How Can You Help Single Parents?

SINGLE parents, male or female, merit consideration. Today’s social workers place a high value on support for the one-​parent family.

“Supportive friendship networks, relatives who care, teachers who take a warm and personal interest, special community and religious activities designed with such families in mind,” explain sociologists Letha and John Scanzoni, “can make a tremendous difference in the emotional well-​being of solo parents and their children at a time in their lives when encouragement is especially needed.” How, then, can you help?

Be Supportive

First, try to understand how single parents view things. Put yourself in their place. Awake! interviewed Margaret, who has two children, aged 7 and 14. She was divorced five years ago, and so far she is coping successfully. You will no doubt find her comments most revealing.

Awake!: “As a single parent, what problems have you had to face?”

Margaret: “First and foremost, I found it very difficult to come to grips with the fact that I had become a single parent, something I hadn’t planned. It irritated me to be labeled as a ‘single parent’ because many view one-​parent families as depressed and dreary looking, with children who have a bad reputation. Because that was not my view, at first I refused to take advice. But I’ve come to realize that being a single parent is not all negative.”

To support single parents, you need to be aware of their sensitivities. Persevere in showing them kindness.

Awake!: “You receive no maintenance from your ex-​husband. How have you managed financially?”

Margaret: “I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices. I used to enjoy buying new clothes for get-​togethers. Well, we do buy new things still, but we cannot spend as much as we used to. Of course, I want to make the children look their best, so I have to budget well. I started to save a little each week, giving it to a trusted friend for safekeeping, for I knew if I kept it, I might use it.”

Will you be such a trustworthy friend who helps single parents budget their resources?

Awake!: “How have you coped with loneliness?”

Margaret: “I’m always kept busy during the daytime. Evenings, when the children have gone to bed, I feel it most. I call a relative or a friend on the telephone. Sometimes I have a tearful chat. I talk about what has happened during the day. Just having someone who will listen is such a help.”

Perhaps you can take the initiative and call the lonely one. Your listening ear can then provide much comfort.

Awake!: “What do you find to be most difficult as a single parent?”

Margaret: “Bringing up the children in a morally upright way. Deteriorating social and moral standards make people question my wish to instill good values in my children.”

Your setting an example in upholding godly standards will surely encourage others to do the same.

Awake!: “Bringing up two youngsters takes a lot of your time. How do you find time to do what you want to?”

Margaret: “I try to save some time for myself. For example, when a friend gives the children music lessons, that gives me an hour to myself. I sit down and leave the TV off. I’ll just be silent, thinking about what I’ve done during the day. I’m always very conscious of what is right or what is wrong, and so I like to think back over what I’ve done to see if I could have done better.”

If you offer to care for her children from time to time, the single parent will have valuable moments for such reflection.

Offer Practical Help

Awake!: “What help have you found the most practical?”

Margaret: “I enjoy being invited to the home of another family. When you realize others are concerned about you, that helps a lot. Sometimes you think you’re the only one with problems. Also when someone commends me on the way I’m bringing up my children, that means so much! Then there’s the practical side of things, like decorating, gardening, shopping. . . . Oh, I could go on and on!”

When there is only one parent, things take longer and seem much harder. So don’t underestimate the value of the gift of your time. To single parents it is one of the most precious gifts of all.

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To be of real help to single parents, spend time with them