Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingakunqoba Kanjani Ukudumazeka?

Kwakukubi kakhulu kuAngie ukuthi kwakudingeka aye esikoleni efake usimende wonke umlenze. Kodwa isimo saba sibi kakhulu lapho ewela exhaphozini elalinodaka ngesikhathi sekhefu. UAngie uyakhumbula: “Ngangidumazeke kakhulu! Ngangingakwazi ukuphakama, futhi ngangingcoliswe udaka.”

UWAZI kahle lowomzwelo ojabhisayo wokudumazeka. Yiqiniso, ngokuvamile singabasunguli bosizi lwethu siqu. Njengoba umagazini iSeventeen ukubeka, “silahlekelwa umqondo kalula, futhi ngokuphazima kweso senze izinto ezithile zobuwula ezingakholeki nezingenakuchazwa. Bese kuthi ngokushesha nje futhi sisanguluke . . . Ingabe yimi ngempela engenze lokho?’”

Nokho, phakathi neminyaka eyeve eshumini nambili yobudala, udumazeka kakhulu kunakunoma isiphi esinye isikhathi ekuphileni kwakho. Kungani lokhu kunjalo?

Izikhathi Zokuphila Ezidumazayo

Umcwaningi uDavid Elkind uchaza ukuthi ‘njengoba ikhono lokucabanga likhula, intsha ithanda kakhulu ukukhathazeka ngalokho abanye abakucabangayo ngayo. Lokhu kuzinyeza okweqile kufana nokuba “nezibukeli ezicabangelayo” “ezihlola ngokuseduze futhi zibukeza izenzo zazo.” (Adolescent Development) Kanjalo enye intombazanyana ibiza ubusha ngokuthi “isikhathi sokuphila lapho okucatshangwa abanye abantu ngawe kusho okukhulu kuwe.”

Ngokudabukisayo, imizamo yakho yokujabulisa abanye ngokuvamile ingase ingaphumeleli. Ngoba usazama ukufunda imizwelo yakho—nendlela yokuziphatha emphakathini—‘izwi elihle ngesikhathi salo’ lingakuvikela. (IzAga 15:23) Njengoba uthambekele ukusho okuzwayo, ngokuphambene nalokho okunengqondo noma okufanele, ungase wenze amaphutha adumazayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, njengoba ungaphansi kokulawulwa abazali, kungase kudingeke ukuba wenze izinto owawungeke ukhethe ukuzenza. “Umama wami wayefuna njalo ukuthi uma ngiya esikoleni ngigqoke lezozingubo zabantwana zemfashini yakudala,” kwakhala omunye osemusha. “Bonke bagqoka amabhulukwe kodwa mina kumelwe ngigqoke izingubo zabantwana.”

Ifisa ukwamukelwa abanye, enye intsha ikwesaba kakhulu ukugxekwa, ukwaliwa, noma ukwehluleka. Ngokwesibonelo, intsha engamaKristu ingase ibe namahloni okuxoxa ngezinkolelo zayo ezingokwenkolo nefunda nabo nothisha. Enye ingase izizwe idumazekile nganoma yikuphi ukusola okuvela kuthisha noma kumzali. “Ngesinye isikhathi umama [wangithethisa] phambi komunye wabangane bami futhi ngadumazeka ngempela,” kusho uAngela osemusha.

Khonake kunokukhathazeka enye intsha enakho ngemizimba yayo. Intsha ekhula kancane ngokuvamile iyakhathazeka ngesimo sayo sobuntwana, kanti intsha ekhula ngokushesha ikhathazwa umzimba wayo ekhulileyo nokungaphatheki kahle okuhambisana nalokhu kukhula. “Lapho ngisebangeni lesithupha,” kukhumbula uAnnie, “ngangimude kunabo bonke. Kwakungidumaza. Nganginomngane onomzimba omncane kakhulu futhi ngangivame ukufisa ukufana naye.”

Buyela Eqhweni!

Ngakho ukukhathazwa ukudumazeka kuyingxenye engenakugwenywa yokuphila. Yiqiniso, kufanele wenze ngokusemandleni akho ukuba ugweme ukwenza izinto oyozisola ngazo kamuva. Ngokwesibonelo, “isiwula siyandisa amazwi.” (UmShumayeli 10:14) Ngakho ukucabanga nje ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume kungase kukuvikele ekudumazekeni okuningi. (IzAga 15:28) Kodwa naphezu kwemizamo yakho yokuzikhandla okukhulu, izimo ezidumazayo ziyavela ngezinye izikhathi. Usabela kanjani? Ngokwesibonelo: Wake wazama yini ukushibilika eqhweni? Uma kunjalo, ngokunokwenzeka washelela futhi wawela eqhweni lapho usaqala—ngokunokwenzeka ngezikhathi eziningi. Kodwa ingabe lokho kwakuvimbela ukuba ubuyele eqhweni? Akunakubanjalo uma ubufuna ukuba umuntu oshibilikayo ongumpetha!

Nokho, kuthiwani ngokusebenzelana kwakho nabanye abantu? Uma uye wazidumaza ngandlela-thile, ingabe ‘uhlala phansi eqhweni’ ngokuhoxa, ugwema abantu nezimo ezithile ngoba wesaba ukuphinde udumazeke? Uma kunjalo, ukudumazeka kuyakulawula. Amathuba amahle nobuhlobo obujabulisayo kuyadlula usakhungathekile. UmShumayeli 11:4 uthi: “Oqaphela umoya [ecabanga ngokwesaba ngokungaqiniseki kokuphila] akayikuhlwanyela; obheka amafu akayikuvuna.”

Izingozi ezithile zihilelekile ukuze ujabulele ukuphila nobuhlobo obuhle nabanye. Njengoba uDkt. Wayne W. Dyer aloba encwadini iPulling Your Own Strings: “Ngeke wazi ukuthi kunjani ukunqoba ukwesaba kuze kube yilapho uzifaka engozini ngokungenela ukuziphatha okungqubuzana nakho.” Ngakho buyela khona eqhweni ngemva kokuwa!

Ukubhekana Nezimo Ezidumazayo

Nokho, kufanele uzisingathe kanjani lezozikhathi ofisa ngazo ukuthi sengathi ungazifihla? Ukusikisela okumbalwa yilokhu:

Musa ukuzicabangela ngokungathi sina kakhulu. Kwasho umagazini iSeventeen wathi: “Sonke sizibeka icala kakhulu.” Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukubheka iphutha elincane njengelibaluleke kakhulu kumane kuyindlela yokucabanga ukuthi umkhulu kunalokho ofanele ukukucabanga.’ (Roma 12:3) Cabanga ukuthi wenze into yobuwula phambi kwabangane. Osemusha obizwa ngokuthi uBeverly uthi: “Ungase ucabange ukuthi njalo uma bekubona, bayocabanga ngalesosehlakalo.” Kodwa ingabe ukushelela kwakho okuncane kuyinto esemqoka kanjalo ezingqondweni zabanye? Akunjalo. Ngakhoke, ingabe akuyona yini into engcono kakhulu ukumane ukhohlwe ngamaphutha amancane?

Yamukela ukuyalwa: Njengomusha, nakanjani uyowenza amaphutha ngoba awunakho okuhlangenwe nakho. Nokho, ukuyalwa ngamaphutha ethu ‘kungasinikeza ukuhlakanipha.’ (IzAga 1:3) Kanjalo ukusolwa uthisha noma umzali kuvamise ukwenzeka ngezinye izikhathi. Kunokukhathazwa ukudumazeka kwesikhashana okuwumphumela, sebenzela ukuzuza esiyalweni ngokwenza izinguquko ezidingekayo.—IzAga 1:7-9.

Gcina isimo sakho sokwamukela amahlaya: Ngezinye izikhathi kuhle kakhulu ukwenza njengoba uFrank oneminyaka eyi-15 ubudala eluleka: “Kuhleke lokho.” Ngakhoke uma ubuwula obenzile bubangela ukuba uhlekwe, ungasheshi ukuthukuthela. (UmShumayeli 7:9) Njengoba uTerry oneminyaka eyi-18 ubudala etusa: “Ungazinyezi kakhulu ngokuthi abanye bacabangani.” Zama ukubona isimo sakho ngendlela abanye abasibheka ngayo. Cabanga ukuthi ‘lolusizi’ luyobonakala lunjani kuwe kusasa—noma ngesonto elizayo. Isici esihle sokuhleka ngokuvamile sinciphisa ukudumazeka.

Thatha isinyathelo sokuqala: Kusikisela osemusha obizwa ngokuthi uFaith. Uma uzidumaze phambi kothile, ngokuvamile ungase ube nomuzwa wokwesaba ukuphinde ube nalowomuntu. Kodwa thatha isinyathelo sokuqala ngokwakho futhi ukhulumisane nalowomuntu ngokushesha kangangokunokwenzeka. (Qhathanisa noMathewu 5:23, 24.) UFaith uthole ukuthi uma lowo “ebona ukuthi ungumuntu okhululekile futhi uyawamukela amahlaya, uyozizwa ekhululekile uma enawe.”

Musa ukuziqhathanisa nabanye: Kungase kukuphathe kabi ukuba mfushane lapho bonke abangane bakho bebade—noma ngokuphambene. Kodwa khumbula, “konke kunesikhathi sakho.” (UmShumayeli 3:1) Isikhathi sakho sokufinyelela ukuvuthwa ngokomzimba singase sihluke kwesomunye umuntu. Kuyize ukubheka ukukhula kwakho ngokomzimba bese uziqhathanisa nomunye umuntu, ngoba akukho lutho olungasheshisa noma olunganciphisa inqubo yokukhula. (Qhathanisa nabaseGalathiya 6:4.) Ngaphezu kwalokho, asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi uyokhula ufike ezingeni olufisayo noma ube nesimo somzimba osithandayo, ngakho-ke ukhathazekelani ngento ongenakuyishintsha? Noma njengoba uJesu abuza: “Ngumuphi kini ongelekela ebudeni bakhe ingalo ibenye ngokukhathazeka na?” Kufezwa okuningi ngokwengeziwe lapho wemukela indlela obukeka ngayo futhi usebenzele ukuhlakulela ubuntu obukhangayo.

Phatha abanye ngendlela othanda ukuphathwa ngayo: Usabela kanjani lapho abanye bezidumaza? Uma ujabulela ukubagcona noma ukusakaza amaphutha abo, ungakhononi lapho izinto zikuphendukela. “Ohamba encetheza uyambula izimfihlakalo,” kusho izAga 11:13. Uma wenza lokhu kwabanye, mhlawumbe bayoshukunyiselwa ukuba benze okufanayo nakuwe.—Mathewu 7:12.

Mela izinkolelo zakho: Ungabi namahloni okuhlanganyela ukholo lwakho nabanye. Amazwi kaJesu kuMarku 8:38 ayakhuthaza: “Ngokuba yilowo nalowo onezinhloni ngami . . . , neNdodana yomuntu iyakubanezinhloni ngaye.” Kubheke njengelungelo ukuba ‘yisiwula ngenxa kaKristu.’ (1 Korinte 4:10) Omunye osemusha waphawula: “Lapho wenza amaqiniso eBhayibheli abe ngawakho, yilapho ufuna ngokwengeziwe ukuwahlanganyela nabanye.”

Izimo ezidumazayo ziyaphakama ngezikhathi eziningi. Kodwa lapho lokhu kwenzeka, kubheke ngendlela engokoqobo nelinganiselwe, ungalindeli ukuba konke kuhambe kahle. Gcina isimo sakho sokwamukela amahlaya. Gwema ukuzicabangela ngokungathi sina kakhulu. Uma usisebenzisa leseluleko, uyokuthola kulula ukuziphakamisa lapho uwa ngendlela edumazayo.

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Ukudumazeka yingxenye engenakugwenywa yokuphila

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Intsha ivuthwa ngokomzimba ngamazinga ahlukene