Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Nchifukwa Ninji Chiri Chovuta Kukhala Limodzi Ndi Mbale Wanga ndi Mlongo?

MPIKISANO wa ana a mimba imodzi—uli wakale monga Kaini ndi Abele ndipo wofala pakati pa achichepere monga mmene chiliri chimfine. Osati kuti kwenikweni mumada mbale wanu kapena mlongo. Nkulekeranji, popeza mungavomere ngakhale mwachimwemwe kuti muli ndi chikondi kaamba ka abale anu a mimba imodzi, monga mmene achichepere otsatirawa anachitira:

“Nthaŵi zina alongo anga ndi abale amakhala ndi mkangano ndipo ndimanena kuti ndimadana nawo kotheratu, koma sindimatanthauza icho. Timakondana kwenikweni wina ndi mnzake.”

“Ndikhulupirira kuti ndimamkonda mbale wanga ngakhale kuti sindimachisonyeza icho kwenikweni.”

“Pansi pa mtima wanga, pomwe sindingapamve tsopano, ndikhulupirira kuti ndimamkonda mbale wanga. Mwa njira inayake, ndimatero.”

Mosasamala kanthu za chimenecho, udani mozindikirika umabisala mowonekera pansi pa maunansi a ana a mimba imodzi amenewa. Kodi nchiyani chomwe chingatulukepo? Mtsikana wa zaka zakubadwa 15 anawulula: “Mlongo wanga ndi mbale ndi ine; tinali kumenyana nthaŵi zambiri—nthaŵi zambiri popanda chifukwa! Ndewu zimenezo zinali zovutitsa maganizo kwa aliyense m’banja, ndipo tonse sitinali achimwemwe.” Abale ena ndi alongo amakhala aukali mwapoyera. (Mtsikana wina wa zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 anajambula chithunzithunzi cha abale ake ndi alongo akuikidwa mu mphika wa phula lotentha (tar).

Nchifukwa ninji kusamvana kwa ana a mimba imodzi kumakhalako kaŵirikaŵiri?

Mu nkhani ya m’magazini ya Seventeen, sing’anga wa banja Claudia Schweitzer akupereka maziko a chifukwa chimene abale ndi alongo kaŵirikaŵiri amakanganirana: “Banja lirilonse liri ndi unyinji winawake wa chuma, ena mwamalingaliro ndi ena mwa zinthu zakuthupi.” Nkhaniyo inapitiriza kuti: “Pamene ana a mimba imodzi amenyana, kaŵirikaŵiri amalimbanirana chuma chimenechi, chimene chimaphatikizapo chirichonse kuchokera ku chikondi cha ukholo kufikira ku ndalama ndi zovala.”

Inde, kukhala ndi mbale kapena mlongo nthaŵi zonse chimatanthauza kugawana. Camille wa zaka khumi mphambu zisanu ndi zitatu zakubadwa ndi abale ake ndi alongo asanu, mwachitsanzo, ayenera kugawana zipinda zogonamo. “Ndimafuna kukhala ndekha nthaŵi zina,” Camille akunena tero, “ndipo ndimafuna kuwatsekera iwo kunja, koma nthaŵi zonse amakhala m’menemo.” Ndithudi, ngakhale Yesu Kristu anali ndi chifuno cha pa kanthaŵi cha kukhala yekha. (Marko 6:31) Chotero mungadane nacho pamene mbale kapena mlongo alowa m’chipinda chanu popanda kugogoda, kapena pamene mulibe chipinda chanuchanu.

Iri lingakhale vuto loipitsitsa mwapadera ku mabanja olera pamene achichepere ayenera kugawana ndi alendo. “Palibe yemwe anafunsa mbale wanga kapena ine ngati tinafuna alongo opeza aŵiri ndi mbale wopeza kusamukira kunyumba yathu,” ananena tero mtsikana mmodzi mowawidwa. “Anangosamukiramo tsiku limodzi ndi kuyamba kuchita monga zinthu zonse zinali zawo. . . . Ndikhumba kuti abwerere komwe anachokera.”

Kenaka pali kugawana mathayo ndi ntchito zam’nyumba. Achichepere okulirako angakwiye ngati ayembekezeredwa kuchita mbali yaikulu ya ntchito za panyumba za masiku onse. Ana achichepere angakane mwaukali pamene akutumidwa ndi mwana wa mimba imodzi wamkulu kapena angakhale ndi nsanje pamene ana a mimba imodzi okulirapo alandira mathayo okhumbirika. ‘Mkulu wanga amatenga maphunziro oyendetsa galimoto ndipo ine sindingathe,’ akulira mtsikana wa zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 kuchokera ku England. ‘Ndimadzimva wokwiitsidwa ndipo ndimayesa kupanga zinthu kukhala zovuta kwa iye.’

Kodi mkwiyo woterewu ungathetsedwe motani? Yambani mwa kuyamba kugonjetsa zikhoterero zirizonse za umbombo. Chimatanthauza ‘kufuna osati zabwino za inu nokha, koma zija za wina.’ (1 Akorinto 10:24, NW) M’malo mwa kuimirira pa “zoyenera” zaumwini, khalani “okonzekera kugawana.” (1 Timoteo 6:18) Ichi chingakhale chovuta kwambiri. Koma wofufuza mmodzi akutikumbutsa ife kuti: “Ubwino wa kukhala ndi achibale [kuphatikizapo abale olera ndi alongo olera!] kuli kopambana zoipa zake. Kukhalapo kwa achibale kumatheketsa mkhalidwe umene mwana angaphunzire kukhala bwino ndi ana anzake. Amaphunzira maphunziro akupatsa ndi kutenga, kugawana zinthu zake.”

Kukhala Pafupi Kwambiri Kaamba ka Chitonthozo

Diane wa zaka zakubadwa khumi mphambu zisanu ndi ziŵiri anakula pamodzi ndi abale anayi ndi alongo atatu. Iye akunena kuti: “Ngati muwonana wina ndi mnzake tsiku lirilonse, tsiku mkati ndi tsiku kunja . . . Ndipo ngati uwona munthu mmodzimodziyo tsiku lirilonse akuchita chinthu chimodzimodzi chimene chingakukhumudwitse—chimenecho chingakhale ndi chiyambukiro pa iwe.” Nthaŵi zina, ngakhale kuli tero, zophophonya zathu zimawonjezera mafuta pa moto. André wachichepere akunena za iyemwini kuti: “Mmene umachitira panyumba ndi mmene uliri kwenikweni. Pamene upita kunja ndi kuyanjana ndi anthu ena, nthaŵi zina umavala khalidwe losiyana kotheratu. Koma pamene uli panyumba pamalo omwe uli wozoloŵerana nawo, umachita m’njira imene uliri kwenikweni.” Mopanda mwaŵi, ‘kuchita m’njira yomwe uliri kwenikweni’ kaŵirikaŵiri chimatanthauza kugawira ndi ulemu, chifundo, ndi luso.

Bukhu la The Private Life of the American Teenager mowonjezera linawona kuti: “Kaŵirikaŵiri chiri chovuta kukhala limodzi ndi anthu amene amachita machitidwe athu ena ndi amene amadziŵa zolakwitsa zathu ndi pomwe timakwiya.” Zowonadi, ngati mugawana mkhalidwe wabwino ndi mbale kapena mlongo, mungakokeredwe kwa ameneyo. Koma bwanji ngati mugawana mikhalidwe yoipa? Miyambo 27:19 imanena kuti: “Monga m’madzi nkhope ziwonana, momwemo mitima ya anthu idziwana.” Pamene tiwona mikhalidwe yathu yoipa ikuwonekera mwa achibale m’banja, kaŵirikaŵiri timanyalanyaza chokumbutsacho ndi kukhala aukali.

Kodi mungasunge motani mtendere? Mwakutsatira uphungu wa Baibulo wa ‘kulolerana wina ndi mnzake mwachikondi.’ (Aefeso 4:2) M’malo mwakukulitsa zolakwa ndi zophophonya za abale a mimba imodzi, gwiritsirani ntchito chikondi cha Chikristu, chimene “chikwiriritsa unyinji wa machimo.” (1 Petro 4:8) M’malo mwakutenga ziwalo za banja mosasamala ndi kukhala wokwiyitsidwa kapena wopanda chikondi, tayani “mkwiyo, kupsya mtima, dumbo, mwano,” ndipo “lolani kuti mawu anu akhale m’chisomo okoleretsa.”—Akolose 3:8; 4:6.

‘Amayi Akonda Iwe Mopambanitsa!’

Mwinamwake nkhondo yaikulu pakati pa a chibale, ngakhale kuli tero, iri kaamba ka chikondi cha makolo awo. Akuvomereza Professor wa sayansi ya maganizo Lee Salk: “Kulibe njira imene kholo lingakondere ana ake onse mofanana chifukwa ali anthu osiyana ndipo mosapeŵeka amatengera kachitidwe kosiyanasiyana kuchokera kwa ife [makolo].”

Ichi chinatsimikizira kukhala chowona m’nthaŵi za Baibulo. Yakobo (Israyeli) “anakonda Yosefe kuposa ana ake onse.” Abale ake anakwiya kwambiri pamene Yakobo “anasoka malaya amwinjiro opangidwa kaamba ka” Yosefe, mwachiwonekere malaya omwe anavala anapangitsa kuwonetsa munthu kukhala wamkulu. (Genesis 37:3) Mkupita kwa nthaŵi nsanje yawo inakula kufikira ku udani wakupha. Chingakhale chokhumudwitsa mofananamo ngati makolo anu awonekera kukonda mmodzi wa abale anu kapena alongo. Koma ena amatenga malingaliro audani pa abale awo!

Kugonjetsa Nsanje

Nsanje ya ana a mimba imodzi kaŵirikaŵiri iri chotulukapo cha nsonga yakuti “ndingaliro ya mtima wa munthu iri yoipa kuyambira pa unyamata wake.” (Genesis 8:21) Ndipo “mu mtima muchokera maganizo oipa,” (Mateyu 15:19) Mkazi wachichepere wotchedwa Lynn akukumbukira mmene analiri ndi nsanje kwambiri kwa mng’ono wake chakuti pamene anathyola mkono wake, Lynn anamdzudzula iye kuti anachitira dala! Chifukwa cholingaliridwa? Kotero kuti angaleke kumthandiza Lynn kupinda nsalu zogonera. Mwachiwonekere, malingaliro aukali a Lynn anali mokulira chotulukapo cha malingaliro onyenga a mtima wake mmalo mwa zinthu zenizeni.

Chofananacho chingakhale chowona ngati wina ali ndi nsanje chifukwa mwana wa mimba imodzi amakondedwa kwambiri ndi kholo. “Nsanje ivunditsa mafupa.” (Miyambo 14:30) Ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri kulibe chifukwa chenicheni chakukwiyira. Mu nkhani ya Yakobo, kumbukirani kuti Yosefe anali mwana wa mkazi wake wokondedwa wakufa Rakele. Ndithudi anadzimva woyandikira mwapadera kwa mwana ameneyu! Koma chikondi cha Yakobo kaamba ka Yosefe moyenerera sichinasiye ana ake ena, chifukwa anasonyeza kudera nkhaŵa kwenikweni kaamba ka miyoyo yawo. (Genesisi 37:13, 14) Makolo anu mofananamo angakokedwe kwa mmodzi wa ana a mimba imodzi, mwinamwake chifukwa amagawana zikondwerero zawo. Ichi sichimatanthuza kuti, ngakhale kuli tero, kuti samakukondani inu. Ngati mumadzimva wamkwiyo ndi wansanje, zindikirani kuti mtima wanu wopanda ungwiro wakunyengani inu. Gwiriranipo ntchito kuti mugonjetse malingalirowa.

Kukhala ndi ana amimba imodzi sikumatanthauza kubala mkangano—makamaka ngati mukupanga kuyesayesa kwenikweni kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo a mu Baibulo.a Chowona, kukhala ndi ana a mimba imodzi kuli ndi mavuto ake. Koma ‘zinthu zabwino zimapambana zinthu zoipa.’

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 28]

Kugawana chipinda ndi mbale kapena mlongo kungapangitse kukangana kwenikweni