Uma Umuntu Ekhetha Ukuhlukanisa

“Uma umngane wakho womshado eshona, abantu bayasiqonda isimo sakho ngisho noma ubungeyena umngane womshado okahle. Kodwa uma umyeni wakho ekushiya—abanye bacabanga ukuthi awenzanga okusemandleni. SIZANI-BO!”—Umfundi we-Phaphama! eNingizimu Afrika.

UKUNGATHEMBEKI nesehlukaniso kungaba okucindezela kakhulu. Nakuba abaningi beye bathola izizathu zokubuyisana nabangane babo bomshado futhi bawulondoloza, abanye banezizathu ezizwakalayo zokukhetha ilungelo abalinikwe uNkulunkulu lokuhlukanisa nomngane womshado ophingayo. (Mathewu 5:32; 19:9) Ngokwesibonelo, kungenzeka ukuthi ukuphepha, ingokomoya nenhlala-kahle yowesifazane othembekile nabantabakhe kusengozini. Angase akhathazeke nangokungenwa yisifo esithathelwana ngobulili. Noma mhlawumbe umthethelele umngane wakhe womshado ngokuphinga, kodwa asikho isizathu sokuthemba ukuthi ukwethembana kwangempela kungavuselelwa nokuthi angaqhubeka ehlala naye njengomyeni wakhe.

Owesifazane ocindezelekile wavuma: “Lesi kwakuyisinqumo esinzima kakhulu ekuphileni kwami.” Yebo, isinqumo esinzima—hhayi nje ngenxa yokuthi ukukhohliswa ngale ndlela kubuhlungu kodwa futhi ngenxa yokuthi isehlukaniso sinemiphumela ebanzi eyothinta konke ukuphila kwakhe. Ngakho-ke, ukuthi umfazi kufanele ahlukanise nomngane wakhe ongathembekile noma cha kuyisinqumo somuntu siqu. Abanye kufanele bahloniphe ilungelo elingokweBhayibheli lomngane womshado ongenacala lokwenza leso sinqumo.

Nokho, ngeshwa abantu abaningi bagijimela esehlukanisweni ngaphandle kokubala kahle izindleko. (Qhathanisa noLuka 14:28.) Yiziphi ezinye izici ezihilelekile lapho umuntu ekhetha ukuhlukanisa?

Uma Kunabantwana

Incwadi ethi Couples in Crisis ithi: “Abazali abamatasa ngezinkinga zabo ngokuvamile bayazikhohlwa noma bangazinaki izidingo zabantwana.” Ngakho, lapho ucabangela isehlukaniso, khumbula ingokomoya nenhlala-kahle yabantwana bakho. Abacwaningi abaningi bathi uma isehlukaniso senziwa ngokuthula, amathuba okuhlupheka kwabantwana ayancipha. Ngisho nangaphansi kwezimo ezinzima, ubumnene buyosiza umuntu ukuba ‘angalwi, kodwa abe mnene kubo bonke, azibambe ngaphansi kobubi.’—2 Thimothewu 2:24, 25.a

Uma umuntu ekhetha ukuhlukanisa, kufanele akhumbule ukuthi yindoda nomfazi abahlukanisayo—hhayi abantwana. Abantwana basabadinga bobabili umama nobaba. Yiqiniso, zikhona izimo ezingavamile, njengalapho umntwana esengozini yokuxhashazwa. Kodwa ukushayisana kwemibono yenkolo noma yomuntu siqu akufanele kusetshenziselwe ukuncisha abantwana inzuzo yokuba nabazali ababili.

Okunye okufanele kucatshangelwe yimizwelo ebuthaka yabantwana abancane kanye nesidingo abanaso sokuqinisekiswa ngokwanele kanye nothando. Enye incwadi ithi: “Ukuqhubekisela phambili uthando ngale ndlela kuyobanika isisekelo sokubhekana nalesi simo esisha.” Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukunakekela izidingo zabo ezingokomoya zansuku zonke kuyobasiza bahlale bezinzile.—Duteronomi 6:6, 7; Mathewu 4:4.

Izimali Nezinqubo Zomthetho

Akungabazeki ukuthi isehlukaniso senza umngane ngamunye womshado alahlekelwe imali ethile nempahla, ukunethezeka, mhlawumbe nekhaya alithanda kakhulu. Njengoba kungase kudingeke umuntu athwale izindleko ezengeziwe ngemali encane, kuwukuhlakanipha ukwakha isimiso sokusebenzisa imali. Ukuthambekela kokuziduduza ngokuchitha imali eyengeziwe noma ngokuzifaka ezikweletini kufanele kugwenywe.

Uma kwenziwa isinqumo sokuhlukanisa, kubalulekile nokubonisana nomngane womshado ukuthi ama-akhawunti ahlanganyelwayo ayosingathwa kanjani. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuze kugwenywe ukusaphazwa kwezimali ezikuyi-akhawunti ehlanganyelwayo, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukucela umphathi webhange ukuba afune amasignesha abo bobabili abangane bomshado lapho kukhishwa imali kuze kube yilapho ngamunye esene-akhawunti ezimele.

Kuwukuhlakanipha futhi ukugcina amarekhodi anembile emali nezindleko onazo, lapho ulungiselela ukuxoxisana nomngane wakho ngendaba yesondlo. Futhi emazweni amaningi, umthetho ufuna ukuba abantu bazise iziphathimandla zentela ngokushintsha kwesimo sabo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu abaningi bayazuza ngokuthintana nochwepheshe wezomthetho—umuntu onolwazi ngezindaba zesehlukaniso. Amanye amazwe avumela abalamuli ukuba basize imibhangqwana ibambisane ukuze ifinyelele izivumelwano ezamukelekayo nezinokuthula, ezibe sezigunyazwa enkantolo yomthetho. Ikakhulukazi uma kuhileleke abantwana, abazali abaningi bakhetha ukusebenza nochwepheshe ongenabo ubutha. Kunokuba balwele ukunqoba nakanjani, abazali balwela ukunciphisa izingxabano nobuhlungu. Ezinye izinzuzo zezinto ezibonakalayo azilingani nokulahlekelwa ngokomzwelo nangokwezimali okuhilelekile ukuze uzithole.

Ubuhlobo Obushintshile

Umcwaningi othile uthi: “Akufanele sikubukele phansi ukudideka nokungaqiniseki abantu abaningi ababa nakho ngabangane babo abahlukanisile.” Ngisho noma umngane womshado othembekile esebenzisa ilungelo lakhe elingokomthetho, likanembeza nelingokomBhalo, bangase babe khona abambheka njengembangela yokuchitheka komshado. Bangase basabele ngokumbingelela ngokunganaki noma baze bamgweme ngokoqobo. Okubi nakakhulu, abangane ayesondelene nabo bangase baqale ukuba nobutha.

Abaningi abaqapheli neze ukuthi umuntu udinga ukusekelwa okungakanani uma ebhekene nesehlukaniso; bangase bacabange ukuthi incwadi emfushane noma ikhadi kwanele. Nokho, incwadi ethi Divorce and Separation ithi ngokuvamile kunabangane “abanalokho kanye umuntu akudingayo, futhi bakushayele ucingo babuze ukuthi uyafuna yini bakuphelezele uma uya endaweni ethile, ukuthi kukhona yini ofuna bakwenze noma udinga nje ongaxoxa naye.” Ngempela, phakathi nesikhathi esinjena ekuphileni, umuntu udinga ‘umngane obambelela kuneselamani,’ njengoba iBhayibheli lisho.—IzAga 18:24.

Ukusebenzela Ukululama

Ngemva kweminyaka engu-16 ehlukanisile, umama othile uyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiba nesizungu esikhulu—ngisho nalapho ngiphakathi kwabantu.” Ubhekana kanjani nalesi simo? Uthi: “Senginendlela yokuzivikela ngokuba matasa emsebenzini, ngokunakekela indodana yami, nangokunakekela umuzi wami. Ngaqala nokuya emihlanganweni yoFakazi BakaJehova, ngahlanganyela izinkolelo zami nomakhelwane futhi ngenzela abanye izinto. Lokho kwasiza kakhulu.”

Izinsuku nezikhathi ezithile zonyaka zingavusa izinkumbulo nemizwelo ebuhlungu: usuku okwavela ngalo ukuthi kwenziwe ukungathembeki, isikhathi umyeni wakho ahamba ngaso ekhaya, usuku lokuqulwa kwecala enkantolo. Izikhathi ezijabulisayo umbhangqwana owawuzihlanganyela—njengamaholidi nokugubha usuku lomshado—kungaba izikhathi ezinzima ukubhekana nazo ngokomzwelo. UPat uthi: “Ngibhekana nalezo zinsuku ngokuhlela ukuchitha isikhathi nomkhaya wakithi noma nabangane abaseduze abasaziyo isimo sami. Senza izinto ezizokhipha imicabango yesikhathi esidlule futhi zakhe izinkumbulo ezintsha. Kodwa okungisiza kakhulu kunakho konke ubuhlobo bami noJehova—ukwazi ukuthi uyayiqonda indlela engizizwa ngayo.”

Ungalilahli Ithemba

Abangane abangenacala abasebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli futhi bakhethe ukusebenzisa ilungelo abalinikwe uNkulunkulu lokuhlukanisa nomngane ophingile akufanele babe nomuzwa wecala noma besabe ukuthi uJehova ubashiyile. UNkulunkuu uzonda inkambo yokukhohlisa yomngane ophingile—eye yabangela ‘ukukhala nokububula.’ (Malaki 2:13-16) Ngisho noJehova, uNkulunkulu ‘wobubele besisa,’ uyazi ukuthi kunjani ukulahlwa umuntu omthandayo. (Luka 1:78; Jeremiya 3:1; 31:31, 32) Khona-ke, qiniseka ukuthi “uJehova uthanda ukulunga, akabashiyi abangcwele bakhe.”—IHubo 37:28.

Yiqiniso, kungaba ngcono kakhulu uma ukungathembeki emshadweni nemiphumela yako emibi kungagwenywa kwasekuqaleni. Incwadi ethi Imfihlo Yenjabulo Yomkhaya,b eyisiqondiso esihle somkhaya, isiza abantu abaningi emhlabeni wonke ukuba bakhe imishado ejabulisayo futhi bagweme ukungathembeki emshadweni. Inezahluko eziphathelene nokwakha umshado ojabulisayo, ukuqeqesha abantwana nokubhekana nezinkinga zomshado. OFakazi BakaJehova endaweni yakini noma abanyathelisi balo magazini bayokujabulela ukukunikeza ukwaziswa okwengeziwe ngale ndaba.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 10]

IZINGANE AKUFANELE ZIBE NABAZALI ABAHLUKANISILE

Ngo-1988, uDiana, iNkosazana YaseWales engasekho, wathi eBrithani kuphela, izingane ezingaba ngu-420 zibona abazali bazo behlukanisa nsuku zonke. Kulezo zingane, eziyingxenye yesithathu zineminyaka engaphansi kwemihlanu ubudala. Ngokudabukisayo, izingane ezingaba amaphesenti angu-40 azibe zisaxhumana nomunye wabazali bazo ngemva kwesehlukaniso.

Ngokuphambene nalokho abantu abaningi abakucabangayo, “zimbalwa kakhulu izingane zabazali abahlukanisayo ezikwamukelayo lokho kuhlukana,” kusho umlobi ohlonishwayo wezempilo nezokwelapha. “Izingane eziningi zingathanda ukubona abazali bazo behlala ndawonye ngisho noma isimo sasekhaya sinzima.” Ngisho noma imibhangqwana yayixabana kakhulu phakathi nesikhathi sokungathembeki, akufanele iphethe ngokuphamazela ukuthi ukuchitha umshado kuyoba ngcono ezinganeni. Ukushintsha kwayo isimo sengqondo nokuziphatha kungase kuvule indlela yokuba ihlale ndawonye ukuze kuzuze wonke umkhaya.

Umlobi uPamela Winfield uthi: “Amadoda aziphatha ngendlela exekethile kufanele acabange ngobuhlungu abubangela izingane zawo lapho umkhaya uchitheka ngenxa yobuwula bawo.”

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 11]

INGABE UNKULUNKULU UZONDA KONKE UKUHLUKANA?

UPat uyavuma: “Okwakungikhathaza kakhulu umcabango wokuthi ‘uJehova uyakuzonda ukwahlukana.’ Njalo ngangizibuza ukuthi, ‘Ingabe ngenza lokho okuthokozisa uJehova?’”

Ake sibheke umongo kaMalaki 2:16 ukuze siphendule lowo mbuzo. Esikhathini sikaMalaki kungenzeka amadoda amaningi akwa-Israyeli ayehlukanisa nabafazi bawo ukuze ashade nabesifazane abasebasha, abangamaqaba. UNkulunkulu wasigxeka leso senzo sokukhohlisa. (Malaki 2:13-16) Ngakho, lokho akuzondayo uNkulunkulu ukulahla komuntu umngane wakhe womshado ngaphandle kwesizathu ukuze athathe omunye. Umuntu ophinga ngenkohliso abese elahla umngane wakhe womshado noma amcindezele ukuba ahlukanise naye usuke enzé isono sokukhohlisa, esinenzondo.

Nokho, la mavesi awakulahli konke ukuhlukana. Lokhu kufakazelwa amazwi kaJesu: “Noma ubani ohlukanisa nomkakhe, ngaphandle kwesizathu sobufebe, ashade nomunye uyaphinga.” (Mathewu 19:9) Lapha, uJesu wavuma ukuthi ubufebe buyisizathu esamukelekayo sokuhlukanisa ngokomBhalo—yebo, buwukuphela kwesizathu esamukelekayo esivumela umuntu ukuba aphinde ashade. Umngane womshado ongenacala angase anqume ukuthethelela umngane owonile. Kodwa umuntu okhetha ukusebenzisa amazwi kaJesu njengesisekelo sokuhlukanisa nomngane womshado ophingayo akenzi into uJehova ayizondayo. UNkulunkulu uzonda ­ukukhohlisa komngane ongathembekile.

[Izithombe ekhasini 10]

Abangane bomshado abangenacala nabantwana babo bayazuza lapho besekelwa ngothando