Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Ngizizwa Ngingazethembi Kangaka?

“Uma ngiphakathi kwabantu, ngihlala ngikhathazekile ngendlela engibukeka ngayo, lokho engikushoyo, indlela engenza ngayo, kanye nalokho omunye umuntu akucabangayo ngami. Angizethembi ngaso sonke isikhathi.”—UAngelica oneminyaka engu-17.

INGABE ukwesaba ukwehluleka kukugcina ungazenzi izinto obungathanda ngempela ukuzenza? Ingabe unomona ngempumelelo yabanye? Ingabe ukhathazeka kakhulu ngalokho abanye abakucabangayo ngawe? Ingabe awukhululeki ngokuhlangana nabantu oqala ukubabona? Ingabe uyashwabana lapho ugxekwa? Ngakho-ke mhlawumbe nawe uhlushwa iminjunju yokungazethembi. Khona-kambe ivelaphi leyomizwa? Ungayinqoba kanjani?

Usemusha Futhi Usengozini

bOkokuqala, qonda ukuthi imizwa yokungazethembi igcwele umhlaba wonke. Sonke sizalwa singaphelele futhi ngalokho sithambekele ekuzizweni sisilela noma ngisho singabalulekile ngezikhathi ezithile. (Jakobe 3:2; qhathanisa namaRoma 7:21-24.) Ngaphezu kwalokho, usemusha futhi awunakho okuhlangenwe nakho. Kumane nje kungokwemvelo ngawe ukuzizwa ungakhululekile ezimweni ezingavamile noma lapho ucelwa ukuba wenze okuthile okusha ngokuphelele kuwe.

Ngokwesibonelo, iBhayibheli lisitshela ngensizwa uJeremiya lapho ikhethwa ukuba ibe umprofethi kaNkulunkulu. Nakuba ngokunokwenzeka ayeseminyakeni yakhe yama-20, uJeremiya wazizwa engazethembi ngekhono lakhe lokufeza lesisabelo, ezixolisela ngokuthi, “Ngingumntwana.” (Jeremiya 1:6) Ngokusobala, insizwa uThimothewu nayo yazizwa isilela. Umphostoli uPawulu kwadingeka ukuba amnikeze iseluleko esiqondile ukuze amsize anqobe ukungazethembi kwakhe.—1 Thimothewu 4:11-16; 2 Thimothewu 1:6, 7.

Incwadi ethi Talking With Your Teenager ithi intsha “cishe ingachazwa njengesesimweni esiyingozi ngokwedlulele. . . . Ikhathalela indlela ebukeka ngayo, lokho eye yakusho, ukuthi iyaziwa yini, noma iyathandeka. . . . Iyazinyeza futhi iphoxeka noma idumazeke kalula.” Ngokuvamile iba “nomuzwa ongaqinisekile kakhulu wokuthi ingubani.” Kungani kunjalo?

Esinye isizathu siwukuthi intsha iphakathi nesikhathi sokukhula okungokomzimba okusheshayo kanye nenguquko. UDkt. Betty B. Youngs uphawula ukuthi “lezizinguquko, ezingenakulawulwa [ngosemusha], zinamandla, ziyabizela, futhi ziyethusa . . . [O]weve eshumini elinambili akakuboni ukukhanya okusekupheleni komhubhe futhi akanamqondo walokho okuzomehlela ngokulandelayo. Ngokwemvelo, lokhu kuntuleka kokulawula kubangela ukungazethembi kanye nokucindezeleka.”

Ithonya Labangane Nelomkhaya

Esinye isici yisimo esizungezile sasekhaya lakini. Eqinisweni, umkhaya usebenza njengomthombo wokuqondiswa okungokomoya nokusekelwa okungokomzwelo. (Efesu 6:1-4) IBhayibheli liyala ngisho nabazali: “Boyise, ningabathukuthelisi abantwana benu ukuba bangadangali.”—Kolose 3:21.

Ngeshwa, abanye abazali kuyenzeka babathukuthelise abantwana babo ngokubenza izisulu zethala lamazwi okugxeka okungapheli, begodla ukuncoma okudingekayo nothando. Isazi sezengqondo uEleanor S. Field siyachaza: “Ukusola kwabazali ngokuvamile kungaholela ekungazethembini okujulile. . . . Futhi uma sewevile eshumini elinambili kodwa usathola amazwi [okugxeka], lokhu kuzomane kugxilise imizwa yakho yokungazethembi.”

Abangane bakho nabo bangakululaza ukuzethemba kwakho ngokukuchukuluza njalo noma ngokuhlaba indlela obukeka noma owenza ngayo. Uyisisulu esikhethekile sokusolwa okunjalo uma uthobela umyalo kaJesu ‘wokungabi owezwe.’ (Johane 17:16) “Kuyakhungathekisa!” kwachaza uAndrew oneminyaka engu-15. “Uzama ukuzifanelanisa, kodwa uzama ukungazifanelanisi. Awufuni ukukhishwa inyumbazane kodwa uzama ukuphila ngezimiso zeBhayibheli.” Intombazane eneminyaka engu-15 yanezela: “Kunzima ngoba awufuni ukuba ezinye izingane zithi uyinkom’ edla yodwa. Bonke abantu bafuna ukuthandwa ngabantu.” Ukulondoloza ukulinganisela okufanele kungaba umshikashika wangempela. Kungase kukushiye uzizwa ungazethembi.

Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi imizwa yokungalondeki ibangelwa umuntu ngokwakhe. “Uma ngiphakathi kwabanye abantu,” kuvuma omunye oneminyaka engu-17, “Ngizizwa ngingelutho ngoba angikwazi ukwenza lutho ngendlela efanele. Ngakho ngimane ngingazethembi.” Imizwa enjalo ingase ibe umphumela wokuziqhathanisa ngokungafanele nabanye.

Ukulwisana Nemizwa Yokungazethembi

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini imbangela yayo, imizwa yokungazethembi imane nje iyingxenye yokukhula futhi ingase inganyamalali ngokuphelele.a Ukukhathazeka okungafanele ngokubukeka, idumela, noma amakhono kungaqhubeka kuzamazamisa ukuzethemba komuntu ngisho nalapho esengumuntu omdala olinganiselayo.

Intsha eningi izama ukufihla ukuntuleka kokuzethemba kwayo ngokwenza izenzo eziyibonakalisa sengathi inesibindi, ngokugqoka izingubo zobuhlanya, noma ngokuvukela. Kodwa kunezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokubhekana nalezozikhathi lapho uzizwa ungazethembi.

Yazi Izimfanelo Zakho Ezinhle: Ungase ungabi nawo umzimba noma isimo sawo esihle ngempela, kungenzeka ukuthi usuye wathuthukisa izimfanelo zobuKristu ‘eziluthando, nokujabula, nokuthula, nokubekezela, nobubele, nobuvi, nokukholeka, nobumnene, nokuzithiba.’ (Galathiya 5:22, 23) Lezizimfanelo zibaluleke kakhulu ukwedlula noma yiziphi izimfanelo ezingokwenyama futhi zingakusiza ngisho nokuba uzuze ukwamukelwa uNkulunkulu.

Gwema Ukuqhathanisa Okungafanele: Njengoba uEleanor Roosevelt, umkamongameli wama-32 waseUnited States, ake athi: “Akukho muntu ongakwenza uzizwe ungelutho ngaphandle kwemvume yakho.” Kanjalo eyabaseGalathiya 6:4 inikeza iseluleko esihle, ithi: “Makube-yilowo nalowo ahlole owakhe umsebenzi, yikhona eyakuba-nokubongwa ngokungokwakhe yedwa, kungengokomunye.”

Ingabe iqiniso lokuthi othile ubukeka kangcono, unezingubo ezingcono, noma ubukeka kahle kumenza abe umuntu ongcono kunawe? Iqiniso liwukuthi, ukubonakala kwangaphandle akusho lutho kuNkulunkulu. IBhayibheli lithi: “Lokhu uJehova engabukisi okomuntu; umuntu ubheka okusemehlweni, kepha uJehova ubheka okusenhliziyweni.”—1 Samuweli 16:7.

Gwema Ugibe Lomhawu: “Umhawu ungukubola kwamathambo,” futhi uzala ukungazethembi. (IzAga 14:30) Kunalokho, funda ‘ukuthokoza nabathokozayo’ futhi kujabulele ngempela lokho abakufezayo. (Roma 12:15) Uma wenza kanjalo, abanye ngeke bathambekele ekukhulumeni izinkulumo eziphambene ngempumelelo yakho.

Zihlanganise Nabanye Abantu: UDkt. Allan Fromme waphawula ukuthi “abantu abanombono omuhle ngabo siqu bajabulela ukuthula, ngoba babonakala kwabanye . . . Abantu abanombono omubi ngabo bayiziboshwa zabo ngokwabo. Bavaleleke ekuziqapheni kwabo okuqhubekayo.” Balekela lelojele ‘ngokungabheki okwakho [“kuphela,” NW] kepha ubheke nokwabanye.’ (Filipi 2:4) Lapho uzihlanganisa ngokwengeziwe nabanye abantu, kulapho kuzoncipha ukukhathazeka ngemizwa yakho siqu yokungazethembi.

Yamukela Ukugxeka Ngaphandle Kokucasuka: “Ungabeki inhliziyo yakho emazwini onke akhulunywayo,” ikakhulukazi lapho bemane nje bekwedelela. (UmShumayeli 7:21) Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ukugxekwa kufanelekile, thola izindlela zokukusebenzisa. “Ohlakaniphile ezwe, aqhubeke ekufundeni . . . Iziwula ziyadelela ukuhlakanipha nokulaywa.” (IzAga 1:5, 7) Ungase uhluleke kokunye, kodwa lokho akukwenzi umuntu oyisehluleki.

Kuthiwani-ke, uma ukugxeka kuvela kubazali bakho? Kuwumsebenzi wabazali ukuyala abantwana babo. (Efesu 6:4) Uma unomuzwa wokuthi kudlulele, akufanele, noma kuyakwehlisa, mhlawumbe ungakhetha ithuba elikahle ukuze uxoxe izindaba nabazali bakho futhi ubazise indlela amazwi abo akuthinta ngayo.

Zibekele Imigomo Efinyelelekayo: Awudingi ukuba umfundi osesikhundleni esiphakeme ekilasini ukuze ube umfundi omuhle noma ube umgijimi weOlympic ukuze ujabulele ezemidlalo. “Kwabathobekileyo kukhona ukuhlakanipha,” futhi ukuthobeka kuhilela ukwazi imingcele yakho. (IzAga 11:2) Nokho, musa ukuzibekela imigomo ephansi kakhulu ngenxa yokwesaba ukwehluleka. Ukwehluleka kungasebenza njengendlela yokufunda. Kakade, ufunda ukuhamba ngokunqoba ukuthambekela ko-kuwa!

Ungesabi Ukuba Ngowehlukile: Intsha evumela ontanga ukuba balawule inkulumo yayo, ukugqoka, kanye nokuzilungisa ayihlukile nezigqila. (Roma 6:16) Kunalokho, ‘kwangathi ungakhonza iNkosi.’ (Roma 12:11) Uma udelelwa ngenxa yokwenza okulungileyo, thola induduzo ekwazini ukuthi izenzo zakho zesibindi ziletha injabulo enhliziyweni kaNkulunkulu.—IzAga 27:11.

Ngokungangabazeki lokhu kusikisela kuzosiza. Kodwa musa ukulindela ukuba umuzwa wokuzethemba wenzeke ngokushesha. Bekezela. Lindela izithiyo, futhi zama ukuba ungavumeli ukuzidabukela. Ngesikhathi esifanele uzozizwa uzethemba kakhulu kunanini.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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Abazali bangabangela ukunga-zethembi ngokugodla ukuncoma nangokugxeka ngokweqile