Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Ndiqhubana Njani Nomzali Oye Wemka Ekhaya?
“Ngeentsuku uTata awayeye asithembise ukuza kusithatha ukuze sityelele kwindawo ethile, uMama ebeye asinxibise kakuhle sinodade wethu. Yaye ngoko besiye sihlale size simlinde. Yaye silinde. Bekudlula iiyure ezininzi. Ekugqibeleni uMama ubeye athi, ‘Lixesha lokuya kulala.’ Besiye silile size sithi, ‘Uza kufika, uza kufika!’ Nangentsasa elandelayo, besiye sibe sisamlindile kodwa sekunjalo, angafiki uTata. Maxa wambi bekuye kube ngathi ubomi bethu buya kuphelela apho.”—UAnne.a
UKUBA, njengoAnne, uye wabona abazali bakho besahlukana, ngokunokwenzeka unokusiqonda isizathu sokuba uYehova, uMsunguli womtshato, eluchase ngamandla kangaka uqhawulo-mtshato. (Thelekisa uMalaki 2:16.) Uqhawulo-mtshato luhlungisa wonke ubani olumchaphazelayo—naxa umzali owoniweyo enelungelo elingokweZibhalo lokuqhawula umtshato nomnye.b
Kodwa xa abazali begqibela ngokwahlukana, mhlawumbi ngoqhawulo-mtshato olusemthethweni, oko akuthi ngokuyimfuneko kuphelise zonke iingxaki ukungavisisani kwabo okunokuzizisa kuwe. Enyanisweni, ngoku usenokujamelana nocelomngeni oluqatha: ugqiba enoba mawugcine uhlobo oluthile lolwalamano nomzali oye wemka ekhaya. UMeg ukhumbula nje indlela ekwakuba nzima ngayo oko: “Ndandothuke kakhulu kangangokuba kwasuka kwathi siba ngokweemvakalelo. Ngoko kangangethuba elithile, ndandingenazo iimvakalelo. Kwakungathi utata uye wafa.” Yaye uMike ukhumbula oku: “Ndaqalisa ukumthiya utata, yaye loo mvakalelo yahlala ixesha elide. Xa ndandiye ndicinge ngendlela aye walishiya ngayo ibhinqa kunye nabantwana abane, elixhasa ngeemvuthuluka—eneneni, kwakundenza ndiphambane.”
Yakha Ulwamano, Musa Ukulubhangisa
Kwisiphithiphithi nesidubedube seli thuba ebomini bakho, kulula kakhulu ukuzivala mba iingcango zothando kubazali bakho yaye uzale ngumsindo nenkohlakalo. Kodwa ukufukama ingqumbo enjalo kunokuyityhefa indlela obujonga ngayo ubomi. Umsindo onjalo unokukukhokelela ekubhangiseni naluphi na ulwalamano onalo, uqhawula amaqhina nomzali de kuphantse kube akunakwenzeka nakancinane ukuba lubuyiselwe.
IBhayibhile ayisiniki mvume yokungabahloneli abazali bethu. (Thelekisa uLuka 18:20.) Iingcali ziyavumelana kwelokuba kwiimeko ezininzi ufanele uzame ukugcina ulwalamano nabazali bakho bobabini emva kokuba bahlukene. UNjingalwazi wezifundo zengqondo uGqr. Robert E. Gould kwiphephancwadi iSeventeen wabhala wathi ukubabona rhoqo abazali bobabini kusenokude kukwenze lula ngawe ukuba uzilungelelanise nemeko yoqhawulo-mtshato. Umphandi uWallerstein noKelly ngokufanayo bafumanisa ukuba ulutsha olwatyhubela ngokunempumelelo kuqhawulo-mtshato lwabazali ikakhulu lwalunolwalamano olusondeleyo nabazali bobabini. Kodwa unokusondelelana njani nomzali oye wemka ekhaya okanye oye akathembeka?c
Ingqiqo—Isikhokelo Esisa Eluxolweni
Umsindo wakho wemvelo usenokuba yingxaki kuqala. Kodwa ukuba ukwenza usukelo lwakho ukumqonda kakuhle kakhulu umzali wakho, ingqiqo engumphumo isenokunceda ekuthomalaliseni umsindo wakho. Njengoko IMizekeliso 19:11 isithi: “Ingqiqo yomntu imenza azeke kade umsindo; sisihombo sakhe ukulugqitha ukreqo.” Oku ngokuqinisekileyo kulula ngakumbi xa ukuzisola okanye ukuguquka kuye kwabonakaliswa ngulowo ubekek’ ityala. Khumbula ukuba, ukubonakalisa ingqiqo ngemeko yomzali owahlukanisileyo, ngokobuntu nangokobuthathaka bakhe akuthi ngokuyimfuneko kuthethe ukuba uyamxolela umzali obekek’ ityala okanye uthabatha icala laloo mzali kwimbambano yoqhawulo-mtshato; kungathethi nokuba uyamngcatsha umzali ohlala naye. Kuthetha nje ukuba nembono elungeleleneyo ngomzali wakho.
Ngokomzekelo, ulutsha oluninzi lucinga ukuba umzali oye wemka ekhaya umele ukuba uluthiyile—kungenjalo kutheni umzali eye wemka? Kodwa enyanisweni, ukwahlukana kwabangelwa ziingxaki zomtshato, kungekhona nguwe. Ngokunokwenzeka umzali omkayo wayengazimiselanga kukuthiya ngokumka—nakubeni usenokuvakalelwa ngaloo ndlela. Kunjengokuba uGqr. Gould esithi: “Kunokwenzeka ukuba, abazali ababekuthanda ngaphambi koqhawulo-mtshato baya kukuthanda ngakumbi nakamva.”
‘Ngoko kwenzeka njani ukuba angasityeleli?’ usenokubuza. Xa umzali esilela ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuza kumatyelelo acwangcisiweyo, okanye unxibelelana nawe manqaphanqapha, eneneni kusenokubonakala ngathi akafuni kukubona. Kodwa oko kusenokuba akunjalo konke konke. Ngamanye amaxesha umzali lowo uyazi ukuba ihambo yakhe ngaphambi kokwahlukana iye yashiya intsapho ikhubeke ngokunzulu. Ukuba wakhe wakhathaza umhlobo, uyazi indlela ekunzima ngayo ukujamelana naye emva koko! Njengoko iMizekeliso 18:19 isithi: “Umzalwana okhutyekisiweyo ulukhuni ngaphezu kwesixeko esinqatyisiweyo.”—The Interlinear Hebrew-Aramaic Old Testament.
Ngenxa yeemvakalelo zokubekek’ ityala, umzali wakho ngokufanayo usenokoyika ukujamelana nentsapho. Ukuba nekratshi kusenokuba ngomnye uthunywashe. Kusenokude kube kukuba umzali owahlukanisileyo akanako nje ukujamelana nowayesakuba liqabane lakhe lomtshato, ingakumbi ukuba ubuye watshata; okwakusakuba “likhaya” ngoku kusenokubonakala ngathi yindawo engaziwayo. Aba ngabanye oothunywashe abasenokwenza kube nzima ngomzali wakho ukuba anityelele. Yintoni onokuyenza ukuze wenze izinto zibe lula? KwabaseRoma 12:18 sifunda oku: “Ukuba kunokwenzeka, okukokwenu nina, hlalani ninoxolo nabantu bonke.” Unokukwenza njani oko?
Phakathi kwezinye izinto, kusenokufuneka ukuba uwanciphise kancinane amathemba akho. Ukulindela ixesha nengqalelo engakumbi yomzali wakho kunaleyo uyifumanayo ngoku kuphela kuya kukuphazamisa kuze kukubangele imvakalelo yokuphoxeka. Kunoko zama ukunandipha ixesha elilinganiselweyo eninalo kunye.
Usenokuzibuza uthi ‘kodwa yintoni esinokuthetha ngayo?’ Kuyinyaniso ukuba, olu tyelelo lusenokungayolisi ekuqaleni. Kodwa kusenokuba kukho izinto ezininzi umzali wakho afuna ukuzazi—abahlobo bakho, inkqubela yakho esikolweni nezinto onomdla kuzo ngaphandle kwesikolo. Yaye kukho okuninzi onokukubuza. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo uqhawulo-mtshato luye lwashiya isithuba esivulekayo ebomini babazali bakho, njengoko lwenze njalo kobakho. Ngoko yiba ‘njengendoda enengqondo,’ ekuthethwe ngayo kwiMizekeliso 20:5, ‘erhola amanzi anzulu’ esiluleko kwenye. Buza imibuzo. Fumana ulwazi ngekhaya okanye umsebenzi omtsha womzali wakho, okanye imidlalwana yokuzonwabisa ayenzayo, imidlalo anomdla kuyo nabahlobo. Yaye ukuba akunakuyiphelisa intlungu eye yabangelwa ngabazali bakho kuwe, mhlawumbi ekuhambeni kwexesha unokufumana indlela yokuyithetha ngoxolo.
Ukugcina Ulungelelwano Lwakho
Noko ke, kukho ingozi yokumenza ofezekileyo umzali owahlukanisileyo. Utata kaRandy, olinxila nothanda amabhinqa, wayishiya intsapho ngokuphindaphindiweyo waza ekugqibeleni wawuqhawula umtshato nomama kaRandy. Yaye sekunjalo, uRandy ukhumbula oku: “Ngenxa yesizathu esithile, ngokwenene ndaphantse ndayinqula le ndoda.”
Uthando olunjalo ukungalungi alunto ingaqhelekanga. EUnited States, ama-90 ekhulwini abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato bahlala nomama baze batyelele utata. Ngaloo ndlela, umama usoloko enembopheleleko yokukhathalela abantwana bakhe imihla ngemihla—kuquka noqeqesho. Yaye phezu kwako nje ukuhlawulwa kwemali yenkxaso, imeko kamama engokoqoqosho idla ngokuba yehlelelekileyo emva koqhawulo-mtshato; ekatata imeko isenokude iphucuke. Umphumo uba ngulo: Ukutyelela utata kuthetha ukufumana izipho nokonwaba! Ubomi nomama buthetha ukuba imali nokuxelelwa omele ukwenze nomele ungakwenzi. Kulusizi ukuthi, olunye ulutsha lude lushiye umzali ongumKristu ukuze luye kuhlala nomzali ongakholwayo osisityebi novula nje zibhuqe.—Thelekisa iMizekeliso 19:4.
Ukuba uhendelwa ukuba wenze ukhetho olunjalo, qwalasela imilinganiselo yakho. Khumbula ukuba uMdali wakho uxabisa ngakumbi oko ukufuna ngokwenene—ukhokelo noqeqesho lokuziphatha kakuhle. Ayikho enye into umzali anokuyinikela eya kuluchaphazela ngokunzulu uhlobo lomntu olulo nokufaneleka kobomi bakho. Uqeqesho ngumqondiso wothando lokwenene—Bona IMizekeliso 4:13; 13:24.
Kwakhona, khumbula ukuba uMdali wakho unomlinganiselo omnye kuphela wokulungileyo nokuphosakeleyo, kungakhathaliseki oko umzali akuvumela ukuba ukwenze. UTom uthi: “Umama akazange asidimaze ekuboneni utata. Kodwa ngoLwesihlanu ngamnye xa sasisiya kutyelela, wayeye athi, ‘Khumbulani nje ukuba ningamaKristu nokuthi uYehova uyakubona oko nikwenzayo.’ Oko kwandinceda ukuba ndinamathele koko ndikukholelwayo xa sityelela utata.”
Phofu ke, nokuba usenokuzama kangakanani, akunakusoloko umkholisa umzali. Amacebiso akweli nqaku asenokukunceda uvale umsantsa ophakathi kwakho kwanomzali wakho. Kodwa nokuba yonke imigudu yakho iyasilela, musa ukulahla ithemba. Abantu bayatshintsha. Yaye ubuncinane uya kuba nolwaneliseko lokwazi ukuba ‘okukokwakho wena,’ uye walugcina uxolo. Ukanti okulunge kakhulu kukuba, uya kube usenako ukunandipha ukufudumala koncumo lomzali okholisekileyo kuye. Njengoko uYehova esithi kwiMizekeliso 27:11: “Yiba nobulumko, nyana wam, uyivuyise intliziyo yam; ukuze ndimphendule ngezwi ondingcikivayo.” Xa uthi ngokuthobela unamathele kwimilinganiselo kaThixo uze usebenzele ukubonakalisa ingqiqo enemfesane kulwalamano lwakho nabazali bakho, uyakholiswa koko. Yaye unguMhlobo noMzali ekungenakuze kufuneke ukuba wahlukane naye.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Amanye amagama atshintshiwe.
b Bona isahluko esithi “Kwakutheni Ukuze Utata Nomama Bahlukane?” kwincwadi ethi Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula—Iimpendulo Eziluncedo, epapashwe yiWatchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc.
c Apha asithethi ngabazali ababakek’ ityala ngokuxhaphaza abantwana babo ngokwesini okanye ababaxhaphaze qatha ngokomzimba. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ulwalamano olusondeleyo lomzali nomntwana lusenokungenzeki okanye lusenokungacebiseki.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 20]
Maxa wambi kuluvavanyo ukushiya omnye umzali ukuze uchithe ixesha nomnye