Kusho Ukuthini Ukuzithoba Emshadweni?

LAPHO owesifazane ongumKristu eshada, kumelwe enze izinguquko eziningi. Mhlawumbe enkulu kunazo zonke kulezi ithinta inkululeko yakhe. Njengomuntu omdala ongashadile, kungenzeka ubekhululekile ukuzenzela eziningi zezinqumo zakhe ngaphandle kokuthintana nanoma ubani. Kodwa njengoba esenomyeni, unesibopho sokuthintana naye futhi acele imvume yakhe ukuze enze eziningi zezinto ayevame ukuzinqumela ngokwakhe ukuzenza. Kungani lokhu kunjalo?

Kungenxa yokuthi ngenkathi uMdali wesintu enikeza indoda yokuqala owesifazane wokuqala ngomshado, wamisa indoda ukuba ibe inhloko yomkayo nabantwana babo besikhathi esizayo. Lokhu kwakunengqondo. Kunoma yiliphi iqembu labantu elihlelekile, kudingeka kube nothile oholayo futhi enze izinqumo zokugcina. Endabeni yomshado, uMdali wayala ukuba ‘indoda ibe yinhloko yomkayo.’—Efesu 5:23.

Usekela lokhu, umyalo waphezulu uthi: “Abafazi mabathobele amadoda abo.” (Efesu 5:22) Indlela lelilungiselelo elimthinta ngayo umfazi ixhomeke ezintweni ezimbili: Okokuqala, uzimisele kangakanani ukuzithoba kulelilungiselelo? futhi okwesibili, indoda yakhe iyolisebenzisa kanjani igunya layo? Eqinisweni, uma bobabili abalingane bomshado bebheka lelilungiselelo ngendlela efanele, bathola ukuthi liyisibusiso kumfazi, endodeni, nakubantwana babo.

Ayiyena Umashiqela

Indoda kumelwe ilisebenzise kanjani igunya layo? Ngokulandela isibonelo esihle seNdodana kaNkulunkulu. IBhayibheli lithi: “Indoda iyinhloko yomfazi, njengokuba noKristu uyinhloko yebandla, yena ungumsindisi womzimba. Madoda, thandani omkenu, njengalokho noKristu ulithandile ibandla, wazinikela ngenxa yalo.” (Efesu 5:23, 25) Ukusebenzisa kukaJesu Kristu ubunhloko kwakuyisibusiso ebandleni. Wayengeyena umashiqela. Akazange enze abafundi bakhe bazizwe belinganiselwe noma becindezelwe. Kunalokho, wazuza inhlonipho yabo bonke ngokubaphatha kwakhe ngothando nangozwela. Yeka isibonelo esihle amadoda okumelwe asilandele ekuphatheni kwawo omkawo!

Nokho, kunamadoda angasilandeli lesibonelo esihle. Abusebenzisa ngobugovu ubunhloko bawo abunikwe uNkulunkulu, kunokubusebenzisa ngokwenzuzo yomkawo. Abusa omkawo ngendlela yobushiqela, efuna ngenkani ukuzithoba okuphelele futhi ngokuvamile engabavumeli ukuba bazenzele noma iziphi izinqumo ngokwabo. Ngokuqondakalayo, abafazi bamadoda anjalo ngokuvamile baphila ukuphila okungajabulisi. Futhi indoda enjalo nayo iyahlupheka ngenxa yokuthi ayiyitholi inhlonipho yothando yomkayo.

Yiqiniso, uNkulunkulu ufuna ukuba umfazi ahloniphe isikhundla indoda yakhe enaso njengenhloko yomkhaya. Kodwa uma indoda ifuna ukujabulela inhlonipho yakhe esuka enhliziyweni njengomuntu, kumelwe ikufanelekele, futhi indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza lokho iwukwenza izinto ngendlela yomthwalo wemfanelo nangokuhlakulela izimfanelo ezinhle, zokwesaba uNkulunkulu njengenhloko yomkhaya.

Ukuzithoba Kulinganiselwe

Ukuzithoba komfazi endodeni akukhona okungalinganiselwe. Ukuzithoba komfazi ngezinye izindlela kungaqhathaniswa nokuzithoba komKristu kumbusi wezwe. UNkulunkulu uyala ukuba amaKristu “azithobe emagunyeni aphakeme.” (Roma 13:1, NW) Nokho lokhu kuzithoba kumelwe ngaso sonke isikhathi kulinganiselwe nalokho esikukweleta uNkulunkulu. UJesu wathi: “Nikani uKesari okukaKesari noNkulunkulu okukaNkulunkulu.” (Marku 12:17) Uma uKesari (uhulumeni wezwe) efuna ukuba simnikeze lokho okungokukaNkulunkulu, sikhumbula lokho umphostoli uPetru akusho: “Simelwe ukulalela uNkulunkulu kunabantu.”—IzEnzo 5:29.

Ngendlela ecishe ifane, uma owesifazane ongumKristu eshade nendoda engaziqondi noma ehlulekayo ukuhlonipha izimiso zobuKristu, usalokhu enesibopho sokuzithoba kuyo. Kunokumelana nalelilungiselelo elamiswa uNkulunkulu, uyobe enza kahle ngokuyiphatha ngothando nangokucabangela futhi ngaleyondlela azame ukuyenza imethembe. Mhlawumbe ukuziphatha okunjalo okuhle kungenza umyeni wakhe ashintshe; kungase kumzuzele ngisho naseqinisweni. (1 Petru 3:1, 2) Uma umyeni wakhe emyala ukuba enze okuthile okunqatshelwa uNkulunkulu, kumelwe akhumbule ukuthi uNkulunkulu unguMbusi wakhe oyinhloko. Ngokwesibonelo, uma efuna ukuba ahileleke emikhubeni yokuziphatha okubi ngokobulili, njengokushintshiselana ngabafazi, unesibopho sokwenqaba. (1 Korinte 6:9, 10) Ukuzithoba endodeni yakhe kubuswa unembeza wakhe nawukuzithoba kwakhe okuyinhloko kuNkulunkulu.

Ngesikhathi seNkosi uDavide, uAbigayili wayeshade noNabali, indoda eyayingazihloniphi izimiso zokwesaba uNkulunkulu futhi eyaphatha uDavide namadoda akhe ngendlela enonya nengenaluthando. Lamadoda ayevikele izinkulungwane zezimvu nezimbuzi zikaNabali, kodwa kwathi lapho uDavide ecela umnikelo wokudla, uNabali wenqaba ukumnika noma yini.

Ngemva kokuzwa ukuthi isimo sengqondo somyeni wakhe sobuwula sasizoletha inhlekelele emkhayeni wakhe, uAbigayili wazinqumela ngokwakhe ukuyisa ukudla kuDavide. “UAbigayili wayeseshesha, wathatha izinkwa ezingamakhulu amabili, nezimvaba ezimbili zewayini, nezimvu eziyisihlanu ezilungisiweyo, namaseya ayisihlanu otshwele, nezigaxa eziyikhulu zezithelo zomvini ezomileyo, nezigaxa ezingamakhulu amabili zamakhiwane, wakubeka ezimbongolweni. Wathi kuzo izinsizwa: Hambani phambi kwami; bhekani, ngiyanilandela. Kepha akayitshelanga indoda yakhe uNabali.”—1 Samuweli 25:18, 19.

Ingabe uAbigayili wayenza okungalungile ngokwenza okuphambene nentando yomyeni wakhe? Akunjalo kulendaba. Ukuzithoba kuka-Abigayili kwakungadingi ukuba angabinaluthando njengomyeni wakhe, ikakhulukazi njengoba inkambo yobuwula kaNabali yayibeke wonke umkhaya wakhe engozini. Ngakho, uDavide wathi kuye: “Makabusiswe uJehova uNkulunkulu kaIsrayeli okuthumé namuhla ukungihlangabeza. Futhi makubusiswe ukuhlakanipha kwakho.” (1 Samuweli 25:32, 33) Ngokufanayo, abafazi abangamaKristu namuhla akumelwe babacunule futhi bamelane nobunhloko babayeni babo, kodwa uma bona bethatha inkambo engebona ubuKristu, abafazi akudingekile babalandele kulokho.

Yiqiniso, uPawulu encwadini yakhe eya kwabase-Efesu uthi: “Njengokuba ibandla lithobela uKristu, kanjalo nabafazi mabathobele amadoda ezintweni zonke.” (Efesu 5:24) Ukusebenzisa kwalomphostoli amazwi athi “ezintweni zonke” lapha akusho ukuthi ukuzithoba komfazi akunamingcele. Amazwi kaPawulu athi, “njengokuba ibandla lithobela uKristu,” abonisa lokho ayekucabanga. Konke uKristu akufunayo ebandleni lakhe kulungile, kuyavumelana nentando kaNkulunkulu. Ngakho-ke, ibandla lingazithoba kalula nangenjabulo kuye ezintweni zonke. Ngokufanayo, umfazi wendoda engumKristu ezama ngobuqotho ukulandela isibonelo sikaJesu uyokujabulela ukuzithoba kuyo ezintweni zonke. Uyazi ukuthi izikhathalela kakhulu izithakazelo zakhe ezingcono kakhulu, futhi ngeke imcele ngenhloso ukuba enze okuthile okungahambisani nentando kaNkulunkulu.

Indoda iyolondoloza uthando nenhlonipho yomkayo lapho icabanga ngezimfanelo zokwesaba uNkulunkulu zenhloko yayo, uJesu Kristu, owayala ukuba abalandeli bakhe bathandane. (Johane 13:34) Ngisho nakuba indoda iwenza amaphutha futhi ingaphelele, uma isebenzisa igunya layo ngokuvumelana nobunhloko obuphakeme kakhulu bukaKristu, ikwenza kube lula ngomkayo ukuba ajabulele ukuba kwayo inhloko yakhe. (1 Korinte 11:3) Uma umfazi ehlakulela izimfanelo zobuKristu zokuthobeka nomusa wothando, kulula ngaye ukuba azithobe kumyeni wakhe.

Ukuthobeka Nokucabangela

Amadoda nabafazi ebandleni bangabazalwane nodade abangokomoya abanokuma okufanayo phambi kukaJehova. (Qhathanisa neyabaseGalathiya 3:28.) Nokho, amadoda aye abelwa nguNkulunkulu ukuba engamele ibandla. Abesifazane abanezinhliziyo ezinhle bakuqaphela ngenjabulo lokhu ngakho konke ukuzithoba. Futhi amadoda avuthiwe ebandleni asiqaphela ngokuthobeka isibopho esingathi sína okusibeka phezu kwamadoda sokuba angazenzi amakhosi phezu komhlambi.—1 Petru 5:2, 3.

Uma bunjalo ubuhlobo phakathi kwamadoda nabesifazane ebandleni, indoda engumKristu ingakuthethelela kanjani ukuphatha kwayo umkayo ngobushiqela, ongudadewabo ongokomoya? Futhi umfazi angakuthethelela kanjani ukuncintisana kwakhe nomyeni wakhe ngobunhloko? Kunalokho, kumelwe baphathane njengoba uPetru enxusa wonke amalungu ebandla: “Manibe-nhliziyonye nonke, nihawukelane, nithandane ngokwabazalwane, nibe-nobubele nokuthobeka.” (1 Petru 3:8) UPawulu naye weluleka: “Yembathani ububele benhliziyo, nesisa, nokuzithoba, nobumnene, nokubhekakade, nibekezelelane, nithethelelane, uma umuntu enensolo komunye; njengokuba neNkosi yanithethelela, yenzani njalo nani.”—Kolose 3:12, 13.

Isimo sengqondo esinjalo kumelwe sihlakulelwe ebandleni. Futhi kufanele sihlakulelwe ikakhulukazi phakathi kwendoda nomfazi ekhaya lamaKristu. Indoda ingabonisa uthando lwayo lomusa nobumnene ngokulalela ukusikisela okuvela kumkayo. Kufanele icabangele umbono womkayo ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo esithinta umkhaya. Abesifazane abangamaKristu ababona abangakwazi ukucabanga. Ngokuvamile banganikeza abayeni babo ukusikisela okuwusizo, njengoba uSara enza kumyeni wakhe, uAbrahama. (Genesise 21:12) Ngakolunye uhlangothi, owesifazane ongumKristu ngeke afune okwengeziwe ngokungenangqondo kumyeni wakhe. Uyobonisa umusa wakhe nokuzithoba ngokulandela ukuhola kwakhe nokusekela izinqumo zakhe, ngisho nakuba ngezinye izikhathi zingase zehluke kulokho yena ngokwakhe akukhethayo.

Indoda ecabangelayo, njengomdala ocabangelayo, iyangeneka futhi inomusa. Umfazi onothando usabela ngokuba nozwela nokubhekakade, eqaphela imizamo eyenzayo ukuze ifeze imithwalo yayo yemfanelo naphezu kokungapheleli nokucindezela kokuphila. Uma isimo sengqondo esinjalo sihlakulelwa yibo bobabili indoda nomfazi, ukuzithoba emshadweni ngeke kube inkinga kubo bobabili. Kunalokho, kuwumthombo wenjabulo, ukulondeka, nokwaneliseka okuhlala njalo.