An Appeal on the Basis of Love

1. What responsibility do we all have?

WE CHERISH the peace we enjoy among Jehovah’s people. This peace gives us a taste of how good life will be in Paradise. (Isa. 32:17, 18) Although Jehovah grants us this peace, we have a personal responsibility to maintain and protect it. (Rom. 12:18) How can we promote peace in the congregation when interacting with others? When we offend someone? When someone offends us? The answers are found in an appeal made on the basis of love. This appeal involved three Bible characters: the apostle Paul, Philemon, and Onesimus.

THE APPEAL

2. Summarize the account of Philemon and Onesimus. (Philemon 8, 9, 17)

² Read Philemon 8, 9, 17. In his letter to Philemon, Paul exhorts him to welcome back his slave Onesimus. Paul appeals to Philemon’s love for Christ and for his fellow Christians. Are you familiar with the account? Philemon was a brother in the congregation in Colossae, known for his outstanding faith and love. He had an unbelieving slave named Onesimus, who abandoned him and fled to Rome, possibly robbing him before leaving. (Philem. 18; see study note.) While in Rome, Onesimus developed a close friendship with Paul and became a Christian. (Col. 4:9) Under Roman law, however, Onesimus had to return to his master, so Paul sent him back to Philemon.​—Philem. 12, 13; see study note on “I am sending him back to you.”

3. What concerns may Paul have had about sending Onesimus back? (See also picture.)

³ How would Philemon react to Onesimus’ return? Legally, he had the right to have Onesimus severely punished. Would he exercise that right? How would the congregation react? What if other masters and slaves became divided over the matter? Paul knew that the situation could potentially disrupt the congregation’s peace. So he wrote a letter to Philemon and sent it via Tychicus. (Eph. 6:21, 22; Col. 4:7-9; see study note on Colossians 4:7.) At the same time, Paul also sent a letter to the congregation in Colossae. Let us examine what we can learn from the examples of Paul, Onesimus, and Philemon based on those two letters.

LESSONS TO LEARN FROM PAUL’S EXAMPLE

4-5. How can elders contribute to the peace of the congregation?

⁴ What can we learn from Paul’s example? Paul treated others in a way that promoted peace. His example shows how we can help to promote peace in the congregation when interacting with others.

⁵ Paul treated Philemon as a friend. (Philem. 17) Paul did not think he could just order Philemon around, as if he were his master. (2 Cor. 1:24) Paul viewed Philemon as a fellow worker and reminded him of their friendship. What a good example Paul set for Philemon regarding how to treat Onesimus, his new brother! It also serves as a fine example for all of us, especially for those who serve as elders in the congregation. Elders who treat others as friends are a force for peace. As loving shepherds, they do not ‘lord it over’ the flock. (1 Pet. 5:1-3) Instead, they spend time with God’s sheep, listen to them, value them, and support them in times of need. Like Paul, elders who treat others as friends set a fine example for the flock and contribute to an environment where peace can flourish.

6. Why is commendation important?

⁶ Paul commended Philemon. (Philem. 4, 5, 7) We all need commendation. Why? For one thing, many of us struggle with feelings of insecurity. We may worry about our appearance, whether others like us, or whether we may lose a cherished privilege of service. These feelings are normal. However, they can sometimes make us anxious, overly sensitive, defensive, or even competitive​—characteristics that can hinder our efforts to promote peace. A person can better cope with his feelings of insecurity if he receives commendation. (Prov. 12:25) It reassures him that he is loved and appreciated. Would you like to have that effect on others? If so, look for opportunities to commend others sincerely. Commend others not just for good results but also for the efforts they put forth. Simply put, when you see something positive, say something positive.

7. Why should we think carefully about what we say regarding others? (Philemon 10-12)

⁷ Paul spoke positively about Onesimus. (Read Philemon 10-12.) How might Paul’s tender words about Onesimus have affected Philemon? Would they have influenced how Philemon felt about, spoke to, and treated Onesimus? Surely! Similarly, what we say about fellow worshippers affects how others feel about them and treat them. Speaking positively about our brothers and sisters helps others treat them kindly. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. Speaking negatively about our brothers and sisters may influence others to treat them unkindly. But to speak well of others, we must first think well of them. What can help us to do that? Consider a custom that Paul had.

8. What could help us to think and speak positively about fellow worshippers? (See also pictures.)

⁸ Paul regularly thanked Jehovah for Philemon’s fine qualities. (Philem. 4, 5) He did the same for many others. (1 Cor. 1:4-7; Phil. 1:3-5; Col. 1:3, 4; 1 Thess. 1:2, 3) Paul was not blind to the negative traits of his brothers and sisters, but he looked for their good qualities. And it was his custom to thank Jehovah for such friends. If you find it difficult to speak positively of others, remember this: If you cultivate the habit of thinking positively about others and of praying sincerely for Jehovah to bless them, you will be more inclined to speak positively about them.

9. Why is Paul’s positive tone especially remarkable?

⁹ Despite facing challenging circumstances, Paul treated Philemon kindly. Have you ever lost your patience with someone when you were tired or under stress? When we have been experiencing difficult circumstances, it can be easy to take our frustrations out on others. With that in mind, consider Paul’s circumstances around the time when he wrote to Philemon. Just a few years before, Paul was violently attacked and then unjustly detained. He was held in custody in Jerusalem and in Caesarea. Then, he was transferred to Rome but suffered shipwreck along the way. And now as he wrote to Philemon, Paul was still “a prisoner,” under house arrest in Rome. (Philem. 1) But did Paul allow his stressful experiences to affect the way he addressed Philemon? No. Paul’s letter to Philemon was kind and tactful. The lesson? We can contribute to peace by doing our best to treat others kindly even when we are tired, stressed, or enduring a trial. In turn, the peaceful atmosphere we promote helps us cope with our challenges.

LESSONS TO LEARN FROM ONESIMUS’ EXAMPLE

10. What can we learn from Onesimus’ example?

¹⁰ We all do and say things that offend others. Onesimus’ example teaches us how to restore peace when that happens. He did something that sounds simple but is often difficult to do. He admitted his mistake and did his part to reconcile with Philemon. Onesimus surely knew that Roman law required that he return to his master. So he made a costly and exhausting trip of over 1,400 kilometers (900 mi) to return to Philemon. He had to be willing to give up his freedom and possibly accept other consequences for his actions. That could not have been an easy choice. And what if he felt that he was justified in running away from Philemon? If he did feel that way, he did not let it stop him from returning to his master and doing what he could to promote peace between them as spiritual brothers.

11. What can we do to restore peace when we have offended someone? (See also pictures.)

¹¹ If you have offended someone, take the initiative to restore peace. (Matt. 5:23-25) True, this may be difficult, but the resulting peace will be worth it. Start with a sincere apology. Be willing to listen to the other person and acknowledge his feelings. Accept responsibility for your mistake. Avoid justifying your actions or shifting the blame. Doing so can weaken an apology, prolong a dispute, or even make things worse. It takes humility to apologize, but that is often a quicker way to peace.​—Rom. 14:19.

LESSONS TO LEARN FROM PHILEMON’S EXAMPLE

12. Why was Paul confident that Philemon would forgive Onesimus?

¹² Philemon’s example teaches us how to maintain peace when someone wrongs us. Did Philemon forgive Onesimus and receive him back kindly? The account does not say. But Paul was confident that Philemon would. (Philem. 17, 21) Paul knew that Philemon had qualities that would incline him to forgive. What qualities?

13. Why is love key to maintaining peace? (Colossians 3:14)

¹³ Philemon loved his brothers. (Philem. 5) Philemon lived up to his name, which means “Loving.” He was known for his outstanding love, a quality that would be key in forgiving Onesimus. In fact, in Paul’s letter to Philemon’s congregation in Colossae, he described love as “a perfect bond of union.” (Read Colossians 3:14.) In other words, no other quality contributes more to peace and unity than love. The more we love others, the easier it becomes to forgive them and treat them kindly. (1 Cor. 13:4-7) Let us see how this worked in Philemon’s case.

14. Why can we say that Philemon was hospitable?

¹⁴ Philemon had a quality that strengthens love: hospitality. He opened his home to the congregation for meetings. (Philem. 2) Paul also alluded to Philemon’s hospitality when he asked Philemon to prepare a place for him to stay. (Philem. 22) Philemon’s warm hospitality undoubtedly made others feel welcomed and refreshed.​—Philem. 7.

15. How can showing hospitality strengthen our love for others? (See also pictures.)

¹⁵ How can imitating Philemon’s hospitable spirit strengthen our love for others? We get to know our brothers and sisters better when we show them hospitality. Spending time with those outside our immediate circle of friends, even those we may not initially be drawn to, helps us to appreciate the variety of personalities that make Jehovah’s people beautiful. Learning about their background, their journey into the truth, or their endurance through trials often deepens our love and respect for them. We see why Jehovah has drawn them to his family of worshippers. (John 6:44) Showing hospitality therefore helps us love our brothers and sisters more, assume the best about them, and forgive them when they make mistakes.

16. How may Philemon have applied Paul’s counsel found at Colossians 3:13?

¹⁶ Are you struggling to forgive someone right now? Even if we love our brothers and sisters, forgiving them may be difficult at times. What can help? Consider Paul’s words to the congregation in Colossae, which included Philemon, recorded at Colossians 3:13. (Read.) Imagine Philemon hearing those words read to the congregation in his own home. Whom might he have been thinking about? Was he harboring bitterness toward Onesimus? If so, the application for him was clear: He needed to continue putting up with Onesimus, and he needed to forgive him freely. How can Paul’s advice guide us in our own struggles to forgive?

17. In what way should we “continue putting up with one another”?

¹⁷ What did Paul mean by “continue putting up with one another”? He was encouraging us to be patient with and kind to fellow believers even when they irritate or offend us. In the same verse, Paul highlighted Jehovah’s heartwarming example. Jehovah has reasonable expectations for his worshippers. He is aware of our limitations but focuses on our good qualities. (Ps. 103:13, 14; 130:3) Because of that, he continues to extend his undeserved kindness and mercy to us. (Lam. 3:22, 23) If we do our best to view our fellow worshippers as Jehovah does, we will find it easier to be patient in putting up with their mistakes​—just as they patiently put up with ours. To illustrate: When we remember how beautiful a plant is when it blooms, we are motivated to care for it when it is not in bloom. Similarly, if we remember the good in our brothers and sisters, we will feel motivated to forgive them and treat them kindly even when they let us down.

18. What are you determined to do?

¹⁸ Jehovah appreciates everything you do to contribute to peace in your congregation. Daily look for opportunities to promote peace. Continue to speak kindly to and about others. Apologize. Make amends when you offend someone. And cultivate strong love for your brothers and sisters​—the kind of love that helps you forgive freely. By doing these things, you will be a force for peace in your congregation. And you will be among the meek ones who “will possess the earth” and “find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace”​—forever!​—Ps. 37:11.