Intsha Iyabuza . . .
Yini Engalungile Ekudlaleni Ngothando?
“Sarah! Sarah!” kuhlebeza umfana osemigqeni embalwa ngemuva. “Woza uzohlala eduze kwami!” Njalo ngemva kwemizuzu emihlanu uphinda isicelo sakhe—ngokungaphumeleli. KuSarah, imizamo yalomfana ekudlaleni ngothando ekilasini iyisidina sansuku zonke.
UJennifer osemusha akakakhuli ngokwanele ukuba afunde esikoleni esiphakeme, kodwa uyalandisa: “Abafana basho izinto ezinencazelo ekabili futhi benze izinto ngendlela engalé kokuba nobungane.” “Yeka lawomehlo!” kunezela uErika. “Bakubuka ngalokhu kumamatheka kokumbuluza okukhulu, futhi ubezwa sebesho ngezwi elibhodlayo ongazi ukuthi balithathephi—kuyangihlekisa. Futhi bazisondeza ngempela kuwe.” Abafana nabo kuvamile ukuba badlaliswe ngothando. UJohn, oweve eshumini elinambili, uyalandisa: “Amantombazane [esikoleni] azama ukusondela kuwe akuthinte, akugaxe ngezingalo. Uhlangana nawo emaphaseji azame ukukwanga.”
Kuyavunywa, intsha eningi ibonakala ikujabulela ukunakwa. “Kuyajabulisa,” kusho intombazane egama layo linguConnie ekhuthaza ukubukwa okuvusa inkanuko ngokugqoka ngendlela eshukumisayo. Intsha eningi iyakujabulela ukusakaza lokho kunakwa futhi. “Ngiyintombazane ethanda ukudlala ngothando nazo zonke izinsizwa—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngiyazithanda noma cha,” kubhala enye intombazane kumagazini i’Teen. “Ukudlala ngothando kungenza ngizizwe ngizethemba futhi ngijabule ngokwengeziwe.”
Khona-ke, osemusha ongumKristu kufanele akubheke kanjani ukudlala ngothando? Ingabe kuwukuzijabulisa nje okumsulwa, isinyathelo esingenakuvinjelwa esisemgwaqweni oya othandweni? Noma ingabe zikhona izingozi zangempela okumelwe zigwenywe?
Lokho Ukudlala Ngothando Okukuhilelayo
Olimini lwesiNgisi, ukudlala ngothando akufani nokunaka okufanele okungase kuboniswe owesilisa kowesifazane (noma owesifazane kowesilisa) ekuqaleni kokuqomisana. Kunalokho, kusho “ukuziphatha ngendlela yothando kube kungekho nhloso yangempela.” AmaFulentshi abiza owesifazane oziphatha ngalendlela ngokuthi iveleza.
Nokho, okuyikhona okungathiwa ukuziphatha kokudlala ngothando, akulula ukukusho. Ukudlala ngothando kungase kuhilele ukubheka, ukuthinta, isimo sezwi, ukumamatheka okunamahloni—ngisho nendlela umuntu agqoka, ame, noma aziphathe ngayo. Nokho, nakuba kunzima ukuchaza ukudlala ngothando, ngokuvamile kulula kakhulu ukubona lapho umuntu eyisisulu sakho. Nokho, uma umuntu esemncane kakhulu ukuba aphishekele umshado, ukuziphatha kokuveleza noma kokudlala ngothando kuyingozi ngokuphelele!
Ingabe “Ukuzijabulisa” Okuyingozi?
Akukhona ukuthi akulungile ngokwakho ukuzizwa ukhangwa othile wobulili obuhlukile. Ngempela, ngesikhathi ‘sokuqhuma kwenkanuko yobusha,’ kungokwemvelo ngemizwa enjalo ukuba ibe enamandla; indlela uMdali asenza ngayo. (1 Korinte 7:36, qhathanisa neNW.) Mhlawumbe, uyazibuza ukuthi ukhanga kangakanani; ukudlala ngothando kungase kubonakale kuyindlela engenangozi yokuthola lokho. Umagazini i’Teen wakhuthaza amantombazane ukuba adlale ngothando ngokumemezela, “Ukudlala Ngothando Kungajabulisa!” Isihloko esalandela sanikeza iziyalezo eziningiliziwe zobuciko bokudlala ngothando.
Kodwa iqiniso nje lokuthi ukudlala ngothando kungase kuthiwe kuyajabulisa alikwenzi kube okunenzuzo noma okuhle. Cabangela isimo sendoda elungile uJobe. Wake wathi: “Ngenza isivumelwano namehlo ami: ngingabuka kanjani intombi na?” (Jobe 31:1, 9-11) Empeleni, uJobe wazenzela isivumelwano sokuthi wayeyolawula amehlo akhe futhi angalokothi abuke ngendlela yokukhanga owesifazane ongashadile. Ngani? Ngoba uJobe wayeyindoda eshadile. Ukuhileleka ekudlaleni ngothando okungelutho kwakuyoba okungafanelekile, ukungathembeki kumkakhe. Nakanjani, kwakuyovusa izifiso namathemba angalungile. Ngakho-ke uJobe wakugwema ukudlala ngothando.
Yiqiniso, awushadile. Kodwa uma ucabanga ngakho, ingabe unaso isizathu esifanelekile sokunaka othile wobulili obuhlukile ngokungefani noJobe? Nokho, uma ungakhulile ngokwanele ukuba ushade, singaba yini isizathu? Yini ongayenza uma esabela? Ingabe ngempela usesimweni sokuqhuba ubuhlobo buze bufinyelele emgomweni wabo ofanele—umshado?a Uma kungenjalo, ukudlala ngothando kubangela ukukhungatheka kuphela.
Ukuthuthukisa Ukuzazisa
Nokho, ngokuvamile, ukuhileleka kwezothando akakucabangi umuntu odlala ngothando. Angase abheke ukudonsa ukunakekela kowobulili obuhlukile njengohlobo lomdlalo. Ngokwesibonelo, intombazane engumKristu egama layo linguMaria, yayiwazi kahle umyalo weBhayibheli wokungazihileli ngezothando ejokeni linye nongakholwayo. (2 Korinte 6:14) Kodwa ngephutha yakholelwa ukuthi kwakungekho ngozi ekudlaleni ngothando nabafana eyayifunda nabo. “Lapho sengibakhangile,” ichaza ngokushesha “kwase kuphelile. Ufinyelela lapho befuna ukuphola nawe, futhi ume lapho.” Kodwa ingabe bona bama lapho?
Umlobi uKathy McCoy waphawula esihlokweni sikamagazini iSeventeen: “Abadlala umdlalo wobulili ngokuvamile bangabantu abazinyezayo abazama ukuthola imizwa emihle ngabo siqu ngokunakwa noma ukukhanga abanye.” Ukuthola ukusabela ekubhekeni okuyengayo noma ekuthinteni ngempela kungase kuthuthukise ubuwena—kodwa isikhashana kuphela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, umlobi weBhayibheli uPawulu, lapho exoxa ngothando lweqiniso, umusa, nobunye bobuKristu, waxwayisa amaKristu ukuba ‘angenzi lutho ngombango,’ noma “ukuzazisa komuntu siqu,” njengoba enye inguqulo ikubeka.—Filipi 2:1-3; The New English Bible.
Kunezindlela eziphumelela kakhulu nezihlala njalo zokwakha ukuzazisa kunokudlala ngemizwa yabanye. Kungani ungazami ukusebenzela ukwakha ‘umuntu wangaphakathi,’ noma umuntu onguye ngaphakathi?—2 Korinte 4:16, The Jerusalem Bible.
‘Ukuphonsa Imicibisholo Ebulalayo’
Isihloko esithile kumagazini iSeventeen siveza enye ingozi, sithi: “Into enzima ngokudlala ngothando ukuthi kusho izinto ezihlukene kubantu abahlukene, futhi ngezinye izikhathi izincazelo zifundwa ngokungeyikho—bese kulimala imizwa.”
Yebo, ngobuwula intsha ivame ukungayinaki ingozi engabangelwa ukudlala ngothando emizweni yomunye. Kunjengoba isaga esihlakaniphile sisho: “Njengohlanya oluphonsa izikhuni nemicibisholo ebulalayo, unjalo umuntu okhohlisa umakhelwane wakhe, ethi: Angithi ngintelile nje na?” (IzAga 26:18, 19) Amandla okuthinta imizwelo yabanye angaba abulalayo. Njenganoma imaphi amandla, kufanele asetshenziswe ngokuqapha, ngokunengqondo.
Ukudlala ngothando kuyadukisa, akunalo uthando, futhi ngokuvamile kunonya. Kungonakalisa ubuhlobo obebungaba obunempilo, nobujabulisayo. Kungakululaza emehlweni abanye. Okubi nangaphezulu, kungaholela ekuhilelekeni kwezothando ngaphambi kwesikhathi noma ngisho ekuziphatheni okubi kobulili! IBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Umuntu angaphatha umlilo esifubeni sakhe, izingubo zakhe zingashi, na?”—IzAga 6:27.
‘Ngifuna Abantu Bangithande’
Yebo, kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuthandwa. Futhi kungase kubonakale sengathi ukudlala ngothando kunayo yonke injabulo, nokuthi labo abayaziyo indlela yokuzenza bakhange banabangane abaningi. Kodwa ingabe ukudlala ngothando ngempela kwenza ubuhlobo bangempela, nobuhlala njalo? Akunjalo. Yiqiniso, abanye bangase bakuthande ukudlala ngothando uma nje ukunakekela kusabhekiswe kubo. Kodwa lapho ukunakekela ngokushesha kubhekiselwa komunye, ngokuvamile bazizwa bekucasukela ukudlala ngothando.
Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi kokunye ukuhlolwa kwamantombazane evé eshumini elinambili, angamaphesenti angu-80 abheka “isimo sokudlala ngothando” kumfana “njengesingasho lutho nhlobo.” Njengoba isaga sasendulo sisho: “Ononya uhlupha inyama yakhe.”—IzAga 11:17.
Ubuhlobo Obuhle
Kuyavunywa, akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukulinganisela ngokufanele ekusebenzelaneni nabobulili obuhlukile. Intombazane eneminyaka eyeve eshumini elinambili egama layo linguKelly ithi ‘inobunzima ekutholeni umehluko phakathi kokuba nobungane nokudlala ngothando.’ Iyenezela: “Angive nginobungane.”
Akukho okubi ngokuba okhululekile. Futhi akudingekile ukuzifihla egobongweni noma ukubonisa isimo sokungabi nabungane. Ukukwazi ukuqhuba izingxoxo ezakhayo, nezinobuhlakani kuyikhono elingakusiza ukuba uzuze abangane. Ngaphandle kwa-lokho, ingxoxo evulekile akulula ukuba iqondakale ngokungeyikho kunokubheka okungachazeki noma ukumamatheka kwamahloni ngakolunye uhlangothi lwegumbi. Kodwa uma unobungane nontanga bobulili obuhlukile kuphela futhi ungabanaki abanye, akunakwenzeka yini ukuba abanye bafinyelela iziphetho ezingalungile ngawe?
Isihluthulelo ‘siwukungabheki okwakho, kepha ubheke nokwabanye’—kungakhathaliseki ubudala noma ubulili. (Filipi 2:4) Gwema inkulumo, ukugqoka, ukuzilungisa, noma izenzo ezingabhekwa njengezihehayo. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Thimothewu 2:9.) Uma unedumela lokubonisa isithakazelo esiqotho kubo bonke abantu, akulula ukuba ubungane buphambaniswe nokudlala ngothando. Ngenkulumo yakho nezenzo, ungathumela isigijimi esicacile: ‘Angikho ebhizinisini yokudlala ngothando!’
[Umbhalo waphansi]
a Bheka isahluko 29 (“Ingabe Ngikulungele Ukuphola?”) encwadini ethi Intsha Iyabuza—Izimpendulo Ezisebenzayo, ekhishwa yiWatchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc.
[Isithombe ekhasini 20]
Ukubonisa isithakazelo esiqotho kubo bonke abantu—kungakhathaliseki ubudala babo noma ubulili