoupenyu naavo vanopfuurira kushanda pakushingaira pakuita kudaro. Taura navanhu ivava. Edza kudzidza kwavari kuti ivo vanogona sei kupfuurira kunyarara nenzira ino mufungo mukunangana nezvinoshatirisa zvoupenyu.”
Kutsamwa Kunobva Mukati
Zvisinei, kungozviteramisa iwe umene hakungaiti kuti kutsamwa kurambe kuripo kwenguva refu. Purofesa wezvoruzivo rwendangariro Richard Lazarus akanyora, kuti: “Hasha hadzisati dzichifanira kunyandurwa nechimwe chinhu chiri kunze. Dzinogona kuparirwa nemifungo yomunhu.” Somuenzaniso, mumwe mukadzi anobvuma kuti kutsamwa kwake nguva zhinji kunoparirwa nokunyanyofungisisa zvinhu zvinomuita kuti ashatirirwe munhu. “Ndangariro yangu inomhanya mhanya noudzame hwose, uye ndinozviwana ini ndimene ndichishatirwa zvikuru kwazvo. Mukati ndinova anotsva naanonetseka. Kunoshatsa zuva rangu rose. Ndinonzwa ndakapera simba.”
Kukurukura chinoitika chinoparira kutsamwa gare gare neshamwari kunogona nenzira yakafanana kuva nomuuyo wokumutsazve hasha. Kazhinji kazhinji chinhu chakanakisisa ndechokusvika pamanyuko echishatiriso ndokuedza kururamisa nhau. Ko mumwe munhu akakushatirisa here? Kana usingagoni kungokanganwa bedzi nhauyo, svika munhu iyeyo ndokuedza kururamisa nhau. (Enzanisa naMateo 5:23-26.) Kazhinji kazhinji kunowanzova kuti kusanzwisisanawo zvako kwakaitika.
Kushatiriswa kungawanda. Asika, nezivo iwe unogona kuita kuti nhau dzakadaro dzirambe dziri mukuva nomufungo. Unogona kudzidza kushandura kunzwa kunoparadza mukuva zviito zvinovaka. Hungu, unogona kudzora kutsamwa kwako!
[Mufananidzo uri papeji 20]
Ko unosiya boka raavo vanotsamwa here?