Ingabe Ningabuyisana?

“Kulula ukuqala imicikilisho yokuhlukanisa ngokuphamazela,” kusho incwadi ethi “Couples in Crisis,” “kodwa kumelwe ukuba kunemishado eminingi engalondolozwa futhi iphumelele uma kungaxazululwa izinkinga.”

LELI phuzu livumelana nemfundiso yasendulo kaJesu Kristu ngokuphathelene nesehlukaniso. Nakuba athi kuvumelekile ukuba umngane womshado ongenacala athole isehlukaniso ngenxa yesenzo sokungathembeki emshadweni, akashongo ukuthi umuntu ubophekile ukwenza kanjalo. (Mathewu 19:3-9) Umngane othembekile angase abe nezizathu zokuzama ukulondoloza umshado. Kungenzeka umenzi wobubi usamthanda umkakhe.a Kungenzeka ungumyeni okhathalelayo nobaba okahle ozinakekela ngobuqotho izidingo zomkhaya wakhe. Uma ecabangela izidingo zakhe nezabantabakhe, umngane womshado othembekile angase anqume ukubuyisana nomngane wakhe womshado kunokuba bahlukanise. Uma kunjalo, yiziphi izici okufanele zicatshangelwe, futhi kungabhekwana kanjani ngokuphumelelayo nezinselele zokuvuselela umshado?

Zisuka nje, kumelwe sisho ukuthi ukuhlukanisa noma ukubuyisana akulula. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukumane uthethelele umngane womshado ophingile cishe akunakuzixazulula izinkinga eziyisisekelo emshadweni. Ngokuvamile ukulondoloza umshado kudinga ukuzihlolisisa, ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile nokuzikhandla. Ngokuvamile imibhangqwana ayinaki ukuthi kudingeka isikhathi nomzamo omkhulu kangakanani ukuvuselela umshado owonakele. Noma kunjalo, abaningi baye baphikelela futhi manje banemishado eqinile.

Imibuzo Okufanele Iphendulwe

Ukuze anqume ngokuhlakanipha, umngane womshado othembekile kufanele aqiniseke ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi yini ayikhethayo. Angase acabangele okulandelayo: Ingabe umyeni wami uyafuna ukubuya? Ingabe usehlukene ngokuphelele nomuntu abephinga naye, noma ingabe uyanqikaza ukwenza kanjalo ngokushesha? Ingabe usexolisile? Uma kunjalo, ingabe uphendukile ngempela, uzisola ngobuqotho ngalokho akwenzile? Noma ingabe uthambekele ekusoleni mina ngephutha lakhe? Ingabe uyazisola ngempela ngobuhlungu abubangele? Noma kunalokho, ingabe uthukutheliswe ukuthi ubanjiwe ukuthi uthandana nothile ngokungemthetho futhi baphazanyiswa?

Kuthiwani ngesikhathi esizayo? Ingabe useqalile ukulungisa isimo sengqondo nezenzo okwaholela ekuphingeni? Ingabe uzimisele ngempela ukuba angaphinde enze lobo bubi? Noma ingabe usathambekele ekudlaleni ngothando nasekwakheni ubuhlobo obungafanele nabantu bobulili obuhlukile? (Mathewu 5:27, 28) Ingabe uzimisele ngempela ukuvuselela lo mshado? Uma kunjalo, yini ayenzayo? Izimpendulo ezicacile kule mibuzo zingase zibe yisisekelo sokukholelwa ukuthi umshado ungavuselelwa.

Ukukhulumisana Kubalulekile

Umlobi weBhayibheli uthi: “Lapho kungekho khona ukululekana, amasu ayachitheka.” (IzAga 15:22) Lokhu kuba njalo ngempela lapho umngane womshado ongenacala enomuzwa wokuthi kufanele baxoxe ngalokho kungathembeki nomngane wakhe. Ngaphandle kokukhuluma ngemininingwane ejulile, bangaba nengxoxo ekhululekile neqotho engase iveze iqiniso ngalokho okwenzeka futhi iqede ukusola okukhona. Lokhu kungase kuvimbele umbhangqwana ungaqhelelani ngenxa yokungaqondani nokucasuka okuhlala isikhathi eside. Yiqiniso, bobabili indoda nomfazi cishe bayothola ukuthi izingxoxo ezinjalo zizwisa ubuhlungu. Kodwa abaningi baye bathola ukuthi ziyingxenye ebalulekile yenqubo yokuvuselela ukwethembana.

Esinye isinyathelo esibalulekile sokubuyisana ngempumelelo siwukuzama ukuthola izici eziyinkinga emshadweni—izinto bobabili abangane bomshado okungadingeka basebenzele kuzo. UZelda West-Meads uyaluleka: “Uma senixoxile ngalesi simo esibuhlungu, seninqumile ukuthi lobo buhlobo obungafanele sebuphele unomphela, ukuthi nisafuna ukulondoloza umshado wenu, lungisani okonakele nivuselele umshado.”

Mhlawumbe benithathana kalula. Kungenzeka beningasazinaki izinto ezingokomoya. Mhlawumbe beningachithi isikhathi esanele ndawonye. Mhlawumbe awuzange ubonise uthando, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, ukuncoma nokudumisa umngane wakho womshado ngendlela abengathanda ngayo. Ukuhlaziya kabusha imigomo nezindinganiso zenu ndawonye kuyonisiza kakhulu ukuba nisondelane futhi kuyovimbela ukungathembeki esikhathini esizayo.

Ukuhlakulela Ukuthethelela

Naphezu kwemizamo yakhe eqotho, umngane womshado ozwiswe ubuhlungu angase akuthole kunzima ukuthethelela umyeni wakhe, ingasaphathwa eyowesifazane aphinge naye. (Efesu 4:32) Kodwa-ke, ungakwazi ukudedela ukucasuka nentukuthelo kancane kancane. Incwadi ethile ithi: “Umngane womshado othembekile kufanele aqaphele ukuthi ukuphila kuyaqhubeka. Kubalulekile ukuba ungalokhu ukhuluma ngezono zomngane wakho zangaphambili ngenjongo [yokumjezisa] njalo lapho kuphakama impikiswano.”

Abantu abaningi abashadile baye bathola ukuthi ngokuzama ukunciphisa nokuqeda imizwa yokucasuka okujulile, ekugcineni abasenayo inzondo ngomuntu owonile. Ukwenza kanjalo kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sokuvuselela umshado.

Funda Ukumethemba Futhi

Owesifazane othile ocindezelekile wathi: “Ingabe siyokwazi ukuphinde sethembane?” Akushoyo kuyezwakala ngoba ukukhohlisa komngane ophingile kuye kwaqeda—noma okungenani konakalisa—ukwethembana. Njengesitsha sezimbali esiyigugu, kulula ukuqeda ukwethembana kodwa kunzima ukukuvuselela. Iqiniso liwukuthi ukuze ubuhlobo bungaqhubeki nje bukhona kuphela kodwa futhi buchume, kufanele kube nokwethembana nenhlonipho.

Ngokuvamile lokhu kuyohilela ukufunda ukwethemba futhi. Kunokuba afune ukwethenjwa ngenkani, umngane onecala angasiza ekuvuseleleni ukwethembana ngokungafihli lutho nangokwethembeka ezintweni azenzayo. AmaKristu akhuthazwa ukuba ‘alahle amanga futhi akhulume iqiniso’ komunye nomunye. (Efesu 4:25) UZelda West-Meads uthi ukuze uphinde wethenjwe, kungase kudingeke ukuba ekuqaleni “utshele [umngane wakho womshado] imininingwane ecacile yokuthi uyakuphi. Tshela [umngane wakho womshado] ukuthi uyakuphi, uzobuya nini futhi uqiniseke ukuthi uya lapho uthé uzoya khona.” Uma izimo zishintsha mazise ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Kungase kuthathe isikhathi nomzamo ukuvuselela imizwa yokuzethemba. Umngane womshado onecala angasiza ngokuthi angalugodli uthando nokuncoma—atshele umkakhe njalo ukuthi uyamazisa futhi uyamthanda. Umeluleki wemishado ohlonishwayo uyaluleka: “Mnike udumo ngakho konke akwenzayo.” (IzAga 31:31, Today’s English Version) Umfazi naye angahlakulela ukuzethemba ngokugxila ezintweni azenza kangcono ekuphileni kwakhe.

Kudinga Isikhathi

Ngenxa yobuhlungu obukhulu obubangelwa ukungathembeki, akumangalisi ukuthi nangemva kweminyaka eminingi umuntu usengakukhumbula kahle okwenzeka futhi kumzwise ubuhlungu. Nokho, njengoba ubuhlungu buqhubeka budamba, ukuthobeka, ukubekezela nokukhuthazela kwabo bobabili abangane bomshado kuyovuselela ukwethembana nenhlonipho.—Roma 5:3, 4; 1 Petru 3:8, 9.

Incwadi ethi To Love, Honour and Betray iyaqinisekisa: “Ubuhlungu obukhulu balezo zinyanga zokuqala ezimbalwa abuhlali isikhathi eside. Buyadamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi . . . Ekugcineni uyothola ukuthi kuyophela izinsuku, amasonto, izinyanga ngisho neminyaka ungasicabangi naleso senzakalo esibuhlungu.” Njengoba uqhubeka usebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli emshadweni wakho futhi ufuna isibusiso nesiqondiso sikaNkulunkulu, akungabazeki ukuthi uyojabulela umphumela othoba inhliziyo ‘wokuthula kukaNkulunkulu okudlula konke ukucabanga.’—Filipi 4:4-7, 9.

UPedro uyabika: “Uma ngibheka emuva, lesi senzakalo siye sakushintsha ukuphila kwethu. Ngezikhathi ezithile kusadingeka silungise izinto ezimbalwa emshadweni wethu. Kodwa sesiphumile ebunzimeni. Sisashadile. Futhi sijabulile.”

Kodwa kuthiwani uma umngane ongenacala engenaso isizathu sokuthethelela ongathembekile? Noma kuthiwani uma ethethelela umngane wakhe womshado (ngokuthi ayeke ukumcasukela) kodwa ngenxa yezizathu ezizwakalayo anqume ukusebenzisa ilungiselelo leBhayibheli lesehlukaniso?b Isehlukaniso singamlethela buphi ubunzima umuntu? Sikucela ukuba ucabangele izici ezihilelekile esehlukanisweni, nokuthi abanye baye babhekana kanjani nazo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]

UKUSEKELA OKUWUSIZO

Ngenxa yezici eziningi ezingase zicatshangelwe, kungase kube yinzuzo ukucela usizo lukameluleki onolwazi nonokulinganisela. Ngokwesibonelo, oFakazi BakaJehova bangaya kubadala abanomusa nobubele.—Jakobe 5:13-15.

Abeluleki, abangane nezihlobo bakhuthazwa ukuba bangaqokomisi imibono yabo siqu, basekele noma bagxeke isehlukaniso esenziwa ngezizathu ezingokomBhalo noma ukubuyisana. Owesifazane ongumKristu owahlukanisa uyaluleka: “Esikudingayo ukusekelwa okukhulu, bese nisiyeka sizinqumele esifuna ukukwenza.”

Iseluleko kufanele sisekelwe ngokuqinile eBhayibhelini. Omunye owahlukanisa uyasikisela: “Ungabatsheli indlela okufanele bazizwe ngayo noma okungafanele bazizwe ngayo. Kunalokho, banike ithuba lokuveza imizwa yabo.” Uzwela, ukusondelana kobuzalwane nobubele besisa kuyosiza ekuthobeni amanxeba abangelwe ukulahlwa emshadweni. (1 Petru 3:8) Umeluleki othile ongumakad’ ebona wathi: “Bakhona abaphahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba, kepha izilimi zabahlakaniphileyo ziyimpiliso.”—IzAga 12:18.

Indoda ethile ethembekile yaphawula: “Ngangidinga ukuqonda, amazwi enduduzo nesikhuthazo. Umkami yena wayesidinga ngempela isiqondiso nokunconywa ngenxa yomzamo ayewenza—wayedinga ukusekelwa okungokoqobo okwakungamsiza ukuba aqhubeke.”

Uma ngemva kokuzindla ngokucophelela nangomthandazo, umuntu enquma ukufaka isehlukaniso noma ukuhlala ngokwahlukana ngesizathu esingokomBhalo, lowo muntu akufanele alulekwe ngendlela emenza azizwe enecala. Kunalokho, angasizwa ukuba anqobe imizwa yecala engadingekile.

Esinye isisulu sathi: “Uma ufuna ukuba umthombo wenduduzo owusizo, ungalokothi ukhohlwe imizwelo yomuntu ejulile ehilelekile.”

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 7]

OKWENZA ABANYE BANGAHLUKANISI

Ezindaweni eziningi, kunabesifazane okuthi ngenxa yesidingo esithile, bakhethe ukuqhubeka behlala nabayeni babo abaphingayo, abangaphenduki. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye besifazane abangamaKristu abahlala ezindaweni ezikhungethwe yizimpi noma ezimpofu baye bahlala nabayeni babo abangathembekile abasaqhubeka benakekela imikhaya yabo kwezinye izici, nakuba kungenzeka ukuthi abawona amakholwa. Ngenxa yalokho, banekhaya, isivikelo abasidingayo, imali engena njalo ekhaya nokulondeka okuthile ngenxa yokuba nabayeni emakhaya—ngisho noma kungenzeka ukuthi abathembekile. Baye bacabanga ukuthi—ngaphansi kwezimo zabo ezikhethekile—ukuhlala nabayeni babo, nakuba kungathandeki noma kungelula, kuye kwabenza bakwazi ukubhekana nezimo ezithile ekuphileni ebezingabahlula ukuba bebephila bodwa.

Ngemva kokubekezelela isimo esinjalo—ngezinye izikhathi iminyaka eminingi—abanye balaba besifazane baye bajabulela isibusiso esihle sokubona abayeni babo beshintsha izindlela zabo futhi beba amadoda angamaKristu athembekile nanothando.—Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 7:12-16.

Ngakho-ke, labo abakhetha ukuhlala nabangane babo bomshado—nakuba bengaphenduki—akufanele bagxekwe. Kuye kwadingeka benze isinqumo esinzima futhi kufanele banikezwe lonke usizo nokusekelwa abakudingayo.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 8]

UBANI ODALA LEZI ZINKINGA?

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kwezinye izimo amaphutha omngane womshado ongenacala kungenzeka abangela izinkinga emshadweni, kodwa iBhayibheli lithi “yilowo nalowo ulingwa ngokuhehwa nangokuhungwa isifiso sakhe siqu. Khona-ke isifiso, lapho sesivundile, sizala isono.” (Jakobe 1:14, 15) Nakuba kungase kube nezici ezihlukahlukene eziwumthelela, “isifiso sakhe siqu” lowo muntu yisona ngokuyinhloko esimenza aphinge. Uma amaphutha omngane womshado ebangela izinkinga, ngokuqinisekile ukuphinga akuyona indlela yokuzixazulula.—Heberu 13:4.

Kunalokho, izinkinga zomshado zingaxazululwa uma bobabili indoda nomfazi bebekezela ekusebenziseni izimiso zeBhayibheli. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ‘ukubekezelelana nokuthethelelana ngokukhululekile.’ Kufanele baphikelele nasekuboniseni izimfanelo ‘ezinjengokusondelana okunesisa kobubele, umusa, ukuthobeka kwengqondo, ubumnene, nokubhekakade.’ Okubaluleke nakakhulu, kufanele “[bagqoke] uthando, ngoba luyisibopho esiphelele sobunye.”—Kolose 3:12-15.

[Isithombe ekhasini 7]

Ukulalelisisana kungasiza umbhangqwana uvuselele umshado