Bazali, Zingane—Khulumisanani Ngothando

1, 2. Ngokuvamile, abazali nezingane bazizwa kanjani ngomunye nomunye, kodwa ibuphi ubunzima ababhekana nabo ngezinye izikhathi?

“UKUBE ubungase wazi ngandlela-thile ukuthi abazali bakho bazofa kusasa, yini obungathanda kakhulu ukubatshela yona namuhla?” Lo mbuzo wabuzwa amakhulu ezingane e-United States. Kunokugxila ezinkingeni nasezingxabanweni okungenzeka zazizikhathaza, ezingamaphesenti angu-95 zathi zazingabatshela lokhu abazali bazo: “Ngicela ningixolele” nokuthi “Nginithanda kakhulu.”—For Parents Only, ebhalwe nguShaunti Feldhahn noLisa Rice.

² Ngokuvamile, izingane ziyabathanda abazali bazo nabo bayazithanda izingane zabo. Lokhu kunjalo ikakhulu emikhayeni yamaKristu. Nakuba abazali nezingane befisa ukusondelana, ngezinye izikhathi ukukhulumisana kuba inkinga. Ngisho noma ingxoxo ingase ibe engagunci nekhululekile, kungani ezinye izihloko zingathintwa nhlobo? Iziphi ezinye izinto ezithiya ukukhulumisana okuhle? Zinganqotshwa kanjani?

 3. (a) Kungani ukukhulumisana okuhle kuyinselele emikhayeni eminingi? (b) Kungani kwakungeyona inkinga ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye emikhayeni yakwa-Israyeli wasendulo?

³ Imikhaya eminingi ikuthola kunzima ukuba nesikhathi esanele sokukhulumisana okwakhayo. Kwakungenjalo ekuqaleni. UMose wayala obaba abangama-Israyeli: “Kumelwe uwagxilise [amazwi kaNkulunkulu] kubantwana bakho futhi ukhulume ngawo lapho uhleli endlini yakho nalapho uhamba endleleni nalapho ulala nalapho uvuka.” (Dut. 6:6, 7) Izingane zazichitha usuku zinonina emakhaya noma zinoyise emasimini noma lapho babesebenzela khona. Abazali nezingane babeba nesikhathi esiningi sokuba ndawonye nesokuxoxa. Ngenxa yalokho, abazali babethola ithuba lokwazi izidingo, izifiso nobuntu bezingane zabo. Nezingane zaziba nesikhathi esanele sokubazi kahle abazali bazo.

 4. Kungani ukukhulumisana kuyinkinga emikhayeni eminingi namuhla?

⁴ Yeka ukuthi ukuphila kuhluke kanjani namuhla! Kwamanye amazwe, izingane ziya ezinkulisa zisencane kakhulu, ngezinye izikhathi ziseneminyaka emibili kuphela. Obaba nomama abaningi basuke besemsebenzini. Phakathi nesikhathi esincane abazali bendawonye nezingane zabo, ukukhulumisana kuphazanyiswa noma kuqedwe ama-computer, ithelevishini nezinye izinto zobuchwepheshe. Ezimweni eziningi, izingane ziziphilela okwazo ukuphila nabazali baziphilela okwabo; abazani nhlobo. Izingxoxo ezizuzisayo kungenzeka zingabi khona ngokuphelele.

5, 6. Abanye abazali ‘basithengisisa’ kanjani isikhathi esengeziwe sokuba nezingane zabo?

⁵ Ungakwazi yini ‘ukuthengisisa’ isikhathi kwezinye izinto ukuze uchithe isikhathi esengeziwe nomkhaya wakho? (Funda eyabase-Efesu 5:15, 16.) Eminye imikhaya iye ivumelane ukuba inciphise isikhathi sokubuka ithelevishini noma sokusebenzisa i-computer. Eminye ilwela ukuba okungenani idle isidlo esisodwa ngosuku ndawonye. Yeka ukuthi ilungiselelo lokukhulekela komkhaya linikeza abazali nezingane ithuba elihle kanjani lokusondelana nokuxoxa ngezinto ezingokomoya bengajahile! Kungaba isiqalo esihle ukubekela eceleni ihora elilodwa noma ngaphezulu ngesonto ukuze nenze lokhu, kodwa kudingeka okwengeziwe ukuze nibe nezingxoxo ezijulile. Ngenxa yalokho, kumelwe nakanjani nixoxe njalo. Ngaphambi kokuba ingane yakho iphume iye esikoleni, yisho okuthile okukhuthazayo, xoxa ngomBhalo wosuku noma uthandaze nayo. Ukwenza kanjalo kungenza umehluko omkhulu osukwini lwayo.

⁶ Abanye abazali baye bakwazi ukwenza izinguquko endleleni abaphila ngayo ukuze babe nesikhathi esengeziwe nezingane zabo. Ngokwesibonelo, uLaura,a umama onezingane ezimbili, wayeka umsebenzi wesikhathi esigcwele ngenxa yalesi sizathu. Uthi: “Ekuseni sonke sasiphuma sesishesha siya emsebenzini noma esikoleni. Kusihlwa, lapho ngibuya ekhaya, ngangifika izingane zami sezilele, zilaliswe umzanyana. Ukuyeka kwami emsebenzini kuye kwasho ukuthi kumelwe siphile ngemali encane kodwa nginomuzwa wokuthi manje sengiyayazi imicabango nezinkinga zezingane zami. Ngisuke ngikhona lapho zithandaza futhi ngiyakwazi ukuzikhuthaza, ukuzifundisa nokuzinikeza iziqondiso.”

 7. Yini izingane nabazali abavame ukukhala ngayo?

⁷ Ngemva kokuxoxa nentsha eningi, abalobi bencwadi ethi For Parents Only baphawula esinye isithiyo ekukhulumisaneni. Bathi: “Isikhalo esikhulu kunazo zonke izingane ezinaso ngabazali bazo ukuthi, ‘Abalaleli.’” Akuzona zodwa izingane ezikhala ngalokhu. Kaningi abazali bakhala ngento efanayo ngezingane zabo. Ukuze imizila yokukhulumisana ihlale ivulekile, amalungu omkhaya kumelwe alalele—alalele ngempela—lapho omunye ekhuluma.—Funda uJakobe 1:19.

 8. Abazali bangazilalela kanjani ngempela izingane zabo?

⁸ Bazali, niyazilalela yini ngempela izingane zenu? Lokhu kungase kube nzima uma nikhathele noma ingxoxo ibonakala ingabalulekile. Kodwa lokho okubonakala kungabalulekile kini kungase kubaluleke kakhulu enganeni yenu. Ukuba ‘osheshayo ukuzwa’ kusho ukunganaki kuphela lokho ingane ekushoyo kodwa nendlela ekusho ngayo. Iphimbo nokushukuma komzimba kukutshela indlela ingane ezizwa ngayo. Kubalulekile nokubuza imibuzo. IBhayibheli lithi: “Imicabango yomuntu injengamanzi emthonjeni ojulile, kodwa umuntu onokuqonda angayikhipha.” (IzAga 20:5, Today’s English Version) Ukuqonda nokwahlulela okuhle kuyadingeka ikakhulu lapho ufuna ingane iveze ekucabangayo ngezindaba ezibucayi.

 9. Kungani izingane kufanele zibalalele abazali bazo?

⁹ Zingane, niyabalalela yini abazali benu? IZwi likaNkulunkulu lithi: “Ndodana yami, lalela isiyalo sikayihlo, ungawushiyi umthetho kanyoko.” (IzAga 1:8) Khumbulani, abazali benu bayanithanda futhi bahlale benifisela okuhle, ngakho kuwukuhlakanipha ukubalalela nokubathobela. (Efe. 6:1) Kulula ukulalela lapho kunokukhulumisana okuhle nalapho wazi ukuthi uyathandwa. Batsheleni abazali benu indlela enizizwa ngayo. Lokhu kuyobasiza ukuba baniqonde. Kodwa-ke, nani kufanele nizame ukubaqonda.

10. Sifundani endabeni eseBhayibhelini kaRehobowamu?

¹⁰ Kudingeka uqaphe lapho welulekwa ontanga. Bangase bakutshele lokho ofuna ukukuzwa kodwa kungenzeka iseluleko sabo singakusizi nhlobo. Eqinisweni, singakulimaza ngisho nokukulimaza. Njengoba ingenakho ukuhlakanipha nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabantu abadala, intsha eningi ayinawo umbono wesikhathi eside ngezinto futhi ingase ingakwazi ukubona imiphumela yezenzo ezithile. Khumbula isibonelo sikaRehobowamu, indodana yeNkosi uSolomoni. Lapho eba inkosi yakwa-Israyeli, wayeyokwenza ngokuhlakanipha ukube wasebenzisa iseluleko samadoda amadala. Kodwa, wasebenzisa iseluleko esiwubuwula sezinsizwa ayekhule nazo. Ngenxa yalokho, izikhonzi eziningi zasembusweni wakhe azibange zisamsekela. (1 AmaKh. 12:1-17) Kunokulingisa inkambo engahlakaniphile kaRehobowamu, zikhandle ekugcineni imizila yokukhulumisana nabazali bakho ivulekile. Xoxa nabo ngezinto ozicabangayo. Zuza eselulekweni sabo futhi ufunde ekuhlakanipheni kwabo.—IzAga 13:20.

11. Yini engase yenzeke uma abazali bengangeneki?

¹¹ Bazali, uma ningafuni ukuba izingane zenu zifune iseluleko kontanga bazo, ngenekani, makube lula ukukhuluma nani. Udade osemusha wabhala: “Nginele ngithinte igama lomfana abazali bami bavele bakhathazeke. Lokho kwenza ngingakhululeki futhi ngibe manqikanqika ukuqhubeka nendaba.” Omunye udade osemusha wabhala: “Intsha eningi iyasifuna iseluleko sabazali kodwa uma abazali bayo bengayinaki, iyoya kulowo ozoyinikeza sona, ngisho nakubantu abangenakho okuhlangenwe nakho.” Uma nizimisele ukuzilalela ngesineke izingane zenu kunoma iyiphi indaba, cishe niyothola ukuthi ziyoxoxa nani ngokukhululekile futhi ziyosijabulela isiqondiso senu.

12. Indlela abazali abasabela ngayo ingaba kanjani isithiyo ekukhulumisaneni nezingane zabo?

¹² Isithiyo sokukhulumisana siba khona nalapho abazali becasulwa yilokho izingane zabo ezibatshela khona. Kuyaqondakala ukuthi abazali abangamaKristu bafuna ukuvikela izingane zabo. Lezi “zinsuku zokugcina” zigcwele izingozi—ezingokomoya nezinye. (2 Thim. 3:1-5) Nokho, lokho abazali abangase bakubheke njengokuvikela, izingane zabo zingase zikubheke njengokweqisa.

13. Kungani abazali kufanele baqiniseke ukuba bangasheshi baveze umbono wabo?

¹³ Abazali bayobe benza ngokuhlakanipha uma bengasheshi ukuveza imibono yabo. Yiqiniso, akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthula lapho ingane yakho ikutshela okuthile okungakuphathi kahle. Kodwa kubalulekile ukulalelisisa ngaphambi kokuphendula. Inkosi ehlakaniphile uSolomoni yabhala: “Lapho umuntu ephendula indaba ngaphambi kokuba ayizwe, lokho kungubuwula kuye nokululazeka.” (IzAga 18:13) Uma uhlala uzolile, kuningi ozokuzwa futhi nezingane zakho ziyoqhubeka zikhuluma. Kumelwe uqale ngokuyizwa yonke indaba ukuze ube usizo. Kungenzeka ukuthi lokho kukhuluma “okuwuwangala” kusuka enhliziyweni ekhathazekile. (Jobe 6:1-3) Njengabazali abanothando, sebenzisani izindlebe zenu ukuze nithole ukuqonda nolimi lwenu ukuze niphulukise.

14. Kungani izingane kufanele zingasheshi ukukhuluma?

¹⁴ Zingane, nani kudingeka ‘ningasheshi ukukhuluma,’ ningasheshi ukuphikisa okushiwo abazali benu ngoba banesibopho esivela kuNkulunkulu sokuniqeqesha. (IzAga 22:6) Kungenzeka bake babhekana nezimo ezifanayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, bayazisola ngamaphutha abawenza besebasha futhi bafuna ngobuqotho ukuba ningawaphindi amaphutha abawenza. Ngakho-ke, bhekani abazali benu njengabangane benu, hhayi izitha; njengabeluleki, hhayi abantu abamelene nani. (Funda izAga 1:5.) “Hlonipha uyihlo nonyoko,” futhi ubabonise ukuthi uyabathanda njengoba nabo bekuthanda. Lokho kuyokwenza kube lula ngabo ‘ukunikhulisa ngesiyalo nangokuqondisa umqondo kukaJehova.’—Efe. 6:2, 4.

15. Yini eyosisiza ukuba singaphelelwa isineke futhi sicasuke lapho sisebenzelana nabantu esibathandayo?

¹⁵ Asibi nesineke njalo lapho sisebenzelana nabantu esibathandayo. Umphostoli uPawulu wabhalela “abangcwele nabazalwane abathembekile abamunye noKristu eKolose” la mazwi: “Nina madoda, qhubekani nithanda omkenu futhi ningabathukutheleli kakhulu. Nina bobaba, ningabathukuthelisi abantwana benu, ukuze bangadangali.” (Kol. 1:1, 2; 3:19, 21) UPawulu wanxusa abase-Efesu: “Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nokuhlambalaza kanye nabo bonke ububi.” (Efe. 4:31) Ukuhlakulela ukubekezela, ubumnene nokuzithiba—izici zezithelo zomoya kaNkulunkulu—kuyosisiza ukuba sihlale sizolile nalapho sicindezelekile.—Gal. 5:22, 23.

16. UJesu wabaqondisa kanjani abafundi bakhe, futhi kungani lokhu kuphawuleka kakhulu?

¹⁶ Cabanga ngesibonelo sikaJesu. Ake ucabange ngokucindezeleka okukhulu ayenakho esidlweni sakusihlwa sokugcina enabaphostoli bakhe. Wayazi ukuthi emahoreni ambalwa wayezokufa kancane kancane futhi kabuhlungu. Ukungcweliswa kwegama likaYise nensindiso yomkhaya wabantu kwakuxhomeke ekwethembekeni kwakhe. Noma kunjalo, kuleso sidlo, “kwavela futhi impikiswano evuthayo phakathi [kwabaphostoli] ngokuthi ubani kubo owayebonakala emkhulu kunabo bonke.” UJesu akazange abathethise noma abathukuthelele. Kunalokho, wabonisana nabo ngomoya ozolile. Wabakhumbuza ukuthi babeye banamathela kuye bangamshiya ezikhathini ezinzima. Nakuba uSathane ayefuna ukubahlunga njengokolweni, uJesu washo amazwi ayebonisa ukuthi wayebathemba ukuthi babeyozibonakalisa bethembekile. Waze wenza isivumelwano nabo.—Luka 22:24-32.

17. Yini eyosiza izingane ukuba zihlale zizolile?

¹⁷ Izingane nazo kudingeka zihlale zizolile. Ikakhulukazi lapho sezeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili, kungenzeka zibe nomuzwa wokuthi isiqondiso sabazali sibonisa ukuthi abazethembi. Nakuba ngezinye izikhathi kungase kubonakale kunjalo, qaphelani ukuthi ukukhathazeka kwabazali benu ngani, zingane, kuyisibonakaliso sothando lwabo ngani. Ngokubalalela ngesizotha futhi nibambisane nabo, niyozuza inhlonipho yabo futhi niyozakhela idumela lokuba abantu abanokwethenjwa. Ukuziphatha okunjalo kungenza ukuba ninikwe inkululeko eyengeziwe kwezinye izici zokuphila. Kuwukuhlakanipha ukubonisa ukuzithiba. Isaga esihlakaniphile sithi: “Isiphukuphuku siyidedela yonke intukuthelo yaso, kodwa ohlakaniphile uzigcina ezolile kuze kube sekugcineni.”—IzAga 29:11.

18. Uthando luholela kanjani ekukhulumisaneni okuhle?

¹⁸ Ngakho bazali abathandekayo nezingane ezithandekayo, ningadikibali uma ukukhulumisana emkhayeni wenu kungakhululekile ngendlela ebeningathanda ukuba kube ngayo. Qhubekani nisebenzela kulokhu, futhi niqhubeke nihamba eqinisweni. (3 Joh. 4) Ezweni elisha, abantu abaphelele bayokwazi ukusebenzelana ngendlela ephelele, ngaphandle kokuxabana nokungaqondani. Nokho, okwamanje, sonke senza izinto esizisolayo ngazo kamuva. Ngakho ninganqikazi ukuxolisa. Thethelelani ngokukhululekile. ‘Hlanganiswani ndawonye ngokuvumelanayo othandweni.’ (Kol. 2:2) Uthando lunamandla. ‘Uthando luyabekezela futhi lunomusa. Alucasuki. Alunamagqubu. Lubekezelela zonke izinto, lukholelwa yizo zonke izinto, luthemba zonke izinto, lukhuthazelela zonke izinto.’ (1 Kor. 13:4-7) Qhubekani nihlakulela uthando, khona ukukhulumisana kuyochuma, kunilethele injabulo emkhayeni wenu futhi kube udumo kuJehova.