He Came Back a Stranger
“David came back from Vietnam a different person,” explained his wife, Elaine. “Before he went, I was drawn to him by his warmth, his caring and his wide-eyed enthusiasm. He deeply trusted me and we had a beautiful relationship. But when he returned, all that was dear about him was gone. He looked like the same man—the same smile and big brown eyes—but there was no warmth or trust. He was like a stranger. It was frightening.” Then Elaine added: “He was like a hollow shell. Nothing inside but anger.”
Explaining how he felt on returning, David said: “I just resented being with people who did not, could not, fully understand what it was like being there. I saw some of my buddies die the most hideous of deaths. I wanted Elaine to understand my feelings—what I had seen. But nobody seemed really to want to understand. So I had all this hostility bottled up inside.”
Very few persons can really conceive the traumatic reversal of personal values that war creates, nor can they sense the devastating effect this has on the mind. David explains: “In combat you had to learn to look out for yourself constantly. You learned that personal relationships with others meant very little—they could be killed the next minute. You justified in your own mind that any conduct was justifiable as long as you survived another day.” Elaine added: “When you come home you soon realize that everything that you thought was valuable during your year of duty adds up to zero. And everything you thought meant nothing, such as relationships with others, becomes extremely valuable in civilian life.”
As a result, David, like many returning soldiers, hesitated to form trusting relationships with others whereby he would become emotionally involved. Naturally this wreaks havoc on a marriage.
The Value of Bible Instruction
When their relationship was almost strained to the limit, David and Elaine began a study of the Bible with the Christian witnesses of Jehovah. “It helped immensely!” said David. “Eventually, for the first time in my life, I felt that I had an intimate relationship with God and could express all my feelings to him. I could really say how sorry I was for all the things that I had done, and I believed that he was willing to forgive me.”
Elaine added: “Naturally David still had his ups and downs, but these became less intense. At times even now he will suffer from depression, but the Bible instruction brought back the David I married and more! It brought out the good, because the Bible encourages unselfish love, compassion and giving. It was like finding my husband again!”
Yes, the Bible has helped David, and others, to build loving, trusting relationships. How? Well, the Bible states that genuine love “does not look for its own interests” and “does not keep account of the injury.” The Bible urges tender compassion. It gives practical suggestions on how a person can develop genuine love for his fellowman. “It still was not easy,” confessed David. “Even now, if someone betrays my trust and treats me unjustly, my anger flares up inside. But at that time I’ll silently pray to Jehovah for strength and just walk away.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5; 1 Peter 3:8, 9.
The Role of the Family
“Not only did applying Bible knowledge help David,” explained Elaine, “but it helped me to cope with him. You see, when David would start an argument he would not say, ‘Elaine, now I’m going to get mad at you because of my hostility over Vietnam.’ No, he would say, ‘What is this rotten food? You don’t keep the house clean, and you’re not a good mother!’ At other times he would give me the silent treatment and not speak for weeks. All the while I would be wondering, What did I do wrong?
“But I learned from the Bible to be submissive and respectful, to show fellow feeling and to ‘put up with others even though I had a cause for complaint.’ My knowing these Bible truths helped. Of course there were times when I would overreact to David’s anger. At times I would not fully apply what the Bible said, but when we both applied it, the Bible counsel worked. It was not easy but I did not end our marriage when I felt like doing so because of his actions. Now things have greatly improved.”—Colossians 3:13, 18.
The understanding and compassion of the family are “very significant,” according to Dr. Kolb, “in assisting a man to become socially competent.” He revealed that “the men who maintained their marriages are doing better than the others. On the other hand, if a wife is ‘frozen out,’ as many are, marriages don’t last.”
But even more than teaching understanding and compassion, the Bible offers a genuine hope for the future.
Precious Promises
“Come, you people, behold the activities of Jehovah . . . He is making wars to cease to the extremity of the earth.” (Psalm 46:8, 9) When you consider the staggering amount of suffering caused by war, how grand such a promise is! By means of his heavenly government, his kingdom, God will “put an end” to all nations that foment war, and he will bring permanent peace to our earth.—Daniel 2:44.
The meek ones that survive will be completely cured—mentally, emotionally and physically—as God directs his full attention to our earth. (Revelation 21:3, 4; Psalm 37:10, 11) Learning of this hope has motivated many veterans. “This gave David a real reason to live,” said Elaine. “It also made it easier for me to encourage him. For instance, when he would become irritated by some thoughtless remark from an outsider, I would often say, ‘Remember, “vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah.”’ When he would get discouraged because of the recurring depression, I would show him how much progress he had already made and point to the future when God would heal his mental wounds completely.”—Romans 12:19; compare Isaiah 65:17.
Jesus promised: “The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear [Jesus’] voice and come out.” (John 5:28, 29) What a thrilling prospect—to see millions who were killed during war return to life and be given an opportunity to learn the truth about God!
Harley is one of the veterans who found that Bible instruction was a big help. Though thirty-seven years have passed since World War II ended, recalling the death of some of his battle companions caused him to have an intense emotional reaction. Choking back the tears, he said: “It will be real nice to see those guys again in the resurrection. This hope really softens the hurt.”
Truly, Bible education provides genuine help for the mind and offers a real hope for the future.
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Bible study provides help for the mind and offers real hope