Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Abazali Bami Benemizwa Eguquguquka Kangaka?

“AKUVE kunzima ukusebenzelana nomama,” kusho uJeanette osemusha.a “Uma ekhathele, ukukhiphela kimi. Akukho engikushoyo okulungile.” UJim unenkinga efanayo. Uthi: “Lapho okuthile kungahambi kahle, bakuthukuthelela ngaphandle kwesizathu esizwakalayo. Ngokwesibonelo, uma imoto ingadumi, ubaba uthethisa mina—kube sengathi bekuyiphutha lami!”

Yisikhalazo esisakazeke kakhulu phakathi kwabevé eshumini elinambili ukuthi: Abazali babo banemizwa eguquguqukayo, bayakhononda, abaqondakali. Ngolunye usuku bayajabula, bename, futhi bakwethembe. Ngosuku olulandelayo, bacindezelekile futhi balusizi bagxeka yonke into oyishoyo noyenzayo. “Bangithethisa ngaphandle kwesizathu,” kububula omunye omusha.

Nokho, njengoba kungase kubonakale kudida ngezinye izikhathi, cishe wonke umuntu—kuhlanganise nabazali—uba nemizwa ehlukahlukene ngezikhathi ezithile. Umuntu unjalo. Ngakho iBhayibheli lisitshela ngabantu abahlukahlukene ‘abanemizwa yenjabulo,’ “imizwa yokuthobeka,” noma ngisho ‘nemizwa yokulwa.’ (Esteri 1:10; Jobe 11:19; IzEnzo 12:20, NW) Eminye imizwa eguquguqukayo ibonakala ihlangene nemijikelezo yokuphila ehlukahlukene. Ngokwesibonelo, abesifazane ngokuvamile baba nemizwa eguquguqukayo phakathi nezikhathi zomjikelezo wokuya esikhathini. Futhi kujwayelekile ukuba amalungu abo bobubili ubulili azizwe ephansi ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo emini yantambama nakusihlwa.

Ukucindezeleka

Isihloko esithile kuyi-American Health siyaphawula: “Imizwa eminingi yokungajabuli inezimbangela ezingokomzimba. Nakuba ukugula nokudla okungenamsoco kungaba izici ezandulelayo, ngokuvamile ukukhathala kuyimbangela eyinhloko.” Lezi “izikhathi ezinzima,” futhi emikhayeni eminingi, bobabili umama nobaba kumelwe basebenze emsebenzini ongaphandle kwasekhaya. (2 Thimothewu 3:1) Ukukhathala kuwumphumela ovamile. Njengoba bekhathazwa ukucindezeleka okungapheli, abanye abazali bangase bazizwe njengoJobe olungile, owazichaza ‘njengokhungethwe ukuhlupheka.’—Jobe 10:15, NW; 14:1.

Lapho abazali bekhungethwe ubunzima babo siqu, ukukhulumisana kungalimala. UJason osemusha uyakhononda: “Bakutshela ukuthi wenze okuthile, bese ukwenza. Kodwa kamuva bathi bakutshelé ukuthi wenze okuthile okuhlukile, bese bethukuthela. Uyacasuka, bese bekujezisela lokho kucasuka!”

Ngezinye izikhathi ukucindezela kokuphila kungase futhi kunciphise amandla angokomzwelo adingekayo kubazali ukuze basabele ezidingweni zakho. IzAga 24:10 zithi: “Uma udangala ngosuku lokuhlupheka, amandla akho mancane.” Omunye umzali wavuma: “Ngivame ukulanda uDiana esikoleni lapho ngibuya emsebenzini ngiya ekhaya. Ugibela emotweni bese eqala ukungixoxela ngazo zonke izinto ezenzeke esikoleni ngalolosuku—futhi ngezinye izinsuku ngimane ngingabi nawo nje amandla okulalela. Ngisuke ngikhathele kakhulu futhi ngikhungethwe izenzakalo zosuku zami siqu ukuba ngingaba nesineke sezakhe.” Kungase kuzwakale sengathi abazali bayakulahla lapho benza ngalendlela, kodwa ngokuvamile kusuke kungenxa yokukhathala.

“Futhi kungenzeka,” kuphawula umbhali uClayton Barbeau, “ukuthi abazali bakho banezinkinga wena ongazazi. Intsha eningi izibukela phansi izinkinga zezomnotho ekuphileni komkhaya. Uma kucatshangelwa izindlu nezindleko zokudla nokungalondeki komsebenzi endaweni yokusebenza yanamuhla, abazali bakho bangase bakhathazeke ngezinto abangakakutsheli zona kodwa bona abaxoxa ngazo.” Noma kungenzeka ukuthi babhekene nemithwalo yemfanelo eyimfihlo. Omunye ubaba ongumKristu ukhonza njengombonisi ebandleni elithile loFakazi BakaJehova. Indodakazi yakhe ithi: “Ngezinye izikhathi lapho ecabanga ngezinkinga eziningi zebandla, ukhononda ngempela. Uyazama ukuba angakukhipheli kithi, kodwa ucindezeleka kakhulu kangangokuthi angabe esakwazi ukwenza ezinye izinto.” IzAga 12:25 zikubeka kahle: “Ukukhathazeka enhliziyweni yomuntu kuyayithobisa.”

Abazali bakho bangase bazame ngamandla ukuba bakufihlele ukucindezeleka okunjalo. Kodwa kunjengoba isaga sikubeka: “Ngosizi lwenhliziyo uyachotshozwa umoya.” (IzAga 15:13) Ngezinye izikhathi ubuhlungu babo bangaphakathi bungase bubakhungathekise, futhi ukucasuka okuncane kungavusa uchungechunge lokukhungatheka okucindezelwe. “Ngezinye izikhathi lapho ubaba efika ekhaya evela emsebenzini,” kusho enye intombazane eyevé eshumini elinambili, “usuke ethukuthele ngenxa yokuthile okwenzeke emsebenzini. Futhi uma ngikhohlwe ukwenza okuthile, khona-ke ubaba ungikhumbuza ngakho. Bese efuna okunye angangithethisela khona.”

Akungabazeki ukuthi inkulumo engalungile kufanele igwenywe. (Kolose 3:8) UNkulunkulu uyala abazali ukuba bangabacasuli abantwana babo. (Efesu 6:4) Kodwa ngisho nendoda elungile uJobe, ngaphansi kokucindezeleka kwezimo ezicindezelayo, yazithola isikhuluma “ukubhuda.” (Jobe 6:3) Ngakho ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukwahlulela abazali bakho ngokhahlo, zibuze: ‘Ngisabela kanjani mina lapho ngibe nosuku olubi noma lapho ngizizwa ngingaphansi kokucindezeleka okukhulu? Ingabe ngezinye izikhathi ngiba nolaka noma ngisheshe ngicasuke?’ Uma kunjalo, mhlawumbe ungabathethelela ngokwengeziwe abazali bakho.—Qhathanisa noMathewu 6:12-15.

Omunye osemusha owevé eshumini elinambili okuthiwa uChad wazizwela mathupha indlela ukuphila kukayise okwakucindezela ngayo. Uthi: “Ngisebenza nobaba ebhizinisini lakhe lokupenda nokulungisa izimoto, futhi manje ngiyakubona ukucindezeleka angaphansi kwakho. Kunezinto eziyintilibathwa azenzayo usuku lonke!”

Izinguquko Lapho Uneminyaka Ephakathi Kwamashumi Amane Namashumi Ayisithupha

Kweyesi-2 Korinte 7: 5, umphostoli uPawulu wavuma ukuthi ‘wayenokwesaba ngaphakathi.’ Eminye imizwa eguquguqukayo yabazali bakho ingase ibangelwe ukukhathazeka kwangaphakathi. Incwadi ethi The Healthy Adolescent ithi: “Njengoba nje osemusha elwisana nezinkinga zobusha, nabazali balwisana nezinkinga zobudala. Abazali basondela eminyakeni ephakathi kwengu-40 nengu-60, leyo njengeminyaka yokweva eshumini elinambili, eyinkathi enzima egcwele izinguquko zayo siqu.”

Abanye abazali kuyabaphazamisa ukuqaphela ukuthi bayaguga. “Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi ukuphila kwami kwakuphela,” kusho omunye ubaba. “Umsebenzi wami wawungasajabulisi, abantwana bami base bezohamba ekhaya, ngazizwa ngigugile, futhi ayikho into engangibheke phambili kuyo ngaphandle komhlala-phansi.” Nakuba wena ujabulela “ubungqabavu bokuphila,” kungenzeka bona bakhuthazelela izinkinga ezingokomzimba ezifika nokukhula kweminyaka. (UmShumayeli 11:10, NW) Ngokwesibonelo, kungenzeka ukuthi umama wakho ubhekene nezinguquko zama-hormone zokunqamuka kokuya esikhathini futhi ngokuvamile kuba nezimpawu ezicasulayo—ukukhathala, ubuhlungu beqolo, izinhlungu zomzimba ezinyazimayo, nemizwa eguquguqukayo, uma sibala nje ezimbalwa.b

Lapho uqhubeka ukhulela ebudaleni, yilapho abazali bakho kumelwe babhekane kakhudlwana neqiniso lamazwi eBhayibheli akuGenesise 2:24: “Indoda iyakushiya uyise nonina.” Phela, kungenzeka ukuthi kakade usuthatha izinyathelo eziqatha zokukhululeka ekubeni ngaphansi kwabo! Incwadi ethi Talking With Your Teenager iyaphawula: “Lokhu kungalimaza ngempela. . . . Thina [bazali] singase sibe nomuzwa wokuthi asisathandwa njengakuqala . . . Ngokuvamile intsha yethu iqhele kakhulu, ayiyibonakalisi imizwa, izivikela kakhulu. Isifiso sayo sokungabi nathi, ukuthola okuhlangenwe nakho ngaphandle komkhaya, ukwenza izinqumo noma ukuklama amasu angekho ngaphansi kwethonya lethu kubonisa ukuthi asibalulekile ekuphileni kwayo njengoba sasinjalo.”

Ngakho-ke kulula ukubona isizathu sokuba abazali bakho ngezinye izikhathi babe nemizwa eguquguqukayo noma bathinteke ngokushesha ngokomzwelo ikakhulukazi lapho kuziwa ezindabeni ezihilela ukukhululeka kwakho okuqhubekayo ngaphansi kwabo. USteve osemusha uthi: “Abazali bami bayakhohlwa. Ubatshela ukuthi usazoke uthi ukuyoshaywa umoya, futhi kamuva bayabuza, ‘Uyaphi?’ Bese uthi, ‘Nginitshelile ukuthi ngiyodlala i-volleyball.’ Bathi, ‘Awuzange usitshele,’ bese beqala ukukuthethisa. Kuba njalo ngaso sonke isikhathi.” Kodwa lokho ongase ukubheke njengokungelutho noma ukukhononda kungase nje kwembule uthando lwabo olujulile nokukukhathalela. Bayazi ukuthi izwe libi kangakanani, futhi nakuba besiqaphela isidingo sakho sokuphuma ngaphansi kwabo, ngezinye izikhathi bangase besabele inhlalakahle yakho. (Qhathanisa neyesi-2 Korinte 11:3.) Bangase basabele ngokweqile ezintweni noma baguquguquke. Ingabe akufanele nawe ubathande ngendlela efanayo?

Ukuqonda Abazali

Lapho usemncane, kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bakho wawubabheka njengabazi konke futhi abanamandla okwenza konke. Njengoba ukhula futhi uhlakanipha, mhlawumbe amaphutha abo aba sobala kakhulu. Futhi lapho abazali ngezinye izikhathi benemizwa eguquguqukayo noma ukukhononda, kungaba lula ukuba uqale ukubabukela phansi. Kodwa iBhayibheli lixwayisa ‘ngokuklolodela umzali.’ (IzAga 30:17) Ngaphandle kwalokho, kungenzeka ukuthi akubona bodwa abanemizwa eguquguqukayo emkhayeni wakini. “Ngezinye izikhathi nami ngiba nemizwa eguquguqukayo,” kuvuma enye intombazane. Mhlawumbe nawe ngokungaqapheli uyashesha ukuthinteka ngokomzwelo, unyukubale, noma ungaxoxi.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, kunokuba ubheke abazali bakho ngeso eligxekayo, zama ukuhlakulela ‘ukubahawukela,’ nokuba nobubele kubo. (1 Petru 3:8) Njengoba isihloko esilandelayo kuloluchungechunge sizobonisa, lokhu kungakusiza ukuba ubhekane nemizwa yabo eguquguqukayo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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