Umkhaya Ojabulayo Lapho Ababili Benobunye Khona

UKUBA bekungadingeka wakhe indlu eqinile, elondekile, enethezekile, ubuyosebenzisa ziphi izinto zokwakha? Amapulangwe? Izitini? Amatshe? Nakhu okutuswa yincwadi yeBhayibheli yezAga: “Indlu iyakhiwa ngokuhlakanipha, iqiniswe ngokuqonda. Amakamelo agcwaliswa ngokwazi, ngayo yonke ingcebo enqabileyo nemnandi.” (IzAga 24:3, 4) Yebo, kudinga ukuhlakanipha, ukuqonda, nolwazi ukwakha umkhaya ojabulayo.

Ubani owakhayo? “Owesifazane ohlakaniphileyo uyakha indlu yakhe, kepha oyisiwula uyayidiliza ngezandla zakhe.” (IzAga 14:1) Kungokufanayo nangendoda ehlakaniphile ebonayo ukuthi kusemandleni ayo ukwenza umshado wayo uqine futhi ujabulise noma ube buthaka futhi ube lusizi. Yiziphi izici ezenza umehluko? Yeka indlela okuthakazelisa ngayo ukuthi ukusikisela kwabanye abeluleki bemishado banamuhla kufana ngokuseduze kakhulu nokuhlakanipha okungenakuphelelwa yisikhathi kweZwi likaNkulunkulu, elabhalwa ezinkulungwaneni eziningi zeminyaka edlule.

Ukulalela: “Ukulalela ngempela kungesinye sezibonakaliso zokwazisa ezinkulu kakhulu ongazinikeza omunye umuntu futhi kubalulekile ekwakheni nasekulondolozeni ubuhlobo obuseduze,” kusho incwadi ethile yezemishado. ‘Izindlebe zabalungileyo ziyafuna ukwazi,’ kusho izAga. (IzAga 18:15) Njengoba izindlebe ezivulekile zingabonakali njengamehlo noma umlomo ovulekile, ungambonisa kanjani umngane wakho womshado ukuthi ulalele ngempela? Enye indlela ingokulalela ngokuphinda okushiwoyo, noma ukulalela ngokuzimisela.—Bheka ibhokisi ekhasini 11.

Ukuthulula isifuba nokusondelana: “Impucuko yethu imelene nokuthulula isifuba,” kuphawula incwadi ethi One to One—Understanding Personal Relationships. “Sifundiswa kusukela ebuntwaneni ukuba sinake okwethu—sigcine imfihlo ngokuphathelene nemali, imibono, imizwa, . . . noma yini engeyakho. Lesisifundo asimane nje sisuke, ngisho nalapho ‘sithandana nothile.’ Ngaphandle kokuba kwenziwe umzamo oqhubekayo wokuthulula isifuba, ukusondelana ngeke kuchume.” “Kukhona ukushafa kwamacebo lapho ingekho khona inkulumo yokubonisana,” kuphawula izAga, “kepha kwabalulekwayo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.”—IzAga 13:10; 15:22, NW.

Ubuqotho nokwethembana: Indoda nomfazi bafunga phambi kukaNkulunkulu ukuthi bazothembeka. Lapho abangane bomshado bethemba ukuthi ngamunye uthembeke ngobuqotho komunye, uthando aluthiywa ukungabaza, ukuqhosha, umoya wokuncintisana, ukukhathalela ukuthola lokho umuntu akufunayo.

Ukuhlanganyela izinto: Ubuhlobo buyajula ngokuhlangenwe nakho okuhlanganyelwayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi umbhangqwana ungakha umlando owaziswa yibo bobabili. Awukucabangi ukugqashula lesosibopho sobungane. “Kukhona abangane ababambelela kuneselamani.”—IzAga 18:24.

Umusa nobumnene: Izenzo zomusa zinciphisa izingxabano zokuphila futhi ziqeda ukuqhosha. Izindlela zomusa, uma zigxilisiwe, zihlala ziqinile ngisho noma imizwelo ithinteka ngokujulile phakathi nezimpikiswano, kanjalo zinciphise umonakalo. Ubumnene bakha isimo esifudumele lapho uthando lungakhula khona. Nakuba kungase kube nzima ngendoda ukubonisa ubumnene, iBhayibheli lithi: “Ukuthandwa komuntu kubangwa ngumusa wakhe.” (IzAga 19:22) Uma kukhulunywa ngomfazi omuhle, ‘umthetho womusa usolimini lwakhe.’—IzAga 31:26.

Ukuthobeka: Njengoba kuyisivikelo kushevu wokuqhosha, ukuthobeka kushukumisa ukuhlala ukulungele ukuxolisa nokubonga ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kuthiwani uma umsulwa ngempela ngecala elithile elivezwayo? Kungani ngomusa ungathi, “Ngiyadabuka ngokuthi udumele kangaka”? Bonisa ukukhathalela ngokuthinteka komngane wakho womshado, bese ndawonye nifuna indlela yokulungisa okonakele. “Kuludumo kumuntu ukuhlala kude nokuxabana.”—IzAga 20:3.

Inhlonipho: “Igama eliyinhloko ekuqapheleni ukungafani kwemibono yenu nokuyixazulula ndawonye inhlonipho. Okubalulekile komunye umngane womshado kungase kungabaluleki ngendlela efanayo komunye. Nakuba kunjalo, umngane womshado ngamunye angahlonipha imibono yomunye ngaso sonke isikhathi.” (Keeping Your Family Together When the World Is Falling Apart) “Ngokuziqhenya kuvela ukuxabana kuphela, kepha kwabalulekwayo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.”—IzAga 13:10.

Ukuba namahlaya: Amafu aguqubele esimo esibucayi angase apheliswe ukuhleka kwenu ndawonye. Kugeleza phakathi kwezibopho zothando futhi kuqeda ukushuba kwesimo okuvame ukuphazamisa ukucabanga okuhle. “Inhliziyo ethokozayo yenza ubuso bube-buhle.”—IzAga 15:13.

Ukuphana: Zifune ngokuzimisela izinto ongazazisa ngomngane wakho womshado futhi umtuse ngokuphana. Lezizinto ezifiselekayo zingabangela ukusabela okukhulu okusuka enhliziyweni kunothayi kasilika noma isixha sezimbali. Yiqiniso, nisengaqhubeka nithengelana noma nenzelana izinto ezinhle. Kodwa “izipho ezinkulu kunazo zonke ongaphana ngazo,” kusho incwadi ethi Lifeskills for Adult Children, “azinakufakwa ebhokisini. Ziwukubonakaliswa kothando nokwazisa, isikhuthazo, nosizo lwakho.” “Izwi elikhulunywayo ngesikhathi esiyiso linjengama-apula asezitsheni zesiliva.”—IzAga 25:11.

Uma lezimfanelo zingase zifaniswe nezinto zokwakha ubuhlobo bomshado, khona-ke ukukhulumisana kuwukhonkolo odingekayo wokuzihlanganisa ndawonye. Ngakho, yini engenziwa umbhangqwana lapho kuphakama ukungezwani? “Kunokuba ubheke imibono ehlukile yomngane wakho womshado njengembangela yengxabano, . . . ibheke njengomthombo wolwazi. . . . Imininingwane yokuphila kwansuku zonke iba umthombo ocebile wokwaziswa,” kusho incwadi ethi Getting the Love You Want.

Khona-ke, ungabheki impikiswano ngayinye njengesizathu sokulwa, kodwa njengethuba eliyigugu lokuqonda isithandwa sakho. Nobabili yamukelani inselele yokuxazulula ukungaboni ngaso linye futhi nifinyelele ukuzwana okunokuthula, kanjalo niqinise izibopho, nijulise uthando olunenza nobabili nibe munye.

UJehova uNkulunkulu ubona ubuhle obukhulu ngokubambisana futhi kanjalo wakufaka endalweni yakhe—emjikelezweni womoya-mpilo wokubonelelana kwezitshalo nezilwane, ukujikeleza kwezinto ezisemkhathini, ubuhlobo bokwabelana phakathi kwezinambuzane nezimbali. Ngokufanayo futhi nasemshadweni, kungavela umjikelezo ofudumele lapho indoda, ngamazwi nangezenzo, iqinisekisa khona umkayo ngothando lwayo nomfazi oyethembayo, onothando elandela ukuhola kwayo ngokwaneliseka. Ngakho, laba ababili baba munye ngempela, beletha injabulo komunye nomunye nakuMsunguli womshado, uJehova uNkulunkulu.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 11]

“Anobheka Ukuba Nizwa Kanjani”—Luka 8:18

Ukulalelisisa kuyindlela yokuqinisekisa ukuthi isikhulumi nesilaleli bayaqondana ngempela. Ngezinye izikhathi kubizwa ngokuthi ukuphinda okushiwoyo, njengoba isilaleli sizama ukubonisa amazwi esiwezwayo nencazelo esiyiqondayo. Lezi izinyathelo eziyisisekelo:

1. Lalela ngokucophelela; lalela ukuze uthole izigijimi ezibalulekile.

2. Lalela ukuze uqonde imizwa egcizelelwa amazwi.

3. Phindela isikhulumi lokho okuzwayo. Ungahluleli, ugxeke, noma uphikise. Yenza lomuntu azi ukuthi usithole ngendlela efanele isigijimi. Qaphela imizwa.

4. Isikhulumi cishe siyoqinisekisa noma silungise okushoyo futhi mhlawumbe singase senabe ngokwengeziwe endabeni.

5. Uma ungaqondanga kahle, zama futhi.

Ukulalelisisa kuphumelela ngokukhethekile ekunciphiseni ubuhlungu bokugxekwa. Lamukele iqiniso lokuthi ngokuvamile ukugxeka kusekelwe eqinisweni elithile. Kungase kwethulwe ngendlela ebuhlungu, kodwa kunokuba uphindisele ubuhlungu ngokuzivikela kumuntu ogxekayo, kungani ungasebenzisi ukulalelisisa ukuze udambise isimo? Vuma ukuthi uyayiqonda noma yimiphi imizwa yokudumala ongase usolwe ngayo, futhi ufune indlela yokulungisa indaba.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 12]

“Uma Umuntu Enensolo.”—Kolose 3:13

Lapho unesikhalo, ungasethula kanjani ngokuphumelelayo ngaphandle kokuqala impi? Okokuqala, ncoma umngane wakho womshado ngokuba nesisusa esihle. Ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi akacabangelanga, akacabanganga, ube nokhahlo, akazange abonise ukuhlakanipha—kodwa eqinisweni cishe ayikho ingozi ebihlosiwe. Ngobumnene veza imizwa yakho ngaphandle kokumsola: “Lapho wenza lokhu, ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi . . .” Ayikho imbangela yempikiswano kulokhu. Kumane nje kuveza indlela ozizwa ngayo futhi akumsoli umngane wakho womshado. Njengoba lomuntu kungenzeka ubengahlosile neze ukukudumaza, angase asabele ngokuphika noma ngokuzithethelela. Nokho, gxila enkingeni futhi ukulungele ukusikisela ikhambi.

[Isithombe ekhasini 10]

Ukulalela ngempela kungesinye sezibonakaliso zokwazisa ezinkulu kakhulu ongazinikeza omunye umuntu